Communication suggestions

[Randi]

my boyfriend and i are getting back together after a 3month break up and need to work on communication because we are not really best friends like most couples say is important.

 

How do we become best friends? or since we are not are we doomed? how do we learn to communicate?

 

Help! we want to get married but want to work this out.

[Taressa]

All communication really requires is a genuine interest in the each other's life. With that genuine interest you can develop some great conversations that center on the things that matter most to each other.... school, career, values, spirituality, friendships, family. Ask questions about things that seem to matter to him and listen to his response.

 

A friend once described communication as a game of catch... someone tosses the ball, you catch, you toss it back. Good conversation/communication requires some give and take. It requires a lot of grace too, sometimes, to gently speak the truth when you feel offended or hurt or to accept a rebuke when you've hurt him.

 

No. Not being best friends has not doomed you. It wouldn't be a healthy relationship if this man meant EVERYTHING to you (especially after three months apart). Give it time; often quantity of time helps develop quality of time. If intimacy does not develop you'll be the first to realize the connection necessary for marriage isn't there. Be willing then, to 'toss your ball' to someone else.

[Tony T]

Being friends, like being lovers, is a chemistry thing. You don't just find someone and say, OK, let's figure out how we can be friends. Friends are forever, they don't break up for three months and get back together.

 

Friendship is based on enjoying a person's company, conversation, sharing ideas about life, doing fun things together, not harshly judging, etc. Romance has all the elements of a friendship plus the fire of passion. If you aren't friends, you won't last. And you can't force it.

 

If you don't start truly enjoying each other and the little things you do together as friendly companions, just soak up those passionate moments for now and when the fire flickers, you can go find a great friend who can also be a great lover...then you will have material for a marriage that can last a lifetime.

 

Please know that there are many romantic couples whose relationship does not have a strong foundation in the mutual admiration and respect attendent to friendship. That's why over half the couples in the United States eventually get divorced.

 

One of the best quotes about friendship I can remember came from (of all people) ex con television evangelist Jim Bakker. He said, "You can never lose a friend, you can only find out who they are."

 

Bakker may not have been right about a lot of thing but he was right on that one!!!

 

You asked how the two of you could learn how to communicate. You both have to start by LISTENING to each other. Acknowledge that each of you has heard what the other has said. Make an attempt to understant each other. LISTEN TO HOW EACH OF YOU FEELS. Understand that feelings come naturally from choice and neither of you are responsible for the other's feelings.

 

The biggest problem with so many nowadays is they LISTEN to Jerry Springer and Montel Williams with more zeal than they LISTEN to their partners.

 

If you don't truly enjoy each others company, if you don't truly enjoy doing things with each other, you will never be friends. Friendship is bilateral. It has to be two ways.

 

I leave you with a thought from me. I am puzzled as to why the two of you are getting back together. Your post does not indicate a compelling reason for doing that. You say you want to marry this guy, but first you have to work on forming a basis for doing so. This is putting the cart before the horse and it won't work.

 

I'd like to marry Salma Hayek, the beautiful actress, but first I have to work out some way to meet her.

[Lucky]

Communication between me and my fiance came naturally, he is the first guy that I have been able to talk to about anything and everything. I have also been in relationships in the past where the communication just wasn't there, I just didn't feel comfortable telling this person my most desired dreams or fantasy's let aloan have an everyday conversation. I think one of the key elements in good communication is being comfortable with the person and he with you

All communication really requires is a genuine interest in the each other's life. With that genuine interest you can develop some great conversations that center on the things that matter most to each other.... school, career, values, spirituality, friendships, family. Ask questions about things that seem to matter to him and listen to his response.

 

A friend once described communication as a game of catch... someone tosses the ball, you catch, you toss it back. Good conversation/communication requires some give and take. It requires a lot of grace too, sometimes, to gently speak the truth when you feel offended or hurt or to accept a rebuke when you've hurt him. No. Not being best friends has not doomed you. It wouldn't be a healthy relationship if this man meant EVERYTHING to you (especially after three months apart). Give it time; often quantity of time helps develop quality of time. If intimacy does not develop you'll be the first to realize the connection necessary for marriage isn't there. Be willing then, to 'toss your ball' to someone else.