Genuine Classy Lady or a Retired Jump Off?

[mr.dream merchant]

For the fellas.

 

At the gym my friend and I were in a heated discussion about dating women of different calibers. During the discussion, women who used to be, for the lack of a better word, "sluts" but recently decided they're ready to settle down came up. We were talking about if we'd consider them dating material having known of their less than appealing past. My friend answered yes, I disagreed. Interested in knowing what other men out there think.

 

Would you date a woman who's RECENT past (0-2 years) was that of a "slut"? By definition that'd be a woman who gave up the goods easy to whoever she found attractive, and whomever chose to pursue it? Who's been with an off-putting number of males within a small time frame? What if she was a "slut" but a great girlfriend? Would how she carries herself when she's single tarnish/ruin her image for you as far as taking her serious goes?

 

If no, why would you take her seriously? Does the fact of her sleeping with others guys (who had to contribute/sacrifice not nearly as much time, money, and effort) into her as much as you would since she's decided to settle down not bother you? Furthermore, would her putting on a front, and acting out a demeanor to that of a woman of class and self respect bother you?

 

A couple other things. My friend and I are both single. He's more of a "play the game" guy. Meaning, if he knows a woman he's talking to is full of crap, he just plays along with it until he gets what he wants (ass) and that's that.

 

Now me on the other hand, I'm more of a no tomfoolery type of guy. I expect you to be honest about your character. If I'm talking to a girl, and for some reason or another I know she's a not so classy woman, but she's trying to give off the image of one, I personally feel like she is more than likely a deceptive woman which could be a gateway to a boatload of other bad qualities within her that I do not know of ie. dishonest, cheater, etc.. So even if I wasn't planning on taking her serious, the fact that she tried to mislead me puts me off, so in turn I just stop talking to them.

[mr.dream merchant]

Nothing? O_o

[meerkat stew]

No I wouldn't date a recently reformed (or supposedly reformed) tramp such as you describe. Nothing against promiscuity per se, but have found that women who are impulsive and lacking of self-control in sex choices tend to be impulsive and lacking of self-control in other areas. Women who merely sleep with lots of partners discreetly rarely seem to get branded with bad reputations these days, no more than men do. It's the ones who are out in the back of a car with different guys in the same night who get talked about. Those are always trouble in other areas IME.

[Stockalone]

Would you date a woman who's RECENT past (0-2 years) was that of a "slut"?

 

Recent past or distant past, I don't want to date them.

 

The problem is, the ones you have to worry about are also the ones who have no problem lying to your face about their past.

 

The women who are honest about their past, run the risk of being berated/insulted for their actions and for being honest. While I do judge them (not wanting them as my gf), I am actually grateful for their honesty.

 

 

Nothing? O_o

 

Are you really surprised by the lack of responses?

Edited August 8, 2010 by Stockalone

[mr.dream merchant]

Recent past or distant past, I don't want to date them.

 

The problem is, the ones you have to worry about are also the ones who have no problem lying to your face about their past.

 

The women who are honest about their past, run the risk of being berated/insulted for their actions and for being honest. While I do judge them (not wanting them as my gf), I am actually grateful for their honesty.

 

 

 

 

Don't tell me you are surprised by the lack of responses.

 

Found the best way for the past to even come up is just be cool. A lovely lady I was talking to, but stopped out of fear of commitment, asked me if I was a jealous boyfriend. I answered honestly, told her in my last relationship yes, but that I'm not a jealous person unless somethings triggers it. She then asked me if I wanted to know about her past. I told her no because she didn't owe me a past I approve of. She was overwhelmed lol, and spilled the beans anyways. 2 BF's, one still stuck on her. Not so bad afterall...

 

As far as digging for the past goes, I don't do it. But I still do wonder if the girl that I'm sitting across the dinner table from is just putting on an act to land me, or if she's genuinely a girl of class, self-respect, and moral values.

 

The term "slut" can be anything these days. She could be a slut cause she didn't sleep with you. She could be one because she dumped you for some guy with money. Depends on the person.. But for me, promiscuous girls are trouble either in the short or long run. And where I'm from, promiscuous girls will eat you alive if they managed to gain your affection. That's why I tend to stay away from them as far as serious relationships and commitment goes. Now if I wanted to have fun, and enjoy myself responsibly, then yeah I'm all in. Guess that makes me a bit promiscuous myself, and a bit of a hypocritical bastard. But it still doesn't prevent me from playing it smart...dating, and spending time and money on a promiscuous girl is just a risk I cannot take. Because I see it all the time, guys who actually love, care for, and wife promiscuous girls..and then the girl ends up cheating on the guy, or playing him, or using him.

 

Reason I brought up my friend. He's a guy who'll not really care at all, as long as he's getting ass he's fine..playing the game.

Edited August 8, 2010 by mr.dream merchant

[carhill]

Would you date a woman who's RECENT past (0-2 years) was that of a "slut"?

 

In my world, this is termed 'going crazy'

 

Yes, I'd date her if we otherwise shared attraction, interests and perspectives, but I would be open to accepting and processing her behaviors *while* we are dating as a sign of compatibility in the area of sexual expression. IOW, as an example, if she appeared to use sex (whether actual sex or the solicitation of sexual interest) as a validation methodology, we would be incompatible and I'd discontinue.

 

Women at my age have long and complex histories and '0-2 years' is just a blip in their life journey. Time would tell what that journey has brought to them.

[mr.dream merchant]

Also,

 

I've an older cousin, she's around 38. Recently I asked her why girls always try to date me, and how come I'm not that guy they just want to have random, hot, no strings attached fun with? Told her that I'm equally attractive, if not, more attractive than my friends I go out with..and they always land some easy no strings attached ass. But for me, even if the girl is an easy promiscuous piece of work, she'll try to date me, take it steady with me. My cousin said its because I have alot of values and traits they want in a guy like school, a job, and physical health/attractiveness..but I'm really not sure if that's really the reason. Another thing is women telling me they think I'm a player or that I look too good?

 

What is that? How does someone look too good?

[carhill]

Another thing is women telling me they think I'm a player or that I look too good?

If women who don't know you well are saying this, IMO they're projecting their own insecurities upon you. I would suspect that your looks and player go hand-in-hand in that analysis, submitting to the obvious stereotype that a good looking man is a womanizer.

[mr.dream merchant]

If women who don't know you well are saying this, IMO they're projecting their own insecurities upon you. I would suspect that your looks and player go hand-in-hand in that analysis, submitting to the obvious stereotype that a good looking man is a womanizer.

 

That may be it. I'm not a very cocky "oh I'm so sexy" kind of guy. I'll wear clothes that compliment my body, an occasionally a black wife beater to class. But for the most part, I'm a gentleman with women. Kind, courteous, attentive, etc..

[Stockalone]

As far as digging for the past goes, I don't do it. But I still do wonder if the girl that I'm sitting across the dinner table from is just putting on an act to land me, or if she's genuinely a girl of class, self-respect, and moral values.

 

And where I'm from, promiscuous girls will eat you alive if they managed to gain your affection. That's why I tend to stay away from them as far as serious relationships and commitment goes.

 

You basically say you don't care about a woman's past, yet you wonder about women you date and you say you avoid promiscuous women. How exactly does that work?

 

Unless a woman tells you about her past (and is honest about it), how do you know if she used to be promiscuous or not? The women who are prepared to lie about their past are the ones you have to worry about.

 

 

 

Now if I wanted to have fun, and enjoy myself responsibly, then yeah I'm all in. Guess that makes me a bit promiscuous myself, and a bit of a hypocritical bastard.

 

It sure does.

[mr.dream merchant]

You basically say you don't care about a woman's past, yet you wonder about women you date and you say you avoid promiscuous women. How exactly does that work?

 

Unless a woman tells you about her past (and is honest about it), how do you know if she used to be promiscuous or not? The women who are prepared to lie about their past are the ones you have to worry about.

 

 

 

 

 

It sure does.

 

Dunno lol..I don't focus on it, but do feel the recent past is a good basis of one's character. But you're right, you'll never know one someone's past, which is why I don't really focus on it per say. Wonder, maybe a fleeting thought..that's about it. All I really have to go off of, as the guy, is how the girl is carrying herself.

[carhill]

I watch women when on dates with them, accepting their behaviors. Promiscuity in either sex is a mindset, and it will manifest itself in even the most innocent of ways. Those ways are still there, even when 'sell' mode is engaged. They can't help it. The signals get out. Little distractions are the most obvious, like with the waitstaff or other patrons at a restaurant, as an example. I feel the energy shift. It's a far different vibe from being 'friendly'.

 

If this is a natural mindset, and it manifests on dates, combined with disclosures of past 'craziness', then I'd be inclined to discontinue. Without disclosure, or with statements to the contrary, my spidey sense would detect an anomaly and, emotionally, I'd become more sensitive to inputs. I've found this dynamic to rarely surprise me, even if painful to feel.

 

Time reveals all truths

[mr.dream merchant]

Which is the part that kind of irks me a bit. Because even the most promiscuous girl will be a modern day Jacqueline Kennedy for a guy she really sees fit for a boyfriend. Maybe I'm being a bit too harsh on them. Even if she were to remain faithful to me, I just don't real promiscuous women in that way, I could never take on seriously..cause she's just a jump off in my eyes. Why should I commit to her? Why should I spend time and money on her? Fall in love with her? Some woman that was sleeping around just isn't worth all that to me :S. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Wanted to know if I'm a male minority with this train of thought? Lol, I'd probably leave a woman I'm already committed to having found out of her recent promiscuous past..just because the risk is too much for me.

[JohnP82]

I asked her why girls always try to date me, and how come I'm not that guy they just want to have random, hot, no strings attached fun with? Told her that I'm equally attractive, if not, more attractive than my friends I go out with..and they always land some easy no strings attached ass. But for me, even if the girl is an easy promiscuous piece of work, she'll try to date me, take it steady with me.

 

Dude, I've wondered the same thing about myself. It gets supremely annoyed especially when all I want to do is get laid. However since I'm a good guy I wont lead a girl on that I know likes me, just to get sex. I actually had to prevent a girl from coming over to my place last night for this reason. She's not promiscuous but likes me and I'm not feeling it.

[linwood]

I don`t know why so many men are so hung up on a womans past.

 

I can guarantee any reasonably attractive guy was a fairly big slut at some point or another yet I seldom if ever hear women asking these questions.

[allina]

"slut" can be anything these days. She could be a slut cause she didn't sleep with you.

 

What?! So a woman is a slut if she sleeps with you or doesn't sleep with you?

 

I get that you don't want to walk in to a party with your gf and realize that half of the men there have been with her. But what is your definition of a slut or promiscuous woman? Are you expecting a virgin?

 

Also, why are your standards for a future gf so different than they are for you and your gym buddy?

[mr.dream merchant]

I don`t know why so many men are so hung up on a womans past.

 

I can guarantee any reasonably attractive guy was a fairly big slut at some point or another yet I seldom if ever hear women asking these questions.

 

I don't know why. Wish I could tell you, but all I know is that in my head, upon finding out a promiscuous past, it cheapens my view of the woman. And, if I were involved with the woman, I'd feel a bit deceived, which would also make me view her as a deceitful promiscuous cheap woman.

 

I'm not a woman hater, I'm not a womanizer. But that's just what happens :S If I could explain why I would, and if I had to choice between not caring or caring, I'd choose the former.

[mr.dream merchant]

What?! So a woman is a slut if she sleeps with you or doesn't sleep with you?

 

I get that you don't want to walk in to a party with your gf and realize that half of the men there have been with her. But what is your definition of a slut or promiscuous woman? Are you expecting a virgin?

 

Also, why are your standards for a future gf so different than they are for you and your gym buddy?

 

Rofl no no no, that was just my example of "slut" being a different definition for different people. Some guys will call a girl a slut just because they didn't get to hit it. Girls will call girls sluts because she's dressed a certain way, you get my drift?

[spookie]

Which is the part that kind of irks me a bit. Because even the most promiscuous girl will be a modern day Jacqueline Kennedy for a guy she really sees fit for a boyfriend. Maybe I'm being a bit too harsh on them. Even if she were to remain faithful to me, I just don't real promiscuous women in that way, I could never take on seriously..cause she's just a jump off in my eyes. Why should I commit to her? Why should I spend time and money on her? Fall in love with her? Some woman that was sleeping around just isn't worth all that to me :S. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Wanted to know if I'm a male minority with this train of thought? Lol, I'd probably leave a woman I'm already committed to having found out of her recent promiscuous past..just because the risk is too much for me.

 

The problem with this attitude is that you're viewing sex as a commodity. Basically, you are saying that she is cheap, so why should you have to "pay" for something other guys got for free?

 

But dating shouldn't be an exchange of services. You should want to date a girl because you like her and enjoy spending time with her. Sex is just a small part of that.

[sally4sara]

That's why I tend to stay away from them as far as serious relationships and commitment goes. Now if I wanted to have fun, and enjoy myself responsibly, then yeah I'm all in. Guess that makes me a bit promiscuous myself, and a bit of a hypocritical bastard. But it still doesn't prevent me from playing it smart...dating, and spending time and money on a promiscuous girl is just a risk I cannot take. Because I see it all the time, guys who actually love, care for, and wife promiscuous girls..and then the girl ends up cheating on the guy, or playing him, or using him.

 

Reason I brought up my friend. He's a guy who'll not really care at all, as long as he's getting ass he's fine..playing the game.

 

Then whatever you think a promiscuous woman is worthy of - should be what you are worthy of. what you expect out of them is what others should expect out of you.

 

Are YOU capable and deserving of a committed relationship? Since you also shared that you recently stopped talking to a woman without a promiscuous past because of - as you put it - commitment issues, I'm going to say you're as tarnished and worthless as the girls you think you're better than.

 

And THAT is sooo boring.

[mr.dream merchant]

Then whatever you think a promiscuous woman is worthy of - should be what you are worthy of. what you expect out of them is what others should expect out of you.

 

Are YOU capable and deserving of a committed relationship? Since you also shared that you recently stopped talking to a woman without a promiscuous past because of - as you put it - commitment issues, I'm going to say you're as tarnished and worthless as the girls you think you're better than.

 

And THAT is sooo boring.

 

 

Yeah, couldn't commit to her because I was still hung up on my ex. And you're right, it was worse than boring, it sucked.

[mr.dream merchant]

The problem with this attitude is that you're viewing sex as a commodity. Basically, you are saying that she is cheap, so why should you have to "pay" for something other guys got for free?

 

But dating shouldn't be an exchange of services. You should want to date a girl because you like her and enjoy spending time with her. Sex is just a small part of that.

 

Makes sense, but the problem is, even if I've gotten to know the girl, if for some reason or another I find out she was promiscuous before we got together..it really just ruins everything for me, and it'll literally make me end the relationship. It makes me feel...dumb lol. Like wow, did I really just spend all that on some retired trashy girl?

[K'aycie]

Just as one would view someone as trashy, by the way they conduct themselves, dress, act, etc. - you're attitude is poor, and comes across as insecure, and that's a turn off in itself.

 

What you should want for yourself, is someone who is trustworthy, reliable, loyal, and good hearted.

 

But, based on what you wrote above, seems like you weren't really attracted to that either...

[sally4sara]

Makes sense, but the problem is, even if I've gotten to know the girl, if for some reason or another I find out she was promiscuous before we got together..it really just ruins everything for me, and it'll literally make me end the relationship. It makes me feel...dumb lol. Like wow, did I really just spend all that on some retired trashy girl?

 

When and if you settle down, won't YOU be a retired trashy guy? Will whatever girl that accepts you be "dumb"?

 

It just sounds to me like you run around creating women who are then added to the trashy pile for having had sex with you, and then expect to make a fool out of one final one eventually. Honey, you don't need a promiscuous girl to make you dumb; its a solo project for you.

[mr.dream merchant]

Just as one would view someone as trashy, by the way they conduct themselves, dress, act, etc. - you're attitude is poor, and comes across as insecure, and that's a turn off in itself.

 

What you should want for yourself, is someone who is trustworthy, reliable, loyal, and good hearted.

 

But, based on what you wrote above, seems like you weren't really attracted to that either...

 

Solid feedback. Insecure upon finding out she's really a trashy girl? Hell yes. Trashy girls are NOT good investments. They're too much of a liability. As for the other girl, I've actually made peace with her and we plan on kicking it once she gets back in town. Thankful she actually gave me a second chance. :S Now that the residual feelings for the ex are gone, maybe that friendship will blossom into something nice, but I'm not bankin on it..just going with the flow.