artlover Posted July 20, 2000 Share Posted July 20, 2000 Hi, I'm new to the board and I just have a small question. I have a male friend I met in April in a writing class. When I first met him I was interested in someone else and I didn't notice him in "that way." I could tell he was attracted to me, however. Lately, we've gotten much closer and about three weeks ago I noticed a tiny spark of some kind. We have seen each other lately one day on the weekend and in class monday night. We talk almost every day on the phone. It's pretty balanced. Either he will call or I will. And we have had 3-4 hour conversations multiple times. He told me a week ago he feels close to me and after we hang out togather our hugs goodbye are warm, intimate and long (10-15 seconds or more). Also, we have these intense sexually explicit conversations where we even discuss our personal likes and dislikes. Here's my confusion: we joke around *a lot*. Even when we discuss sex it's so over the top, it's hard to tell if there's any serious interest between us. He'll say things like "I think of you all the time", but in such a joking way, it keeps me off guard. After the spark first began we had a conversation where we both said we didn't want to date because it's such a hassle. He informed me he's going through a selfish phase in his life and that he becomes boring after the first month or two of dating. But then he's on my telephone nearly every night and when I told him I had plans this Sat night, he wanted to know if it was a date... What's going on? P.S. I'm 31. He's 25 (gasp). I have pretty strict rules about dating and would never consider this normally. Despite all I said, he is unusually insightful and intelligent for his age. He's had a lot of death and loss in his life and he's very psychologically aware. He generally dates older women. I sometimes rib him on his age and he then he ribs me right back. But he did admit to me that sometimes it feels like I'm trying to put him back in his place when I do that. I apologized and told him I would stop doing that to him. Do you think this has something to do with his hot and cold behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 20, 2000 Share Posted July 20, 2000 First, let me point out that this is not a SMALL question!!! (haha) From looking at this from every vanatage point, it seems clear that he is interested in pursuing much more than a friendship. He may be shy because of the age thing or for other reasons. Yes, he could get boring after a few months if you burn out on conversation up front. Don't spend so much time with him on the phone. Go out and do things. Don't see each other so often at first and then build from there. If you help him blossom, maybe he won't be the boring person he percieves himself to be...and, then again, he may never get boring to you. You are going to have to take the lead here and just ask him out to dinner, to a movie, to an event of some sort, a concert, a play or whatever. JUST ASK HIM OUT. Have fun and let things evolve. I personally sense a really nice romance here and am a little upset that one of you hasn't moved on this sooner. You're both wasting time!!! Call him now...for tonight!!! Report back tomorrow!!! Link to post Share on other sites
artlover Posted July 21, 2000 Share Posted July 21, 2000 After reading back over your posts, it's clear to me that you have a talent for reading people and situations and giving sound, concise advice. I'm very impressed. I'm curious, what's your age and background? I spoke to my friend last night (surprise). He and I are seeing a movie tonight. I think your advice was right. We both write screenplays and we were discussing comedies. "When Harry Met Sally" came up and he informed me that he can't look at that movie anymore, because there was a period of his life where he kept falling for female friends (is this a male phenomenon?). He then said he would NEVER do that again. Then he said, "Well, I shouldn't say that. That's probably not true..." It made me smile. We decided we'd get to the movie a half-hour early. He made a crack about us not being able to find stuff to talk about before the movie started. Then he said, "maybe we should bring a phone." Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 21, 2000 Share Posted July 21, 2000 One of the biggest problems that exists in the arena of love is this male/female platonic thing. Women have a tendency to size up a guy right up front and determine almost immediately if he's marriage material, dating material, sex material, buddy material, friend material, acquaintance material, or never-want-to-see-him-again-in-my-life material. Men, on the other hand, are able to initallly be friends with some ladies without making definite evaluations of the direction things should go. Often, after spending some time with them, they do fall in love. In my opinion, this is the best kind because they have seen this lady in all her ups and downs, with and without make-up and in the most unpretentious and unstructured situations. Women, if they were really sharp, would know that they would be most secure with a guy who fell in love with them after seeing all they truly are and their real selves. But it doesn't happen that way. The guy falls for the girl, but the girl has already locked him into the friend or other category. It's really hard...but it is done...for a lady to move a guy from one category to another. To answer the questions above: You can't take a phone into a movie theatre, or you must turn it off, and talking is not permitted during the show so you have no concerns there. So things should go great if you're watching a good movie. As for my age, well, I'm sort of ageless...and, as for my background, as I look to my back side I see the cat begging for something to eat. Have a GREAT weekend!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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