longlegzs80 Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 This guy is really something else. I just can't get over it. But, I do plan on going on the date so that is it. But, I have been having tons of feelings as far as do I find him really attractive. I am attracted to him as far as personality goes. But, I wish the age thing did not have such a problem with me. AS you know he is 37 and I am 22 soon to be 23. I don't want the age to be a huge factor but feel and wonder why he wouldn't want someone who is more experienced with life etc. He has made a ton of effort and I am flattered by everything he has said to me and done. He invites me to come over to the store and talk to him after I get out of work, so I take up the opportunity. WE talk, but it is mostly him, and I just get so super nervous. Anyways, today after work I went over, we spent 3 1/2 hours talking, and at the end he gave me a VAlentines gift. Now, I have only known him for 2 weeks now. I told him that he did not have to buy me a gift, but he said he wanted too. I just want to like him as much as he likes me but I don't want to lead him on if there is no feelings on my part towards him, and that is what I am scared about. He is so sweet. So: QUESTION NUMBER: 1. How do I get over the age difference and just accept it? 2. How do I not lead him on when I am not quite sure on how my feelings are towards him. HELP ME ONCE AGAIN Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Originally posted by longlegzs80 2. How do I not lead him on when I am not quite sure on how my feelings are towards him. Some guys are really great guys, and women aren't attracted to him. You need to tell him to slow down, that you're not sure about how you feel, and that you aren't comfortable with such a pace. As a man, I'd much rather have a girl tell me that rather than 'play along' while she figures herself out. If you really think this guy is great, you should afford him healthy communication. Don't feel that because he's nice, you have to be attracted to him. Just be nice enough to return the favor, by keeping him informed as to your place in the relationship. If you find yourselves compatible, or more pertinent, you find that you wish to pursue the relationship--he'll be very glad that you were able to slow down, and make a mature decision--it would make him feel more valued. That you weren't simply doing it to please him, and settling with him, but that you truly want a relationship, and can put as much in as he's giving out. Otherwise, if you decide against it, he'll be sad and hurt, yes, but a lot LESS sad and hurt than if you were to try to 'ease' him out of it. There's no such thing as letting one down easy. When we're let down easy, we mistake that for not being let down at all. "OH! She wants space, okay, I'll call her each day and inquire as to how much space she's enjoying." or "Oh, it's not her it's me, well I'll continue to leave messages about how perfect she is, so that she gets over her selfless martyrdom"--Invariably, the truth hurts. Sometimes, absolute pain is conducive to recovery, while bandaged pain deludes the mind into false healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted February 13, 2004 Author Share Posted February 13, 2004 I totally agree. I am going to let him know straight up that I don't know how I feel. And just from talking to him, I am unclear about alot of things, like his thing with me is why is the age factor such an issue, and I can't seem to explain why. I don't care what people think, the only people that I care about what they think about the whole age thing is my mom and my family. And I don't want that to be a problem. But, I will be very upfront with him. I think I have been good so far. And about the gift thing, I thought it was nice, but it was too fast and I feel like he is trying to buy my affection right off the bat. And I made it clear that he did not have to do that, but of course he said he wanted too. And I think there is more to come if we get close. I can't think that far ahead though. I am trying to focus on myself, and he said he is willing to help me get into my field. Because of course that is my main concern. So, I don't even know what to think. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Originally posted by longlegzs80 So, I don't even know what to think. Don't be so hard on yourself. I think your intentions are good, you're just worried about him--and that's normal. Like I said though, you need to focus on yourself in order to be fair to him. It's possible to withdraw without seeming like it's his fault--does that make any sense? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 has he asked you to be his girlfriend?? if not, you don't need to mention that you're not sure about your feelings - just enjoy it - you didn't promise him anything! you don't even know him well enough to be sure, yet. take it easy, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted February 13, 2004 Author Share Posted February 13, 2004 I just don't know about this whole situation. It seems and even people at work say that he is head over heels for me. And it is obvious too. And I just don't know how to feel about the whole situation. I just don't want to play games with him, and I feel like I already am because my ideas and mind is just sooooo unclear. He did not ask me to be his girlfriend, but with the way it seems, he really would like me to be. I just can tell. He gets so excited around me, it is almost like a kid going into a candy shop. Even the people that I work with said that. I am just very unclear now, and just want to do the dinner date and talk more. But I feel like he is trying to buy my affection with this V-DAY gift. Well, that is it I suppose. WE are going on our little dinner date on SATURDAY 21, so I will keep everyone posted. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Originally posted by longlegzs80 I feel like he is trying to buy my affection with this V-DAY gift. My guess is that this is not the case, he just likes you, and likes to make you happy, and was interested in experiencing your response and reception. If you really feel this way, return the gift to him, if possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted February 13, 2004 Author Share Posted February 13, 2004 WEll, the gift has been accepted and he is on his way to Virginia for afew day. So, I think he might understand me about the gift thing that it is not necessary. But, I think he is truely a nice guy who likes to do that. He even admited to that too. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Originally posted by longlegzs80 I am trying to focus on myself, and he said he is willing to help me get into my field. Because of course that is my main concern. So, I don't even know what to think. and how is he going to help you get into your field exactly?? connections he has, support your decisions, or do all the work for you? anyway, i dont think that because of this, it should give you a reason to hang on to him...almost like a way of using him. yes the age difference is bugging you, but if you were head over heels for him i dont think it would matter to you. but just keep in mind that if you guys ever marry....there are cases where there are young widows around 30's just cause the husband passed away. and it is a fact that men have a much shorter lifespan compared to women. it's clear that he's trying to chase you, but it's up to you what you want to make out of this opportunity. just give in, give up cause you've lost hope in finding a mate on your own and choose this guy cause you might feel you have no other options left. or actually go head over heals for him. or just say you're not interested in him and do the "lets just be friends" routine and look forward to new opportunities with chasing the guy of your dreams...... dreams....can come true only if you make it happen. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 The age difference is something you wil either get over or not, not something you can force. Just go on the date, your heart will tell you if you like him and want more, don't rush though, just b/c you are happy to have a date. He sounds like a good guy, so I wouldnt worry too much, and remember we are here for you, always. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Originally posted by longlegzs80 But, I think he is truely a nice guy who likes to do that. He even admited to that too. Wait, let me get this straight--he even ADMITTED that he's nice? Wow, what a concession--he's humble too! I think though, you might be dwelling on things, obsessing over what could may go wrong, rather than enjoying and amplifying the good parts. I'm not saying to glorify him, just keep an open mind, and keep him informed of what you're thinking in terms of the relationship. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted February 13, 2004 Author Share Posted February 13, 2004 SEe, this guy told me he has connections and is willing to help me out. He can't do all the work for me though, and I would not want him too. And too I would not be using him, I can get my own connections and do what I have to do to get into the field. He just don't want me to leave the hometown since he just moved here, but I am not concerned about what he wants so far and what he don't want from me. I just am focusing on myself, and we will have a nice dinner date and see where it leads. too, I am not thinking about marriage. There is too much stuff I need to do for myself, and I want to experience life before I settle down. Anywho, too, I am not dating him because he is chasing me, that is not the case. I usually when it comes to men, I am not attracted to alot of them right off the bat. But with his fun personality he seems like a worthwhile guy to have around because I want him to be. Not because he is chasing me. So, that is it. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts