Not all MM are liars

[Owthathurts]

Maybe your legal status was not such an issue for this fella, but the fact that you changed the story the second time could have lead him to believe that your emotional status was not in sync either.

 

MB = Message Board to me sorry, I should have said LS.

[Owthathurts]

:lmao: Sorry, it just makes me laugh how FB has become the epitome of people's reality. Until you MM IRS status doesn't show filing as a single head of household, don't matter what FB says.

 

Sounds like your MM is not morally, physically and sentimentally "cheating" on his W. Your scenario doesn't sound too typical.

 

LMAO. It is funny, I agree. I filed as head of household even when I was married but separated.

 

I like your sarcasm.

[Mimolicious]

LMAO. It is funny, I agree. I filed as head of household even when I was married but separated.

 

I like your sarcasm.

 

Don't get all crazy on me now... To the IRS you are still married filing HOH, it's called the abandoned-spouse rule once you live apart 6 months or more out to the filing year. Not the same as "Single HOH", it's an exception.

 

What's hilarious on FB is when your whole entire network gets the post "Such and such is no longer in a relationship". Retarded. Watch your settings, or else...

[Owthathurts]

Don't get all crazy on me now... To the IRS you are still married filing HOH, it's called the abandoned-spouse rule once you live apart 6 months or more out to the filing year. Not the same as "Single HOH", it's an exception.

 

What's hilarious on FB is when your whole entire network gets the post "Such and such is no longer in a relationship". Retarded. Watch your settings, or else...

 

 

I was saying I love your sarcasm on "Sounds like your MM is not morally, physically and sentimentally "cheating" on his W. Your scenario doesn't sound too typical"

 

I never change my status or list it. It is blank. Really, if you are my "friend" you know my status.

 

 

Your scenario doesn't sound too typical. Today 2:37 PM

Your scenario doesn't sound too typical. Today 2:37 PM

Your scenario doesn't sound too typical. Today 2:37 PM

Your scenario doesn't sound too typical. Today 2:37 PM

[jwi71]

Do you think that it would be wrong of me to contact his BS if we break it off? Or should I just keep my mouth shut?

 

Why would you feel a need to contact the "BS" since she is dating others? This makes no sense to me. They are separated, living apart and each is dating others and you have a question about contacting the BS?

 

1) Why label her the BS?

2) Why call if he dumps you? What would that accomplish (hey, your xH dumped me) Huh?

 

No, my MM is not being honest with her - part of my apprehension and laying back from the relationship right now. I know that there are things that will blow up once (if ever) he does tell her and I don't necessarily want to deal with the drama. It is drama with his kids, based on what he has told me (believe me I know it's his side) she has threatened to make it extremely difficult for him to see his children should he get involved with someone else.

 

More wtf. So, he can't tell her about you because she will "blow up" WHILE SHE IS DATING OTHERS HERSELF? Do I have the straight?

 

Am I the only one who adds 1+1 here and gets 8372?

 

Occassionally, she still wants to be with him...when things are going right or she is having problems with the kids. That is what I used to do with my xH, I would want to be with him when the kids were giving me a hard time or I was getting overwhelmed..I would call him constantly and text non-stop knowing that I was interrupting a date or something else. I really didn't want to be with him, just wanted him to be around.

 

Here is how I see it...when my xH and I were separated he never told me about the girls he was seeing/sleeping with because I really had no right to know - we weren't together and it wasn't my expectation. Same thing for him, he doesn't want to know who I am sleeping/seeing now or when we were separated.

And would you be pissed if one of his GF's called you to verify the story? Of course not....

So...carry it further and call her. Oh wait, you can't because he has already prepped you with the "stbxw will be angry bit" (while she dates others). Puhlease.

 

Am I just utterly clueless today?

Am I missing something in this?

 

Do I think that it would make it better if my MM would tell his W? I don't know. She is going to find out sooner or later because we don't hide in the house or go to places no one knows him.

But HE hides you from HER.

I still cannot puzzle how its ok for her to date but not him.

No judge would bat an eye at EITHER dating if they are separated and divorcing - its a non-issue. Yet, somehow, her dates are open and told to your MM but the reverse simply cannot happen.

 

Fishy.

 

And he still loves her and, up until you, still had sex with her? And she was dating others openly and he must do it secret?

 

Okaaaaaayyyyyy

[In_Repair]

Just to clarify, I typed the wrong letter earlier. I was an OM, not an OW.

 

For those that asked, I'm completely transparent with women, especially in this regard. I would have no problem telling my STBXW about any woman I date, but it's none of her business. She knows my exMW because they were friends. She knew my last girlfriend because she was around our children and my wife deserved to know about her. I don't feel the need to share that part of my life with her unless her kids are involved, and only one of my girlfriends has ever made it to meeting the kids.

 

My wife does still get jealous about it for some reason, which is creepy and off-putting. She moved out of the house and began dating her EA partner, and has even had a baby with the guy since we split up... yet this "professional" mid-thirties modern woman almost got a restraining order slapped on her for harassing and physically threatening my last girlfriend. So, while I don't see the need to hide it, I don't advertise it.

[Owthathurts]

Why would you feel a need to contact the "BS" since she is dating others? This makes no sense to me. They are separated, living apart and each is dating others and you have a question about contacting the BS?

 

1) Why label her the BS?

2) Why call if he dumps you? What would that accomplish (hey, your xH dumped me) Huh?

 

1. I don't know what else to label her - they have not filed for divorce. So, I can't call her the STBXW.

2. I don't know why...maybe cause I'm a crazy lunatic. Maybe cause I would feel slighted, I probably wouldn't.

 

 

 

More wtf. So, he can't tell her about you because she will "blow up" WHILE SHE IS DATING OTHERS HERSELF? Do I have the straight?

 

Am I the only one who adds 1+1 here and gets 8372?

 

She has never admitted to him that she is dating another man, he knows she is from the OM telling him. He doesn't discuss this with her at all.

 

And would you be pissed if one of his GF's called you to verify the story? Of course not....

So...carry it further and call her. Oh wait, you can't because he has already prepped you with the "stbxw will be angry bit" (while she dates others). Puhlease.

 

If one of my xH girlfriends called me to verify his story when we were seperated, yes I would be pissed. It's none of her business what our situation is...just like it would be none of my business that he was dating her.

 

Am I just utterly clueless today?

Am I missing something in this?

 

But HE hides you from HER.

I still cannot puzzle how its ok for her to date but not him.

No judge would bat an eye at EITHER dating if they are separated and divorcing - its a non-issue. Yet, somehow, her dates are open and told to your MM but the reverse simply cannot happen.

 

She doesn't tell my MM that she is dating, see above.

 

Fishy.

 

And he still loves her and, up until you, still had sex with her? And she was dating others openly and he must do it secret?

 

Why wouldn't he still love her? My xH still loves me and I still love him. He is the father of my children, a person I spent 12 years of my life with and will be in contact with for the rest of my life because of our children.

 

He is not dating me in secret - I have met his family, go with him to public places, call him and he answers all the time even if he is with her and the kids. He talks to her on the phone in front of me.

 

Okaaaaaayyyyyy

 

 

See my replies in bold. I get your viewpoint and appreciate your insight.

[Owthathurts]

Just to clarify, I typed the wrong letter earlier. I was an OM, not an OW.

 

For those that asked, I'm completely transparent with women, especially in this regard. I would have no problem telling my STBXW about any woman I date, but it's none of her business. She knows my exMW because they were friends. She knew my last girlfriend because she was around our children and my wife deserved to know about her. I don't feel the need to share that part of my life with her unless her kids are involved, and only one of my girlfriends has ever made it to meeting the kids.

 

My wife does still get jealous about it for some reason, which is creepy and off-putting. She moved out of the house and began dating her EA partner, and has even had a baby with the guy since we split up... yet this "professional" mid-thirties modern woman almost got a restraining order slapped on her for harassing and physically threatening my last girlfriend. So, while I don't see the need to hide it, I don't advertise it.

 

There you go...so let's be real here...you are honest with your girlfriends about your separation and if your wife needs to know because the kids are involved, then you tell her. But yet, your wife still gets jealous and it might be because she wants you back or because she is hurt that you have found someone new or because that is the type of person she is. So when a separated man says my wife would throw a fit if she knew, it's not because they have different ideas of what the separation is, it's can be because of many different reasons.

 

It's not because she is "still with you" it's because you have history together and seeing your ex with someone new hurts, regardless of whether or not you want them back. It just hurts.

 

My xH girlfriend is one of the girls that he dated during our separation and their R started probably the 2nd year into our 4 year separation...I found out about her because she is around my kids. I have met her and see the two of them out together, I try to be civil and say hello, she doesn't respond. I have said things to him in front of her that I know will make her jealous..I don't want her to leave him, I just like to give her hell. I need to grow up.

 

My MM has prepared me that when it comes out to his W that she is going to be pissed, not because of a so-called cheating, but because she is jealous and mad about the deterioation of the marriage.

[fooled once]

You can see my other post re: me being the OW knowingly for the first time in my life. I believe this is an EA for him and I believe the BS is also having an EA, but this is only from what I have been told.

 

I also know that not every MM is a liar. I was the BS if you could call it that in my marriage. However, my exH only started the EA after we had been separated and living apart for several months. He is still with the girl and it took four years for us to be divorced. But he lives with his girlfriend and lived with her while we were separated. She met my kids and me because I wanted to know who she was since she was around my children.

 

I recently talked to my exH about his EA and wanted to know if he had told his AP now GF about his marriage when he met her, he said he didn't but she found out after about 9 months of dating. She was livid but chose to stick around and didn't bring up getting a divorce until last year. She paid for the final papers....

 

I am sharing this story because I think there are valid reasons why divorce takes long and why all MM/MW in As are not liars. My exH and I did not care about the paper, we lived separately, had our own lives and strictly dealt with each other on the issues surrounding the kids. We did go on vacations together after we separated and for about 6 months after the separation we still were sexually involved. After I ended the sexual relationship, he wanted to reconcile once and I wanted to discuss the possibility of reconciliation for the kids prior to the finalization of our divorce. He told me that he didn't want to be in an unhappy marriage and neither should I. We have been divorced for 3 months now.

 

I guess that is why it gives me hope and trust in my MM right now.

 

For heavens sake .... unless the wife knows the husband is cheating, he is a liar. Unless he says "honey, I am screwing susie from accounting" then he is lying to her.

 

Glad you have hope and trust in some dude you have known 4 months.

 

Glad you were having sex with your ex husband, prior to divorce, when he was having sex with his girlfriend. Blech.... sorry, but that just skeeves me out.

 

 

1. I personally wouldn't really call you much of a betrayed spouse if your husband didn't start an emotional affair until several months after you had already separated and been living apart. At that point the marriage was technical, not alive and entwined about you, right?

 

2. If he didn't tell his girlfriend he was married but separated and she had to find out about it on her own and was upset about it, then yes, he is a liar. I bet he didn't tell her he was still having sex with you, either. Because he is a liar.

 

3. He didn't care about the divorce, but she obviously did, and he let it just drag along unresolved for years until she got so fed up she paid for it herself. That's actually very sad, for her, and not the best illustration of a 'legitimate' reason for a divorce to take a long time.

 

You sound like you're in for a bad time with your MM if these are things you take as a good sign of a good relationship. Sorry.

 

Great post!

 

@Angel - that was what I was trying to say - is that he didn't lie about us truly being separated and heading towards divorce...I just see all the time on the MB that MM are liars about being separated.

 

@Which - you are right also. I don't know him that well...and I think my decision is going to be made very soon as he texted me tonight that the job he had lined up fell through and that he would call me after he talked with his wife to discuss "some issues". If he calls, I am laying it out there and telling him to sh*t or get off the pot. If he doesn't call, I have my answer and I'm done. Do you think that it would be wrong of me to contact his BS if we break it off? Or should I just keep my mouth shut?

 

Yeah, call the wife NOW, since you aren't sure if he even wants to be with you. Call her and tell on him. You didn't want to do that when you were sleeping with him, but at the first hint he has ditched you, you decide to out him to her.

 

But....if the wife KNOWS about you, as you posted recently, why would you need to call her and let her know???

 

No, my MM is not being honest with her - part of my apprehension and laying back from the relationship right now. I know that there are things that will blow up once (if ever) he does tell her and I don't necessarily want to deal with the drama. It is drama with his kids, based on what he has told me (believe me I know it's his side) she has threatened to make it extremely difficult for him to see his children should he get involved with someone else. Occassionally, she still wants to be with him...when things are going right or she is having problems with the kids. That is what I used to do with my xH, I would want to be with him when the kids were giving me a hard time or I was getting overwhelmed..I would call him constantly and text non-stop knowing that I was interrupting a date or something else. I really didn't want to be with him, just wanted him to be around.

 

Here is how I see it...when my xH and I were separated he never told me about the girls he was seeing/sleeping with because I really had no right to know - we weren't together and it wasn't my expectation. Same thing for him, he doesn't want to know who I am sleeping/seeing now or when we were separated.

 

Do I think that it would make it better if my MM would tell his W? I don't know. She is going to find out sooner or later because we don't hide in the house or go to places no one knows him. Last week, a mutual friend of both his and his wife was hanging out with us at my house and said to my MM after leaving the house...I know you are in love with this girl (me) are you going to get a divorce now? My MM didn't tell me his response, but I can only assume that "me" is going to get back to the W. In addition to this occurrence, I have met his family and I know it will get back because he was holding my hand, etc. in front of them.

 

As a divorced woman, I can say once I said the words "I want a divorce", I never once wavered, never once thought to call my ex for a booty call NOR did I need to call him when our son misbehaved. Why? Why would I need to do that?

 

So he hasn't told the wife about you? Yet he is honest? Really?

 

So has he filed for divorce? If he is done, why hasn't he? What is he waiting for? He tells you she calls him to help with the kids, and because YOU did that to your EX, you automatically think this is 'normal'. Well, I am here to tell you it isn't normal. Especially if he claims she has made all these statements about how he isn't going to let the kids see him if he leaves...why would she be calling him/texting him "about the kids" if she was angry about a divorce?

 

Have you MET his kids? I mean, if he loovveess you so much, why haven't you met the kids?

 

Sorry, but so much of this is just 'out there' --- I can only surmise that he has you believing pretty much everything out of his mouth, because why would he lie to some girl he has known 4 months? I mean, he only lies to the wife of 9 years; not to the mistress....

 

Good luck with all this.... honestly sounds like you will get your heart broken.

[whichwayisup]

Have you MET his kids? I mean, if he loovveess you so much, why haven't you met the kids?

 

No, the kids don't need to meet her. It's only been 4 months, that's WAY too soon for the kids to deal with, even more so since it's just a separation, NOT a divorce. Kids shouldn't have to meet their parents "boyfriends/girlfriends" until the time is right and now is NOT that time.

[fooled once]

No, the kids don't need to meet her. It's only been 4 months, that's WAY too soon for the kids to deal with, even more so since it's just a separation, NOT a divorce. Kids shouldn't have to meet their parents "boyfriends/girlfriends" until the time is right and now is NOT that time.

 

Totally agree WWIP, but the OP stated how lots of people know and since we know it will get back to the wife and the kids will find out, that is why I asked about the kids. IF he is as serious as the OP claims he is about her (the mistress), then I am guessing she has met the kids.

 

I laugh at times because 4 months of an affair is like 2-3 weeks of true, out in the open people dating. Being in an affair is not like calling up and asking someone out on a date and going to dinner and the movies. It is sneaking around and squeezing in time .. and after 4 months (again 2-3 weeks of regular dating) and there is all this love talk, I just laugh because you barely KNOW the person yet the cheater is 'willing' to throw away a marriage/relationship of 10+ years for someone they are sleeping with on the side.

[Owthathurts]

Clarification - we are not sneaking around, we are not hiding out. You can feel however you want about a 4 month relationship.

 

And in your situation, you had that feeling that you wanted a divorce and you didn't waiver or call your ex about the kids. That is your situation and just because you think you were "normal" doesn't mean that other situations are not normal.

 

Sex after the separation was not going on while he was with his current GF, I stopped having sex with him when I realized that he thought that it was a indicator that we were getting back together.

 

I'm glad you understand about not meeting the kids. If it comes to that, then so be it. Just because someone loves you, doesn't mean kids have to be introduced. And it has only been 4 months.

[amerikajin]

Yes, technically he's a liar because he doesn't tell his W the truth.

 

But it doesn't automatically mean that he is lying to OW when he says he doesn't love his W and wants out of the M.

 

Uh, yeah, you go on with that if you wish. No offense, but I think that's incredibly naive thinking.

[sadintexas]

My point on this is that he didn't lie to her about the marriage being over, that he and I were through and the marriage was a piece of paper at that point. He had no reason to tell her he was still legally married but separated when he started casually dating her.

 

When you start dating someone in general it is assumed that they are free to date and not tied to someone else either romantically or legally. So if she didn't ask, I can't say I blame her.

 

A lie by omission is still a lie. Purposefully withholding critical information such as being legally married to someone IS a lie.

 

She may very well have decided not to date him from the getgo had she known. He knew this or he would have disclosed to her early on.

[Mimolicious]

I was saying I love your sarcasm on "Sounds like your MM is not morally, physically and sentimentally "cheating" on his W. Your scenario doesn't sound too typical"

 

I never change my status or list it. It is blank. Really, if you are my "friend" you know my status.

 

 

Your scenario doesn't sound too typical. Today 2:37 PM

Your scenario doesn't sound too typical. Today 2:37 PM

Your scenario doesn't sound too typical. Today 2:37 PM

Your scenario doesn't sound too typical. Today 2:37 PM

 

Actually I was not trying to be sarcastic. At all. If your MM is basically just legally binded to his W at this point and they are not engaged in a typical M, then yes, your scenario is not the typical i.e. MM is with his W lives,sleeps, eats, vacations with her and you're on the side (which is usually the norm). That's what I meant by saying that he is not physically, morally and sentimentally...

[blizzard]

I think you're confusing what a "lie" is with unfulfilled promises.

 

I promised my mother I would take her to Paris this summer... I couldn't because I had to travel for work. Did I lie? No. My intentions were honest and truthful, the plan didn't go accordingly.

 

I told my xH that he looks like Brad Pitt... guess what that was? You get the drill.

 

This is what I was saying in regards to your past thread. He is already making you "promises." Funny thing about MM (like mimolicious quotes) they do "promise" with all good intentions of fulfilling...this appeases their conscience. Makes 'em feel like not such a bad guy when they go back to their wife because their heart was in the right place. My xMM told me he was divorcing. Even "lost" his wedding band. I listened to him bash his wife for a solid year and a half. I never asked about sex. Didn't care. He was married to her. I knew it was reality that they did it. Get this, he went as far as to tell me he valued honesty and sincerity in a person "Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see..." Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown. They lie hon.

 

He already has your heart so you can kill the aloofness about whether he stays or goes. You wouldn't be on LS otherwise... Just be careful. Though your MM is seperated, he is still married. And she is now the BS anyway you look at it. She can use this against him. When she finds out about you...let the games begin.

 

((Ohhh I have been where you are)). And I hope that you aren't dealt the heartache and confusion that I am enduring. I want to tell you that this guy is fabulous but there are so many "markers" that he is just good at his craft. I have children. My husband and I are seperated. Neither of us would consider moving hours away from them. They are our world. I was 8 months into seperation pending divorce when my affair happened. Though our marriage was empty and technical, he is still wanting to nail me for having an affair court. He still wants sex. I guess what I am trying to say is that he does have a bond with his wife, an immeasurable one. And his marriage is very much "alive" until "dead." I don't doubt that he wants to move on now. But something is holding him there. And I believe it is the "unit." It's hard for him to let go. You have to step back and let him decide. If he truly loves you time is not an issue. Just because a person leaves doesn't mean one stops loving. He can look you up months from now...when he is divorced. So please slow down. I know that you enjoy his company. But I swear when he leaves you will miss him more than the company you desire. It will be like dealing with a death. And you will be grieving all alone.

 

It feels so much better to be the dumper than the one being dumped. (((hugs)))

Edited August 13, 2010 by blizzard

[nadiaj2727]

I agree with Blizzard... sounds like there is so much hurt all around. You sound like you are hurting because you want more from him than he is giving you. You also sound hurt about whatever happened between you and your ex husband. And your ex husband and his girlfriend sound hurt all around too! This is just my opinion but the whole entire situation seems so sad.

 

I am also with the people who are confused. So he knows his wife is dating but she doesn't know he knows? And he is dating out in the open but if she finds out she will blow up and they'll be drama?

 

I'd say both of you should be careful and you should determine what you really want out of this. Don't just believe everything he's telling you because something is clearly fishy. If you don't want drama then don't be with him because drama is already there. I am someone who has BTDT and I am just trying to give you a word of warning. Step back and believe his actions over his words. Good luck.

[Owthathurts]

I am pretty sure that this weekend will be our last together...makes me sad, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I'm hurting so badly when he isn't here, I love him and I know it has only been four months - but I do - and I know that he is trying and loves me too, but I can't do this. I don't know if I can separate myself from my feelings and still see/talk to him because I want him in my life. I hate this feeling. I am in tears right now.

 

On my xH, I think our divorce is finally hitting him - he wants to talk on the phone and see me when his GF isn't around. I can't, the pain that we caused each other during our marriage is still there and I feel bad for the GF since she stuck by him during our separation and divorce. I empathize with her because now I am in the same situation. I told my xH today that he needs to stop trying to see me and saying he misses me and stick with his GF.

 

Hurting badly today....

[Confused4Now]

I am pretty sure that this weekend will be our last together...makes me sad, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I'm hurting so badly when he isn't here, I love him and I know it has only been four months - but I do - and I know that he is trying and loves me too, but I can't do this. I don't know if I can separate myself from my feelings and still see/talk to him because I want him in my life. I hate this feeling. I am in tears right now.

 

On my xH, I think our divorce is finally hitting him - he wants to talk on the phone and see me when his GF isn't around. I can't, the pain that we caused each other during our marriage is still there and I feel bad for the GF since she stuck by him during our separation and divorce. I empathize with her because now I am in the same situation. I told my xH today that he needs to stop trying to see me and saying he misses me and stick with his GF.

 

Hurting badly today....

This is exactly what I don't want to happen with me....my xW and I are at place where she's finally accepting the situation. We are co-parents and that's it. My issues are I still feel a tiny bit of hold(hope) that someday my xMW will come through. I need to be 100% certain its never going to happen and that she is not who I thought she was. I do not want to bring an healthy innocent woman into my life until I'm completely healed from this connection I kinda still have for my xMW. Which is why...I focus on me and my kids. As time goes on it does get easier and easier.

[Owthathurts]

This is exactly what I don't want to happen with me....my xW and I are at place where she's finally accepting the situation. We are co-parents and that's it. My issues are I still feel a tiny bit of hold(hope) that someday my xMW will come through. I need to be 100% certain its never going to happen and that she is not who I thought she was. I do not want to bring an healthy innocent woman into my life until I'm completely healed from this connection I kinda still have for my xMW. Which is why...I focus on me and my kids. As time goes on it does get easier and easier.

 

 

God bless you confused...I feel ya totally.

[nadiaj2727]

I am pretty sure that this weekend will be our last together...makes me sad, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I'm hurting so badly when he isn't here, I love him and I know it has only been four months - but I do - and I know that he is trying and loves me too, but I can't do this. I don't know if I can separate myself from my feelings and still see/talk to him because I want him in my life. I hate this feeling. I am in tears right now.

 

On my xH, I think our divorce is finally hitting him - he wants to talk on the phone and see me when his GF isn't around. I can't, the pain that we caused each other during our marriage is still there and I feel bad for the GF since she stuck by him during our separation and divorce. I empathize with her because now I am in the same situation. I told my xH today that he needs to stop trying to see me and saying he misses me and stick with his GF.

 

Hurting badly today....

 

I understand. I think it's good that you're being honest with yourself about your feelings and seeing the situation for what it is. It's hard to walk away but in the end it seems to be your best/only option. I would say try not to talk to him/ leave him in your life because that will just make the pain linger longer. You have to rip it off like a bandaid and move on. It's not easy but you seem like a strong person, I think you can do it!

[In_Repair]

This is exactly what I don't want to happen with me....my xW and I are at place where she's finally accepting the situation. We are co-parents and that's it. My issues are I still feel a tiny bit of hold(hope) that someday my xMW will come through. I need to be 100% certain its never going to happen and that she is not who I thought she was. I do not want to bring an healthy innocent woman into my life until I'm completely healed from this connection I kinda still have for my xMW. Which is why...I focus on me and my kids. As time goes on it does get easier and easier.

 

I can relate, because I am kind of in the same position right now. Not over my exMW, but over the last woman I dated. Right now, I have no urge to focus on anything but my children and getting the rest of my life in order. I've never understood it when people would talk about how they don't want to date anyone right now... but now I do. I just don't have the energy. That last girlfriend ran off all of my other female "friends", except for my STBXW and my exMW... which are the two I would have preferred she run off. If anything, they helped run her off.

 

As far as your MW, you have to get past it man. It's doesn't matter if she isn't the person you thought she was, it matters what kind of person you are. If you see that being with her isn't in your best interests, then make up your mind that you CAN'T be with her, and stick to it. There are just too many wonderful single women out there to be pining away over one that you can't even have, for whatever reason.

[GreenEyedLady]

I am pretty sure that this weekend will be our last together...makes me sad, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I'm hurting so badly when he isn't here, I love him and I know it has only been four months - but I do - and I know that he is trying and loves me too, but I can't do this. I don't know if I can separate myself from my feelings and still see/talk to him because I want him in my life. I hate this feeling. I am in tears right now.

 

On my xH, I think our divorce is finally hitting him - he wants to talk on the phone and see me when his GF isn't around. I can't, the pain that we caused each other during our marriage is still there and I feel bad for the GF since she stuck by him during our separation and divorce. I empathize with her because now I am in the same situation. I told my xH today that he needs to stop trying to see me and saying he misses me and stick with his GF.

 

Hurting badly today....

 

Life is full of choices, and you have to make the best choice for you.

 

Be true to yourself. When I found that I was losing myself was always my signal that I had to leave. So I did, as hard as it was.

 

Do what you say, and say what you mean.

 

GEL

[stellaluna]

I recently talked to my exH about his EA and wanted to know if he had told his AP now GF about his marriage when he met her, he said he didn't but she found out after about 9 months of dating. She was livid but chose to stick around

 

So he was a liar according to this. lol.

[Owthathurts]

So, it's Sunday - the day he usually goes back home. Last night, he decided that he is going to go home to work and then come back tonight and stay through till Tuesday. It makes me sort of happy to know that he is wanting to be by me as much as I want him to be here. We had a long conversation on Friday and I am feeling much better about the whole situation as it stands. His wife did say to him on Friday as he was dropping off the kids "I know you have someone up north."

 

I am still going to approach this as temporary until he moves up here.

 

Thanks for all of your support and advice. I'll keep you updated.