Girl who rejected me, wants to keep me as a friend, why?

[meerkat stew]

Of course, the fellow (Tom, who was totally the type of guy I'd date) could've just found himself a nice, normal girl instead of going after one who said in the very beginning she didn't do relationships, who was already causing him massive unease, and who was just filling some silly romantic ideal for him about the heartbreaking nature of love.

 

It's the same thing with women. The female Toms go after the playboys, and the Toms go after the Summers.

 

Eh, not so fast, she did quite a bit of pursuit and encouraging of Tom IIRC, even to the point of being misleading/deceptive. I actually own the movie because it was in the discount bin for $3.99, cheaper than renting it, so will have to give it a re-view if I still have it and it didn't get donated to the library yet

 

You'd really date a loser like that? He was admittedly a tall, good-looking guy, but that was all he had going for him, weak and ineffectual otherwise. You like the lost boy puppy dogs because they "need" you more and you can control them, don't you? The one part of the Summer character I sympathized with was that she dumped him for being completely unmotivated to follow his passion in life and make something of himself.

[zengirl]

Eh, not so fast, she did quite a bit of pursuit and encouraging of Tom IIRC, even to the point of being misleading/deceptive. I actually own the movie because it was in the discount bin for $3.99, cheaper than renting it, so will have to give it a re-view if I still have it and it didn't get donated to the library yet

 

You'd really date a loser like that? He was admittedly a tall, good-looking guy, but that was all he had going for him, weak and ineffectual otherwise. You like the lost boy puppy dogs because they "need" you more and you can control them, don't you? The one part of the Summer character I sympathized with was that she dumped him for being completely unmotivated to follow his passion in life and make something of himself.

 

I own it too. I generally date men who are like what Tom becomes later (We don't see this part of his life) when he gets a little more assertive and happy with himself. But I dig his taste in music, furniture, and his general view of the world. And he wants to be an architect but somehow fell into writing greeting cards. . . man, both of those jobs are sexy to me. And he's cute and sings silly karaoke.

 

See, I thought Summer dumped him because she wasn't in love with him. He was her "emotional cleanup." Men and women both have relationships like that, if they're tragically unhealthy like Summer was portrayed. I imagine Autumn or Winter or whatever her name was will be Tom's, and then he'll meet a nice girl.

[bolase]

I'd just like to throw my 2c in about the FRIEND zone.

 

I starting hanging out with a guy after I broke up with my boyfriend. I thought he was hot, but kinda awkward and shy, had weird interests (to me) and never seemed that interested in getting to know me..we just hung out and talked crap, had fun. I thought of him only as a friend, and the night he made a pass at me, I rejected him.

 

6 months later and healed, he came back from an overseas trip, we got on amazingly, he told me he had a crush and asked me on a date. he organised a romantic picnic, asked to come along when I was doing my own activities, and would treat me like a princess. We just broke up after 4 months (he always needed reassurance that I cared for him, but wouldn't show me that he cared for me enough). but I never imagined we would go from friends, to boyfriend and girlfriend, when we met.

 

the Friend Zone is not always forever! We are 25 and 26.

 

Also: I have plenty of guys who I am just friends with, who I wouldnt date, but might - MIGHT - hook up with at one point as I'm single. Friends, and I make sure they know that, but never say never.

[jadedone]

I'd just like to throw my 2c in about the FRIEND zone.

 

I starting hanging out with a guy after I broke up with my boyfriend. I thought he was hot, but kinda awkward and shy, had weird interests (to me) and never seemed that interested in getting to know me..we just hung out and talked crap, had fun. I thought of him only as a friend, and the night he made a pass at me, I rejected him.

 

6 months later and healed, he came back from an overseas trip, we got on amazingly, he told me he had a crush and asked me on a date. he organised a romantic picnic, asked to come along when I was doing my own activities, and would treat me like a princess. We just broke up after 4 months (he always needed reassurance that I cared for him, but wouldn't show me that he cared for me enough). but I never imagined we would go from friends, to boyfriend and girlfriend, when we met.

 

the Friend Zone is not always forever! We are 25 and 26.

 

Also: I have plenty of guys who I am just friends with, who I wouldnt date, but might - MIGHT - hook up with at one point as I'm single. Friends, and I make sure they know that, but never say never.

 

But there's the catch, the two of you were not in contact for 6 months. He was removed from the zone, out of site out of mind.

[somedude81]

Well at 10 pm tonight she sent me a text wanting to reschedule to Wednesday. I'm not going to reply to her till tomorrow.

 

Obviously this doesn't look like a good sign. Frankly I'm starting to get (more?) frustrated with her. Though I was looking forward to seeing her tomorrow.

 

Wednesday actually is a better day for me, but I don't want to seem like I'm too eager, ready jump at her beck and call.

 

If I had other girls, I wouldn't even be wasting my time on this chick. Since she is the closest thing I have to getting any action, no matter how small the odds are, I don't really have a choice but to accept.

 

Anybody have a witty reply I can send her?

 

BTW, she has night class on Monday and Wednesdays. The school's in the same city I live in. She lives about 20 minutes away. The restaurant she wants to go to is also in the same city I live in. To me it seems that she wants to get together on a day that she has school and possibly just stay in town till she has class.

Edited August 9, 2010 by somedude81

[jadedone]

at least she offered an alternate day, and making it a day she has to drive into the city anyway is reasonable.

[gopher]

Dating has a learning curve. In your situation you get your hopes up even when she is jacking you around. If she cancels again, and wants to reschedule, you likely will. When this ends and you feel foolish for letting her use you, you will vow not to let it happen again. The next time, it will happen again, but you will catch it earlier. Finally you will recognize this type of behavior for what it is...flaky, immature and self centered. After all, has she shown any interest in who you are?? Ironically, when you finally get it, and do not reply...they start chasing you. But, you run the other way because you want to avoid those flakes.

 

My advice would be to get ahead of the learning curve...don't have lunch with her.

[somedude81]

Yeah there is a huge learning curve to dating. I also know that I'm very late in the game trying to learn all this stuff at 28.

 

One thing I learned long ago is to no let girls use me. I've done some pretty stupid things for girls and have gotten nothing in return.

 

This girl doesn't seem to want anything from me besides my time; which I am totality fine with. It's summer vacation and I really haven't been doing anything. So either I have lunch with her or I sit at home playing video games.

 

By having lunch with her, I'm spending more time with a girl. Since I love the company of women I'd still hang out with her even if I wasn't interested. Add that to a small chance that something good might happen, I'd be a fool to pass up this opportunity.

 

What's even more interesting for me, is that this is the first girl who knows I like her, who wants to spend time with me. It's a dynamic that I have not experienced before. I'm trying to decide how I should play this. All I really know is that I want to act in a way that leads to us hooking up in the near future. That or I get blown out and she tells me she never wants to see me again. At least I'd know how she really, truly thinks.

[gopher]

Yeah, that makes sense. Just curious, has she shown any interest in you...who you are and your life? If you want to just give it a chance because there isn't much else going right now, then go for it. I'm just saying that if she really wants to be "friends" she should show some interest in you...and you deserve that regardless. Just guard your heart man...

[Green]

Well at 10 pm tonight she sent me a text wanting to reschedule to Wednesday. I'm not going to reply to her till tomorrow.

 

Obviously this doesn't look like a good sign. Frankly I'm starting to get (more?) frustrated with her. Though I was looking forward to seeing her tomorrow.

 

Wednesday actually is a better day for me, but I don't want to seem like I'm too eager, ready jump at her beck and call.

 

If I had other girls, I wouldn't even be wasting my time on this chick. Since she is the closest thing I have to getting any action, no matter how small the odds are, I don't really have a choice but to accept.

 

Anybody have a witty reply I can send her?

 

BTW, she has night class on Monday and Wednesdays. The school's in the same city I live in. She lives about 20 minutes away. The restaurant she wants to go to is also in the same city I live in. To me it seems that she wants to get together on a day that she has school and possibly just stay in town till she has class.

 

We all knew she might rescedule. I was suposed to go bowling with my friend Josh today and he didn't even call me... and I did't care because I didn't feel like doing it anymore. That is the problem with making a simple lunch plan so many days in advance.

 

I wouldn't read into this and I would give her a simple response like "yeah wednesday is good" just confirm the time and place. You really don't need to always send some witty reply... just remember BE YOURSELF.

 

She probably did realize wednesday is more convienent since she has class that day. If she becomes your gf those are the days she will have sex with you to pass the time lol.

 

Dating has a learning curve. In your situation you get your hopes up even when she is jacking you around. If she cancels again, and wants to reschedule, you likely will. When this ends and you feel foolish for letting her use you, you will vow not to let it happen again. The next time, it will happen again, but you will catch it earlier. Finally you will recognize this type of behavior for what it is...flaky, immature and self centered. After all, has she shown any interest in who you are?? Ironically, when you finally get it, and do not reply...they start chasing you. But, you run the other way because you want to avoid those flakes.

 

My advice would be to get ahead of the learning curve...don't have lunch with her.

 

I laugh at your learning curve and your jaded advice. seriously do you stop being friends with some one because they ask to reschedule a simple lunch? Its not like she backed out of prom 2 days before.

 

Yeah there is a huge learning curve to dating. I also know that I'm very late in the game trying to learn all this stuff at 28.

 

One thing I learned long ago is to no let girls use me. I've done some pretty stupid things for girls and have gotten nothing in return.

 

This girl doesn't seem to want anything from me besides my time; which I am totality fine with. It's summer vacation and I really haven't been doing anything. So either I have lunch with her or I sit at home playing video games.

 

By having lunch with her, I'm spending more time with a girl. Since I love the company of women I'd still hang out with her even if I wasn't interested. Add that to a small chance that something good might happen, I'd be a fool to pass up this opportunity.

 

What's even more interesting for me, is that this is the first girl who knows I like her, who wants to spend time with me. It's a dynamic that I have not experienced before. I'm trying to decide how I should play this. All I really know is that I want to act in a way that leads to us hooking up in the near future. That or I get blown out and she tells me she never wants to see me again. At least I'd know how she really, truly thinks.

 

I love the company of women to. Its nice to just have lunch with a girl you find attractive. GO FOR THE KiSS!

 

Hit on more girls too, seriously I didn't realize you were older then me as i thought You were only 21 or something. BUT you made it this far in life you have the right to be confident. 28 is a great age you still look like you could be 23 or something yet you have all the power of a man in his 30's. Ask more girls out, and once you get a good flow of women in ur life it won't be but a few weeks till you pick one and get seriouse. But this girl might be the one so just enjoy it... and get that KISS.

 

Look foward to and update where you KISSED her tomorrow. Don't come back with excuses of how it didn't seem right or that you started to enjoy her as a friend or some sht. JUST DO IT

[gypsy_nicky]

realize that the power balance is not in your favor because you admitted your feelings for her.

[gopher]

We all knew she might rescedule. I was suposed to go bowling with my friend Josh today and he didn't even call me... and I did't care because I didn't feel like doing it anymore. That is the problem with making a simple lunch plan so many days in advance.

 

I wouldn't read into this and I would give her a simple response like "yeah wednesday is good" just confirm the time and place. You really don't need to always send some witty reply... just remember BE YOURSELF.

 

She probably did realize wednesday is more convienent since she has class that day. If she becomes your gf those are the days she will have sex with you to pass the time lol.

 

 

 

I laugh at your learning curve and your jaded advice. seriously do you stop being friends with some one because they ask to reschedule a simple lunch? Its not like she backed out of prom 2 days before.

 

 

 

I love the company of women to. Its nice to just have lunch with a girl you find attractive. GO FOR THE KiSS!

 

Hit on more girls too, seriously I didn't realize you were older then me as i thought You were only 21 or something. BUT you made it this far in life you have the right to be confident. 28 is a great age you still look like you could be 23 or something yet you have all the power of a man in his 30's. Ask more girls out, and once you get a good flow of women in ur life it won't be but a few weeks till you pick one and get seriouse. But this girl might be the one so just enjoy it... and get that KISS.

 

Look foward to and update where you KISSED her tomorrow. Don't come back with excuses of how it didn't seem right or that you started to enjoy her as a friend or some sht. JUST DO IT

 

Of course you do

 

For the OP, I guess it depends how reschedules he wants to put up with. With this girl, I can pretty much guarantee there will be another one. I've seen it and experienced it before myself. Jaded? Not so much...just passing on something I learned.

[somedude81]

Just confirmed our plans for tomorrow so she's not rescheduling. In fact she pretty much told me that she has class at 6 and wants to know what I want to do until then. Chances are I'm going to have her for 5 hours tomorrow.

 

Wow it just hit me. For the first time in a very long while, I have a greater than 0% chance of getting laid tomorrow. It's probably around 2% but still much better than zero

Edited August 10, 2010 by somedude81

[alphamale]

So now we're getting lunch and I have no idea what's going on. Is this her trying to turn me into a friend? Why would she want some dude who's into her to be her friend? Does she expect me to pretend that I'm not into her or does she have other goals in mind?

girls are "people pleasers"

[somedude81]

girls are "people pleasers"

Sorry, I don't buy that as an explanation for her to break no contact and ask me out.

[alphamale]

Sorry, I don't buy that as an explanation for her to break no contact and ask me out.

well i hope u get laid tomorrow....at least someone around here will be getting sex

[Green]

Just confirmed our plans for tomorrow so she's not rescheduling. In fact she pretty much told me that she has class at 6 and wants to know what I want to do until then. Chances are I'm going to have her for 5 hours tomorrow.

 

Wow it just hit me. For the first time in a very long while, I have a greater than 0% chance of getting laid tomorrow. It's probably around 2% but still much better than zero

 

Dude she is using you for entertainment and to pass the time till her 6pm class and she let you know it. You have a fricken great shot of at least a hot make out session. If things get real hot go ahead and invite her back to your place. Remember go for the KISS

 

well i hope u get laid tomorrow....at least someone around here will be getting sex

 

I just got laid. Doubt I will tomorrow though

[somedude81]

She's already been to my place so getting her back here won't be hard at all. If anything it's guaranteed.

 

The question is when should I try to make a move? When I'm walking with her on the pier/beach or after I've already got her at my place. How do I set the mood up? Arg! Too many variables.

[Cracker Jack]

I think the best time to make a move would be while she's at your place. You know, do what Green suggested: Kiss her. At this point, what do you have to lose? Not much. I think a kiss might be drastic, but if you have her for at least five hrs tomorrow, there'll be enough time to throw one in there.

 

Good luck. I'm really pulling for you here.

[Katie29]

I can't figure this one out.

 

Girl I met in class. We got together for lunch at the end of the semester. A couple of weeks later we go on a day time date. I (stupidly) tell her that I like her, she basically tells me that she wants to be friends for now. At the end of the day I half-joking say, "How bout a kiss?" She says no and I get a decent hug.

 

Couple of days after that I ask her over text when her night school ends. She tells me, I suggest getting drinks with her when shes out and she doesn't reply.

 

Couple of days later I send a text, "Hey, when we going to hang out next?" No reply and I delete her number.

 

 

 

Few days later I get a text, "You wanna get lunch on Monday?" I recognized her number and knew it was her.

 

So now we're getting lunch and I have no idea what's going on. Is this her trying to turn me into a friend? Why would she want some dude who's into her to be her friend? Does she expect me to pretend that I'm not into her or does she have other goals in mind?

 

I would leave this chick alone. She ignored your text. I think that is so rude. Move on.

[nddb]

This thread got "pathetic, desperate guy" written all over it.

[Cracker Jack]

I would leave this chick alone. She ignored your text. I think that is so rude. Move on.

 

Did you read any post of his after this one?

[ConfusedAsUsual]

Did you read any post of his after this one?

 

I did. She still ignored his text.

[Cracker Jack]

Which doesn't matter at this point, considering they've just made plans. It's old.

[ConfusedAsUsual]

Which doesn't matter at this point, considering they've just made plans. It's old.

 

 

Cause he stuck around. screams " doormat"