Cheap Engagment Ring. Mates Come First. Some flirting problems !

[suffering in silence]

6 year relationship, with many many up and downs, mostly other women trouble. and partner agrees he is at fault on all occasions, and because I know it takes work and commitment for any relationship to work I have pushed on through the lies, deceit, and porn.

 

He proposed 1 year ago on my B'day, the ring was bought on the spur of the moment, never can figure out what to buy for me (lazy) or doesn't care. I found the receipt, the ring was bought the day before my birthday, and cost $200.

 

Now before anyone shoots me down in flames for complaining about the cost, there are other factors involved.

 

Now he can spend more money on play stations, games, personal purchases for himself. I asked if he could spare $60 one week to pay my our internet account, and was told "NO" sorry don't have it. Only to find out within the next few days that he bought a mate a concert ticket as his mate couldn't afford it that week.

 

Im ashamed of my ring, it's not even 9cts, just a real cheap plan ring. with a few very small diamonds.

I have remained faithful thoughout our relationship, and I think he has too, if you don't class kissing another female cheating.

 

If he loves me like he says he does , why didn't he save the money to purchase a ring a little bit more classy, and why do his mates come first.

 

Love isn't about how much the ring costs, love is also about trust, happiness and being true to one another, which at the moment I feel I have none.

Do others think I'm being a little unfair on the amount he spent on the ring, when he has a savings account of over $2000 and the fact my ring was bought the day before my birthday?

 

Please give me some advise. !!

 

I'm about to make the biggest decision and leave, as I don't feel he loves me the way he says.

 

Thanks for listening

[NOX]

Wow! He's got a prize in you! A martyr, a whiner, and a drama queen! I hope he finds someone less selfish to marry before chaining himself to a fishwife Nag!

[befuddled11]

First of all, ignore the rude response from Nox....uncalled for, totally.

 

Secondly, after 6 yrs together, and the "lies, deceit and porn", I'm curious why you've even stayed with him. It's fine to be committed to someone, and a relationship, but there comes a point where you have to wake up and realize that time and love isn't going to change your wanker of a partner....and you need to get steppin'.

 

And yes, $200 is pathetic, after 6 yrs together. How was the proposal, by the way..was it romantic? Planned? Is the way he propsed to you something you'll remember forever because of the thought and love that went into it, or did it also seem "spur of the moment"?

 

I would be totally insulted if a guy spent $200 on my engagement ring, and I won't apologize for feeling that way.

 

What ages are you both? Do you live together? Are there any good parts to your relationship?

[midori]

I can totally see why you find your present circumstances unacceptable. What I cannot see is why you're still with this guy. Okay, set aside "love" for a second (not that I doubt you love him or he you but I'll come to that in a minute): what do you get out of the relationship that you value? What do you think needs to change? Do you think that he wants the same things that you do?

 

Wait, don't answer that last question by saying, "if he loves me he would." We're leaving love out of the equation for a moment. Are the things you want the same as the things he wants? No? Are they somewhat compatible? No?

 

Then you're leaving an awful lot for love to take care of. Do you think that's wise? And how has that strategy worked so far?

 

6 years is a lot of time to be with someone. Like I said, I don't doubt that there's love between the two of you. But each of you probably has other, non-love reasons for wanting to stay in the relationship. In your case despite the fact that you're putting up with a lot of crap, and are not getting supported/appreciated in some fundamental ways. I don't know what those other reasons might be, but here are some common ones (because we all have primary and secondary reasons for maintaining the relationships, friendships, etc., that we do): not wanting to be alone, thinking of oneself as the person who can "save" the other and thinking that that's one's primary value, money, partner has really cool friends and social connections. Etc. Perhaps you don't want to admit, after investing six years of your life that this guy is a waste of time. Anyway, if you allow yourself to engage in honest scrutiny, I'm sure you can think of reasons besides "love" that you have for being in the relationship.

 

It's kind of like sunshine. Say you want to go on a picnic -- obviously it's best to do so on a sunny day. But the sunny day isn't enough. You need certain basic elements. Like food. And then you might want to bring some things to do -- books or games or whatever -- rather than just saying "oh it's a bright sunny day, we don't need anything but that. Everything will fall into place in the end." You could just set out on your picnic with nothing but the sunny day, trusting that you'll happen upon the things you need along the way. And that might work. But you're leaving a lot to chance. When it's way past lunchtime and you've discovered there are no food shops near your chosen picnic site, will the sunny day be enough for you to enjoy your picnic?

 

I don't think this guy can give you what you want. I won't even go into the issue of what you deserve, the fact of the matter is that if he cannot give you what you want, that's all you need to know. You are someone who deserves to have a shot at getting what she wants. Everyone does. You do not have a chance of getting that with this guy. He is too selfish. He takes you for granted. There is nothing you can do to change that. So it sounds to me like you ought to gather your courage and break up with him. You can't build your happiness on hopes that someone else is going to change to suit you.

[goodwitch]

$200 for a ring would not be an issue if that's all he could afford. After all, it's the thought that counts.

 

Deciding to get you a ring for your birthday or the day before would not be an issue if he did so out of spontaneity and passion!

 

However, these do not seem to be the case. What does appear painfully obvious is that:

a. He is a sponge

b. He is selfish

c. He takes advantage of you.

d. He's still got a lot of growing up to do.

 

I've been married before...and marriage is NOT what is portrayed on, for instance, the Dick Van Dyke show.....get realistic!! Is that what you want to live with day in and day out?

 

You deserve somebody that will take care of you when you are sick, that is reliable and a partner (!!). This guy's too self-absorbed. DON'T DO IT.

[spencer]

Please take a picture of this guy's face when you break it off and give him his cheapo ring back and say "take that to the pawn shop"

I'd love to see it.

 

btw im sorry for what your going through, i too was with a loser for more years than i care to admit too. you are not valued in this relationship, and you will be amazed at how men can idolize you and be so thoughtful and attentive in your new life.

 

"Im ashamed of my ring, it's not even 9cts" ROFLOL, did you forget the decimal point