Why are single men generally more bitter than single women?

[MrNate]

Okay, I worded myself wrong, I didn't mean that they wake up and say "I want an emotionally abusive woman" but I find that nice people tend to be the most nurturing and for that reason are attracted to the damaged types whose lives they seek to make better. Unfortunately, many damaged types do not appreciate it.

 

I plan on moving, and yes...I am in a 4 year university, it is just smaller than average. I think I will have better luck once out of school because school takes up so much of my time that I feel limited to what is on campus and those numbers do not work in my favor.

 

I like and have dated all types. It is still hard to find unique individuals in places like where I live. Thanks for the suggestions!

 

Though I don't look like it, I'm very much attracted to nerdy girls. They strike me as deeper thinkers, as well has being humble. That as opposed to some hot women who just walk around with their head in the clouds with a stream of men at their beck and call.

 

And plus (another thing I like), they too, for sure, have a very sexy side but they just choose not to flaunt it. I guess my problem with it comes to women in general is that I'm very passive when it comes to women. And as we know, especially as a guy, that's a no-no if you want stuff to happen. So as a result, things over 21 years haven't been active for me.

 

But that just stems from me not knowing deep down what I want, which is what I'm still trying to decide. But man, it's hard to figure out, and I guess I'm just a bit worried about what conclusion I'll reach, and as to what that says about myself. But eh, enough of that.

[Woggle]

Once these men end up getting chewed up and spit out by the bad boy's leftovers then they themselves end up bitter and hateful towards women. They get sick and tired of being the nice faithful man who treats women well and gives them what women claim to want only to be treated like garbage, cheated on and betrayed. After a while a man asks what is the point of being a good guy if this is how women respond to it. I know it is hard not to be defensive when you hear your gender bashed but can you at least understand where this comes from?

[Mad Max]

Once these men end up getting chewed up and spit out by the bad boy's leftovers then they themselves end up bitter and hateful towards women. They get sick and tired of being the nice faithful man who treats women well and gives them what women claim to want only to be treated like garbage, cheated on and betrayed. After a while a man asks what is the point of being a good guy if this is how women respond to it. I know it is hard not to be defensive when you hear your gender bashed but can you at least understand where this comes from?

 

 

Simply put: Choose better women.

[Woggle]

Simply put: Choose better women.

 

That is easier said than done. Many women put on a good act until they have your trust.

[Green]

Once these men end up getting chewed up and spit out by the bad boy's leftovers then they themselves end up bitter and hateful towards women. They get sick and tired of being the nice faithful man who treats women well and gives them what women claim to want only to be treated like garbage, cheated on and betrayed. After a while a man asks what is the point of being a good guy if this is how women respond to it. I know it is hard not to be defensive when you hear your gender bashed but can you at least understand where this comes from?

 

"bad boys" are little wuss men in my book. I'll treat a woman well and if I don't get the same exact treatment back I will throw her away. I have no time to deal with mind games/ cheating/ and nastyness.

 

If I had a wife and we had kids and she thought she could start using and abusing me I would just walk away from the mariage.(not the kids)

 

I don't give permision for women to act like fools around me.

 

I try to explain the way women are to men on this site all the time but they refuse to listen.

 

If some women asked me "why are single men generally more bitter than single women?" I would answer with "Because they were on a date with you" haha

[Mad Max]

That is easier said than done. Many women put on a good act until they have your trust.

 

 

Many men do the same. To be in a relationship, you have to open up at some point.

[dispatch3d]

like your threads just kill me. I'm pretty sure this is turning into another bitter-hate fest.

 

The problem is the frame you set from the beginning of the very thing is hugely-negative, occasionally seeming insecurish.

 

This very thread title: "Why are men MORE bitter than woman". Nothing coul dbe more negative. It'd be harder to discuss something more negative than being super bitter. Why not title it: "Why do guys seem more frustrated than woman", or "Who has a harder time getting a date, woman or men?" etc. Using negative reference frames like "bitter" just puts a negative spin on things.

 

Again, I'm fairly certain everything is still in the negative here, have fun on the self-loathing :/.

[ViciousViolet]

As a nerdy/geeky guy I find this not at all true. I look for a woman more like you, but get turned down repeatedly.

 

 

Maybe the problem we have is we don't think dating should be a game. The bad boys are much more agressive than I ever could be and I often feel I can't compete with them. I'm not good at creating excitement on the first 30 minutes of a date while they do. The date is up before I know it and the ineviabe "you're such a great catch but we don't have chemistry" text message comes and it's over.

 

Basically. I have this thing for shy guys but it is nearly impossible to start a relationship with them because you never really know if they are into you. The thing about the not-so-good guys is that they are very straight forward and you never have to guess with them. They'll come right up to you and say something really romantic, and you can't help but to be flattered by it. How in the world does a girl know if a shy guy is interested?!?

[zengirl]

Good questions.

 

I'm not sure if I'm a "feminist."

 

I actually believe in some gender roles in a marriage. I'd like to work outside of the house, but I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I also enjoy sports so yea, I'd have no problem making my future husband a sandwich, throwing him a beer, and sitting down to watch the game. I believe it would be my duty as a wife to make sure my husband is pleased in every way sexually, and considering that I really like adult movies, I've picked up a trick or two;).

 

This is my problem. I'm easily friend-zoned for a variety of reasons. No, I'm not hot, and I understand why men love hot women. No biggie. I see it the same way I see guys who don't dress nice and don't drive fancy cars. Many are overlooked but little do some women know that these men would take care of them in every way if given the chance. I'm overlooked by guys who assume that the hot supermodel is going to make for an exciting long-term adventure. Some will and some won't. The funny thing is that the women you described who have bought into the modern ideas of feminism--I know some of them and they have plenty of guys:laugh:.

 

I'm a feminist (as in I like my rights and I don't believe in roles or anything of the sort divided by gender and I believe gender and sexuality are on a broad, three-dimensional spectrum) and a nerd, and I've never had trouble getting cute, nerdy guys into me. Of course, part of what fellows like about me being a nerd is that you wouldn't look at me and think that. When I mention something nerdy, they usually double-take a bit the first time. Are you also socially adept? I find nerds very much like extroverted women because they want to be dragged out of the house to things but they don't always know what to do/where to go themselves and rely on the women they date to do this. So, my being a socially adept extrovert rather than a full-scale nerd has probably helped.

 

Looks matter, of course. . . so if it's only looks and the nerds in your area are all landing only super-hot girls. . . that's a different story. It sounds like your region is difficult in general.

[TheLoneSock]

I find it bizarre. At least from the sample that posts on LS.

 

I don't find that most long term single women display man-hating attributes.

 

 

Yet, long term single men display so much bitterness and hatred, towards women in particular that they end up poisoning every thread on here.

 

Lots of us are in the same boat (regardless of the gender). Why hate?

 

I do see a lot of bitterness (to the point where it's almost comical), but hate is pushing it. I think some people just have thin skin, leading them to feel like they are hated. It's similar to when a girl says "Why do you hate me?!" over something trivial.

 

Also you have to look at the loveshack demographic, it's natural that the bitter parts of both gender would converge here, so I don't find it that odd. Loveshack is a poor representative sample of the rest of the dating populace. Most people I meet in person aren't so cynical or tainted, they are well rounded and emotionally healthy people who can cope correctly.

[ViciousViolet]

I'm a feminist (as in I like my rights and I don't believe in roles or anything of the sort divided by gender and I believe gender and sexuality are on a broad, three-dimensional spectrum) and a nerd, and I've never had trouble getting cute, nerdy guys into me. Of course, part of what fellows like about me being a nerd is that you wouldn't look at me and think that. When I mention something nerdy, they usually double-take a bit the first time. Are you also socially adept? I find nerds very much like extroverted women because they want to be dragged out of the house to things but they don't always know what to do/where to go themselves and rely on the women they date to do this. So, my being a socially adept extrovert rather than a full-scale nerd has probably helped.

 

Looks matter, of course. . . so if it's only looks and the nerds in your area are all landing only super-hot girls. . . that's a different story. It sounds like your region is difficult in general.

 

Hey! I think it is more of a demographic/location issue. I don't have a lot of time to the fun stuff as I'm always wrapped up in school or work or volunteering, so most of my social life is on campus and that is not working out. I'm in a department that is heavily male (math) and over the years most have become my close friends. When I look at the girls they pursue, it tells a different story. It is as if most of them want an escape from the nerdy-stuff they are surrounded by daily. Many just chase after girls who don't want them. I can only hope that things will change with age. A family friend just got engaged and she is in her mid-30's. She was a lot like myself in her youth and told me that her luck changed as she got older.

[ViciousViolet]

Oh I get it, you're looking for Steve Urkel.

 

Steve Urkel chased after Laura Winslow for years even though she was extremely turned off by him. Myra, on the other hand, was PERFECT for Steve and was in love with him, but who did he ultimately end up choosing? I don't know how closely you followed Family Matters, but the Steve-Laura situation is exactly what I'm talking about.

[Chicago_Guy]

Or, as many ladies seem to think nowadays, do you view a relationship as a "quid pro quo" arrangement? You don't do anything for the man without expecting something in return, keep careful accounting that everything is "even," and are resentful if things are not "even"?

 

I made an assumption that you and your friends are "nice" to the men you go out with.

 

But...are you? Or, are you always trying to "prove" that you are "just as good" as whichever man you are with? Do you feel entitled to "b*itch" at the guy you are with?

 

You need to really evaluate how you are behaving with men, and you have to divest yourself of any "feminist" notions, because being a "feminist" is not a good way to get a man. It might sound good among your peers and win you points in class, and it may have other things going for it, but it's absolute death for establishing a relationship with a guy.

 

Wow - I used to date a girl who behaved like that. Surprisingly, she denied being a feminist when I confronted her about her attitude.

[Woggle]

Even when things are even they are still resentful. I am not saying all women are like this but for these types nothing is ever good enough. The relationship just becomes a never ending quest to keep himself out of the doghouse which he never actually manages to acheive because she will always come up with reasons to put him there. If a man is in a relationship like this he needs to get out.

[zengirl]

Hey! I think it is more of a demographic/location issue. I don't have a lot of time to the fun stuff as I'm always wrapped up in school or work or volunteering, so most of my social life is on campus and that is not working out. I'm in a department that is heavily male (math) and over the years most have become my close friends. When I look at the girls they pursue, it tells a different story. It is as if most of them want an escape from the nerdy-stuff they are surrounded by daily. Many just chase after girls who don't want them. I can only hope that things will change with age. A family friend just got engaged and she is in her mid-30's. She was a lot like myself in her youth and told me that her luck changed as she got older.

 

Yes, it does sound mostly situational. But situations change! And perhaps your luck will too. I certainly didn't mean any slight to you in my analysis. I just found the whole topic perplexing.

 

Even when things are even they are still resentful. I am not saying all women are like this but for these types nothing is ever good enough. The relationship just becomes a never ending quest to keep himself out of the doghouse which he never actually manages to acheive because she will always come up with reasons to put him there. If a man is in a relationship like this he needs to get out.

 

I'm all for equality, but the word "even" is silly to me. Makes me think of the kids story "Two Greedy Bears." The bears are so worried that everything won't be perfectly even a fox tricks them out of their cheese (amongst other issues) and they only get two even crumbs. I'm not that into things being perfectly "even" or accounting the world out like that. That's petty. I think a world or relationship like that sounds very frustrating. (In a broader sense: Not a fan of quotas, etc, either for this reason.) True equality isn't about that.

[ViciousViolet]

Even when things are even they are still resentful. I am not saying all women are like this but for these types nothing is ever good enough. The relationship just becomes a never ending quest to keep himself out of the doghouse which he never actually manages to acheive because she will always come up with reasons to put him there. If a man is in a relationship like this he needs to get out.

 

I know women like this, and well...they always have guys:laugh: which is obvious looking at how many men on this site are still chasing after these types. I wouldn't give any of them the time of day and yet, I see many walking down the aisle. I feel sorry for their spouses but these ladies must be doing SOMETHING right. *shrugs*

[shadowplay]

Hey! I think it is more of a demographic/location issue. I don't have a lot of time to the fun stuff as I'm always wrapped up in school or work or volunteering, so most of my social life is on campus and that is not working out. I'm in a department that is heavily male (math) and over the years most have become my close friends. When I look at the girls they pursue, it tells a different story. It is as if most of them want an escape from the nerdy-stuff they are surrounded by daily. Many just chase after girls who don't want them. I can only hope that things will change with age. A family friend just got engaged and she is in her mid-30's. She was a lot like myself in her youth and told me that her luck changed as she got older.

 

This has been my experience as well. I'm a nerdy, shy girl. It's weird but the few guys who have been drawn to me have been more mainstream, less stereotypically nerdy types.

 

The nerdy guys I was once interested in were always into fluffy, bubbly, and often vapid girls who they thought could compensate for their lack of personality. Manic pixie dream girls. Basically the hipster alternative to the bimbo. I eventually caught on that these guys were academically bright but otherwise no deeper than the average schmo and also more passive and less masculine than I would have liked. The few guys I dated like this always tried to put me in the driver's seat, which I hated. I prefer more of a balance, even leaning toward the guy having very slight dominance.

 

Now I'm rethinking what type of guy best suits me. I know that I need to be with somebody who is very smart and intellectual, but I'm more wary of artsy or affected types than I once was. Normal and mainstream may be a better fit for my personality. Makes sense because the latter are less likely to have something to prove, or compensate for, so they don't seek that out in a partner.

 

Hopefully as I date more I'll figure this all out.

Edited August 19, 2010 by shadowplay

[phineas]

Gee, I don't fit in anywhere.

In highschool & college I did the D&D & computer geek thing.

 

I also worked out & dressed fairly well in college.

 

So I was attracting the shallow hot girls with little personality that just wanted to party & was afraid to even hint at D&D or anything geeky or they would just stare at me blankly & think I was a huge nerd. LOL!

 

The ones I was interested in, the skinny nerdy type didn't give me the time of day because they just thought I was looking to give them the 'ole pump&dump.

[phineas]

I know women like this, and well...they always have guys:laugh: which is obvious looking at how many men on this site are still chasing after these types. I wouldn't give any of them the time of day and yet, I see many walking down the aisle. I feel sorry for their spouses but these ladies must be doing SOMETHING right. *shrugs*

 

My STBXW turned into one of these women when she started cheating on me.

 

I may not know exactly what I want in a woman, but I do know what will make me walk away from one.

 

But, i'm not really bitter, just hard to give my trust to someone again.

[Woggle]

My STBXW turned into one of these women when she started cheating on me.

 

I may not know exactly what I want in a woman, but I do know what will make me walk away from one.

 

But, i'm not really bitter, just hard to give my trust to someone again.

 

Me too. If a woman started treating me like this she would be gone. There is no way I am walking on eggshells in my own home.

[ViciousViolet]

This has been my experience as well. I'm a nerdy, shy girl. It's weird but the few guys who have been drawn to me have been more mainstream, less stereotypically nerdy types.

 

The nerdy guys I was once interested in were always into fluffy, bubbly, and often vapid girls who they thought could compensate for their lack of personality. Manic pixie dream girls. Basically the hipster alternative to the bimbo. I eventually caught on that these guys were academically bright but otherwise no deeper than the average schmo and also more passive and less masculine than I would have liked. The few guys I dated like this always tried to put me in the driver's seat, which I hated. I prefer more of a balance, even leaning toward the guy having very slight dominance.

 

Now I'm rethinking what type of guy best suits me. I know that I need to be with somebody who is very smart and intellectual, but I'm more wary of artsy or affected types than I once was. Normal and mainstream may be a better fit for my personality. Makes sense because the latter are less likely to have something to prove, or compensate for, so they don't seek that out in a partner.

 

Hopefully as I date more I'll figure this all out.

 

Brilliant! You've expressed everything I've been thinking so perfectly. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has experienced this!

 

I've learned to stay away from the intellectual/artistic/tortured soul types. They are a good match for some girl, but not for me. The crazy thing is that people expect the mainstream guys to be more shallow than the nerdy types--this is certainly not the case. The mainstream types are more likely to see something in me that the nerdy guys are ignoring. I also like that many of the mainstream type guys have had their share of a diverse set of women and like you said, don't have anything to prove.

 

I'm starting to rethink my preference. Like you, I have to have a guy with whom I can hold an intellectual conversation, but I'm willing to give the mainstream guy a chance. I do struggle with some insecurity when it comes to these guys because I think to myself "What does he see in me?" However, the nerdy guys have made me feel even more insecure, so I'm moving on.

[shadowplay]

people expect the mainstream guys to be more shallow than the nerdy types--this is certainly not the case. The mainstream types are more likely to see something in me that the nerdy guys are ignoring. I also like that many of the mainstream type guys have had their share of a diverse set of women and like you said, don't have anything to prove.

 

Exactly! Obviously, we're talking about rough averages here, but ime the mainstream, confident smart guys are less shallow than the artsy/hip/introverted smart guys. I think the former type is usually looking for pretty straightforward qualities, while the latter is more likely to be chasing some mythical perfect woman. Makes sense because the former is more experienced, while the latter is used to pining away for women and building them up in his head. He doesn't have enough relationship experience with women to zone in on the right traits, so he places an overemphasis on certain qualities while neglecting to appreciate others.

[zengirl]

Now you've both confused me by combining artists and nerds. I think these groups mix about as well as pirates and ninjas.

 

I am not a fan of artists. These are the fellows that fancy themselves modern day philosophers, musicians, painters, whatever, and have giant melodramatic streaks. These are the fellows that want me to remain a mystery because I'm more exciting this way. These fellows have usually had very few serious girlfriends.

 

I very much like nerds. These are the fellows that are fluent in C++, like to talk about science, politics, and literature, read a few comics, play a few video games (maybe more than a few when they go into their single or shyest periods), and like some sci fi. I would agree nerds like someone who leads, at least in the beginning, to the degree where they need very clear signals of interest and intent. I dig this as long as they're willing to give the same in kind (this has usually been my experience with nerds). This is the opposite of mystery, though it opens up new mysteries to unravel if dealing with complex people. These fellows have usually (the ones I know who are also cute) had only serious girlfriends with maybe a few flings in between.

 

I also dig introverted guys, but usually introverted guys who have friends of various kinds and put themselves out there reasonably. I mean introverted in the sense that, if they aren't around people they really dig, or doing something they really enjoy, they'd rather be chilling with a book than just out and about around people for the sake of it (I do this on more than occasion, and it's a habit I try to break, but I'm naturally extroverted).

[shadowplay]

Now you've both confused me by combining artists and nerds. I think these groups mix about as well as pirates and ninjas.

 

I am not a fan of artists. These are the fellows that fancy themselves modern day philosophers, musicians, painters, whatever, and have giant melodramatic streaks. These are the fellows that want me to remain a mystery because I'm more exciting this way. These fellows have usually had very few serious girlfriends.

 

I very much like nerds. These are the fellows that are fluent in C++, like to talk about science, politics, and literature, read a few comics, play a few video games (maybe more than a few when they go into their single or shyest periods), and like some sci fi. I would agree nerds like someone who leads, at least in the beginning, to the degree where they need very clear signals of interest and intent. I dig this as long as they're willing to give the same in kind (this has usually been my experience with nerds). This is the opposite of mystery, though it opens up new mysteries to unravel if dealing with complex people. These fellows have usually (the ones I know who are also cute) had only serious girlfriends with maybe a few flings in between.

 

I also dig introverted guys, but usually introverted guys who have friends of various kinds and put themselves out there reasonably. I mean introverted in the sense that, if they aren't around people they really dig, or doing something they really enjoy, they'd rather be chilling with a book than just out and about around people for the sake of it (I do this on more than occasion, and it's a habit I try to break, but I'm naturally extroverted).

 

I think there's a lot of overlap between these types, and I'm not really sure which we're talking about either. But actually I've found that artsy dudes and nerdy introverted guys seem to like similar girls.

 

The guys who've liked me have been nerdy but also a bit more confident and mainstream.

[dispatch3d]

lol I could so easily fit that generic guy mold of the typical nerdy-type it's ridiculous. Minus the have-to-be-led part.