dabomb009900 Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 Good luck to any of you who try to help me with this one... my name is michael and i am a 17 year old junior in highschool. My "best friends" are the subjects of my story: Catie, Andy and Ben. Catie is a sophmore while the others are juniors...just for a little background. Now lets delve into the situation. I met catie at a play and talked to her on the phone and began to like her 11 months ago. We hung out a couple times, and i made the incredible mistake of making a 3-way call with her and Andy, my best friend at the time. Now Andy isnt perfect, like any of us, but he likes to drink and smoke and live it up at parties. Catie is quite like me, quiet, funny and outgoing at times and very against smoking and all that junk. Andy is also pretty popular and everyone likes him. He's "lukewarm" with very few opinions. Ben was very against drinking until he met Andy. Back to the story, they talked and the very night i was going to ask her out, i asked her who she liked. She said the infamous, "I dont know, who do you like." Obviously she knew I liked her, and she said well i dont know mike...i kinda like andy. My heat sunk. I was quickly reminded of the quote "If you love something let it go. If it truly loves you it should return." I said go for it because i would hate to cut her wings, because she is too wonderful to hide from the world. So they eventually got to go out, but I retained my feelings for the past 11 months. We have been best friends for the time being, and i have noticed some serious changes in her. She used to bounce around when she was happy and she would love to be around me. She lost her bounce. She always is sedated, and they have this exclusion thing, where whenever they are, they exclude themselves and just talk to themselves. This kills me because i can not stand to look at them together, and yet all i want is for Catie to be happy. All i want is for her to smile and to bounce around, as silly as that sounds. So i tell Catie that i still have this fascination with her and she flat out cries. I mean she balls her eyes out, and boy is she cute when she cries. She squeals and gives the best hugs. She then tells me that she doesnt want to choose between me and Andy because she couldnt do that, and that she loves us equally, but in total different ways. She tells me she cant live without me, and yet she used to always blow me off. I got majorly upset with her, and she told me that she had no friends, and that she needed me more than ever. She has made such an effort lately to be friends with me, and yet i can barely stand to look at her because she blinds me with her beauty. We decided to hang out for a couple times to just see how things are. I went over to her house twice, and one time Andy came up, and that killed me. Just seeing them again killed me slowly. The other time, the whole gang came over and Andy and Catie did the exclusion thing again and i dont know, it just upset me horribly. As ironic as it was, we watched Wet Hot American Summer With a couple Andy and Katie, with the best friend Coop in love with Katie. Obviously Andy is wrong for Katie in the movie because hes a dick to her, and Coop tells her how he feels. She eventually kisses him, then says that Andy is the guy for her because hes "sexier". This hit all too close to home for me, and symbolizes a lot for me then what any of you guys could get out of it. I have never cared for anything like this, and i rarely cry. For the past week i have cried myself to sleep thinking of her, and thinking of the choices that ive made. All i want to be is the greatest fan of her life, and all she wants to be is friends. Id rather have friends than nothing because she is something i cant forget. Side note: Andy got Ben to smoke marijuana and to drink...when they both know that i hate it. When we went bowling Ben smoked a cigar right in front of me with Andy, nothing like a kick in the face? Also Caties family absolutely loves me, and they usually hate all boys, especially Andy. The all say that she should go out with me, but i guess the girl has to make that decision??? Just goes to show you that the good guy finishes last yet again. Please help, i cant stop crying and i feel so bad. Catie cant help me because she doesnt know what to say, and she hates to see me cry. And its not really like i can find new friends, i only have a year left, and thats a long time with no friends and its too short to make new ones. If you can do anything please respond. Thank you so much ~the "good" guy~ Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 You are her friend. You made that choice when you deluded yourself into thinking that you wanted to see her bounce and smile. That's a lie, and I saw right through it. You don't JUST want her to be happy, you want her to be happy with you. The thing is, you're not being a good friend--at least not as good as you think you are. You like her romantically, thus any friendly investment she attempts with you causes pain on your part. A relationship in which one is invested, but not reciprocated--and the other is experiencing pain as a result of the investment--is not healthy. Andy is alluring to her because he's what she wants right now--there's no way to change her desires. She doesn't want a guy her family loves, she wants a guy to play with her. Don't play psychotherapist with this girl, she's not worth your time. I reccomend you tell her how you feel, and break off the friendship. You cannot be a good friend if you are interested in her romantically--it's unfair to both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Captain Nemo Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 I don't see what's worth crying about mate. You insist you're her friend and yet you feel wretched when she keeps company with her man. You need to be honest with yourself and realize that was dyermaker says is the truth. You don't want to be her friend--you want to replace her man. If she's not savy about the idea, why not let her go and find another lass that would enjoy your company? Captain Nemo Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 Make new friends she isnt worth crying over, no girl is worth crying over unless she has been on multiple dates with you. You should have made your move b4, and you didnt, so now you have to live with it. It does you and her no good at all to stay friends if you have feelings for her. Dyer is right when he says that you don't want her to be happy, you want her to be happy with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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