You need closure? Write them a letter!

[Thierro]

Let’s face it. A lot of people (the majority?) go NC because they want a second chance. It’s like if you would ask the broken hearted on LS ‘What does NC mean?’ They’d answer; ‘It’s my last resort to get my loved one back’.

 

We need to understand that we don’t want or need a second chance. Your ex was a learning experience. An experience we all need to go through in life to get a wake-up call and see ourselves and get to know who you really are. You are getting some valuable me-time figuring stuff out for yourself and learning that YOU are the most important thing and that you need to love yourself to be successful in life/relationships

 

You are a piece of clay. You need to mold yourself in such a shape so that you can anticipate on the wonderful antics of life. An aerodynamic shape that beats through the winds of change driven and guided by willpower, a strong loving personality and a feeling of invincibility. Experience will give you this power to mold.

 

Your ex left you. They didn’t show you any good relationship material. Even if you are different now and have “changed”. They already left WHO YOU WERE/ARE once. This is the reason you should stop wanting them back. They didn’t stick till the end and gave up fighting.

 

I believe that we need to help OURSELVES a little and do the right thing (debatable)

 

Last couple of days I thinking about doing the same thing as SMK just recently did;

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2939756#post2939756

 

(I hope you don’t mind me posting the url, SMK)

 

Burn every possible bridge and hope there is still left. Write them a letter. End the suffering, find closure in giving them your last words. Because we are just prolonging the hurt by hoping that NC will get her back. We need to heal and we can’t heal because we still hope. Hell, even respected members here on LS break NC after more than a year.

 

I’d love to know what your opinions are about this.

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I wrote my own letter too. If you are interested:

 

Dear you,

 

This is my letter to you. You know… I want to be able to sleep without the thought of missing you next to me. I don’t want to feel the heartache of hearing your name or things that remind me of you. Hell I even want to be able to take a sh*t without you popping up my head all the time. I need my closure; I need to use this letter as a stepping stone.

 

I want to be strong again. I want to fight and concur. This is what I am doing right now. I know I will win this battle. I will beat the demons inside my heart and head. Because I am worth it. I am worth every god damn thing that the world has to offer. I am changing, I am growing, I am evolving. Yeah, I was a diamond in the rough, but MY issues are the last remaining bit of dirt that keeps me from shining like a star.

 

I am not mad at you, I don’t hold anything against you. I love you. Well, I think I do. I don’t know how much you have changed as a person and character. Maybe I don’t even like you anymore. Well, I do believe there’s still an echo of what you once were.

 

I realized it takes two to tango. Even though my heart was in it from the start, yours wasn’t. I was able to face every major storm on the way, but you were too delicate to put your feet on the ground and understand. Really, I don’t blame you. We BOTH needed change to really let us work.

 

I am going to jump, I need to, I am on the edge. Don’t worry; I am not going to kill myself. I am just pealing of my disposable inferior skin. And well.. it’s also because I don’t want to burn my butt; Everything we were is burning behind me; every single memory. I torched it. Not because I am angry but because I need to move on. I need to let go of the memories because I love them so much and I REFUSE to let those memories hurt me like this. Some day in time the memories will only feel like a numb sensation, but I will appreciate them nevertheless.

 

I’ve lived the last couple of months with a dagger shoved in my heart and hoping you will come back to me, that not talking to you would let you miss me. That after a couple of years you will come back. But no more. I am ready. I am going all Rambo here. I twist the dagger around, pull it out of my heart and break my chains with it. I am going to jump, sweetheart and nothing is stopping me. I need to left everything behind and seek new grand adventures. I need to go find a new sky filled with stars that don’t remind me of you.

 

You know.. I quit being a sculptor and my specialty aren’t pedestals anymore. I am also wearing a different size of jeans because of the balls I grew down there. My old jeans don’t fit anymore.

 

Thanks you for the experience and the great life lessons I got from it.

 

Please, whatever you do. DON’T EVER THINK OF CONTACTING ME AGAIN.

 

Have a great life,

P.s;

 

If you think this is a cry for validation or a way to get you back: PLEASE DO!

Edited August 14, 2010 by Thierro

[AlwaysConflicted]

Most of these letters rub your ex the wrong way. Letters and emails are confusing.

 

Some may find closure, but most will lose the last of their confidence.

 

If you really need closure, it should be done in person. Your ex needs to hear the tone/inflections of your voice, your ex needs to see your facial expressions, your mannerisms/gestures, but most importantly your ex needs to look into your eyes.

[Thierro]

It may rub them the wrong way. I don't see why that is a problem though; It's about your own closure.

 

People linger in false hope for months. Sure, eventually you will get through doing nothing but NC, but it will also take more time and effort to let go of the false hope.

[AlwaysConflicted]

Most of the people are lying to themselves. They send the letter in hopes that it will get their ex back. Rubbing them the wrong way will obliterate the chances.

 

How does sending a letter give you closure? It's one sided. You share all your thoughts and feelings, but get nothing in return.

 

Meeting face to face is the better option and even that isn't recommended.

[Thierro]

That is the point. My heart wants her back, but my mind knows this is ridiculous and an unhealthy state to be in. She isn’t right for me, she is poison; so I will just need to take care of this and kill all chances of reconciliation. This way I can just move on with my life without thinking that she will come back to me. A quicker way to heal.

 

If she lived just a couple minutes away; I would have taken up on your advice to meet her face to face. But I also believe that this will make it harder for someone to get the words out right and it will also create unnecessary heartache.

Edited August 14, 2010 by Thierro

[Iselia]

Most of the people are lying to themselves. They send the letter in hopes that it will get their ex back. Rubbing them the wrong way will obliterate the chances.

 

How does sending a letter give you closure? It's one sided. You share all your thoughts and feelings, but get nothing in return.

 

Meeting face to face is the better option and even that isn't recommended.

 

I wrote a closure letter, because I wanted her back. It didn't work. She just ended up texting me a few weeks later anyway.

 

Then I tried to get closure face to face. I ended up crying and she INSTANTLY shut off. I felt HORRIBLE. I felt she didn't care about my feelings at all! I was crying over something so wonderful lost, but she didn't care.

 

She later told me she shut off because she feels guilty. It isn't about me anymore, it's about her. Selfish child. =/

[smk]

@thierro - no worries about the link - maybe it will help someone else out there see their ex for what they truly are like it did mine...

 

I guess with that msg I put myself out there on the line and all it served was me seeing that she never truly did feel about me the way she once said she did...

 

@AC - I know what you mean about the face to face meeting but is this what we all do as that one last grand moment of trying to get them back??? I know I would have loved to have that convo with her in person but then again in my case having her respond the way she did all it would have done in my case is make me feel even worse...

 

I agree with what you said, we all get closure within myself and I guess I did what I did as a means not of closure but hoping that she would have responded differently, but instead her reply served to give ms closure...