Interesting article about the nature of marriage, cheating, longevity of love, etc.

[JAGeezer]

Honestly it has to do with feminism and the perception, or rather the misperception, of gender roles. A substantial part of a generation of women has been brainwashed by the Steinmens and Allreds of the world into the belief that you can't compete in a man's world, and still be a woman. Something that my W openly sneers at. Ergo, a large chunk of a whole generation of women have shaped themselves into a "funhouse mirror version" of what men are...which is what radical feminism told them men were and thus what they had to be to compete as equals. They made it. Congrats ladies. You're guys.

 

The result is a large sub-set of wives who have all the empathy of a stone and the heart of a cash register. The one I love is the emerging female stereotype of the "better-dealer". Marry the stable guy with the income and the even temper, then shop around for a father for your kids. Darwin would be proud. That one is happening more frequently than anyone cares to admit.

 

What is it about so many women that makes them believe that to be a functioning human being (the feminist definition), they have to indulge in behavior that, in a man, in an earlier era, would have resulted in coffee and pistols at dawn? My favorite line ever has to be "Lady, you're no gentleman."

 

Whether it's a walk away spouse of either gender, or infidelity, it all comes back to the same thing. A spouse who's thinking "me" when they should be thinking "us". All glands and no empathy. What the feminazis have always believed men as a whole and without exception to be. Hell they've even got the men believing it.

 

JAG

[Woggle]

Honestly it has to do with feminism and the perception, or rather the misperception, of gender roles. A substantial part of a generation of women has been brainwashed by the Steinmens and Allreds of the world into the belief that you can't compete in a man's world, and still be a woman. Something that my W openly sneers at. Ergo, a large chunk of a whole generation of women have shaped themselves into a "funhouse mirror version" of what men are...which is what radical feminism told them men were and thus what they had to be to compete as equals. They made it. Congrats ladies. You're guys.

 

The result is a large sub-set of wives who have all the empathy of a stone and the heart of a cash register. The one I love is the emerging female stereotype of the "better-dealer". Marry the stable guy with the income and the even temper, then shop around for a father for your kids. Darwin would be proud. That one is happening more frequently than anyone cares to admit.

 

What is it about so many women that makes them believe that to be a functioning human being (the feminist definition), they have to indulge in behavior that, in a man, in an earlier era, would have resulted in coffee and pistols at dawn? My favorite line ever has to be "Lady, you're no gentleman."

 

Whether it's a walk away spouse of either gender, or infidelity, it all comes back to the same thing. A spouse who's thinking "me" when they should be thinking "us". All glands and no empathy. What the feminazis have always believed men as a whole and without exception to be. Hell they've even got the men believing it.

 

JAG

 

This is 100% true. The funny thing is that men who live up to the stereotype of feminists think a man is get treated the best by them. They view kindness and love as a weakness which is why I think players have the right idea. Most me would love a loving relationship with a woman but you just can't have that for the most part these days. You can't have that with a woman with the empathy of a stone and the heart of a cash register.

[JAGeezer]

This is 100% true. The funny thing is that men who live up to the stereotype of feminists think a man is get treated the best by them. They view kindness and love as a weakness which is why I think players have the right idea. Most me would love a loving relationship with a woman but you just can't have that for the most part these days. You can't have that with a woman with the empathy of a stone and the heart of a cash register.

 

Case in point. Back more decades ago than I care to admit to, when I was interning in my chosen field, I worked in an office that was split about fifty/fifty gender-wise. While bull****ting over coffee and smokes I learned some flabbergasting stuff about my female peers. 1) Almost to a woman they were willing to marry for money. 2) They were also willing to dump that as yet hypothetical husband if presented with a better deal in cash and merchandise. 3) They would be willing to cheat on said husband if the perks were good enough. Needless to say, I didn't date in the office. I didn't do that much better OUT of the office, but I had to cut my risks somehow.

 

JAG

[Woggle]

Case in point. Back more decades ago than I care to admit to, when I was interning in my chosen field, I worked in an office that was split about fifty/fifty gender-wise. While bull****ting over coffee and smokes I learned some flabbergasting stuff about my female peers. 1) Almost to a woman they were willing to marry for money. 2) They were also willing to dump that as yet hypothetical husband if presented with a better deal in cash and merchandise. 3) They would be willing to cheat on said husband if the perks were good enough. Needless to say, I didn't date in the office. I didn't do that much better OUT of the office, but I had to cut my risks somehow.

 

JAG

 

I have two women in my place who high five each other about cheating all day and act like they are feminists giving men a taste of their own medicine. Some days after hearing this stuff I go home and don't even want my wife touching me because I am in such a misogynistic mood.

[Gfkr2]

I have two women in my place who high five each other about cheating all day and act like they are feminists giving men a taste of their own medicine. Some days after hearing this stuff I go home and don't even want my wife touching me because I am in such a misogynistic mood.

 

Those high fivin female enablers are garbage. The trick is to find women who do NOT buy into this perverse view of LTRs.

 

They are out there... I can not be bitter because of the sins of a some who think only of fufilling their own emotional and physical needs outside of M.

[You Go Girl]

Yes. If you want a knight in shining armor, you have to shout loud enough to get through the helmet. You want a rock of Gibraltar? You're going to have to climb a mountain to talk to the guru. Women don't like nice guys because they are too wishy-washy, but they aren't willing to meet the knights in on the field.

 

 

Kick us in the head BEFORE you feel the need to run away. It happens over and over, women speak meekly in code, men don't get it and women leave--leaving is the equivalent of kicking him in the head. THEN men get it and change for the better. Why do you have to kick us in the head? You don't think you "should have to"? See above.

 

Women would be treated like thoroughbreds if they acted like them--confident winners.

Damn this post is hot.

Ok, I'll try to get serious now. It could be the avatar as much as the words...naw, I won't discredit how forceful those words were. I often speak of "rock of gibralter" and "knight" so it got to me.

I've been on both sides of the fence now. I was a WAW in my first marriage. My rock of gibralter didn't talk, wasn't his thing. He tinkered instead, fixing everything the same day as it broke. I still feel sorrow for leaving him. He made some serious mistakes when he wasn't getting as much sex as he wanted. He turned to porn and then asked to do nasty things in bed and then suggested we swing. That was it--right then and there I walked. The open marriage suggestion killed me. The thing is, I think to this day I could have brought that marriage back from the brink, and him back to me and away from nasty fantasy sex, and I still have not forgiven myself for walking.

I went out, acted out, and married a porn addict, a serious one, without my knowledge. Also an alcoholic. I tried to get through to this man for 6 years, without any progress at all, only evasive lies. To say that women don't see it through, don't communicate, don't kick them in the head isn't always true. I should have kicked the first H in the head, didn't, walked instead. So I tried to make up for it by staying with the 2nd H, 6 years of no progress, thousands of kicks to his head, didn't make a darn bit of difference. The pain kills me. I'm currently going through my second divorce. I don't know whether to fulfill long lost dreams, throw in the towel forever, or stare blankly at the wall for the rest of my life like a zombie. I'm probably fantasizing on fulfilling the lost dreams, and the rest I mentioned, I'm definitely fulfilling.

Edited August 22, 2010 by You Go Girl

[Woggle]

Those high fivin female enablers are garbage. The trick is to find women who do NOT buy into this perverse view of LTRs.

 

They are out there... I can not be bitter because of the sins of a some who think only of fufilling their own emotional and physical needs outside of M.

 

I know that intellectually but when I have to listen to that crap all day I leave work just hating women. I am sure people on here can tell when I have been listening to it without me saying anything.

[You Go Girl]

I know that intellectually but when I have to listen to that crap all day I leave work just hating women. I am sure people on here can tell when I have been listening to it without me saying anything.

 

People on here can definitely tell something is up with you. You leave work just hating "women". Not some women's bull they talk to each other at work, but women in general. I think the problem is that you make sweeping generalizations of all women.

[Distant78]

People on here can definitely tell something is up with you. You leave work just hating "women". Not some women's bull they talk to each other at work, but women in general. I think the problem is that you make sweeping generalizations of all women.

 

Oh, cut him some slack. Of course he can't hate every woman on the planet, so lets not get technical. Him, like me, has been hurt in the past by a woman so he's on here to vent, just like you and others. I'm sure he's not mean to every woman, but those who represent the mistreatment and cuckolding of good, loving men in relationships/marriages.

[You Go Girl]

Oh, cut him some slack. Of course he can't hate every woman on the planet, so lets not get technical. Him, like me, has been hurt in the past by a woman so he's on here to vent, just like you and others. I'm sure he's not mean to every woman, but those who represent the mistreatment and cuckolding of good, loving men in relationships/marriages.

 

I've read quite a few of his posts that are very negative. However, I will cut him some slack. Apparently he is happily married. That's all the approval he needs, and doesn't need mine!

Plus, I'm sure it's against LS rules and threadjacking!

So carry on Woggle.

[Distant78]

I've read quite a few of his posts that are very negative. However, I will cut him some slack. Apparently he is happily married. That's all the approval he needs, and doesn't need mine!

Plus, I'm sure it's against LS rules and threadjacking!

So carry on Woggle.

 

(Laughs out loud)

[spriggig]

Damn this post is hot.

Ok, I'll try to get serious now. It could be the avatar as much as the words...naw, I won't discredit how forceful those words were. I often speak of "rock of gibralter" and "knight" so it got to me.

I've been on both sides of the fence now. I was a WAW in my first marriage. My rock of gibralter didn't talk, wasn't his thing. He tinkered instead, fixing everything the same day as it broke. I still feel sorrow for leaving him. He made some serious mistakes when he wasn't getting as much sex as he wanted. He turned to porn and then asked to do nasty things in bed and then suggested we swing. That was it--right then and there I walked. The open marriage suggestion killed me. The thing is, I think to this day I could have brought that marriage back from the brink, and him back to me and away from nasty fantasy sex, and I still have not forgiven myself for walking.

I went out, acted out, and married a porn addict, a serious one, without my knowledge. Also an alcoholic. I tried to get through to this man for 6 years, without any progress at all, only evasive lies. To say that women don't see it through, don't communicate, don't kick them in the head isn't always true. I should have kicked the first H in the head, didn't, walked instead. So I tried to make up for it by staying with the 2nd H, 6 years of no progress, thousands of kicks to his head, didn't make a darn bit of difference. The pain kills me. I'm currently going through my second divorce. I don't know whether to fulfill long lost dreams, throw in the towel forever, or stare blankly at the wall for the rest of my life like a zombie. I'm probably fantasizing on fulfilling the lost dreams, and the rest I mentioned, I'm definitely fulfilling.

 

I too was the tinkerer--got a washer, dryer or dish washer you want fixed? I can do that. I also didn't talk much and now I find myself in the same place as you. "I don't know whether to fulfill long lost dreams, throw in the towel forever, or stare blankly at the wall for the rest of my life like a zombie." Yep, I hear that.

 

My very STBXW was here twenty minutes ago to pick something up. She was wearing the blue blouse with tiny flowers on it that I've always liked. Is she THE one? No such thing. But, she is definitely ONE of the ones, always will be. I felt a background of hope and desire, overwhelmed by this even colder, harder wall I've erected against her and every other person in my life except my son and this little dog on my lap. She'd need a wreaking ball to get through it and she put down her hammer years ago.

[Distant78]

I too was the tinkerer--got a washer, dryer or dish washer you want fixed? I can do that. I also didn't talk much and now I find myself in the same place as you. "I don't know whether to fulfill long lost dreams, throw in the towel forever, or stare blankly at the wall for the rest of my life like a zombie." Yep, I hear that.

 

My very STBXW was here twenty minutes ago to pick something up. She was wearing the blue blouse with tiny flowers on it that I've always liked. Is she THE one? No such thing. But, she is definitely ONE of the ones, always will be. I felt a background of hope and desire, overwhelmed by this even colder, harder wall I've erected against her and every other person in my life except my son and this little dog on my lap. She'd need a wreaking ball to get through it and she put down her hammer years ago.

 

Wow man. Did she try to talk to you? Hope you didn't fall for it. Sorry you're going a tough time. It will get better.

[xxoo]

I have two women in my place who high five each other about cheating all day and act like they are feminists giving men a taste of their own medicine. Some days after hearing this stuff I go home and don't even want my wife touching me because I am in such a misogynistic mood.

 

This makes me soooo sad for your wife

[You Go Girl]

I too was the tinkerer--got a washer, dryer or dish washer you want fixed? I can do that. I also didn't talk much and now I find myself in the same place as you. "I don't know whether to fulfill long lost dreams, throw in the towel forever, or stare blankly at the wall for the rest of my life like a zombie." Yep, I hear that.

 

My very STBXW was here twenty minutes ago to pick something up. She was wearing the blue blouse with tiny flowers on it that I've always liked. Is she THE one? No such thing. But, she is definitely ONE of the ones, always will be. I felt a background of hope and desire, overwhelmed by this even colder, harder wall I've erected against her and every other person in my life except my son and this little dog on my lap. She'd need a wreaking ball to get through it and she put down her hammer years ago.

 

Well my rock of gibralter tinkerer quiet first H went out and married a Chinese mail order bride, she's pregnant, 34, he's 51, and he's apparently rather unhappy, and has clammed up to a degree never seen before, I have from a very good source. I can only feel so sorry for him, and still to this day somewhat responsible for this outcome, because it was me who brought him out of that shell and appreciated him for so many years-21-met him at 16. I hate to hear that he has shut down communication with everyone, even old friends. Damn he could be funny, subtle one-liners, and if you weren't listening you missed it entirely. Now he has someone who doesn't even know the language, so there's no chance in hell she gets his subtlety.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting alone in my cottage with a well holding tank that won't pressurize and I don't understand, afraid to be a "man" and follow up on the DIY site, knowing that thing would have been fixed the same day if he were here. Looks like we both lost.

She will miss that washer being fixed, and the quiet tinkerer, but you may never hear of it. After burning her bridge with you she will more than likely be afraid to ever renew it. Especially given time...not right now, not while she is acting out. I just read enough to know that she went with some 28 year old boy at his parent's house and didn't want to read anymore because it's sickening.

Your story is haunting. Deja-vu all over again. The last time I saw my exH at the house we both loved and sold, he was staring at me and I was wearing a new blouse and I could tell he was checking me out. Our daughter at that time was 11, we were divorced shortly after she turned 12. I remember this vividly with the details of what I was wearing because it is the last time while we were married and I saw him looking at me that way in our old house. I had just come home from work after not working outside the home for the 13 years we were married. I still haven't driven past the house to this day, 10 years later. I just can't. I'd fall apart.

 

Life marches on. I'd give him a big hug and talk him through whatever the problem is with the new wife if I could. I'd give him the comfort he needs, (not implying anything sexual). But I hear he HATES me from a good source: our daughter. HATES ME! 10 years later...and he HATES ME.

[Woggle]

This makes me soooo sad for your wife

 

I wish I wasn't like that but I get so cold towards the female gender when I hear that stuff. I almost can't control it.

[You Go Girl]

I wish I wasn't like that but I get so cold towards the female gender when I hear that stuff. I almost can't control it.

 

Everybody is an individual FIRST, Woggle.

Just as there are men out there who will cheat at the first sight of a a skirt, and you don't want to be classified as one of them--think the same way about women. We're NOT all the same.

[Distant78]

Everybody is an individual FIRST, Woggle.

Just as there are men out there who will cheat at the first sight of a a skirt, and you don't want to be classified as one of them--think the same way about women. We're NOT all the same.

 

Just as there are women out there who will have emotional affairs with the first big-bellied, hillbilly trucker that comes in the bar. Think the same way about men. We're not all the same either.

[Gfkr2]

Everybody is an individual FIRST, Woggle.

Just as there are men out there who will cheat at the first sight of a a skirt, and you don't want to be classified as one of them--think the same way about women. We're NOT all the same.

 

My feelings exactly. There are lots of classy women out there...

 

And I intend to find each one:rolleyes:

[You Go Girl]

Just as there are women out there who will have emotional affairs with the first big-bellied, hillbilly trucker that comes in the bar. Think the same way about men. We're not all the same either.

 

Wow...a whole genre of men that I have missed....

[You Go Girl]

My feelings exactly. There are lots of classy women out there...

 

And I intend to find each one:rolleyes:

 

haha

skirt chaser

[Distant78]

Wow...a whole genre of men that I have missed....

 

Ha ha. So what genre of men have you ran across lately.

[Woggle]

This makes me soooo sad for your wife

 

I feel bad for her as well but I don't know hot to stop this without being a doormat. I have tried therapy and just talking myself out of it so what is left?

[TaraMaiden]

I know it's radical, but you could always actually try being honest with her.

 

You show a lot of bravado and stubbornness when it comes to voicing your opinions on here, and you persist in punching your point home, in spite of many posters - both women AND men - telling you otherwise.

Yet you're curiously reluctant to be open, frank, honest and forthright with your wife.

 

Why would that be? I could voice an opinion, but having voiced it previously gained me an enforced holiday from the forum......

 

By withholding a portion of your investment in this marriage, you could definitely call yourself a cheater.

You're cheating her out of the benefit of having a husband who is devoted to her, and you're cheating yourself out of the opportunity to actually be genuinely happy.

[Woggle]

I really am scared to be vulnerable with a woman because I know I got it used against me so much in my first marriage and I know many men who have experienced the same thing. Showing vulnerability with a woman is a quick way to kill her attraction for you. I am sorry but in many cases it is true. I know my wife is not like that but it is hard to go back to what killed my first marriage and what ruins relationships for so many men. Women say they want emotional intimacy but how often do they like it when they get it?

 

I do a really good job of faking it with her when I am in these moods as well.

 

You could voice your opinion to me. I have not once reported anybody to a mod and I don't plan to.