Will he be back, or is it over?

[borange77]

I have been with this guy for 3 years, he and I got together while he was married. He left his wife and he and I got engaged and moved in together. Things were going really well up until 8 months ago. He he went away for a weekend and came back and asked me to move back home for a while. So I did, and we were still talking. Then I found out that he was sleeping with a married woman, and still talking to his ex- wife. But could not let me go.

 

Then in December he asked me to go away for the weekend because he said he never does anything with me. We went away and had an awesome time together. When we came home we started hanigng out more. Then the besst thing happened he said he wanted to take steps to getting back together. Well I told him I can't trust him 100% right now and he would have to earn all my trust again, then same for him, ( in the begining I used to go through his things and always found condoms, so I knew he was sleeping with other women). We agreed. He told me he broke it off with the married woman and that they are "just firends". So it began.

 

2 weeks ago he told me he was not going out anymore and stopped drinking. well I know the ex- wife wanted him to stop. However he wasn't hanging out with me at all now. So I asked him what was wrong. He daid he needed time to think. Now last Sat. he told me he can not goout with me anymore and can not have relations with me. he said we can still talk but that is it. Well The other day he called me at work and was very nice, so I tried to call him back and he was not answering, which he does all the time. Well to come and find out he never went home that night. he called me the next moring and I asked where he was and he siad it is not my business. I asked if he was with his ex- wife and he was. He told me they are talking and he does not know where it is going to go.

 

He called me an hour later at work and said to me nothing was in writing, he does not know where it is going to go. They have two kids together and he left her because he was not in love with her, or sexually attracted to her. But now they are talking about getting back together. My questions are:

 

Will this work betwen them again?

what should I do, I feel like he picked her over me?

Can she see past him getting engaged to me and sleeping with the other women?

Will he be faithful to her?

what can I do, I love him with all my heart and is it bad that I hope it does not work?

We are going to talk about things tonight, should he give me back my engagement ring?

HELP, I am hurting over this, should I just move on with my life.

He does this whenever she or I start dating someone else, he and I have a lot of chemistry together.

WILL HE BE BACK KNOCKING ON MY DOOR?

[supermom]

I'm sure he'll be back, but do you want sloppy seconds? I don't think you deserve that. Plus, if he's having sex with alot of women, to me that would tell me that I was not special, and for me personally, I have to be #1 or not at all.

 

If you let him back and forth that is what he will do. I know it's hard and it's easier for me to say leave him that for you to do it because you are the only one in your shoes.

 

Does his wife know about your engagement? Maybe she should. He is betrayed her, you, his kids, other women, etc. That is not the kind of man that would be healthy to your self esteem.

 

Stay strong and move on is my advise. There is a song (I dont know what kind of music you listen to) but when I was leaving my 1st husband I was very sad, didn't want to, etc but a friend advised me to listen to it......

 

My way or the highway by stained? I'm not sure I know the song but can't think of the band. Fred Durst sings it. I'll pm you if I remember but I was listening to that song in my car one day as I'm crying and it came on, so I turned it up loud and starting singing and it was weird, it gave me some kind of "girl power" like saying, "it's my way or the highway and if you can't give me my way, then it's the highway" and it made me feel better about the decision I made.

 

Well hope this helps, let me know if you know what song I am trying to tell you about.

[Fancy]

Yes, he'll be back when he wants his ego (or something else) stroked. If you're smart you won't answer the door.

 

He's playing you for a fool. Please get out now before he gives you a deadly disease.

[Butterfly1]

Why are you wasting your time on this guy? I am sure his ex wife believed him when he pledged to be with her until death. This guy is a cheater and what makes you think that he is going to change if or when he comes back to you. He will never respect you 100%, he will always cheat on you and you will not be happy with him in the long run. You have already invested three years of your life into this guy - don't waste anymore time on him. I know you believe that you love him and you probably see the guy he COULD be - but look that the guy he is. A cheater. He has two kids with his wife -- why do you want to be that women who breaks up a marriage? It won't work out with his wife - hopefully she will come to her senses that this guy is a loser BUT maybe she is trying becuase they do have children together and they probably have a lot longer history then you have with him. Marriage is about sticking with someone through the good times and bad times - sometimes you don't love that person but you make it work becuase you made a commitment. This man obviously doesn't know the meaning.

[ojibwaywmn]

Ouch....I have been in a similar situation. My ex was in a common-law relationship with 2 small children before me. He assured me that he will be open and honest in regards to his previous situation with her. At the time, I was a bit hesitant but went ahead with the relationship based on his assurances.

 

We ended up living together about a month into the relationship. Our chemistry was great and had a lot of common interests. I did find that he was a bit too clingy at times but shrugged it off. I figured that I was being too independent and needed to learn to adjust to another person in my life.

 

During the last month and a half of the relationship, he was getting fed up with the lack of job, money and left for a road trip with some friends. I didn't want to stop him because I knew that me supporting the both of us was a dent to his ego. So I thought that a short trip will help him re-group.

 

While he was gone, I found out that he was trying to reunite with his ex common-law wife and two children. I also found that he is a chronic cheater since his teens. Apparently it is a trait amongst the men in his family. Not wanting to be a doormat and act like nothing is happening, I broke it off with him. He would only call once in awhile which is pretty inconsiderate seeing that we were living together. What bothered me the most about the whole situation was that he couldn't be upfront about his feelings, wants, needs, etc. I have always told him that if anything changes for him, to come and talk to me about it. Rather than having to find out through other ways. BUT he never did, and it hurts to this day. I think that I am good, caring, understanding person and to be disrespected in that way can be painful.

 

I do admit that I still have feelings for him. I miss his good side and companionship the most. However, he is stuck in a cheating pattern and I can't be a part of that. So my question to you is...Do you want to be continually disrespected by him? It is obvious that your ex suffers from low self-worth and there is nothing you can do to change that. Only he can. And who knows if and when that will happen.

 

I understand hoping that things will turn around and he will come back. I have thought the same thing from time to time. But if you want him to treat you with more respect, then he needs to know that you are on to him. And that you are not accepting anything less than 100%. If he is unable to commit to you and work through all his issues, then you have to walk away. You are not a doormat, you are a person. Don't let him wipe all his s**t on you. You don't deserve that. No one does. So think of yourself and get out while you can. Things happen for a reason, and it is apparent why this didn't work out. Because he doesn't value himself, so how can he value you?? Good luck and take care.

[faux]

Originally posted by borange77

I have been with this guy for 3 years, he and I got together while he was married. He left his wife and he and I got engaged and moved in together. Things were going really well up until 8 months ago. He he went away for a weekend and came back and asked me to move back home for a while. So I did, and we were still talking. Then I found out that he was sleeping with a married woman, and still talking to his ex- wife. But could not let me go....

 

He left someone to be with you in the first place. Then he cheated on you. I read the rest, but this first paragraph is enough for me... You can't trust the guy. Lose him. He'll probably be back again, but I don't think it's worth it.

 

I never understood how good women will do anything to stay with bad men that they can't trust, yet leave good men that they CAN trust without much difficulty... Which means it is a little depressing that you would think to take the guy back.

[Pretteangel]

The man cheated on his wife with you! He is cheating on you now! WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH SUCH A LOOSER?

 

You ask" is it over"? YOU MAKE IT OVER! This makes me so ashamed to be a woman to see another lower herself so deeply for a man. Please!

 

Get some serious help and move on. Take some pride in the fact that you are a woman and a human being.

 

This relationship will never work, why? because you already telling him that it is ok to cheat on you because you love him so much! Get it?

 

Do you know what love is? Do you love yourself? I do not think so.