Please some advice for the melancholy for lost love

[fishman3226]

Hiya. I know you all have seen these kind of posts and hell, I read alot of them before I signed up on this forum. Let me tell you a story of love lost and a guy that wants to get it back.

 

I met my girlfriend in October 2002 and we got together in Jan 2003. We started living together in Feb 2003 and over that time we had a close and loving relationship with literally no major conflicts - just the odd fights about in honesty nothing really. I must point out that she suffers from depression.

 

Now my ex (and it is hard to name her that) says to me now a week ago that she wants to "grow as a person." Her statement is that "you can move out cause I am staying here."

 

After a day of shock and thought I said "no, you make this decision, you move out. You say you have thought about this for a while, now use what you were thinking about and fix up your life." I felt guilty about it but then the real fun began....

 

She dumped me Sunday. I was in shock. I wanted to know why and I pleaded and cried and yelled and whimpered. But no change. Come Monday, I told her how much she really meant to me and I said to her that it is her decision. She has the option, I gave her the options of leaving and going into the unknown r stayiong in the same thing she has had for the past year.

 

Then the mixed messages came. Correct me if I am wrong, but if someone does not want to be with you they do not approach you for support (I got the line - as I often did - "do you think I am....") and she asked me s she had 1000s of times for validation and supprot. Then I have her snuggling against me and looking up at me with eyes that said 'love.' Then I receive her giving ME a kiss or 50. The ultimate thing was the love making after I said several times that it was not the best thing.

 

Now all of the time I cop this kind of message, yet her actions contradict and twist her words into in my opinion lies. Not to me but to herself.

 

Now I think this in my rational mind - she is saying to me not that she wants to alone, but she is saying I am scared and that I have not fully thought about my decision. She I believe is scared of a person that is willing to devote and offer to her anything to make her the better person she told me she wanted to be.

 

I have told her this past week that I love her, that the decision is hers. I have told her that in the dark when she is all alone in a starnge place and the bad feelings come back I wont be there. I have said that she can come back if she thinks it is bad and that at the end of the day I dont need her in my life, I want her in my life.

 

Good thing in the end too (I suppose in a way, but I hate the feeling I have of loniliness even when I am with people) I am not with her this weekend - I am staying with family until Sunday. I knwo too that within the next three weeks she plans to move out into a shared house. Until then we live together in the same flat.

 

I wanty her back becasue I love her and I have seen a beautiful woman within her that I love, respect and desire. I want to grow old with her and Iknow that she is 'the one.'

 

What should I do? I am scared that something that could be great could be lost forever.

[bicylejunk]

It's the weirdest thing in the world man...

 

It blows you away when it happens...Then when you finally try to get a grip on what exactly is happening

and you think you can save her, you find that it's really difficult. You can't force someone to stay in a relationship

or really do anything to change their mind.

 

My ex did the same....She told me she needed to leave to "find herself" "grow as a person"...but that she loved me.

As she was moving out, she would come up to me as well and hold me and look up at me with these beautiful,

sad, loving eyes and tell me that she loved me....I'd think to myself: "Then why are you leaving what you said was the most

beautiful thing in the world to you?"

 

All you can do is be there for her, Don't become bitter, but Back off and let her do her thing. That's all we can do.

Because if were constantly on them to change their minds or asking them if they've had enough time, We risk

pushing them away even more. In my case, i was the most supportive, Loving, caring guy i could be when she left,

in hopes she would see, I'm still the same person you fell in love with and I'm still here for you....But

as I've stated in other posts, she rarely calls me anymore, even though she swore she didn't want to lose contact

or lose me from her life.

[fishman3226]

You worry me mate, I am thinking that I may never be in her life like she wants me to be. Did your ex suffer from depression? I think in my mind that the problem is not a bad relationship - cause it wasnt - but that the whole issue is part of mental health issues...