online bf's new rl gf.

[maria gostrey]

so this boy i had a thing with online for 4 years left me for someone he met in real life. granted we were never officially bf/gf although everything we did was practically just that. he was my best friend and confidant and was there for me during quite a few rough times. i saw him first thing in the morning and last thing before going to bed. he told me he loved me and made several attempts to come see me. but i pushed him away and stopped it from getting too serious because i didn't trust the nature of our unusual relationship. he disappeared on me 4 months ago. just like that; *poof*.

 

2 months ago i saw pictures of him put up by his new real life gf. i got the answers to the questions brewing in my mind since his disappearance. he didn't even have the courtesy to break up with me. i've been having such a rough time getting over him and his treatment of me.

 

all i can think of is his new gf and how he chose her over me. i literally threw myself at him for 4 years and he never made a move. and suddenly he is fb official with this girl. how does one go from telling you he loves you to making it official with someone else?!

[Guitarjeff]

"he told me he loved me and made several attempts to come see me. but i pushed him away and stopped it from getting too serious because i didn't trust the nature of our unusual relationship."

 

isn't this your answer? he did try and you rebuked him, what was he supposed to do, wait for 8 years? You also said you were never officially boyfriend/girlfriend, yet you wanted him to break up officially, from what exactly?

 

This does bring up questions for all LDR's, if one wants to wait for official togetherness, even marriage, how long does the other wait for the first to get their feelings together?

[HeavenOrHell]

He made several attempts to come and see you but you pushed him away, so he did make a move, several times

How can you be dumped by someone you've never met?! wtf!

[Jilly Bean]

Maria - starting a new thread on the same topic isn't going to change your responses.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t240679/

 

You never met this guy in person. Ever. You had an online penpal for four years. He refused to ever term you his GF. When he pushed to meet in person, you blew him off.

 

In your other thread, you said:

 

it was always him who seemed eager to make it into something more. it was i who repeatedly turned down his suggestions of trying to meet up.

 

Yet, now you're claiming:

 

i literally threw myself at him for 4 years and he never made a move.

 

Is this even a real story? Because it's a pretty massive contradiction to claim he was pushing to meet repeatedly, and then today, you say he never made a move.

 

Regardless of the history rewrite, I think the reality is that you manifested this into being something that it never was in reality.

 

Move on.

[maria gostrey]

Maria - starting a new thread on the same topic isn't going to change your responses.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t240679/

 

You never met this guy in person. Ever. You had an online penpal for four years. He refused to ever term you his GF. When he pushed to meet in person, you blew him off.

 

In your other thread, you said:

 

it was always him who seemed eager to make it into something more. it was i who repeatedly turned down his suggestions of trying to meet up.

 

Yet, now you're claiming:

 

i literally threw myself at him for 4 years and he never made a move.

 

Is this even a real story? Because it's a pretty massive contradiction to claim he was pushing to meet repeatedly, and then today, you say he never made a move.

 

Regardless of the history rewrite, I think the reality is that you manifested this into being something that it never was in reality.

 

Move on.

 

i think i'm not being very articulate because i don't exactly know how it went down either. it all seems like a big blur now anyways. on one hand, i remember him being persistent and eager to make this into something more. on the other his advances never quite seemed genuine enough. he'd make suggestions alright, but the seriousness of our future never seemed to warrant, in his head at least, a serious discussion. however, when he had chances during that time to move on, he didn't because according to his friend, he was waiting for me to make a positive move.

 

i guess i'm trying to figure out what our thing was, if anything. i know from my end, i cared for him deeply. as a friend, confidant and a romantic possibility because i had developed just the most intense feelings for him. however, given the nature of our relationship, i was of course very guarded and tried my best to keep him at a safe distance and not making any promises i could not fulfill. that did not mean that once i was given the opportunity i wouldn't try to actively make us into something more. i was aware of the delicate nature of our "fling" if you will, and realized that nothing substantial could come of it until, and unless, we met in person. i was simply waiting for that to materialize before i could give him the entirety of my heart.

 

despite my hesitancy i was always there by his side. i was there continuously letting him know that i was interested, even if very cautiously. i gave him four years to work up the courage to take a step towards making us official. but then again, knowing his immense fear of rejection, i fear my cautiousness appeared to him to be my disinterest. i can't help feeling i gave him the wrong impression ultimately and so he moved on.

 

it is this i want to discuss with him if i ever contact him again. that i never was not interested and waited patiently with intentions quite the contrary.:\

[Onto]

He got out of the Matrix, you should too.

[aerogurl87]

You weren't ever officially his girlfriend so he owes you nothing honestly. Move on with your life as he's done with his. And yes some people do wait to make things official until meeting in person, which is fine but ONLY if one party's not sabotaging the first meet.

[Tayla]

He got out of the Matrix, you should too.

WOW, Seriously, Excellent answer! Short sweet and true

[whichwayisup]

so this boy i had a thing with online for 4 years left me for someone he met in real life. granted we were never officially bf/gf although everything we did was practically just that. he was my best friend and confidant and was there for me during quite a few rough times. i saw him first thing in the morning and last thing before going to bed. he told me he loved me and made several attempts to come see me. but i pushed him away and stopped it from getting too serious because i didn't trust the nature of our unusual relationship. he disappeared on me 4 months ago. just like that; *poof*.

You pushed him away and stopped it from getting too serious.. He got the hint and found someone else. Sorry to be blunt, but what's the problem? He doesn't owe you a huge explanation of why he disappeared and found a girlfriend in real life.

[D-Lish]

Why didn't you ever accept his invitation to meet?

You can't expect that after being persistent for 4 years, that he was going to stick around for another four until you finally agreed to take the next step with him.

 

If you didn't think his advances to meet were genuine, then you really can't give credence to the relationship. Conversely, if you blew off the meeting because you were relationship shy- then it's no wonder he finally gave up.

[Aedra]

Sorry to hear this...I understand. You can be friends online with someone for a very long time, sharing personal problems, feelings and its almost like a real face-to-face relationship...but its still not the same. You don't know what they're like in real life. You also can't blame him for finding someone else, especially since you pretty much rejected him and he got the idea you weren't interested. I was in a similar thing. Knew a guy for two years, he made many attempts to see me in real life but I'd always refuse out of fear he wouldn't like me in real life...and so we never ever talk anymore ever since he foud a real life girlfriend. It can still hurt like hell though.

[b2never]

You pushed him away and stopped it from getting too serious.. He got the hint and found someone else. Sorry to be blunt, but what's the problem? He doesn't owe you a huge explanation of why he disappeared and found a girlfriend in real life.

 

 

i just want to say that i am agree with this answer. if u want him in real so why u told him about not being serious ? i think u should look ur answer in urself !

[maria gostrey]

Sorry to hear this...I understand. You can be friends online with someone for a very long time, sharing personal problems, feelings and its almost like a real face-to-face relationship...but its still not the same. You don't know what they're like in real life. You also can't blame him for finding someone else, especially since you pretty much rejected him and he got the idea you weren't interested. I was in a similar thing. Knew a guy for two years, he made many attempts to see me in real life but I'd always refuse out of fear he wouldn't like me in real life...and so we never ever talk anymore ever since he foud a real life girlfriend. It can still hurt like hell though.

 

i didn't exactly reject him tho. i just wanted to wait until we met in person to make heavy decisions. while we each hadn't met each other, i didn't ask him for any special obligation to me. i guess i was hoping he would wait like had admittedly had until he met this other girl.

[maria gostrey]

Why didn't you ever accept his invitation to meet?

You can't expect that after being persistent for 4 years, that he was going to stick around for another four until you finally agreed to take the next step with him.

 

If you didn't think his advances to meet were genuine, then you really can't give credence to the relationship. Conversely, if you blew off the meeting because you were relationship shy- then it's no wonder he finally gave up.

 

i didn't know how my parents would take it, and also, i never had the financial resources to make a trip of the sort. he understood both reasons and was okay with them.

 

do you think i should make an attempt to talk to him about this or is it not worth it any longer? i just feel like if he based his decision on the belief that i was not into him than i need to tell him the truth about how i actually really did care for him very deeply.

[You'reasian]

so this boy i had a thing with online for 4 years left me for someone he met in real life. granted we were never officially bf/gf although everything we did was practically just that. he was my best friend and confidant and was there for me during quite a few rough times. i saw him first thing in the morning and last thing before going to bed. he told me he loved me and made several attempts to come see me. but i pushed him away and stopped it from getting too serious because i didn't trust the nature of our unusual relationship. he disappeared on me 4 months ago. just like that; *poof*.

 

2 months ago i saw pictures of him put up by his new real life gf. i got the answers to the questions brewing in my mind since his disappearance. he didn't even have the courtesy to break up with me. i've been having such a rough time getting over him and his treatment of me.

 

all i can think of is his new gf and how he chose her over me. i literally threw myself at him for 4 years and he never made a move. and suddenly he is fb official with this girl. how does one go from telling you he loves you to making it official with someone else?!

 

Let's get this straight:

 

1. He told you he loved you and saw you first thing every day and last at night and made attempts to see you.

 

2.You threw yourself at him for 4 years but you pushed him away because you didn't trust the nature of the relationship.

 

3.He disappeared 4 months ago and reappears 2 months later with a girlfriend.

 

He has moved on. You seem like you might be jealous? The downfall of that relationship is your own doing, since you pushed him away - otherwise he said he loved you and wanted to see you in real life.

 

Sorry to see that you are bothered by this. Your best bet is to move on and find someone whom you can be with in real life.

 

Good luck!

[D-Lish]

Did he expect you to come meet him- or did he offer to come see you?

[maria gostrey]

Did he expect you to come meet him- or did he offer to come see you?

he offered to come see me. i had officially invited him to come visit.

[D-Lish]

he offered to come see me. i had officially invited him to come visit.

 

 

At what point though?

 

It seems like he was super interested, then gave up when he hit road blocks.

[Chinook]

Maria

The bottom line is this...

 

#1) You guys were never officially an item.

#2) You guys had never met (no matter what intentions or arrangements were made or cancelled)

#3) You pushed him away (figuratively speaking) for four years and

#4) He disappeared and reappeared with a new gf, which by the way you have not been informed about directly...

 

Do I have this right..?

 

If this is so, your behaviour is bordering on obsession and stalkering. You have no business getting into it with him now after all this. Why...? He has left you behind. Sorry that's harsh but that's how it is. Furthermore, you have manifested something here in this 'relationship' which does not exist in the real world. There has never been a real-life relationship between you, you need to get over it and move on.

[maria gostrey]

At what point though?

 

It seems like he was super interested, then gave up when he hit road blocks.

 

hmm we talked of it a couple of weeks before he disappeared if i recall correctly...

[maria gostrey]

Maria

The bottom line is this...

 

#1) You guys were never officially an item.

#2) You guys had never met (no matter what intentions or arrangements were made or cancelled)

#3) You pushed him away (figuratively speaking) for four years and

#4) He disappeared and reappeared with a new gf, which by the way you have not been informed about directly...

 

Do I have this right..?

 

If this is so, your behaviour is bordering on obsession and stalkering. You have no business getting into it with him now after all this. Why...? He has left you behind. Sorry that's harsh but that's how it is. Furthermore, you have manifested something here in this 'relationship' which does not exist in the real world. There has never been a real-life relationship between you, you need to get over it and move on.

 

i do not like the negative terms you are throwing out there in regards to my interest in this matter. this boy has fed my feelings for him for the past 4 years and made a tons of promises he could not keep. he was a dear friend of mine with promises and suggestions of something more. he told me he loved me and then abruptly disappeared. poking into what happened is far from an abnormal behavior. i was never told to back off. i was never even informed that he did not want anything further to do with me. i had to figure it out his disengagement. i cannot be apologetic about what little means he left me with to piece together the end of this story.

[Chinook]

i do not like the negative terms you are throwing out there in regards to my interest in this matter. this boy has fed my feelings for him for the past 4 years and made a tons of promises he could not keep. he was a dear friend of mine with promises and suggestions of something more. he told me he loved me and then abruptly disappeared. poking into what happened is far from an abnormal behavior. i was never told to back off. i was never even informed that he did not want anything further to do with me. i had to figure it out his disengagement. i cannot be apologetic about what little means he left me with to piece together the end of this story.

Maria

The fact is, you engaged in this, he didn't force you. The fact is, this is an online fantasy. Period. That's not negative or positive. I'm sorry - what YOU think is happening and has happened clearly is not what HE thinks is the case, if it was, you wouldn't be here. You need to learn NOT to invest so much ONLINE and reserve some of your energy and feelings for actual real-life interactions. The fact that you wasted FOUR years with this should be enough to make you sit up and take notice that this was a total waste of yours (and his) time. Sorry if it's harsh and you don't like it. But you know, what's online is not real life. It's as simple as that.

[You'reasian]

At what point though?

 

It seems like he was super interested, then gave up when he hit road blocks.

 

Makes perfect sense.

 

He was genuinely interested in her and was willing to see her even though they'd never met in real life, but she pushed him away and decided to find someone who he could see in real life.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

i didn't know how my parents would take it, and also, i never had the financial resources to make a trip of the sort. he understood both reasons and was okay with them.

 

do you think i should make an attempt to talk to him about this or is it not worth it any longer? i just feel like if he based his decision on the belief that i was not into him than i need to tell him the truth about how i actually really did care for him very deeply.

 

I think you should let it go if he seams happy now take it as a lesson learned next time don't push people away because it may just work...

[Raderick]

My idea of a LDR is that it's not truly a LDR unless the two parties have seen each other at least once. Otherwise there is no telling what the dynamic really is. Someone's online personality could (and probably is) different than what they really are in real life.