Do they ever come back?

[siuys]

So... I saw MM once in the last 18 days. This is the longest 'break' we've had. Still NC until we check in with each other in October (email probably).

 

I know it hasn't been that long, but I have a question: for you guys out there who have done longer NC e.g. 2 months, did you notice any difference for yourselves in terms of moving on, stability, mindset etc? And did you find you still miss them as much after 2 months?

 

I have mixed feelings right now. I still miss and think of MM a lot. Sometimes my sleep is still affected. But I was thinking, if I can NOT see him for two months, I wonder if I'd want to afterwards, especially if he is still unsure about stuff, or he is still unstable.... it would only throw me back. Would love to hear your experience.

[lilbunny]

So... I saw MM once in the last 18 days. This is the longest 'break' we've had. Still NC until we check in with each other in October (email probably).

 

I know it hasn't been that long, but I have a question: for you guys out there who have done longer NC e.g. 2 months, did you notice any difference for yourselves in terms of moving on, stability, mindset etc? And did you find you still miss them as much after 2 months?

 

I have mixed feelings right now. I still miss and think of MM a lot. Sometimes my sleep is still affected. But I was thinking, if I can NOT see him for two months, I wonder if I'd want to afterwards, especially if he is still unsure about stuff, or he is still unstable.... it would only throw me back. Would love to hear your experience.

 

We did 6 or 7 weeks of not seeing each other at all, I did feel better, thought about him less, cried less. I have to see him because of work, at least three days a week now and it did set me right back to square one, so be cautious. I knew this was going to happen of course and I don't have much choice in the matter. As soon as it was easy to see him I did and I'm not in a good place. Longer would probably have been better for me.

 

Good luck though, hope it turns out well for you.

[siuys]

I hope you feel better soon, lilbunny. It must be really hard since you HAVE to see him at work. I will be cautious, thank you, and I will make decisions as I go. Who knows, maybe it will be over, maybe it's a new beginning. I actually woke up from a nightmare the other day - that the relationship is over. In the nightmare he was this horrible person but he had a different face... my interpretation is that the toxic, twisted phase of this relationship is definitely dead. Whether or not it will continue time will tell.

 

Hang in there.

[camel's toe]

Do they come back?

 

I've mentioned elsewhere that I have had relationships with MM four times. Not good. MM2 was the one I really fell for. 3 years on and off. Had two young kids. I broke it off when I changed jobs (he was a work mate) - it was an excuse to get away from what was killing me. 2 years later, bump into him randomly at the railway station. Hes divorced. He wanted to give it another go. I saw him a few times but I'd moved on and I don't speak to him now.

 

MM3 was the one who didn't tell he he was still married (separated, not his choice, still in love with her and working on it). He left me when I found out. Over a year later, he contacted me. He was divorced. I wasn't interested. About a year later he tried again. I met him just to be sure. Nope, not interested. Get this, the final time, about a year after that, he is engaged (to someone new) and has a baby on the way and he contacts me and tries to meet up. Told him no way. Never heard from him again.

 

So sometimes they do come back. But never wait for them. In my case they found they'd missed the boat. We obviously weren't meant to be together.

 

I've mentioned that a MM I work with likes me (and I do like him) but how I've told him no and nothing has happened, not even a kiss. And it is not going to. My philosophy is, if he wants to leave his wife, he should do it for him. Not for me. I don't want that. I don't wanna be the get-out clause, the rebound woman. And I'm not waiting for him if he does leave. Can you imagine that? I wait and he rocks up with someone else!!! No way. Personally I think it is just lust with him. If he ever did leave then he is on his own. If he ever gets divorced he can come to me and if I'm single, he can take me for a drink just like any other guy. So if he thinks he can leave and just hop into bed with me he'll find he has to go through all the "terms and conditions" a regular guy would have to!!!

[siuys]

Couldn't agree more, camel's toe. I considered waiting, but then realised it does havoc with my head, and why should I? So he can remain in indecision city while I wait and put my life on hold? No way, Jose. If he does come back and wants to re-start the R, he better get his act together (that is if I'll still be interested). As I told him one time, no more free pass for him. I'm done with that b.s. So, meanwhile, I'm recovering, getting better day by day and swear on my dead mother's body that I will never see anyone recently separated or attached.

[2themoon&back]

Couldn't agree more, camel's toe. I considered waiting, but then realised it does havoc with my head, and why should I? So he can remain in indecision city while I wait and put my life on hold? No way, Jose. If he does come back and wants to re-start the R, he better get his act together (that is if I'll still be interested). As I told him one time, no more free pass for him. I'm done with that b.s. So, meanwhile, I'm recovering, getting better day by day and swear on my dead mother's body that I will never see anyone recently separated or attached.

 

 

siuys i am sorry i guess i have been out of the loop, are you still in NC and are you still going to see/or talk to xMM in Oct?

 

just wondering where you are and how you are holding up.

[siuys]

Hi 2themoon&back... well, we broke NC and he flipped and flopped again so we're back on NC since 11 days ago. He sent sms yesterday wanting to talk but I told him only when he's sorted himself out and knows what he wants. I've realised a lot of things since this post and am setting boundaries. I don't know what will happen but I simply won't put up with more crap, and only want him to get in touch when he can commit. I also know now that I can take it or leave it. I haven't written him off 100% but I will come beginning of next year if nothing has changed. I am not waiting, I am simply living my life without him now. You can the other threads I started... I am well. Thanks for checking in.