basketcase Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Hey all. I am new here and I feel strange doing this but due to the situation I am in, I have no one to talk to about this because of the horrible judgement that would be placed on me. I feel like I will go crazy if I don't talk to someone about this and from reading these threads I can really relate to everyones stories. Being involved with a married man is the most horrible form of self destructive behavior I have ever been involved with. I have been divorced for a little over 2 years now and I do have a child. I have dated alot but not really found anything serious. I started a new job about 6 months ago and I met a man who was married and I was very aware he was married. We hit it off from day one, we just clicked so well. We talked about relationships and he told me about his unhappy marriage, the fact that his wife won't have sex with him and they are only married because of his kids and they will stay married due to his kids. There was lots of flirting and talking between us and then of course sex. The sex is the best I have ever had and he says the same, we just feel so comfortable with one another. The first few months I was fine with everything, I knew not to form any feelings for him but I did of course and I was good at hiding them. Then after time he would show some jelousy here and there which really surprised me, kind of messed with my head because it showed that he had feelings for me....Then one day I just lost it, I called him and told him what a hard time I was having with it. He admitted that he had an equally hard time and we agreed that we were both bad for each other. He explained to me that he was sorry for getting involved and that it was not fair to me because he will never be able to give me what I deserve and that is a man who can give me 100% of himself. He told me he did not want to end it but he would respect me and end it if it would be better for me and he said he considered me a best friend and always wanted us to be friends. I told him I did not want to end it but I knew I should. So we continued. We had an agreement that if I met someone and I wanted to pursue a relationship I would let him know about it, I of course was not looking for a relationship because I stay so confused with him. But, I met someone and now the story gets really complicated. I met a guy about 2 months ago, he could be the best thing to ever happen to me but my feelings are so torn. He is so crazy about me but my heart is elsewhere. I told the married man about it and he said it would literally kill him if I left, but if this guy was good for me he would encourage it because he wants the best for me. So, I tried to end it. It lasted like 4 days. We work together and we have such amazing chemistry that I just can't fight it. The thing that is so screwed up is I know what I need to do. End the relationship with the married guy and move forward with the new guy. Problem is I don't want to. I have an amazing love for him I have never had. Rigt now, I feel like a peice of **** for leading on this new guy, I am kind of just "buying time" with him which is so wrong of me. And not to mention how bad I do feel for sleeping with a married man. As everyone has said here, I would have never thought in a million years that I would ever stoop to this. Thats my story in a nutshell, there is so much more but I will spare you all. I just needed to let all of that out, it has been bottled up forever. I am not really asking anything from any of you, if you want to respond, give advice, yell, whatever...please do. If not just know it helped me to let some of that out. I wish all of you ladies and men the best in dealing with these situations, they are so very emotionally draining. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Break it off with the married guy and go with the other guy that you met. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflywings Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 I know exactly how you feel. I went through the exact same thing about 5 months ago. I met a great guy who wanted nothing more than to spend every spare minute he had with me. It was great for about a month and then all the old feelings started coming back and I missed everything about the MM. I would have to leave b/c I would start crying thinking of everything. I sent an email to the MM and told him how I felt and that I couldn't stand to be away from him. I didn't know what else to do he had always told me he would never leave his wife and kids, then he did and then he went back to them. We agreed to meet for a walk and seeing eachother was unbelievable. We started seeing eachother again but only with an understanding that he was leaving for good and everyone would know it. We worked in the same Dept and I worked with many of his relatives. The story is way to complicated. The most messed up thing is that I had always said I would never do that to myself after seeing my mother go through it for 5 yrs, her story had a happy ending however. Which is hard b/c it always gave me hope. Anyway I decided it wasn't fair to the really nice guy to pretend to be happy with him when i wasn't I couldnt give him all of myself b/c I was still in love with someone else. Fortunatly he was such a wonderful guy that when I told him the truth he said he understood if your hearts not in it then it's not he was glad I was honest with him, we talk everyonce in awhile. I'm now with the MM he has left again and we've been together for quite awhile now. Everyone knows, but not everyone accepts it. For instance his wife, decided to buy broadway show tickets for him to take his kids to on Valentines Day and tell the kids he was taking them before he even knew. He is so overwhelmed with guilt that he cancelled our plans and is spending the Day in the city. My heart is broken today but he promises he will be back. I am not holding my breath. She does everything in her power to destroy us and make herself happy. Bottom line is you have to be honest with yourself and everyone around. Just b/c certain people in your life haven't been honest, doesn't mean you shouldn't be. It's not fair to be with someone if you can't give them what they deserve. At times I wish I would have stayed with the great guy. I could have had everything with him, including a future. Just keep in mind the wives never go away, they always find a way to make things difficult even if there were problems before you came around. I used to feel sorry for his wife and for months wanted to tell her myself to spare her the pain. Now I realize that she is just evil and so do other people in the family. Good luck with everything Link to post Share on other sites
Skittles Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 told the married man about it and he said it would literally kill him if I left, but if this guy was good for me he would encourage it because he wants the best for me. So, I tried to end it. It lasted like 4 days. We work together and we have such amazing chemistry that I just can't fight it Oh basketcase.. ...your name makes me feel bad... I feel that it would be in your best interest not to see anyone right now while you pull yourself together. If you can find another job, do that asap...easier said than done I know...because you will see him and the connection will never end.. This thing you have with mm is an addiction of sorts...He can let go alot easier than you can because he has a family and his wife will give him sex so don't fool yourself thinking that he will perish without you. I sound so harsh I know...I don't mean to, but I don't care about the mm...I am responding to you. You are welcome to p/m me anytime. Please shake this situation...Make it a life priority...because your life does depend on it.. Link to post Share on other sites
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