1 year & still pinning

[Limbo21]

So I've tried my hardest. My very very best to move on & I can't

 

it's been about 10 months since I saw her. A year since breaking up. I've changed my tel no. Cancelled my email address, deactivated my facebook account. Going to move house. Don't go within 10 miles of where I could possibly bump into her. Gym, hobbies, friends, family, holidays - but I feel as strong about her as the day I met her. For fear of sounding mellow dramatic I still feel suicidal. Not because of her! Because she made me see how poor my choices in life have been which made me reavaluate my life and it was *****.

 

She has made it hard for me. She has done all she can to stop me moving on. Letters, cards, pictures, flowers, emails, phonecall's. 12 weeks ago she managed to suggest she would do anything to give it another go, the first time I responded in mnths is when I got that message. We spoke for over an hour, it was all good, but then the next day she went cold and said it would just be for sex. Of course I told her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine and changed my number, emails addy and all the above AGAIN.

 

4 weeks ago she knocked on my door. Thankfully my brother answered, when he told me she was at the door with tears in her eyes my blood froze. I said no I don't want to see her and she left. I created another email account several days later and asked if she was ok. I then didn't go back into that account for 4 weeks - that was this morning.

 

She is asking why I emailed her? Calling me baby and misses me.

 

I now feel sick, again suicidal (to be fair I have been for weeks again) but some serious distance to actually doing anything so don't panic anyone. It's the low that scares me. The possibility of where it might go & that I just can't move on. We split through my screw ups so I take most of the responsibility

 

One person in here who really helped me is grayclouds. I love that guy. I need some support guys. Not from a gp as I'm still on meds but from fellow broken hearted people. I do feel the intensity of my feelings is so strong that few have ever felt as passionate as this. I'm over 40 so lived a life. Oh this hurts and can see no end to it

 

sorry if this is jumbled or riddled with typo's. Wrote it on my phone

 

thanks for reading.

 

Limbo

Edited August 9, 2010 by Limbo21

[ishmaiel]

Who broke off the relationship? ...or maybe I missed it.

[Limbo21]

She dumped me - partly through my actions and partly through religious differences

[single]

well there is loads of us on here in the same boat, it's true what most say on here look after yourself eat good, work out and get on with living.

 

I felt the same about my ex but they are not coming back they have moved on which is what we need to do.

 

look after yourself.

[Limbo21]

Yes & no. Has your ex knocked on your door in the last mnth wanting to talk? Mixed messages is messing with my mind. She wants me back some days but the fact she feels she can't trust me is stopping her. That's my opinion. Some will say validation but she's had tht time and time again. She a stunner with lots to offer so she's not short of admirers

[single]

No my ex has gone she cheated with a neighbour and now she has landed herself a new bloke.

 

Same as yours as in she is not short of offers i don't have the luxury of no contact as i have a child with her so i'm stuck with having to see her.

 

You are going to have to sort it one way or another otherwise it will drive you mad, maybe you should go no contact and just have some time on your own and get yourself together.

[Limbo21]

Sorry to hear that dude. I have gone no contact. I'm the master of no contact. The ONLY way she can get hold of me is to send emails to my family and knock at my door. When those things happen I then rack my brains to why she is doing all she can to get around my blocks and do desperate things?

 

I don't have the answers, I doubt anyone has. It just helps a little to talk about it.

 

I would do anything to get her back. I know this won't happen so the only thing left for me to do is sell my house and move (it's on the Market for no otter reason but to eliminate her being able to knock on my door ad to convince my parents and brother to change their email addys that they've had for time - drastic yes but what else am I to do?

 

When I said few have felt the way I have I didn't mean it to sound blasé. It just I have myself split with ex's and been ready to move on within a year as many of my friends and posters here but this one is different

[cookie2]

She is asking why I emailed her?

Why DID you email her? Seems you're creating your own problems here.

You know she is bad for you yet you keep inviting her back again and again? You need to step up and take that leap of faith, get rid of her once and for all.

 

drastic yes but what else am I to do?

When she knocks on your door you can tell her to F off and not come back.

 

Yes she is sending mixed messages. But you're sending mixed messages back to her also. If you stop sending encouragement then she will move on and stop pestering you.

[Limbo21]

Harsh - but true i guess

 

I honestly believe i've done a sterling job with NC, if you knew the attempts and at what length she has gone to to get in contact with me.

 

Caliguy being the most verhement advocator about once over then it's over and if they REALLY REALLY want you they will come knocking on your door. until then ignore them. Well she's done that now so i don't think i'm sending mixed messages any way. but like i say, your kinda right, it's just i love this girl

[cookie2]

Yeah man, we (mostly) all still love our ex's on here. It sucks.

 

But you have to move on, and get over her. She doesn't want you back. If she wanted to reconcile she wouldn't have left your door so easily, she would be camped outside 24/7. And religious differences... that issue would surely still be there, unless one or both of you has switched!!

[Limbo21]

Damn it!! i've avoided this at all costs. Now i feel i chump and pretty sick to the stomach. She has not replied as yet. Oh ***** ***** *****!!!!!!! I wish i'd have answered the door now. At least i'd have known what she wanted, It must have taken her some balls to come here and then I ignored her for 6 weeks.

 

Yeah Cookie, you are talking sense, harsh as it is but sense

[GrayClouds]

She feeling bad, lost in her own insanity and looking for a easy way out. You are that easy way out for her, and then when she starting to feel better, again off with your head.

 

And, in your own words, your not feeling much better so you too are looking for the easy solution, but as you fought through these weeks, you understand there is not one and it specially not this one. At best she can give is a distraction for while, as you dig yourself deeper into a whole. As you said it is not her, but for choices you have made. There is still a part of you thinking if you got with her, you then have correct the choices. You know better it does not work that way.

 

Go back to going NC, it worked it has kept you on this earth, and that's something while contrast she is doing the opposite to you, so it pretty easy to say what the best route is from here on out, keep moving to move on.

 

Secondly, go to the doc and tell him that you need some adjustment with the meds, you need something more.

 

Third, third get back on the bike, peddle harder, and next year we will go do Moab:

http://patitucciphoto.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/20091120-_mg_0584.jpg

 

Hang in there, you are doing better.

Edited August 9, 2010 by GrayClouds