Ella whispers Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 I had an upsetting night the other night and I'm not sure how to handle it. I have a female friend that is married. I went over to hang out w/ her and her husband and a few others. We had a few drinks I didn't want to drive and stayed the night at her house, not unusual, she lives 45 minutes from my house and I have stayed there before. I was asleep on the couch and woke up to find my friend on top of me, grinding on me and kissing me. She has never made any comments about her sexuality and I know I have never indicated to her that I was into women. Bottom line: I was intoxicated and sleeping and can't help but feel violated. It brought up very painful childhood memories and feelings. I said wtf are you doing and went in the bathroom to vomit. I have no idea how to handle this. She has been a good friend for 4 years and I don't want to lose that but who does that kind of thin to someone that is intoxicted and asleep? Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 EXPOSE HER TRIFLING AZZ! She did violate you...that was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 What she did was unacceptable and being drunk is no excuse. She sexually harrassed/abused you while you were sleeping and crossed a line of such disrespect, even more so since she is female. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ella whispers Posted August 10, 2010 Author Share Posted August 10, 2010 It's been eating up at me horribly, especially since she is aware of painful childhood traumas of the same sort. I did talk to one male friend that knows her also and he was appauled. I need to let her know that our friendship is over, I'm just not sure how to do it. If I call her, she will do one of two things; make light of it or tell me I must have dreamt it. Link to post Share on other sites
BellaBellaBella Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 Ella I think you should call the rape hotline and get some help from them. Perhaps they can help you and it is confidential. Bella Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 It's been eating up at me horribly, especially since she is aware of painful childhood traumas of the same sort. I did talk to one male friend that knows her also and he was appauled. I need to let her know that our friendship is over, I'm just not sure how to do it. If I call her, she will do one of two things; make light of it or tell me I must have dreamt it. Your so called friend is NO true friend of yours. Even more so since she knows about your painful past. You know what? You owe her nothing. In your mind the friendship is over, so just completely ignore her. DO NOT CALL HER.. If/when she calls you, just tell her, "are you kidding me? after what you did to me, how do you even have the nerve to call me! you're lucky I haven't called the cops on you, to charge you with sexual assault! Don't ever call me again.." And then hang up the phone. No need to 'end the friendship' or tell her why. SHE KNOWS WHY. Sorry that this happened to you. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 No, when she calls you - hang up. if her husband calls you, tell him he's married to a closet lesbian who assaulted you in the middle of the night, and he's welcome to her lying ass (because doubtless, when confronted, she will deny it) but tell him there's no smoke without fire. be calm, do not be hysterical, be matter-of-fact and be honest. The more logical and credible you sound, the more he's likely to believe you.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 No, when she calls you - hang up. if her husband calls you, tell him he's married to a closet lesbian who assaulted you in the middle of the night, and he's welcome to her lying ass (because doubtless, when confronted, she will deny it) but tell him there's no smoke without fire. be calm, do not be hysterical, be matter-of-fact and be honest. The more logical and credible you sound, the more he's likely to believe you.... Completely agree with this. Could also add, "maybe your wife should go to AA because she is NOT the same person after she's been drinking." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ella whispers Posted August 15, 2010 Author Share Posted August 15, 2010 Thank you all for the advice. I have decided to just not contact her at all like Whichway and Tara advised. She knows what she did, no need for me to tell her. Link to post Share on other sites
jamesum Posted August 15, 2010 Share Posted August 15, 2010 I think lesbians tend to be more sexually aggressive to other women. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 15, 2010 Share Posted August 15, 2010 Thank you all for the advice. I have decided to just not contact her at all like Whichway and Tara advised. She knows what she did, no need for me to tell her. i think if you are quiet it gives your power to the silence. you need to speak your truth. tell her, calmly, that she crossed the line and you will not be socializing with them anymore. explain that a friend does not intrude on a friends personal space without asking for permission first. let your voice be heard - you will feel stronger for speaking up about what happened. be strong. it also may be a huge indicator that you shouldn't drink so much that you can't drive yourself home safely. give it some consideration. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ella whispers Posted August 19, 2010 Author Share Posted August 19, 2010 She had called me several times the other day and I didn't answer. She was texting me today so I summarized my feelings in a very final way. She basically apologized and said that she was sorry that she lost one of her best friends. 2sunny, I do feel better now that she knows not to contact me again. She lives about an hour away from me and I had 3 drinks, I wasn't wasted but I don't drive that far even if I have a buzz. I have stayed at her house and she at mine many times over the past 4 years. that's where the trust issue comes in, she destroyed it. I appreciate your input and thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 You need to tell her husband! this woman basically raped you and the response is i'm sorry I lost one of my closest friends! wtf are you kidding me? Link to post Share on other sites
tornandmarried Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 i had the same thing happen to me a few months ago....a business partner and friend of mine for 2 years...hes openly gay and i was cool with it he never tried to hit on me...till one day i crashed at his house...woke up with his hand in my pants....i talk to him online and stop by his house once in a while but its not the same..he always tries to talk me into doing something sexual with him...i dont care much about bothering with him much......i know a girl that had the same problem with her friend...she remained friends with her, till they had a problem at work and it turned into a bitter rivalry...so i guess its really a lack of respect...sexual urges aside, u dont touch peopel while they sleep its common fcking sense Link to post Share on other sites
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