Jodie23 Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago (after 5 years). For the first 3 weeks we tried to get back together, but he was not really trying. So he said it was not working. We lived together and had two dogs (who I miss just as much, if not more). So we offically finished Monday 9th Feb 2004. Anyway I phioned him on the Wednesday telling I miss him and I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach real hard coz he told me he was sort of with someone else. Well he is with someone else and I went round to the house I lived in with Paul to try and sort things out and she was there...............in my bed!!! I went mad and made myself look a complete twat. He told me to go away and leave him alone. I know I should forget him but he truely is my life. He has never been like this before, we have always done evrything together and I thought that this was ok. But before we broke up he started complaining that I do not let him breathe. He has NEVER cheated on me and always been so lovely. It seems that I do not even know him now. He will not let me see the dogs either. We were always so close and everyone is shocked with the break up and cannot believe it has happened. I would take him back tomorrow if I could. Do u think that he is just seeing if the grass is greener on the other side, I mean how can he be with someone already. I am hurting so so so much, my life revolved round him! As of today I am trying to not contact him. Do u think that this could make him miss me? I know I sound sad and desperate but I love him so much. It does not help that is new g/friend is attractive. It seems like he does not care that he has lost me!!! He is 26 and I am 23. Please help mexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 dear jodie, he may very well be sowing his wild oates and seeing if the grass is greener. he more than likely has been planning this for quite some time. he did not hook up with this new gal as fast as it looks. he surely has given this move a lot of thought and is not communicating with you because he is ashamed and doesnt want to see you hurt. my advise to you is treat yourself well, go to the beauty shop/spa and work out. you have to have an outlet. as long as he sees you as sad and down and out he will not be attracted to you or will anyone else. you have to let this run its course and only time will tell. he has been with you nearly 1/4 of his life and he has to get this out of his system to mature. believe me it is not about you as much as it is all about what he wants out of life. he wasnt with you for 5 years by accident. he also may be growing in a different direction than you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jodie23 Posted February 16, 2004 Author Share Posted February 16, 2004 I know but he always told me how much he loves me and he never indicated that he was unhappy. Its just really hard. I know I should try and move on with my life but he has been my life 4 so long. I just cannot believe how he could hurt me like this. I asked him if he was seeing this new girl while we were together and he promises me he was not. It just happened. How could it though. 2 days after we split he is sleeping with someone else. I just do not know how I will EVER get over this. Even knowing he is being intimate with someone else I would take him back Link to post Share on other sites
will_woman Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 I also think that his heart has swayed away quite sometime ago, without u knowing it. You have to face the fact that it has happened. Right now, I would suggest that you try to calm yourself. (i know it's quite difficult). Keep yourself busy. Spend times with friends and family. If you feel like crying, you can just go ahead.....5 years is a long time. You need time to get over it. You will realise that your tears will get lesser and lesser as time passes. Yeap...most important now is make yourself pretty and presentable. After all these crying, I am sure it has turned you into a pale looking person without much light. That was what happened to me. You have to pick your pieces up slowly and you can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 Well, if you've been broken up for a month, tried to work things out the first three weeks of that month, that means he's been with this girl for a week. She's a rebound. It probably won't work. But what YOU need to figure out is if you're willing to take him back if he wants to come back to you. After a break up, I think you'll truly see what someone is made of. You'll either see the best of someone, i.e. someone trying their best to win the other person back, doing all they can, or you'll see the worst of someone, i.e. they want nothing to do with you, treat you like crap, don't talk to you at all, don't want to see you, etc. You can't MAKE someone miss you. They either want you or they don't. If you were to do something that changes that, then there's something else going on behind the scenes, stupid mind games are being played. You shouldn't have to make someone want you, it should be natural. This girl he's with, it won't last, but it's up to you if you want him back if he wants to come back. He may just want to be out there and taste other flavors. I can't respect that. Neither should you. Link to post Share on other sites
tphillip Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 One of the relationship books I've read (But can't remember the title to at the moment. D'oh!) said that one person usually begins to mentally "divorce" themselves from the relationship long before the other person even notices. By the time the person "not in the know" realizes the relationship is in trouble, the person "in the know" has already been out of the relationship mentally for some time. So what seems like a quick turnaround is really not that short a time for the initiator's POV. Does that make any sense? Sheesh, I hate Mondays. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jodie23 Posted February 16, 2004 Author Share Posted February 16, 2004 It just has not sunk in that he could leave me this way. He is getting on with his life so why cant I? I cant believe this girl is sleeping in my bed and is with my dogs and most of all my Paul. How could someone be so cruel? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 The worst part is, is this the real him, and you're seeing it for the first time, or is he just changing, or is he faking? Who knows. TPhillips said it, I agree 100%, the breaker upper is ready for it WAAAAY before it actually happens and the broken upwither never sees it coming. It ain't an overnight thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jodie23 Posted February 16, 2004 Author Share Posted February 16, 2004 Its hard to think he went off me ages ago. I mean I done evrything for him. Maybe he just wants a new, more exciting life. The thing that upsets me is that he is taking her out with all our mutual friends. So I can not really go about with them now. So he has broken my heart big time, stayed in the house we rented for 4 years, kept our dogs and has a new girlfriend................I have nothing, im not feeling sorry 4 myself (trying not too) but I have had to move back in with my parents. I have had to take a big step back from being independent to feeling like ****. Im 23 and feel like my life has ended. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 What worries me are your constant references to him being your life and your life revolving around him. Your life should never revolve around another person. That's simply not healthy. The first thing you need to do is GET A LIFE of your own. Your life has not ended, trust me. You are 23 and have many, many options now. I cant believe this girl is sleeping in my bed and is with my dogs and most of all my Paul. Out of curiousity, why did he get the house and all the furniture in it? How could someone be so cruel? He ended things with you. He has moved on. It may feel cruel to you, but it's really not. How else could he have handled it? Not dated for awhile to respect your hurt feelings? That's ridiculous. He has gone on with his life and likely wishes that you would do the same. You really need to do your best to move on. Either he will miss you or he won't, and that is something you have no control over. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 You have to move on with your life. You're setting yourself up for a lot of pain and humiliation in the long run by having unrealistic expectations about getting back together with him. He broke up with you because he was not happy in the relationship anymore. Would him staying with you and cheating or being mean to you have made you happier? Break off all contact with him, respect his boundaries. Is he really worthy of this continued affection? He doesn't want it, and I don't think he deserves it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pretteangel Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 I feel for you, truly do and I am sorry you have to go through this pain, however, you are making that choice to hurt. Everyone can tell you something about this and that. Maybe I can start with this message to you. Your ex is not responsible for your feelings! YOU are responsible for your feelings. YOU the only one who can make a choice about yourself, to be happy or sad. You with me on this so far? Now back to your ex.' I agree, this new girl is a BIG FAT REBOUND! IT WON'T LAST! I keep saying this over and over again, why do women give men so much power? That is plain stupid behavior. It is time now to let Go and let God, or whatever your higher power may be. Being in a relationship takes 2 people. Making it a healthy and happy relationship takes 2 people, breaking up takes 2 people. It is time to find out who you are inside and find out what your problems are. Yes you got them. Anytime someone breaks up and can't move on in a healthy way, there is something going on inside of YOU. Nothing is lost yet and if you want him back, you have lots of work to do with YOU. You can't make a man come back if he does not want to. There was something wrong for him to want to leave. And it wasen't you, it was him. HIS feelings. HIS choice to leave. I promisse you one thing, the more you beg, the more you run after him, manipulate him in any way, the further he will run. Men want strong and independend women. They want a woman that is non drama. Men do not want to talk about stuff over and over again and be haunted to death and told what to do or changed by women. I am saying this very in general, not saying that you do that. When you make changes within YOU, everything around you will change. It is such a MYTH in this world that someone can hurt us, when the truth is that we hurt ourselves. We make that choice. I could write on and on about this subject but I stop here. All the love you feel for this man, is your own love that you already have inside of you for YOU. Now use it to help yourself and become the great woman you can be and it never depends on a man. God Bless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jodie23 Posted February 16, 2004 Author Share Posted February 16, 2004 You r SOOOOOOOO right, why am I hurting MYSELF. It is so true nobody should have power over you, especially when it comes to love. I do not understand how my mind is working.....he has someone and I need.no I WILL deal with it. I am going to learn to love me!!!! I suppose I am hurting because I have been with him since I was 18, he was my first 'real' relationship. So I should concentrate on me and then look forward to getting them butterfly feelings with other, decent men. I need to live. When I reflect back, I do honestly cringe...................I am 23 and I cooked, cleaned, ironed....generally did anything for him. He turned me into a housewife and in a way I can see why he does not want me.........I must be so boring, no fun. Well im going to give my self time to heal and then change me, definitely. Who knows in the long run it could switch completely round and be him that hurts. Thank you so much for slapping me in the face and realising what a total idiot I am being. I know I will have my off days and I know I will take time to get over him but tomorrow is a new day. A step closer to becoming a new Jodie. Love you Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 Don't expect to heal over night, and don't fight any sad feelings you'll get. Dwell on them, don't push them away or ignore them. You'll be fine. We all go through it. It just takes time, as cliched as that is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jodie23 Posted February 16, 2004 Author Share Posted February 16, 2004 Thanks Kevin, I know it is a long process. I just had another cry but I feel better. I wont feel so good again soon. I will let my heart heal on its own and in its own time. p.s you have a lovely smile..............thats enough to make anyone smile Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 Knowing that I'm making you smile at a time like this makes me feel helpful, even if it's just by smiling myself. Link to post Share on other sites
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