How many of your really believe in 2nd chances?

[HopeLove]

I was wandering how many of your really believe in 2nd chances?

[EthanH]

I used to believe in what most people consider 'second chances' but now, I think for the most part, (unless you are talking about something which hasn't being going for too long and thus has no baggage) for the most part, second chances don't work. Second chances in my view are where person 1 breaks up with person 2, and person 2 persuades person 1 that is was a mistake. On the whole, the relationship will never be balanced as a result of this, and ultimately doomed. I think people underestimate what a big deal someone deciding to break up with someone has, it totally changes the dynamic of any potential future relationship between the two.

 

So, no, i don't believe second chances work. Having said that, I do believe that if person 2 backs off and person 1 realises they want to be with them, it can work. But in a way, it has to be a totally new relationship, no real going over the past, no expectations or worry when things aren't the same as before. It has to be a new start, where both are ok to be on their own but realise they still like each other... but for this to happen, it has to be initiated by the person who dumped the other in the first place.

[USMCHokie]

I want to...but I can't...

[Thorgs]

I believe in it, but it is less common than we would like. A lot depends on the reasons for the break up and if both people are on the same page. Other than that, it most likely wont work out.

[MsSydneyLane]

Second chances will work only if both have the will to continue the relationship. It depends on the attitude of the person, if they really change for the better or still continuing the same old bad habits.

 

For me thou, its a matter of acceptance. People have flaws, and this is part of who they are. If you decide to give them second chances because they promise to change... (which I dont think usually happens) You must learn to accept the fact that it wont happen just that easy.

 

You will have to accept them as they are, not too much expectation or just not give them a chance at all.

[hopesndreams]

I was wandering how many of your really believe in 2nd chances?

 

Only if there wasn't cheating involved.

[DustySaltus]

I believe in second chances just as long as the relationship doesn't pick up where it left off. It has to start from scratch and both people need to be committed to fixing the mistakes that led to the breakup in the first place.

 

Anything less doesn't qualify as a second chance.

[just1guy]

no such thing exists

[boltsfan17]

I believe in second chances, but it really depends on the situation. If cheating is involved, then no, I don't think anyone deserves another chance.

 

I know quite a few people that had issues, broke up, then got a second chance and it ended up in marriage. If it's something like personality conflicts or constant fighting, it's probably best to part ways, not try again.

 

A second chance will work if both parties agree to start a new relationship. I do believe some time has to pass though. Jumping right back into the relationship more then likely won't work out.

[HopeLove]

Well in my case were neither cheating nor fighting. The reason he gave me was that although everything was great and he loved me he could see problems in the future (both wanting different things) and therefore would be better to breakup.

That happen nearly 3 1/2 months ago and the last 1 1/2 we had absolutely NC.

I still love him and miss him. Don't know how he feels.

What do you think, any chance?

[boosh]

I believe in them, but in most situations they just don't work, and never will IMO.

 

Second chances also require both parties to be fully committed to healing themselves first, and figuring out what went wrong with the relationship to begin with. Anything less than that, and it's just a cycle that'll never fix itself.

 

It's a long process. A process that you can't expect to happen quickly, or have the mindset of reconciling with each other throughout it. Both people need to really "move on" mentally before trying to get back together.

 

That being said, there's no reason to not try. If you honestly believe things will work out given time apart, then go for it. Absolutely needs both people to be on the same page though, and I think that's where a lot of people "fail" at a second chance. You can't just expect to jump right back into things immediately.

[Butchannon]

Why some of you think that second chances after cheating aren't possible. Can't that be healed?

[lullaby]

I'm a firm believer of second chances and have friends who give me the evidence that it can work but it all depends on the people involved, the love they have for each other and the effort they're willing to put to make it function again.

 

Besides, issues should be addressed with maturity and seriousness, with actions not with words and with time and patience so it's super hard. Not everyone is willing to work and give 110% to reconcile

[spriggig]

Why do some of you think that second chances after cheating aren't possible. Can't that be healed?

 

If it happens early in the relationship, during the honeymoon period, it was a one night stand and not an emotional affair and both sides commit honestly and completely to the reconciliation, then it's possible.

 

Other than that, it depends on the people--some people can forgive and forget and move ahead, but most can't regain the trust that was destroyed in the affair.

 

When women cheat they've almost always disconnected from the husband completely before going fully into the affair. Women seek out affairs to fill EMOTIONAL voids almost exclusively, the sex is nice but not the main impetus. Men do the same thing but are less likely to completely disconnect from the wife and for men, the affair CAN be mostly physical. So, men are more likely to attempt reconciliation with their wives.

[hurt and devastated]

I would really like to believe in them. However, there always seems to be something that prevents it's success. One partner isn't willing to put in the effort needed in a reconciliation. The unwillingness to let the past stay in the past and focus on now and the future. If there was infidelity involved, that bitterness often rises to the surface, even though they have claimed to have "gotten over it". There are sooo many things that have to work to make a reconciliation sucessful, and I have seen so few actually happen here. Maybe that's what's making me cynical about it.

[Butchannon]

If it happens early in the relationship, during the honeymoon period, it was a one night stand and not an emotional affair and both sides commit honestly and completely to the reconciliation, then it's possible.

 

But if the affair happens in the honeymoon period when there must be everything right and you should 100% in love then you ask yourself what will be 10 years from then when problems arise. Aren't affairs in the beginning even more concerning?

[confused192]

Here's my question: What if person 1 was going through a divorce when person 2 came into the picture. Both person 1 and person 2 parted amicably because of bad timing. If it's been well over a year (closer to 2 years) since person 1's divorce finalized, could a second chance be possible?

[Username37]

I believe in second chances. I also believe that a second time around can be better than the first because you know the mistakes and are willing to fix them

[WintersNightTraveler]

I do.

 

Text to make it long enough to submit...

[Mad Max]

I don't believe in second chances. If someone is willing to cheat on you once, there's nothing stopping them from doing it again. I would never be able to trust someone that cheated on me or dumped me out of the blue.

[Beeotch]

I do.

 

They do exist under the right conditions.

 

 

I do believe they come along most times though when people have gone their separate ways, explored, didn't really focus on it anymore, and their paths crossed again in life when they matured or some other growth process occurred.

 

Also...second, third, fourth, fifth chances happen ALL the time with people who just can't break up with each other, they don't grow, and keep getting back together for all the wrong reasons, so it does not work.

 

You can get as many chances...but will it work and is it right for you?

[Beeotch]

I used to believe in what most people consider 'second chances' but now, I think for the most part, (unless you are talking about something which hasn't being going for too long and thus has no baggage) for the most part, second chances don't work. Second chances in my view are where person 1 breaks up with person 2, and person 2 persuades person 1 that is was a mistake. On the whole, the relationship will never be balanced as a result of this, and ultimately doomed. I think people underestimate what a big deal someone deciding to break up with someone has, it totally changes the dynamic of any potential future relationship between the two.

 

So, no, i don't believe second chances work. Having said that, I do believe that if person 2 backs off and person 1 realises they want to be with them, it can work. But in a way, it has to be a totally new relationship, no real going over the past, no expectations or worry when things aren't the same as before. It has to be a new start, where both are ok to be on their own but realise they still like each other... but for this to happen, it has to be initiated by the person who dumped the other in the first place.

 

I have to say I kind of disagree...I believe that those "second chances", (please read some of these on the forum, even my own...DON'T work when it happens soon after the break-up.) Emotions are too high, people are not thinking straight, people just miss the comfort of the relationship and try to ignore the problems and hurriedly "get back together" and it fails....

 

From what I have seen, those second chances that actually work, happen a whiiiile after, sometimes years later, when enough time has passed, people have truly grown and matured and it is essentially coming back together with an almost different person or a better version of yourself and the other.

 

If 5 years passes for example, you have had much life experience and more growth hopefully and A LOT of hindsight versus 3 months later. 5 years later you can start almost fresh, 3 months later you are still going to be thinking about the recent past, this that and the third.

 

Every situation is different as a rule...but from what I've seen from people I know, adequate time has to pass where BOTH people GROW before they try again. Sitting down scheming to get the person back or thinking about it everyday for months and then trying to reconcile 5 months later, usually does not work. It is true that you have to fullllly let go and live your life, not caring or wanting to be reconciled (which shows real growth) that the chance usually pops up, there is less room for error of emotions like loneliness, missing the relationship and other delusions to come into play so it makes sense why it would more likely work when everyone is stable (which often takes ample time).