What a girl means when she does this???

[Jon]

I am 20 years old. This past winter my girfriend broke up with me. It was not a particularly bad breakup, but she was 17 and a senior in High school and said she needed more time to do things on her own. She said at first she wanted to stay together but I had to understand that. I had a hard time with it so she ended things. I tried then to patch things up but it didn't work, so I moved on.

 

We live in different towns, so we haven't seen or talked to each other at all in months. Last weekened I ran into her by accident. We talked for a bit over an hour. I did not initiate the conversation, she was the one who did. Anyway, she was very friendly, and when I told her I had to leave because I had to make it home to change to get ready for work, she smiled at me and gave me a hug and would not let go for a few seconds.

 

I still have feelings for her and would still like to be together if the chance arises. I do not know what to make of her actions, so can someone help me out?

 

Part of me thinks this means that she has seen me move on, and now that she knows that she misses me and wants to give things another chance. Another part of me thinks she may have just been in a really good mood that day because of something else and decided to be really nice. Finally, I also think it may be a little of both of the above, with her doing what she did as a little test to see how I react.

 

It will be hard to talk to her and work this out by talkign directly about our feelings because I think that may add pressure to her and also she is very busy, she works during the week and then is a supervisor at a summer camp on weekends, so rigth now she does not have much free time.

 

So can I get some ideas from anyone out there as to what they think of this---are any of my above guesses right? If so, what should I do now, if I do have a chance how do I go about pursuing it without making mistakes?

[Tony T]

The Internet is a great invention but it hasn't come up with a site yet that accurately reads people's minds.

 

There is absolutely no human way possible for any person in the world to read this lady's mind and know what motivated her to talk to you for an hour and give you a big hug. Now, if you want a few comments and a little bit of speculation, read on.

 

It seems she is too busy to have anything to do with you or a relationship at this time, according to your post. You indicate it would add pressure to her busy schedule for you and her to talk about feelings. So what is the point of even wondering what this chance meeting and hug meant? Even if it meant she loves you, she doesn't have the time to act on it.

 

As for the possiblities for her behavior:

 

1. She was just very happy to see you and glad you have moved on.

 

2. She had some time to kill and you were better to do that with than with someone she didn't know.

 

3. There was a little bit more closure she needed and meeting you, seeing you, seeing things were OK, made her feel much better.

 

4. She was thrilled the meeting didn't take place while she was with another guy.

 

5. She loves you as a friend and was glad to have the chance to express that.

 

6. She really likes you a lot and would love for you to call sometime when she isn't busy...but don't count on her being as friendly then as she was in person at your meeting.

 

But, then again, she might be.

 

7. She feels very guilty about the break up and seeing you and talking to you removed a lot of that guilt.

 

8. She's a happy-go-lucky teenager and if she saw the mailman out somewhere, she might give him a nice hug too because she's a touchy-feely kind of gal.

 

9. Being without a relationship has freed her to feel more openness about people in general and seeing you after a period of time made her feel a lot more comfortable about giving you a nice friendly hug.

 

10. She was just happy to see you, as any friend would be after not seeing you for quite a while.

 

I personally would read nothing whatsoever into the meeting, the friendliness or the hug. However, I would encourage you to call her and see if the two of you can get together. Maybe talk, maybe just do something. You need the opportunity to see what's on her mind.

 

Remember, she is a very young girl at a very fickle stage in her life, no matter how mature she seems. She is sure able to play you pretty well. I think you should keep your friendship with her but don't put all your chips down at her table. She broke up with you for a purpose and that purpose is now being served.

 

Deep down, I think you're setting yourself up for some real heartbreak by continuing to bark up this lady's tree. You really need to resolve this fast so you can move on. Take it from one who knows...you are at a great age for meeting many wonderful ladies and you can waste a lot of valueable time thinking about the past.

[PSC]

Well, like most girls it's hard to figure out what that was and what she meant by that. My advice and what I would do, don't think too much about it because your mind might start playing tricks on you and you might see something that isn't there. But also don't ignore her, maybe she misses you, or just wants to be friends, so don't be a stranger, give her a call one of these days, but don't pressure anything. See how the conversation goes and maybe it will lead to something, just try to be a good friend, you never know. Just remember to be yourself, don't try to say or do something to impress her or look like you need somebody, and you guys already been together so she know you, so don't act. Good luck.