well what what should i do

[Jimmy]

i have began talking to this girl i liked around 6 months ago. since then we have come to be good friends, and we talk about nearly everything. anyways recently her ex-bf, whom she liked a lot and had a relationship with over the past year and a half, told her that he just wants to be friends. a little bit after that i told her that i was begininng to like her a lot (i wanted to ask her out then, but i didnt for fear of ruining our friendship), her response was that she was flattered. the other day she told me she was bummed not having a bf and that she was "playing the field". well now what should i do? do i ask her out now? or do i just continue being the shy, quiet guy when she starts talking about relationships? tony, you seem to know what your talking about in these posts, so any advice will help..

[Amber]

Wow... That is a tough one. I was in that some boat once. Personally, I would stick with the shy guy routine. Believe me when I say that spilling your guts is a sure fire way to ruin a friendship. If she is playing the field, do you really want to be one of the bases she runs around? Give her time to get whatever she has in her system... out of her system. Let me tell you, when she sees what a "good friend" and "understanding man" you are, it will be hard to overlook!!! Good Luck

[Tony T]

I'm with Amber 100 percent. If the two of you are going to become an item, it can evolve over a period of time as you do things together as friends.

 

I also caution you that, friends or not, you don't want to begin a realtionship with her unless some time has passed after her break up. She needs time to heal from that.

 

You told her that you were beginning to like her a lot and she was duly flattered. But she made no further mention of upgrading the friendship and has told you she was bummed not having a boyfriennd. Further, she advised you she was playing the field. In my opinion, she has been very nicely telling you she doesn't want anything with you right now.

 

If you REALLY are interested in this girl, I would start playing it a bit coy, even as a friend, and stop seeing her as much. Start playing the field yourself. Stop calling her so often and when you do don't talk to her for very long. If she asks why you're backing off, just tell her you know she's wanting to play the field and you're giving her space to do that. Don't say one word more, let her do the rest of the talking on the subject.

 

People who are just out of relationships absolutely love to have someone like you as a security blanket between love relationships. It is so nice to have a friend of the opposite sex to be around. I think it was an insult that, even though you are filling that role, she is still bummed. Hey, back off big time. If you are going to have anything ever going with this girl, a spark has got to ignite in her. Now some ladies would fall for you over time while you are around, but I don't think this girl is one of them.

 

She sees you strictly as a friend right now. Girls usually don't get to having romantic feelings for guy friends like guys do for girls...I have found this to be an interesting concept. As a matter of fact, there are many girls who would consider it incest to get romantically involved with someone they have treasured as a friend. If you really get to be extremely close friends with a girl, it is very likely she will consider you a brother...we are talking incest territory big time.

 

So if you are just wanting to enjoy her company and wait for her to find another boyfriend, do what you are doing right now. If you repeat yourself to her about your feelings for her, I think she will back off more. She is looking for a challenge that will peak her interest. She is not looking for a guy to be handed her on a silver platter. People just don't value that which is readily available. Now, there are some ladies who are extremely mature and do value that but I don't have the feeling she is one of them. If she is under 25, I can almost guarantee it.

 

A very skilled guy, who is incredibly adept at psychogical maneuverings, could probably work this very well. You've got to be very intutitive and NOT do what you really want to do but do what you have to do to get her interest.

 

Get a book called "Nice Guys Don't Get Laid" by Marcus Pierce Meleton, Jr. , published by Sharkbait Press, P.O. Box 11300, Costa Mesa, California 92627. A good bookstore can probably order it for you. This book is a priceless reference for guys in your situation...and also guys who insist on being too nice and sweetsy sweetsy to ladies, who just in turn get nauseated and go for someone who is a man, not a buddy, platonic friend or nice guy, and a challenge.

 

Don't get mad at me. I didn't plan human behavior.