Normal break-up?

[Tre]

My girlfriend dumped me awhile ago and am trying to figure what happened. Some background on it, sorry if this is long but I want to be detailed. Im 25 shes 20. We were set up by some friends at work. We hit it off great! Im a quiet shy person, so is she and we could talk for hours right off. We went out for 3 months, which is the longest relationship either of us had been in. We never had sex but we were always kissing and everything else. I thought everything was going great, she even said it was going good. She'd even wait for me after work (she got off an hour earlier than me.) But shed wait for me just so I could walk her to her car and then kiss. One night I dropped her off at home after our date. We started kissing and much more heated than ever. She was the instigator and we must have kissed over an hour. Days before that we went to a concert and she stood by me and held me throughout the whole show. After that night we kissed things seemed to be getting strange though. One night she was going to come over after work and play pool with me and some friends. She was off that day. I called to see if she was going to come over and she said her car was broke down. I offered to pick her up but she said no. A couple of days later she had her car back and she came over. She said she couldnt kiss me though because she had a cold sore. So we didnt kiss or anything for a week but still went out and hugged and snuggled alot. One night we kissed again and I told her that I loved her. I didnt want to say it but it slipped out. She freaked out and went home. A couple of days later we met for lunch. I told her that I didnt mean to blurt it out like that and I wanted to say I cared but I didnt want to change anything about how we were going. I meant that too. She seemed to think it meant I was thinking marriage or something. She dumped me and said lets just be friends. I said whatever and she said no really lets be friends, call me when you all get together to play pool sometime. That night I wrote her a note just apologizing for how it turned out and that I'd like to try again sometime or atleast be friends. She didnt respond, so a few weeks later I wrote her a letter. Basically I just asked her if she wanted to try again I'd like too or just being friends would be good. I really did like being with her even if it were just as a friend. We got along really good. I told her she was different than everyone else and I could talk to her and I didnt want to lose that. She wrote me back and told me basically to f off! She said she didnt feel anything for me and never did and it took her no time at all to get over me. She said she didnt want to be friends and to leave her alone. She underlined leave me alone 3 times to make sure I got the message.

 

Im very confused over it all. The friends that set us up are also. They thought we were doing good also and they thought she was falling for me also. I dont understand why she said lets be friends, which usually means go away but then said to call her and she really wanted to be. Also could she really of not cared about me at all? I dont know how you could kiss someone or spend that much time not feeling for them. She even cried when she dumped me. My friends say shes a bitch or something and has issues or something. What do you think, is this something a normal person would do? Also was I wrong in writing the note and letter and even trying to get back together?

[Cookie]

It sounds like an extreme case of insecurity. She's only 20 and she's not sure what she wants. I know it hurts but you have no choice, just ignore her and move on.

My girlfriend dumped me awhile ago and am trying to figure what happened. Some background on it, sorry if this is long but I want to be detailed. Im 25 shes 20. We were set up by some friends at work. We hit it off great! Im a quiet shy person, so is she and we could talk for hours right off. We went out for 3 months, which is the longest relationship either of us had been in. We never had sex but we were always kissing and everything else. I thought everything was going great, she even said it was going good. She'd even wait for me after work (she got off an hour earlier than me.) But shed wait for me just so I could walk her to her car and then kiss. One night I dropped her off at home after our date. We started kissing and much more heated than ever. She was the instigator and we must have kissed over an hour. Days before that we went to a concert and she stood by me and held me throughout the whole show. After that night we kissed things seemed to be getting strange though. One night she was going to come over after work and play pool with me and some friends. She was off that day. I called to see if she was going to come over and she said her car was broke down. I offered to pick her up but she said no. A couple of days later she had her car back and she came over. She said she couldnt kiss me though because she had a cold sore. So we didnt kiss or anything for a week but still went out and hugged and snuggled alot. One night we kissed again and I told her that I loved her. I didnt want to say it but it slipped out. She freaked out and went home. A couple of days later we met for lunch. I told her that I didnt mean to blurt it out like that and I wanted to say I cared but I didnt want to change anything about how we were going. I meant that too. She seemed to think it meant I was thinking marriage or something. She dumped me and said lets just be friends. I said whatever and she said no really lets be friends, call me when you all get together to play pool sometime. That night I wrote her a note just apologizing for how it turned out and that I'd like to try again sometime or atleast be friends. She didnt respond, so a few weeks later I wrote her a letter. Basically I just asked her if she wanted to try again I'd like too or just being friends would be good. I really did like being with her even if it were just as a friend. We got along really good. I told her she was different than everyone else and I could talk to her and I didnt want to lose that. She wrote me back and told me basically to f off! She said she didnt feel anything for me and never did and it took her no time at all to get over me. She said she didnt want to be friends and to leave her alone. She underlined leave me alone 3 times to make sure I got the message.

 

Im very confused over it all. The friends that set us up are also. They thought we were doing good also and they thought she was falling for me also. I dont understand why she said lets be friends, which usually means go away but then said to call her and she really wanted to be. Also could she really of not cared about me at all? I dont know how you could kiss someone or spend that much time not feeling for them. She even cried when she dumped me. My friends say shes a bitch or something and has issues or something. What do you think, is this something a normal person would do? Also was I wrong in writing the note and letter and even trying to get back together?

[Draconis]

Listen, basically there are two options in terms of this break-up. (1) You are being neurotic and/or obsessive and trying to get back together with someone who doesn't want to see you anymore, and she is feeling harassed by you, and trying to force you to stay away. (2) You are in the right and she is being hypersensitive and irrational in rebuffing your advances and shunning you. Now, I don't know which of these two it is, but I can safely say that you don't want to be with this person no matter what, because either you or she is not quite right with the relationship.

 

The verdict? Stay away. Far away. Far enough away that she won't need to seek a restraining order if she gets really crazy. And if you have to work together...avoid her. You two just don't have a healthy dynamic going.

[Tre]

Thanks for the help people. I dont want to get back together after the way she responded. I just am worried since we share some of the same friends at work. She might say something about the letter or note if that wasnt cool to do that. Ive never tried to win somebody back after they dumped me and for some reason I felt I needed to try. Do I sound like a stalker or something?

Listen, basically there are two options in terms of this break-up. (1) You are being neurotic and/or obsessive and trying to get back together with someone who doesn't want to see you anymore, and she is feeling harassed by you, and trying to force you to stay away. (2) You are in the right and she is being hypersensitive and irrational in rebuffing your advances and shunning you. Now, I don't know which of these two it is, but I can safely say that you don't want to be with this person no matter what, because either you or she is not quite right with the relationship.

 

The verdict? Stay away. Far away. Far enough away that she won't need to seek a restraining order if she gets really crazy. And if you have to work together...avoid her. You two just don't have a healthy dynamic going.