I need tips

[Julia]

I know you guys said that saying a guy needs space and all that is a way to tell ya that they dont want to be with u....

 

I just have to say this........my bf is someone who if he doesnt want to be with someone he tells them straight out, or just doesnt want to be near them......

 

My friend said to ask him, so I asked him.....and he said if he was trying to break up with me he wouldnt give spend money on going down to mandurah with me (im talking about australia here) and spend the night there with me and then go see my mother in two weeks......

 

He said he cant promise which way he is going to go in a month, but he said that it is not because of me, but because of timing and is just tired of "women"...which i know makes you wonder....

 

I know you may find it weird to know someone is good for you, but I know he is......and after tonight that we spent together, its like we just connect so well......maybe its just getting too scary for him?

 

I would just like some tips on how to make sure he comes back into my arms, and not someone elses......should i keep away, and let him phone me, or keep away a lot of the time and phone him once or twice?? What shall i do??

 

Please help once again, and i promise i will try not to bother u with it again!

 

Thanks

 

Julia in Australia

[Tony T]

So he has been dating you exclusively and now he is tired of "women." I'll bet you were afraid to ask him which women and why but you need to know. Since you are a woman and he is tired of women, don't you find it a little scary that when he comes back to you he will get tired of "women" again. You really need to get to the bottom of this because it is a critical issue you need the details on.

 

You say he is the type that speaks his mind, but I think if he told you he doesn't know which way his mind will go in a month, there are timing issues, and he's tired of women, I think he has made it pretty clear what his feelings are. If a guy really cares about you, he will tell you with no undercainty he will be with you...,actually he would not break up or take any leave from the relationship to start with.

 

Your post is very vague and lacks many details. I really don't understand the circumstances and you don't even make it clear that he has said he needs some time away from you, I am just assuming that from the tone of your post.

 

If YOU are one of the women he is tired of, you need to keep away, not phone him, not have anything to do with him. If he is actually taking some time away from you because if he is tired of you, I would flat out find another boyfriend. He may be just spending money on you and going on a trip with you out of guilt. It's so very hard to tell from your post. Only you would know.

 

This exchange does not sound like the stuff great romance is made of.

 

Just on the surface, if a woman was to tell me she needs time away from me because she's tired of men and she doesn't really know where her mind will be in a month, I would definitely give her time away....and LIFETIME AWAY!!! And my mind would be many light years away as well.

[Julia]

Ok I suppose i should give u all the deetz then!

 

Ok I met him in a nightclub (ok, not the best way to meet prospective partners) around 4 months ago.....

 

We started seeing each other, and only each other, but we didnt get into an exclusive relationship until we started sleeping together, which was 7 weeks into the relationship...

 

Everything had been going well, we dont argue, but there have been some issues with his ex. His ex hadnt left him alone and she started causing problems. Even though he told me he wasnt interested, I did get a little s***ty, but not that much s***ty...

 

About a week after that, after an evening out, he said that he is tired of dating and needs some time to be alone, saying that it wasnt me, but he met me at the wrong time and wished that he met me 4 weeks later, so he could have the break which he was meaning to have after his 5 year relationship...

 

I know it sounds bad, but I know he isint going just because he feels guilty, because Jason would never do something he doesnt want to do. He even got invited to a party, and I know that if Jason didnt want to go with me, he would have gone there.

 

He thinks he needs time to appreciate me, cause he realises what a good catch I am....He doesnt want to stop seeing me, but he needs a break.

 

I know it sounds bad, and I hope it doesnt turn out as bad as it sounds....but i spose if it does, it does......

 

Tony, if I ever feel like im getting a bad deal, dont worry, I would end it before he has his chance....

 

Sorry for putting all my problems on the board, but I dont think it as bad as what u are saying, cause I know he is not bored of me, i know he is still attracted to me...'

 

One of the things he did say though was that he wanted to build a house in 1/2 years and didnt know if he could do this with a gf....and i know he means me, as even though we get a long well, i am only a student and dont get a job til 2002..maybe this is one of the problems!

[Taressa]

Julia,

 

Gather your friends around you. These whirlwind romances are wonderfully exciting but they tend to take us away from the people who know us, love us, and speak the truth to us.

 

With their support you'll be able to see the truth in the situation and your emotions won't blind you to what might really be happening.

 

Your boyfriend sounds caring and wonderful but it also sounds like he's not ready to count you in on his future. He's probably pretty relationship-shy with such a sour ending with his ex. After his last fight with her was complicated with having to be considerate of your anxieties as well, he probably is pretty burnt out on relationships. I don't think he'll be ready for anything serious for awhile. Your posts make this pretty clear but your wishful thinking may be keeping you from seeing it for yourself.

 

Seek your friends now. They really will help and will be a good support whatever happens in this situation. Keep your heart's door open so you won't be torn in two when he leaves (sorry, but I think he's heading out) and so that you will be able to accept another man's love someday.

 

Try to avoid rebound romances in the future... they come to you in desperation, rebuild, then no longer need you.

[Tony T]

Julia:

 

Your second post makes things a lot more clear than your first, but my feelings don't change a lot. I am glad you are putting your own spin on this and you should. What we post here in responses is simply our own take on situations we aren't in the middle of.

 

I have never, ever seen a real life or theatrical situation in which somebody had to take some time to be away from somebody they deeply cared about. I know you want to defend him and God bless you. But you need to look at this carefully and ask yourself just how often he will need to do this.

 

It is mindboggling that after he has been seeing you this whole time, he now needs four weeks, not three or five, to get over his ex. I mean that excuse smells worse that a school of dead beached whales after three days. But, you know him lots better than anybody else.

 

I have NEVER needed time away from somebody to appreciate them. I mean I do it right there with them in front of me. You say he never does anything he doesn't want to do...so we know right now he doesn't want to be with you for four weeks...and according to your first post he's not sure where things will go after that.

 

You will be in my prayers tonight. I know how all this feels. It gets to the pit of your stomach and you can't sleep at night. I have been there all too many times. I wish I could invent a pill to make this so much easier.

 

I just wished I felt a lot better about this...I really really do!!!

[Julia]

You got that right Tony, that I havent been able to sleep at night......

 

I want to see how this weekend goes, and then we are seeing each other again in two weeks and then meeting up again....

 

I know you prolly think this is stupid, but hey, this is how I work.....I be with them, until I stop not wanting them (if they treat me like they dont want me) and then im able to just walk away......

 

I usually find something better, but I dont know if I will be on the search for someone else if he and I break up, cause i got a hetic uni semester......

 

I hope things dont end like u say they will, but hey if they do, I know that there is a chance of that, so I should be ok , true i will be upset for a week or two, then i get over it....

 

Thanx for ya help!