"You are in my past"

[welikeincrowds]

I've just had a big breakthrough that I thought I should share.

 

FINALITY....we all want that one tie that will keep us from facing that all of this is finally over with no way of going back....

 

All the steps I've taken for the sake of NC have been to move forward. And they have moved me forward. I am a healthier person now (quit smoking and joined a gym -- so typical ). I am doing better in the workplace. And I am feeling a satisfaction over the control I have over my own life that, maybe, I have not felt in a long time.

 

But I am not completely cleansed. I have reached the point to where I have nothing left of her but my memories, and yet I have realized -- thinking about her is the only way I have left to hold onto her. And that's exactly what I'm doing. Through these most burrowed and intimate acts of anger and regret I am holding myself back from moving forward.

 

And for each painful thought, my strength erodes, until I start to doubt my own actions; when I start to doubt my actions, I start to scrutinize the events -- and then I really start to think about her.

 

I cannot stop myself from reliving spontaneous memories, but I can be much more comfortable with them if I am straight with myself -- if I put the truth out on the table and accept it.

 

She was a part of my life in the past. She is not a part of my life now, and she is not a part of my future.

 

The "her" that I loved -- that person doesn't exist anymore. That person was forever lost to the past the instant she hurt me -- and not when I decided to go NC. NC is simply the quickest path to acceptance of the loss that was already there. This is nothing that Caliguy didn't cover, but I didn't know what he meant by "you already have" until now.

 

I have stopped you from being in my life, and I will stop raising your memory from the dead. You are in my past, and that is where you belong.

[skydiveaddict]

Good luck I am right where you are now. I think all we can do is gut it out and wait for the memories to pass

[HighPlainsDrifter]

I've just had a big breakthrough that I thought I should share.

 

 

 

All the steps I've taken for the sake of NC have been to move forward. And they have moved me forward. I am a healthier person now (quit smoking and joined a gym -- so typical ). I am doing better in the workplace. And I am feeling a satisfaction over the control I have over my own life that, maybe, I have not felt in a long time.

 

But I am not completely cleansed. I have reached the point to where I have nothing left of her but my memories, and yet I have realized -- thinking about her is the only way I have left to hold onto her. And that's exactly what I'm doing. Through these most burrowed and intimate acts of anger and regret I am holding myself back from moving forward.

 

And for each painful thought, my strength erodes, until I start to doubt my own actions; when I start to doubt my actions, I start to scrutinize the events -- and then I really start to think about her.

 

I cannot stop myself from reliving spontaneous memories, but I can be much more comfortable with them if I am straight with myself -- if I put the truth out on the table and accept it.

 

She was a part of my life in the past. She is not a part of my life now, and she is not a part of my future.

 

The "her" that I loved -- that person doesn't exist anymore. That person was forever lost to the past the instant she hurt me -- and not when I decided to go NC. NC is simply the quickest path to acceptance of the loss that was already there. This is nothing that Caliguy didn't cover, but I didn't know what he meant by "you already have" until now.

 

I have stopped you from being in my life, and I will stop raising your memory from the dead. You are in my past, and that is where you belong.

 

 

Very profound welike... I need to get to this stage. I do for sure. She is a part of my past, she is not a part of my life now, and she is not a part of my future. That last part is the hardest part for me to say, but it is likely the most important. It's so strange to imagine...

 

Good post welike...

[bonpaw2008]

That is an awesome post, I copied it into my journal....I will try so hard to use this to get him out of my head, thanks!!