bhaswati Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 I am a 28 years old and have been in a live-in relationship for the past 5 years. We are both very contended together apart from the little hiccups here and there. Then a month back I met an old freind whom I only knew through the net and had never met before. He had helped me a lot when I was going through a rough patch and was almost on the verge of breaking up about 3 years back. After that we kept in touch over the phone but never met each other. Then we decided to meet and my life just turned upside down. I was confident in the love that i have in my relationship and never thought I will be attracted to another person, but alas I was! He tells me that I am the only person he is comfortable with speaking about everything under the sun and doesn't want to lose me. As far as I can understand he does not feel anything more than a level of comfort and likeness towards me whereas I am almost going mad thinking what to do. I get upset when he does not contact me and I am not able to break it as I feel the most happiest and alive when I am with him. Please advise! Link to post Share on other sites
Thierro Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 Well, first of all, you need to talk about this with your current boyfriend. Be honest about the way you feel. ..You need to figure out what you want. The feelings you have right now tell you that there needs to be change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bhaswati Posted August 13, 2010 Author Share Posted August 13, 2010 Thanks for replying. I am so confused right now that I don't know whether to wait and see if this phases out or take some action?? As for telling my boyfriend I don't want him to worry unnecessarily and break his trust.I know what it feels like! Link to post Share on other sites
cantthinkofanameehhh Posted August 13, 2010 Share Posted August 13, 2010 this is simple , if he doesnt talk to u first or contact you SCREW HIM! (not litteraly) he dosnt deserve you , If love is ever ?'d by someone else and u cant see the rest of ur life witht he person drop it and find someone u can see urself with for forever and not tempted by the most charming gorgeouse guy that comes along cause when u find that nothing will phase u and u will be in love Link to post Share on other sites
Thierro Posted August 13, 2010 Share Posted August 13, 2010 Thanks for replying. I am so confused right now that I don't know whether to wait and see if this phases out or take some action?? As for telling my boyfriend I don't want him to worry unnecessarily and break his trust.I know what it feels like! You are already breaking his trust. You keep things from him that are important. You guys need good communication or this will never work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bhaswati Posted August 13, 2010 Author Share Posted August 13, 2010 thanks both! the problem is he does contact me and i am damn happy when he does and very upset when he doesn't! abt telling my guy, i do have feelings for him, its just that i never thought i will be so easily distracted, this has been the first time in 6 years! and i dnt want to ruin anything between us. once when i had learnt abt his infidelity i had completely lost my self confidence and trust. so i dnt want him to feel like that for something that might as well turn out to be simple infatuation. But I am so confused with all these feelings, sounds more like a teenager than an adult, i am sure! Link to post Share on other sites
Thierro Posted August 13, 2010 Share Posted August 13, 2010 (edited) Sure you have feelings for the guy you are with. You bonded for 5 years. But you must admit, that even if it’s just infatuation, the relationship you are in right now doesn’t go that well. You both need to work on your relationship or just quit it. And seeing that you aren’t doing this, tells me a lot about you as a person; Your relationship will not for fill your wishes and it will end. I think it’s very selfish and ignorant to wait for something to happen with the other guy and keep your current boyfriend as a backup plan when things secretly don’t work out. Yo have personal issues you need to work on. Edited August 13, 2010 by Thierro Link to post Share on other sites
Author bhaswati Posted August 13, 2010 Author Share Posted August 13, 2010 i guess it makes me come across as very selfish and self absorbed, i am not defending myself but i know that he will understand and try to work out things rather than leaving me...i guess i lack the courage and also the fear of loss is what is holding me back from telling him. maybe i need to build the courage to face him or maybe i should just try to distance myself from my friend and things will just sort itself out. i know i am acting like an ostrich, but just need some time to figure things out. i should not keep him in the dark anymore and just tell him the truth. thanks for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted August 13, 2010 Share Posted August 13, 2010 Of course you are infatuated with this guy, he's new and exciting. Wondering whether or not he will call, excitement to see him, ect. Those are things you have lost with your current boyfriend, as you have been living together for 5 years and that excitement is gone. I don't advise you tell your boyfriend you have feelings for this other guy (honestly I think they are feelings of projection, not romance) but I would tell him you'd like to spice up your relationship a little bit. Add romance back into it, suprise each other with flowers, do something nice and unexpected for him. Have him take you on a "date" like you used to do when you first got together. You may see your "feelings" for this other guy disolve... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bhaswati Posted August 15, 2010 Author Share Posted August 15, 2010 thanks for your response. i guess it makes sense to think this is a kind of infatuation and will fade away with time. Link to post Share on other sites
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