dkoala Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 Last September, my ex of 4.5 years and I broke up because she wanted space. You know the drill. Anyway, 6 months later, we're best friends again. (We're not a couple, and we don't wish to get back together right now.) Although we're just friends, we are still intimate -- it's a best friends with benefits arrangement. We have a great time doing things together -- in fact, it's better than the last year of our relationship. Everything plays out as if we are a couple (physical intimacy, terms of endearment, etc.), and we still admit that we're in love with each other and can't see ourselves with anyone else. So here's the question: Has anyone else gone through this? Although she and I feel very good about our arrangement, I can't help but think that this is not the way these things are supposed to go. Is this really messed up, or do we have a great thing going? Link to post Share on other sites
look forward Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 dkoala it sounds to me like you guys are already a couple.. i mean your intimate, hang out together, have fun together and still admit to being in love with each other.. oh and also say that neither of you want to be with anyone else.. i dont get it whats the problem? You sound more couplely than most couples i know.. who said you guys should just be friends was it your ex gf? if so maybe you want to question her reasons for just wanting to term your relationship as "friends" is this so that she can have her cake and eat it, i mean how would you feel if she had another male friend who did the same things you guys did i'm sure you wouldn't like it or is it because she is scared of committing to you? If its you are you scared of her walking away again and hurting you?? You need to ask yourself why you guys aren't just together when your actions and feelings all say that you are...otherwise one of you will end up getting hurt... sorry but girls and boys who have been in a relationship for as long as you guys just dont act like that.. get it sorted so you know where you stand... Link to post Share on other sites
theedge Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 It will be healty untill one of you starts dating, then the house of cards will crumble. You say you don't want to see anyone else, but either you will get back together or one will start dating. Link to post Share on other sites
abc Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Why question it? It's working for you both at the moment. If you push it farther it may ruin it. Who says you have to go farther? Marriage is not for everyone. Some of us need more space than others. Even marriages fail... Relax and have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 I've had ex's that turned to FWB's and there is nothing wrong with it, as long as it's purely physical. The homey - lover - friend can be a good thing. They can offer peace of mind, sexual healing, and great sex. ~V Link to post Share on other sites
mfrmboy Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Just days out of a friends with benefits relationship and they dont work. It was great for a while but eventually one of you will see someone else and its just like breaking up all over again. The sex stops immediatly and you are left alone again hurt. The sex may be great but thats not what its all about. You sound like you have a working relationship so why is there no commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
silk_sword Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 vivid - REALLY!!! ooooooo Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 I don't know about Viv......maybe relationships for guys end up different. Viv is not the norm.....he is walking sex!!!!! As for me......the only FWB flings which have ever turned out (and there have been only two)......early on in the relationship we agreed on such a relationship. Those kinds...have a wierd kind of love and committment. It's very real......but on a different level. Can you have that same sort of relationship AFTER you've redefined the deal? I don't see why not.....but I would be skeptical of the end result. Usually, at the end of a relationship, one party feels differently than the other one. In those cases....a FWB does not work out. One party is looking at it as a 'patch up' and the other party may not feel the same. So.....if you groove into this....I would think.......you better do it with your eye's wide open........and your heart guarded. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Originally posted by silk_sword vivid - REALLY!!! ooooooo Awwww sh*t - I thought you signed off!!! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Can you have that same sort of relationship AFTER you've redefined the deal? I don't see why not.....but I would be skeptical of the end result. That's a good question, Arabess. I've had a couple of ex's that turned to FWB and they always tried to get all emotional, when it was supposed to be physical! Then I was put in a position to tell them what they wanted to hear, hit it, and then be on my way! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Originally posted by silk_sword vivid - REALLY!!! ooooooo I was just kidding, babe! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
silk_sword Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 hmmmmmmmmm Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Originally posted by theedge It will be healthy untill one of you starts dating, then the house of cards will crumble. You say you don't want to see anyone else, but either you will get back together or one will start dating. I'm thinking the same thing here. I've done the FWB thing before and it works when you're friends to begin with, but that's it. When it's a friendship that's been going for a while each one knows the other's limitations, and can set boundaries and whatnot together if they decide to take things to the FWB stage. The dynamic doesn't work the same way when it's an ex you're dealing with, unless perhaps you've been exes for a long while, remained friends afterwards (once the scars have healed), and both been thru the dating battle zone with others. Even given all that I would still have to rate the situation a guarded "maybe". Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Vivid is in trouble........Vivid is in trouble........Arabess chants......LOL! It all depends on the agreement. BUT IF you get into this sort of agreement with ulterior motives....it will BITE YOUR BUTT!~ Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Originally posted by silk_sword hmmmmmmmmm I said, 'I had FWB', not 'have FWB', you little brat!!! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
silk_sword Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 just let it go - i don't want to see anymore posts on your opinions on FWB's - i think i've heard enough - yeese - i'm sure everyone knows how u feel - oh i mean how u felt! - lol Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 *makes whip noise* Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker *makes whip noise* Siding with the chicks, eh? Thanks, Dyer! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 I'm just looking to make friends. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 You're a couple whether you want to believe it or not. Everything is there. When jealousy or dating enters into your situation you are going to act as though she's cheating. You'll go insane. Things will be ruined one way or the other. It doesn't matter who moves on first. You're setting yourself up to be royally screwed. Have fun. The whole friends with benefits never works. Anyone who is able to have a purely physical relationship void of emotional attachment is someone I would not want to get to know well "in that way". I'm not saying I wouldn't be platonic with them, but I certainly would not be interested in anything more. Someone always gets hurt in these situations. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess Viv is not the norm.....he is walking sex!!!!! a.k.a sex on legs - you said it! Viv my man - your sex life is SO entertaining. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 Originally posted by meanon a.k.a sex on legs - you said it! Viv my man - your sex life is SO entertaining. oooooooooooo that tickles me fancy!!! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 oooooooooooo that tickles me fancy!!! That doesn't surpise me AT ALL Viv when, as we've established on this very thread, your tastes are so very .... VARIED!! Link to post Share on other sites
Elle Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 Don't knock it till you've tried it but the consequences often out strip the rewards!! Link to post Share on other sites
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