freeletme Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 A few weeks ago me and a few friends went out clubbing. One of these friends was a girl i used to work with who i have feelings for. She kind of knows that i like her because im not exactly being subtle in what i say to her, anyway. Before we went out i sent her a flirty text saying "i hope you dress nice for me tonight". During the night i was seperated from this girl because i wanted to go to a different club. I then began getting alot of texts and phone calls from her asking where i was and that she wanted to talk to me about something. I met up with her again that night. She was after my attention alot that night. At one point i went outside and couldn't get back in because of the clubs policy. She text me asking where i was again, i said i was outside and couldn't get back in. She then said tell them that your girlfriend is inside, i text back tell them that your boyfriend cant get back in. A few minutes later she was at the entrance telling the bouncers that i was her boyfriend. At the end of the night she wouldn't let me go and get food with my mates and grabbed me to stop me from going. She put her arms around me and said do i feel uncomfortable and did she dress nice for me. I waited for my mates to come back from the takeaway and we got taxis home. I then got a phone call from this girl asking me what i meant by the text "i hope you dress nice for me tonight". I said that you know what im like and just left it at that. Then a few seconds later i get a text from her asking if i care for her. I didn't reply. I asked her the next time i saw her why she sent that text and she said that she didn't think that she should tell me but later on asked if i wanted to know. She didn't tell me that day. So i asked her again another day and she said she was curious but dont answer. She does have a boyfriend and she had had a few drinks that night but the amount of things that were said that night and after lead me to believe that maybe she does have some feelings for me but im not sure. I don't know what to do. Help please.
carhill Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Don't worry about whether she has a boyfriend or not. Ask her on a regular date. The kind where inebriation and/or drug use are not part of the evening's events. Accept her answer. Go from there.
Sabali Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Don't worry about whether she has a boyfriend or not. Ask her on a regular date. The kind where inebriation and/or drug use are not part of the evening's events. Accept her answer. Go from there. Yep. Boyfriend smoyfriends. Haven't your mother ever taught you to just go for what you want?
carhill Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Girl: 'Well, I have a boyfriend' Guy: 'Yeah, from what you told the bouncers the other night, I guess you do' Girl: 'No, I mean a *real* boyfriend' Guy: 'Well, you still didn't say whether you'll go out with me' Then, accept and proceed as appropriate.
Sabali Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Girl: 'Well, I have a boyfriend' Guy: 'Yeah, from what you told the bouncers the other night, I guess you do' Girl: 'No, I mean a *real* boyfriend' Guy: 'Well, you still didn't say whether you'll go out with me' Then, accept and proceed as appropriate. Lol. Yeah. Very similar to my favorite: Girl: I have a boyfriend. Guy: What does that have to do with me? Then, accept and proceed as appropriate
Pfiend101 Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 So as a guy if I know she has a boyfriend should pursue her and ask her out? Its one thing if you don't know and you ask someone out. I don't do that to other guys. I have had it done to me and unknowingly my partner was secretly dating them right before we broke up. I refuse to ask someone out that is in a relationship.
Sabali Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 So as a guy if I know she has a boyfriend should pursue her and ask her out? Its one thing if you don't know and you ask someone out. I don't do that to other guys. I have had it done to me and unknowingly my partner was secretly dating them right before we broke up. I refuse to ask someone out that is in a relationship. And there is nothing wrong with your stance. While others draw the line at live-in boyfriends, boyfriend/father of children, engagements, and marriages. Otherwise boyfriends come and go. A guy is a boyfriend one day and an ex the next. I guess all is fair in love and war.
carhill Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Decades ago, I had the ignorant occasion to become infatuated and very attached over a few months to a particular young lady. At that point, of course very innocently, she put her wedding ring back on. It would only be after many years and much water under many bridges that I would discover I had unwittingly become the barrier/facilitator allowing her to get away from the boss she had been f*cking for a couple years. She 'recommitted' to her husband. The following year she gave birth to a son, now an enlisted adult in the navy. Interesting how life works. That gives some insight into how *some* dynamics really are. True story. If my advice stinks a little of cynicism, it's experiences like that one which odorize it. YMMV.
Author freeletme Posted August 7, 2010 Author Posted August 7, 2010 Another thing i will say is that she has been in this relationship for about 3 years but they have been going through some bad times recently. I dont know the ins and outs but what i do know is that her boyfriend is really jealous of me. I have asked her to go out into town with me once but she ended up saying that her boyfriend wouldn't be happy. Her boyfriend found out that i asked her because he goes through her phone. He went insane and started texting me to leave her alone. The next time i saw this girl she said that he goes over the top and is over protective of her. She also said that she was thinking about going out to town with me and not telling her boyfriend because of the way he is. What do you think of that.?
carhill Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Fast forward the f*cking boss story 20+ years, add in a divorce and a 'boyfriend'.... I heard exactly this line - 'I don't know whether I want to stay in this or not'. 'Oh, baby, choose me, choose me!. My armor is shining for you!' I hung my head in shame, went to therapy and got healthy. Do what you will. It's not about who 'wins', it's about what's healthy. Winning isn't always good nor healthy.
Sabali Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Another thing i will say is that she has been in this relationship for about 3 years but they have been going through some bad times recently. I dont know the ins and outs but what i do know is that her boyfriend is really jealous of me. I have asked her to go out into town with me once but she ended up saying that her boyfriend wouldn't be happy. Her boyfriend found out that i asked her because he goes through her phone. He went insane and started texting me to leave her alone. The next time i saw this girl she said that he goes over the top and is over protective of her. She also said that she was thinking about going out to town with me and not telling her boyfriend because of the way he is. What do you think of that.? I think you should leave her alone. The boyfriend knows about you, sent a sissy text, don't want you messing with his adeline and she said he goes over the top. You don't need this crap. If he didn't know of you and she was all about breaking away from this guy then that would be different. Leave.
2sunny Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 she's an attention seeker. even when she has a boyfriend. you fit the role she's looking for. when YOU are her boyfriend - is this the kind of girl you want? she will look outside the R to get the attention from others who will give her what she's looking for. stop playing HER game. it's a waste of your time and energy unless YOU intend to get used for what she needs. you have no one to blame for YOUR confusion every time you correspond with her. you already know what your going to get from her... a gal that needs more attention from any guy that is willing to pay her some attention.
lso802 Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 she's an attention seeker. even when she has a boyfriend. you fit the role she's looking for. when YOU are her boyfriend - is this the kind of girl you want? she will look outside the R to get the attention from others who will give her what she's looking for. stop playing HER game. it's a waste of your time and energy unless YOU intend to get used for what she needs. you have no one to blame for YOUR confusion every time you correspond with her. you already know what your going to get from her... a gal that needs more attention from any guy that is willing to pay her some attention. BAM. I agree. Why would you want a girl who would leave her relationship for you anyway?
eric82 Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 The way I see it, if she has a boyfriend, she's off limits. It doesn't matter if she tells you she's unhappy with him or however much she might flirt with you. If she was really dissatisfied in her relationship and actually into you, she wouldn't be with him. Girls with boyfriend's act this way for attention, validation, sympathy, and selfish fun. The challenge of figuring out your intentions and motives gives her life the kind of drama that she likes to feel and that her three year relationship probably lacks. She doesn't care about you or your feelings, she cares about playing to pass the time, feeling desired and confirming her options. She also disrespects her current boyfriend by acting this way with you. I know because lots of girls do the same with me. And if you're thinking of her being your girlfriend, do you really want a girl who has a boyfriend but acts this way when he's not around? Odds are she would do the same with you if you were in his shoes. My point is, regardless of whatever she complains about her boyfriend or implies in her actions toward you, at the end of the day she still chooses to sleep with him and continue her relationship with him.
Mike B. Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Girls leave relationships for other men all of the time. A lot of the time, the other guy won't even know about the other guy. Women are not nearly as sloppy as men when it comes to dating. I have had the fortune of coming from a large family on both sides with many female relatives. Between those female relatives and their friends, I had to chance to see a lot of clueless guys over the years but sometimes, things have gotten ugly. The boyfriend could be an abusive prick for all he knows and deserved to be left. That is what I start to think of when a girl says that her boyfriend 'goes over the top.' Top of your head or what?
Author freeletme Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 Lol i like the youtube link. Thanks for everyones input. I said to this girl that i thought she was just after the attention and was teasing me because she sort of knew that i liked her. She said that she would never do that and got upset because she couldn't believe that i thought so low of her.
dispatch3d Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 At the end of the night she wouldn't let me go and get food with my mates and grabbed me to stop me from going. She put her arms around me and said do i feel uncomfortable and did she dress nice for me. whoa wait what? She begged you not to go for food with your friends, so you didn't go and instead waited for them TO GET BACK!!!! Lol dude what the hell. Do you think she's begging you to stay so that you don't get fat or something? "Hey, I have some food over at my place lets just go eat there and have a couple beers before we go home. Don't get any ideas."
eric82 Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Lol i like the youtube link. Thanks for everyones input. I said to this girl that i thought she was just after the attention and was teasing me because she sort of knew that i liked her. She said that she would never do that and got upset because she couldn't believe that i thought so low of her. Of course that's her reaction. I doubt she's doing it intentionally, but the results are still the same. Similar to how generally us guys, when we like a girl who's already taken and she complains about her boyfriend, we tell ourselves that she would be better off with us than with him. It's a selfish way of thinking that's easy to fall into. For all we know, everything that she complains about her boyfriend she might be doing to him behind closed doors. Or maybe at this point in her life she needs a boyfriend who treats her bad, did you ever think of it that way? Whatever the case may be, you said she's been with him for three years, so something in their dynamic is working. Let it be. I know you said that you have feelings for her, but that's why I think it's better for you to distance yourself from the situation than to try to convince or pressure her into acting differently towards you. All you did by telling her those things was show her that you're being uptight and taking things way too personally.
dispatch3d Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 (edited) Another thing i will say is that she has been in this relationship for about 3 years but they have been going through some bad times recently. I dont know the ins and outs but what i do know is that her boyfriend is really jealous of me. I have asked her to go out into town with me once but she ended up saying that her boyfriend wouldn't be happy. Her boyfriend found out that i asked her because he goes through her phone. He went insane and started texting me to leave her alone. The next time i saw this girl she said that he goes over the top and is over protective of her. She also said that she was thinking about going out to town with me and not telling her boyfriend because of the way he is. What do you think of that.? lol dude this chick is going to find a way to piss off her boyfriend enough that she doesn't have to break up with him eventually. Why the hell shouldn't it be you? And really you can't do the math of this one. "For some reason he was pissed at me for texting her". AHhh you send her flirty texts ALL THE TIME, invite her to bars, she attempts to go home with you but for some bizarre reason you thwart her efforts, etc. He isn't stupid, he knows whats going on and figures if he stops you the problem will be gone. It won't be. This chick is going to cheat/find another guy and break up with him and he knows it deep down. edit: If I were you at the next opportunity I would just take her up on it. If she withdraws or gets all whatever about it I'djust be like yeah that's what I figured, you're just a tease. Withdraw and cut her loose (she'll probably coming running back tho, I wouldn't be opposed to one more chance ). I guess you have moral issues about it tho that I just don't have. Edited August 8, 2010 by dispatch3d
Author freeletme Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 ol dude this chick is going to find a way to piss off her boyfriend enough that she doesn't have to break up with him eventually. Why the hell shouldn't it be you? And really you can't do the math of this one. "For some reason he was pissed at me for texting her". AHhh you send her flirty texts ALL THE TIME, invite her to bars, she attempts to go home with you but for some bizarre reason you thwart her efforts, etc. He isn't stupid, he knows whats going on and figures if he stops you the problem will be gone. It won't be. This chick is going to cheat/find another guy and break up with him and he knows it deep down. edit: If I were you at the next opportunity I would just take her up on it. If she withdraws or gets all whatever about it I'djust be like yeah that's what I figured, you're just a tease. Withdraw and cut her loose (she'll probably coming running back tho, I wouldn't be opposed to one more chance ). I guess you have moral issues about it tho that I just don't have. It does seem like her boyfriend is paranoid about her.I've seen how he reacts when they are both out clubbing. He doesn't drink alot and stands in the shadows just watching her all night.
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