Update on moving, but maybe not moving...:(

[stace79]

So things had gone well with my bf when he came to visit last time. We seemed so in love. Got along well, had a great counseling session. I had randomly been applying for some jobs in his area, and I got a call for an interview the same day he left, so I did it virtually via Skype.

 

I've had a second interview since, and they called this morning to offer me the job. Now, he is acting like he has cold feet about me moving there. (Let me say here that I wouldn't be moving in with him -- I'd get my own place halfway between his house and my job, about 30-40 min either direction.)

 

I'm so confused and sad by this. He's the one who wanted me to apply for jobs up there and kept talking about me moving to be closer to him. Now he is telling me it might not be the best idea for me to take the job. He says it's really soon since we got back together (since late March) and he is applying for jobs in other places.

 

I guess I just feel like this relationship may be going nowhere. I need to have some sort of plan going forward. I am considering taking the job despite him, but it will depend a lot on how much it would cost me to leave my condo lease early (I'm renting).

 

This is just so depressing. He says he loves me and wants to marry me someday, but why is he being so wishy-washy?

 

Addition: His job field is one in which he will likely have to move every several years for 5-10 years before he really "makes it"... if I wait until he is "settled" somewhere, it will be a long time and I feel like our R cannot survive LDR for that long.

Edited August 12, 2010 by stace79

[aerogurl87]

Oh well that sucks, I'd be wary of him being wishy washy now that things look more concrete. Does he have commitment issues? Or is it just that he's scared that his life is about to change with you being so near all of a sudden? Talk to him about it and figure out what's causing him to act this way.

[Romance]

I would be very hurt. I mean, he has nothing to get cold feet about if you're not living with him! he should be so excited you love him so much you want to find a job and a new apartment near him.

[stace79]

We had some long talks yesterday. Basically, in his career field he will likely have to move several times in the next 5-10 years before he reaches his "ideal" position. He is afraid that I will move mainly because of him, and then if he were to get another job somewhere else in the next 6 months or so, I'd be forced to either move again or stay somewhere I'm unhappy in.

 

So basically he wants me to decide whether I would move there regardless of our R. If I would be completely miserable and never dream of moving there except for him, then he says I shouldn't do it.

 

I'm doing some serious thinking. I'm supposed to let the potential employer know my decision today, but I think I will ask for the weekend, too. Additionally I haven't heard back from my landlord about breaking my lease early anyway.

[pandagirl]

We had some long talks yesterday. Basically, in his career field he will likely have to move several times in the next 5-10 years before he reaches his "ideal" position. He is afraid that I will move mainly because of him, and then if he were to get another job somewhere else in the next 6 months or so, I'd be forced to either move again or stay somewhere I'm unhappy in.

 

So basically he wants me to decide whether I would move there regardless of our R. If I would be completely miserable and never dream of moving there except for him, then he says I shouldn't do it.

 

I'm doing some serious thinking. I'm supposed to let the potential employer know my decision today, but I think I will ask for the weekend, too. Additionally I haven't heard back from my landlord about breaking my lease early anyway.

 

I understand both of your sides.

 

For your boyfriend, it must be a lot of pressure for him for you to move solely because of him. But of course, on your end, it's understandable that you feel he should just be excited and happy that you can move to be with him.

 

I don't think there is a black and white, but more what you are comfortable with. He's been honest with you about his feelings.

[stace79]

I understand both of your sides.

 

For your boyfriend, it must be a lot of pressure for him for you to move solely because of him. But of course, on your end, it's understandable that you feel he should just be excited and happy that you can move to be with him.

 

I don't think there is a black and white, but more what you are comfortable with. He's been honest with you about his feelings.

 

I agree. While we both want to move toward an engagement and marriage, we don't KNOW that will happen. And he doesn't want me to move there, and then be miserable should he and I not work out (if the only reason I move there is for him).

 

I am still considering things! It's hard though. I would seriously consider this job even if he and I weren't together. The other issue is that jobs are few and far between in the area he lives in now, so if I decide the timing isn't right and do NOT take the job, there may not be another opportunity for a long time.

 

Lots to consider.