matrixgenius Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 I keep reading about the " no contact for 30 days thing ". I would attempt this except my ex said A) I can't be alone B) I can't be with you I believe after 30 days she will be living with someone else as she is a psychological mess. She's been through a divorce with one man and widowed by another. She told me last night she would have loved me forever but now she doesn't love me at all. This woman screws up all the philosophies of love shack. IE. Love never dies Also she said we were apart because I dont show her enough respect. I believe she has had sex with another man already as well. How can you respect someone who doesn't respect themselves. Basically in my life I've played nothing but a martar from relationship 1. The more they need saving, the more I fall for them. She said she doesnt need saving, she just needs to go on with her life ( without me ). What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Sounds like she is a basketcase that you don't need! I would say bye and find a normal person or be by yourself to think. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 If she says "I can't be with you and I can't be without you," just say, "Byebye Bono." What's the point? If it was just that she can't be without you, then, yeah, fight for it, but hello, she can't be without you? To hell with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Prolixity Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Hi Matrix, Love is a funny thing. Often times extremely complicated, especially when the one who "supposedly" loves you says one thing with words, but their actions are really speaking the truth and shows everything but love. If she really loves you then don't fret the "30 day rule". Love doesn't have a time limit. If a person decides to walk away (their decision) and never comes back then there's nothing you could've done to change their minds. And smothering them with phone calls, e-mails, and un-announced visits might actually push anything they remotely felt towards you out the door. Another thing you mentioned in your post that concerned me was, you said you tend to play the martyr role (aka- sacrificing yourself to help someone). That isn't neccasarily a healthy attribute to have in a relationship. Basically your emotional location is being occupied by an emotionally unavailable person who says, in essence, " I know more about what you need than you do so I'm to get it/do it/ fix it for you no matter what you may say you want." Remember this, "taking care" is doing something for people they can't do for themselves. "Caretaking is doing something for people they can and should do for themselves. Maybe she felt like having you in her life was limiting her on the things she wanted to control (since you were trying to "fix things"). And you on the other hand felt it was out of concern and kindness. Anyways, just for now, in my opinion, I would allow her space and time. Let her control her own life. You can't make anyone love you and if she does, maybe having time apart will help her realize how much she misses and loves you. Link to post Share on other sites
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