2.50 a gallon Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 I think at first casual (no hand holding) dating is the key. I was able to find my way into a large group of friends. Softball games (and yes the women were encouraged to play) and Bar-B-Q's on the weekends, also had a favorite bar, music, pool, dancing, every other Thursday we met at a local steak house, free pitchers of beer. When I met somebody new, the first date was with my friends, and the new lady sort of got the idea, this is just for fun, nothing serious. Tojaz, you way they see "married" tattooed on your forehead. The curious thing, is I did not take my ring off right away, even though I was having sex with other who were not my wife, and I had no desire to reconcile, I felt an obligation to keep wearing it. I was surprised to find out how often I was hit on at the bars, when they spotted my wedding band. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 OP, here's a thread I authored a few months back when I was beginning to think about dating again. Dated a few ladies; no good nor bad feelings resulted, rather an overall perception that it's really not a priority. At that point, I had been separated for about eight months, divorce had been filed and I hadn't been intimate with stbx for about 16 months. I've met a few ladies about whom I've felt stirrings of attraction, but not sufficiently enough to pursue them. Probably, the words from the ladies in the thread I posted are ringing a bit in my ears.... 'he's not divorced yet' and I don't intend to lie about that. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
habs53 Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 I think it would depend on who left who. Everyone is different. Myself i have been on a few dates and really like someone. Only took me a few months after separation. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 I was wondering how many who frequent this forum are dating again after the divorce/break up that brought them here... How long did it take you to get to that point? Did anyone rush into relationships that they regret? Did anyone get back with their spouse/SO? How did the first relationship post-breakup go? Haven't been married yet thankfully, so I'll only answer from a break-up perspective. Of course I'm dating again. Have had one other serious relationship since then as well. It took me the better part of a year, pretty much about 18 months before I was %100 rock solid again. I was already %90 there before I came to LS, so I got here on the tail end of my recovery. No I didn't rush into any. I waited about a year to date again. As a guy that is not easy but it was well worth it. No I did not get back with her. Even though it was quite impossible anyway, I sincerely doubt I would have if it were. The breakup was like something out of a movie. It was a really sad parting but I do think it was in part due to divine intervention. We just had two different roads in life to follow, whether we knew it at the time or not. Link to post Share on other sites
spriggig Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 Why the hell would I? It'd take me months or years to find the next "the one" and after that, what? I'll tell ya, 18 to 36 months max of "honeymoon" bliss followed by months of heartache after one of us finally pulls the plug. If there is a next time through, I'm packing up and leaving with the butterflies. That ain't a red flag they're waving, it's the checkered flag. Link to post Share on other sites
wrencn Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 If there is a next time through, I'm packing up and leaving with the butterflies. That ain't a red flag they're waving, it's the checkered flag. This is hilarious, but in a sad twisted way! I'm enjoying the butterflies, they are distracting me from watching the vultures hover over my marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Gfkr2 Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 This is my FIRST post on the S&D board, which is a good thing. I am 7 weeks removed from my decision to divorce and still (trying) to cope with betrayal in a LTM. Still dealing with anger and ocassional depression. I have no interest in dating yet and am looking to avoid the 2 R's BEFORE starting a new relationship-- Revenge Rebound I am, however, actively rebuilding bridges to non-married women acquaintences over the years who have shown a past interest while I was a MM. Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 I'm enjoying the butterflies, they are distracting me from watching the vultures hover over my marriage. Thanks the gods that vultures don't eat butterflies. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 It's been about 6 weeks since the divorce and several months since I began getting over the ex. I have no desire at all for a serious or even regular relationship. Having said that I have slept with a few women that were looking for only the same thing. I must admit that I am enjoying it. BTW 2.50/gal - I'm doing the same thing you are with the OM's STBX. They don't know yet. This probably makes me a bad person, but I think that is too goddamn cool. It'll be even cooler when XW and OM catch on. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndthymearound Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 We got back together and it's really good now. I really feel proud of us for making it. It would have been a lot easier just to split. It was a lot of work but we are better for it. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 Why the hell would I? It'd take me months or years to find the next "the one" and after that, what? I'll tell ya, 18 to 36 months max of "honeymoon" bliss followed by months of heartache after one of us finally pulls the plug. If there is a next time through, I'm packing up and leaving with the butterflies. That ain't a red flag they're waving, it's the checkered flag. I completely agree w/this. No more relationships for me ever Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 I was wondering how many who frequent this forum are dating again after the divorce/break up that brought them here... How long did it take you to get to that point? Did anyone rush into relationships that they regret? Did anyone get back with their spouse/SO? How did the first relationship post-breakup go? Just curious what everyone's post-divorce experience has been. I'm no where near ready to date again... just curious what it has been like for the masses. I started dating a couple months after my divorce. I dated 3 people in a 3.5 year span. The last one I married While my marriage had ended emotionally long before the divorce was final, I did take time for just ME (and my son). When I met my now H, I just knew he was it. We married 8 months after we met. It is different for each person. Don't rush yourself to date if you aren't ready. GOOD LUCK!! Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 I personally am in the midst of a divorce. It should be final in October. I have tried to get out and start dating again, but I am not emotionally ready. We have been separated for a year, and I don't know when I will be. My ex, on the other hand, already has a new girlfriend and is moving in with her this weekend. He is the one that pulled away emotionally in our marriage and wanted the divorce. Not a separation....a divorce. I think it depends on who did the leaving sometimes. I really don't know that there is a guideline for what is right/wrong about timing. Unfortunately people don't move on at the same rates. Link to post Share on other sites
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