losing a friend

[lucky7]

Hi. I have had this friend for a little less than two years and she had always been a good friend to me, was there when I needed her, we always had good talks and good times when we went out.

 

The friendship seems to have broken up...unless I decide to take the next step.

 

A couple of months ago she started saying things to me like "sometimes I want to kick your ass", and "im getting tired of listening to you", things like that. Normally, she has never talked this way and it was really hurting my feelings but I didnt say anything (i didnt know what to think of it). I asked her how I could be a better friend to her and what is wrong..she didnt say anything.

 

Anyway she has always had a hard time opening up to people. I have tried to get her to talk about things in the past and she says "im fine, Im blessed and I have nothing to complain about". Then she starts telling me recently that no one ever listens to her, and she's tired of everyone telling her their problems.

 

Well....we ended up getting into it over email one day. It's a long story but she found out she was pregnant and was very upset whereas before she said if she ever got pregnant again she would definitely have an abortion (she has 2 kids now, and has had two abortions). I didn't really know what to say or how to be there for her, but I was worried about her.

 

My family came into town that weekend (she told me on friday). I was pretty busy but called her on sunday to see how she was doing. She sent me to the voicemail.

 

Then on Monday @ work i email her and say "how are you??" and she doesnt respond. Then I email back and say "are you going to respond, or what?". So she emails back and completely bashes me. She said it took everything in her not to kick my a** and it doesnt mean sh** to her that I emailed her and I didnt take two seconds out of my day to call her...it was a pretty lengthy email about how I suck as a friend.

 

I dont know what to do...I was really upset and if someone ever bashes me like that, i just turn off the switch and do not react act at all (which made her more mad). There's just something in me that becomes numb or something and I dont respond or anything. So she ends up telling me she never wants to talk to me again.

 

Now normally she has told this to people before and she still talks to them (but they have to call her first). I just don't know if this relationship is worth saving.

 

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[Nameless]

nope.... if she thinks u suck as a friend that much.. then don't even try to be her friend. If u ask me, She takes u for granted and doesnt appreciate u.

[lawoman]

Usually all we ever hear about are abusive relationships with members of the opposite sex. So it's hard to believe that there are abusive friendships, but there are. If this woman is spewing such ugly and threatening words at you, she's abusing you. And you don't deserve it. You can end the relationship, the same way you'd do with a member of the opposite sex.

 

It doesn't matter if she's pregnant, not pregnant, has two kids or 20...she has no right to treat you like that. She needs to get some help by a professional. In the meanwhile, she's using you as a dumping grounds for her frustrations.

 

I'm sorry that she's so miserable and hope she can find her way out of it. I can only imagine what life is like at home for her kids. My advice to you is to tell her how her words make you feel...and then, honestly, get the heck out of that friendship. Put your energy toward a rewarding friendship, not an abusive one.

[steffany]

I'm going out on a limb here but here is what I see...

 

A friend whom has been there for you. Shared many good experiences with you that only good friends can share.

 

A woman hurt from her past. Always lends an ear but hasn't wanted to burden or open up with her own hurts. (I'm guessing) A single mother to two kids.

 

A woman whom wanted to tell someone of her new found pregnancy, problems and concernes...but no one seemed to care enough to ask at the right time...even though you noticed enough to know she was unhappy.

 

Being pregnant in itself stirs up hormaones and can be very frustrating especially if you are going to abort. It never feels good to end a childs life at any stage.

 

No one tried hard enough to find out what was wrong with her. You asked but a good friend would pry. She probably started to tell you and other friends to shut up and other mean things because she may have felt let down that you knew she was a tough shell to crack but you really never got tough.

 

She will probably still be mad and upset and maybe none of it has to really do with you but the point is hasn't gotten to vent her true feelings on what is really bothering her.

 

Sure she yelled at you but that was just her acting out to get your attention I think.

 

I say leave her alone to herself a few days. Then call her. You will be sent to voicemail. But that's ok. Leave a message. Short and sweet. "Hey I was wondering how you are...I hope you are well. I miss talking with you. Call me if you need ANYTHING."

 

Now the ball is in her court.

 

If in a few days she hasn't called. I would email her. Get an online card saying I hope you feel better soon. She may have had the abortion and may not yet feel up to talking about it.

 

If she has always been there for you like you said...she probably got really hurt that when she wanted it no one was there for her.

 

Be kind she is in a tough spot in her life.

 

While I agree no one desreves to be spit on at the same time you may have missed a lot of clues she may have thought were obviouse to get your attention before she became so agressive.

 

I just don't think good friends become mean over night for no reason.

 

You say she was good friend before a few months ago...so I disagree she is being abusive, I think she is hurt and in a tough spot. Put yourself in her shoes.