FeelLike13 Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 I'm 31 going on 13. Why can I not figure this relationship out? Here's the trouble that has caused me to write in this forum. I have been dating my bf for 2 years now, and the entire time it has been up and down. We love each other, but we have also questioned each other's motives, tru feelings, and trust in each other. The past couple of months have been extremely hard since I moved in with my parents in another city after loosing my job. This is only temporary until I find a job, but I was at the end of my bank account and my bf was in no financial situation to be able support me. We talked on the phone tonight, and he sounded a bit peeved that I hadn't called him all day (not unusual since I am busy with my family amongst other things) and he calledto say that he was on his way to meet a "friend" Dan, whom I have never heard of before. His voice sounded weird. I started asking how he had met up with his long lost friend, and he didn't want to go into it, but he did say that they had been emailing for a couple of weeks now. The converstaion ended abruptly with him telling he'd "let me go"... although I didn't ask to be let go. A long time ago he gave me his password to his email account. I got that burning, nervous feeling that I've read discribed in other threads within this forum. Somwthing told me to check his email, which I hadn't done in over a year...upon his request. Sure enough, he had been writing a handful of girls he had encountered in a "Men Seeking Women" internet site. I found his ad: "Nothing serious/no expectations, initially. ...I'm an attractive guy, workout regularly, intelligent, well-traveled, yet completely down to earth. Interested in spending time with an intelligent, kind, physically and sexually attractive woman. Drop me a line and send a photo (I'll send one back) and let's see where that goes." It just so happens that he has a "drinks or coffee" date THIS SUNDAY EVENING with a girl he has exchanged photos with/phone number, and has written every day for about a week. He knows that I do not approve of dating/fooling around/sex with other people while we are apart, and basically, as long as we are dating. However, he has not told me anything about his ad, or this girl, or anything. Seeing as tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and I am flying to see him for 2 weeks on Wednesday (after SUNDAY!!!), what should I do? I've already planned a sexy getaway for the weekend of the 20th. HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 It doesnt sound like he is happy with your relationship. You should talk to him. But i don't think it will go well, unfortunatly. Link to post Share on other sites
FeelLike13 Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 The unhappiness comes at about every couple of months. The last fight we had two weeks ago I told him that we should break up because I didn't feel like I was the ultimate person to make him happy. (This is the recurring theme) So you hit the nail on the head. He insisted that he loves me and that he doesn't want to lose me; he doesn't want to break up. He even asked me to move in with him once I return to our city. So here we are. I just don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 You haven't said how long you 2 have been in a relationship? What you should do is, cancel your trip to see him. What a dog, for doing this behind your back. So what if it's only a "casual" date (or whatever you want to call it)....that's how they all start. He sounds like a player. I mean, come on, his profile says it all...that he's looking for something basically casual "to start" (or how did he write it? "initially") This is not someone you can trust at all. It's pretty obvious that he's looking around. Save your dignity and cancel your plans to go see him. He doesn't deserve to see you, nor does he deserve to spend Valentine's with you, nor does he deserve to sleep withyou....god only knows who he's sleeping with. Tell him what you, who cares that you were snooping or whatever. The point is,you know and that's all that matters. Then tell him to beat it. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 Sorry, I missed where you mentioned you've been together for 2 yrs. This is interesting: . I have been dating my bf for 2 years now, and the entire time it has been up and down. We love each other, but we have also questioned each other's motives, tru feelings, and trust in each other. Sounds like a pretty grim relationship to me....where you've spent those 2 yrs questioning each other's motives/true feelings/TRUST for each other. Doesn't sound healthy or stable or worth being in. His actions of late only reinforce that. Link to post Share on other sites
FeelLike13 Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 Thanks for your replies. It really helps to hear objective feedback. We talked on Valentine's and we ended up breaking up (how's that for a memorable Valentine?) After two years of trying to work things out in a relationship where "something" intangible is wrong (but mostly because of trust issues I think), it's best to just end it. It's weird, I am totally grieving because I know that I love him deeply as a person, but I think I am in the denial phase. I feel like I can call him up at any time. I wonder when it will really hit me that it's over? Link to post Share on other sites
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