18 year marriage

[Chrome Barracuda]

No not all cheaters are the same but they damn sure share the same generalities.

 

Did YOU ever think your agreeing with her because you've been in the same stage where she is?

 

No matter how abusive her husband is, it doesnt give her the right for an affair, he was right in outing her, she could have left first, for herself and then after getting her feet under her, started dating others. No reason for an exit affair.

 

She could have had common decency and did things the right way.

 

Like i said i dont buy 18 years of abuse. I just dont. and if he's so abusive why have an affair knowing how he is, KWIM? wouldnt that make the abuse escalate.

[Bitterman24/7]

Trust me, it can't possibly become more worst than it is prior to cheating. Impossible. The only good thing that comes out of this "cheating" is a one-way ticket out from hell.

 

Cheating is a deal breaker.

We also have to agree that the husband's abuse is a deal breaker as well.

Therefore when husband started his abuse 18years ago, this means that the marriage was broken 18 years ago. So this leads to the conclusion that the OP's affair WAS NOT cheating. But rather a small present (ticket out) for her. For being a good wife and never hurting her a**hole, d**khead loser husband.

 

Of course her BH's abuse was wrong, but all of that doesn't matter when you decide to have an exit affair. Thats still cowardly and wrong. Plus she said the guy was trying to change but is still controlling (probably because of her affair).

 

That's only your conclusion that OP's affair was not cheating. But the facts are there in plain sight and we all know that WSs rewrite marital history and this is why I say she is not innocent in the problems regarding her marriage. An affair does not equal presents, but entitlement and selfishness.

[Bitterman24/7]

Ohhhhhhh So now you starting to assume that the OP is lying. Ok Ok if OP is lying and her husband is an angel , then of course I will apologize to the husband and the OP is all at fault.

 

But sorry I didn't assume OP was lying and I just believed in what she wrote. Because abusive relationships/marriages DO exist and not something new.

 

You ever thought you guys are maybe responding with hate towards the person that cheated on you?? I'm not saying you deserve get cheated on. But don't generalize all cheaters the same.

 

Why attack us just because we don't agree with you? This is not even about me or any other BS for that matter. I'm in agreement with Chrome. I never heard of any person staying in an abusive relationship that long. Five years? Sure. Eighteen years is a lifetime. But why wait until another man comes along to find the courage.

[LSNoob]

Plus she said the guy was trying to change but is still controlling (probably because of her affair).

 

Wooooow guys listen the husband is "trying" ( yes trying, like as if you have to try not to be an a**hole ) to change. After 18 years, finally he trying to change???? wooow man what a wonderful charming husband. Lets give him a Nobel prize, what you think huh?

 

That's only your conclusion that OP's affair was not cheating. But the facts are there in plain sight and we all know that WSs rewrite marital history and this is why I say she is not innocent in the problems regarding her marriage. An affair does not equal presents, but entitlement and selfishness.

 

C'mon son, how many times do I have to say it. Stop assuming the OP rewriting her marriage's history just because your WS rewrote your marriage's history( I'm guessing this one ). Let's leave that aside until you can confirm she is lying. No assumptions please.

 

Why attack us just because we don't agree with you?

 

Oh dear. Here we go with the drama llama . Ok, I'm sorry I attacked you. I'm really sorry. I sometimes get violent and attack people. I'm really sorry.

 

I never heard of any person staying in an abusive relationship that long. Five years? Sure. Eighteen years is a lifetime.

 

Maybe she is stronger than the person that calls it quit after five years? Maybe she is more patient? Maybe shes a hopeful person? Maybe she needed the financial support and loved her husband and stayed to try and make it work? Ever thought about that one?

 

But why wait until another man comes along to find the courage.

 

Don't think anyone after that much of emotional abuse will have the strength and courage to walk out. So I wouldn't be surprised if some of them need a hand from an outsider.

 

 

I think you are missing the point, because you are too overwhelmed with your emotions. Yes the OP did take the dirty/wrong way out, but way out from where?... from hell? Then who the f*** cares what way she took. Shouldn't we all be happy that she got out alive? And then advice her to always chose the right way?, no matter what the circumstances are? And this should be a lesson well learned? Shouldn't we? Why the hate? I mean don't you see the abuse as the bigger issue here? Who really cares she cheated?

[Bitterman24/7]

Wooooow guys listen the husband is "trying" ( yes trying, like as if you have to try not to be an a**hole ) to change. After 18 years, finally he trying to change???? wooow man what a wonderful charming husband. Lets give him a Nobel prize, what you think huh?

 

 

 

C'mon son, how many times do I have to say it. Stop assuming the OP rewriting her marriage's history just because your WS rewrote your marriage's history( I'm guessing this one ). Let's leave that aside until you can confirm she is lying. No assumptions please.

 

 

 

Oh dear. Here we go with the drama llama . Ok, I'm sorry I attacked you. I'm really sorry. I sometimes get violent and attack people. I'm really sorry.

 

 

 

Maybe she is stronger than the person that calls it quit after five years? Maybe she is more patient? Maybe shes a hopeful person? Maybe she needed the financial support and loved her husband and stayed to try and make it work? Ever thought about that one?

 

 

 

Don't think anyone after that much of emotional abuse will have the strength and courage to walk out. So I wouldn't be surprised if some of them need a hand from an outsider.

 

 

I think you are missing the point, because you are too overwhelmed with your emotions. Yes the OP did take the dirty/wrong way out, but way out from where?... from hell? Then who the f*** cares what way she took. Shouldn't we all be happy that she got out alive? And then advice her to always chose the right way?, no matter what the circumstances are? And this should be a lesson well learned? Shouldn't we? Why the hate? I mean don't you see the abuse as the bigger issue here? Who really cares she cheated?

^^^^^^

My point has been proven. This is why cheating is wrong.

:lmao:

 

Wow. So you attack others who disagree with your point of view?:lmao:

 

I'm not going to get into a pissing match with you. The facts still stands.

Edited August 11, 2010 by Bitterman24/7

[hopesndreams]

OP hasn't returned noob. Why don't you just cool it eh?

[LSNoob]

 

I'm really sorry if I was hitting the wrong nerve. Didn't mean it, really. Was just trying to give a different point of view. But anyway I give up.

 

You win. I lose.

[maybebaby]

I don't know all the factors here but I do want to say that it's impossible to understand the social, religious, mental health, and economic issues that made this woman stay in this marriage for 18 years. It doesn't excuse cheating, I agree, but I am also a million miles from condemnation in this situation. I site these different types of issues both from my personal experience as well as my professional experience. I am from a low income family and I also work at a community center in a low income neighborhood. People will often just feel as if they have no choices. I was married young for religious reasons and eventually put up with abuse because I thought it was my fault and my duty to fix it. Men and women alike who put up with or sometimes even seem to seek out abusive relationships are struggling internally often with depression and issues of self worth or duty.

 

It's time to leave this man, you have been through enough. You did what you could for a long time and should have left years ago, though maybe you are just now finally at a place where you can leave. You will be doing your children a favor by showing them that you can leave a situation in which you are unhappy and find your own way and your own place. They may be upset with you know but in the long run you would want them to leave if they were in your place so set that example for them.

 

You did make a mistake cheating though I understand that you had your reasons and I don't think that it makes you a bad person or that you will continue to cheat. I do think though it's important for you to make sure that you avoid situations where you might repeat that mistake until your marriage is resolved and finished. For your sake and the sake of your kids as well. It's one thing to say to them that you were sad, weak, or showed poor judgment once, that's different from a pattern of repeating the same bad decision with reckless disregard for the fact that it was the wrong thing to do.

 

It hurts but you know, like I did, and probably have for years now that you will have to leave if you ever want to be happy. Make it happen, treat yourself like you are worth it, find your happiness, don't ever look back. There was once a point when I was so unhappy and so sure that I was causing my husband to cheat and to be angry that every morning when I got up I thought "I'm loosing it, today I am going to check myself into a mental hospital before I snap. But first I need to".... sweep, mop, make lunch, weed the garden, whatever the chores for the day were. You know in the bottom of your heart that you've done what you can and that there isn't anything there worth saving. Move on, move forward, don't waste another day of your life being this unhappy, you just like everyone else deserve so much more from life than that.