Why are single men generally more bitter than single women?

[meerkat stew]

A nerdy/geeky guy is unimpressed because girls like me remind him of his male friends. Most of the men who are dealing with emotionally damaged women are basically getting involved with the bad boys' leftovers. These women are emotionally damaged because they spent their youth chasing after men who were not ready to settle down. I see it on here all of the time. Some women are still sleeping with their exes and entering into FWB situations thinking that this will make the men fall in love with them. Then they get bitter when the men use them, even though most of these guys were honest about their intentions from the beginning. These women then go on to enter into relationships with men who actually care about them, but there is no excitement in having a decent guy for these types, so they just use this as an opportunity to boost their ego and get back at the guys who did them wrong by hurting an innocent guy.

 

So while it might seem odd that a nerdy/geeky girl like myself has no problem attracting the bad boys, it happens. Nice guys finish last because they do not understand how the game works.

 

Thanks very much for your objectivity, and agree with the summary above. It's rare to fins a woman here on LS who acknowledges that both men and women contribute to the situations that cause bad or bitter attitudes in dating.

[Green]

 

The simplest reason, is that for women, dating is like playing the game on easy mode.

 

More like they don't have to put a quarter in the machine to play, or perhaps have unlimited credits.

 

Haha these two posts are great. Made me laugh.

 

Because most men are single due to not being able to generate interest from a woman, which isn't a good feeling--while most single women are single by choice, but could change that in a matter of seconds.

 

I'm not bitter towards women; just stressed to an extent that I'm single.

 

Don't be stressed enjoy being single. Realisticly men have it much better. We get to play a fun and active role in finding women. It's attractive to be a man who chases after women. Go chase some tail

[Green]

The guys will not realize it. Speaking from personal experience, guys like me are just super happy that a girl is actually interested in us. It's so rare for me to get any female attention that it's hard to tell when a girl is interested or not. And of course it really hurts to find out that the girl that was spending time with me not really interested because she suddenly decides she's bored and just disappears without saying a word. I'm still shocked that our most recent date seemed good and things felt like they were progressing, and she just stops replying to texts.

 

You need to change the way you think completely. Its so great that you find it just nice to have female attention. It's already a victory just to be out with a girl. But you screwed it up with that girl by not KISSING and I saw it comming from a mile away and I warned you. If you had kissed her things may have still ended... but you would have had a better chance... MUCH BETTER

[ViciousViolet]

Interesting theory. But then what happens when said nerdy/geeky guys realize that these women aren't into them and seek to change their bad people-picking habits?

 

Actually, I know quite a few of these "good guys" who were lucky to have chosen wisely after running into these type of women. As for the others, some do end up marrying these women, and it is possible to live happily ever after, but you better believe that some of these women will admit that they settled. I lurk a message board that is all female, and I see this stuff all of the time. A young girl will talk about how she isn't really feeling this guy she's dating because he doesn't dress nicely and has no swagger even though he treats her well, comes from a nice family, and is educated and hard working. The older women will tell her to just stick around because those guys with swagger are not ready to settle down. They'll tell her that they were not initially attracted to their husbands, but that they settled because these men treated them better than the other guys. They learned to love their husbands because they were great providers and would make excellent fathers. It isn't a terrible thing because most people settle, but at least some guys can understand why it is frustrating for a girl like me to hear stuff like this because that smart, shabbily dressed guy is totally my type, but he'll unknowingly end up with a woman who is settling for him.

[InceptorsRule]

I don't know what type of women you guys are chasing, but I guarantee you that the guys venting here are the same ones who turn girls like me and some of my friends down on the regular. I dare anyone to try to prove me wrong. How about you men answer this for me, why am I still single? Why are some of my girlfriends still single?

 

 

OK I don't really know anything about you or your girlies, but let me take a couple of guesses.

 

I'm going to assume you are a reasonably sociable person and not too hard on the eyes, but not the type of super hot women that men are falling over themselves to date. Assuming also your friends are pretty much your peers in this regard. In other words more or less average nice girls.

 

My big "guess" is going to be (drum roll please) that at least some of your difficulties are related to the fact that you have "bought into" an idealized notion of "feminism" in a big-time way.

 

For example, do you think a woman should have to be at her man's "beck and call" and cater to him on a day to day basis?

 

I'm not implying slavery or anything. I mean simple stuff, like getting him a beer, making him a sandwich, doing nice things for him, always doing the "little things" to take care of him? You know more or less "traditional female role" stuff.

 

Do you feel being sexually pleasing to your man is a very important role as a woman in a relationship?

 

Or, as many ladies seem to think nowadays, do you view a relationship as a "quid pro quo" arrangement? You don't do anything for the man without expecting something in return, keep careful accounting that everything is "even," and are resentful if things are not "even"?

 

I made an assumption that you and your friends are "nice" to the men you go out with.

 

But...are you? Or, are you always trying to "prove" that you are "just as good" as whichever man you are with? Do you feel entitled to "b*itch" at the guy you are with?

 

You need to really evaluate how you are behaving with men, and you have to divest yourself of any "feminist" notions, because being a "feminist" is not a good way to get a man. It might sound good among your peers and win you points in class, and it may have other things going for it, but it's absolute death for establishing a relationship with a guy.

[carhill]

If you had kissed her things may have still ended... but you would have had a better chance... MUCH BETTER

 

Good advice, IMO. This *completes* the expression of interest. If there is a rejection, either of the kiss or after, there is no ambiguity and the man has relieved the kissing blue balls, so to speak. It's a potential which died at this stage, just like some die before meeting and some die before marriage. Fully expressing each stage, IME, really helps with processing the reaction, which one has no control over, and then moving on as appropriate.

 

Looking back, having experienced bitterness, it was a sign that I was 'stuck' and not moving forward. It really had nothing to do with the women specifically, only with the unhealthy choices I was making.

[Gold Pile]

It takes all kinds. You find plenty of bitter old single ladies. (actually married ones too).

In the more advanced cultures (Western) non-fat women are treated more kindly than men. Notice that store clerk offering to help you....he walked right past me. A boss that will call a male worker a Jack-A#$ won't say the same to a female worker. It's easier for a youthful lady to think the world is good-n-kind.

 

Certainly there are men who take rejection very hard and become bitter. Some are even bitter without the rejection, they resent the fact that men do the asking...women do the choosing. (most of the time).

 

My point is that you will find happy and bitter men and women in all walks of life.

[InceptorsRule]

Exactly. I cannot really change that, and being that physical attraction is important, I don't want a guy to "settle" for me.

 

Sounds reasonable.

 

I am okay with that, but I'll be damned if I sit back and watch a bunch of guys bash women and place us all in a box when there are many of us out here who are simply not like the others.

 

Uh oh. Now now now....this attitude you're expressing here is precisely what I'm trying to caution against when I refer to "feminism." We are talking "dating" here and specifically YOUR dating life, not what would be best for the females of the world and other abstractions.

 

Stop caring for a minute whether guys bash other women. Why is that a concern, how does it apply to YOUR dating life? If guys feel like bashing OTHER women then let them. YOU need to focus on GETTING YOURSELF A BOYFRIEND. So: Stop with the feminist/solidarity cr*p. This is the attitude which is absolutely killing your dating prospects. Let the other ladies navigate the dating hazards for themselves. You do likewise. ALL you need to worry about is finding ONE guy that YOU are compatible with.

 

 

 

Luckily for me, the women in my family do not age and I'm serious about my health and fitness.

 

LOL yes they do age, they just pretend otherwise. If you're serious about your health and fitness that means you are NOT overweight which is a MAJOR issue a lot of women seem to have in not getting dates and a MAJOR issue that so many so-called "shallow" men have in not seeking dates with these women. So, what do you think the problem is?

 

 

 

 

So I guess once I get to the age where guys are all out of shape, financially ruined for trying to impress the hot girls, balding and unhappy, they'll finally look at me--youthful and glowing, well traveled, financially stable with a body untouched by childbirth--and think "wow, I should have given her a chance.:p" Too bad I'll be a cougar by then:D. I'm being dramatic but this is how I feel sometimes.

 

 

The talk about "bitter" this and that doesn't just apply to men.

 

It sounds like all you need is an "attitude adjustment." You're IN SHAPE which is 95% of the battle, isn't it? Get off the soapbox if you want to get a bf.

[stillafool]

I find it bizarre. At least from the sample that posts on LS.

 

I don't find that most long term single women display man-hating attributes.

 

 

Yet, long term single men display so much bitterness and hatred, towards women in particular that they end up poisoning every thread on here.

 

Lots of us are in the same boat (regardless of the gender). Why hate?

 

I've noticed the same thing of late. Maybe it's because it's accepted in society that a man ask a woman to marry and most men probably thought finding their marriage partner would be easier than what they are experiencing. Also with so many women becoming educated and high earners their criteria for a husband has changed.

[somedude81]

You need to change the way you think completely. Its so great that you find it just nice to have female attention. It's already a victory just to be out with a girl. But you screwed it up with that girl by not KISSING and I saw it comming from a mile away and I warned you. If you had kissed her things may have still ended... but you would have had a better chance... MUCH BETTER

I just wasn't ready to try and kiss her. I was still getting more and more comfortable simply being around her presence. I often go months without even having a girl to talk to so I needed to get used to her.

 

BTW I knew things were going to end. I just expected her to have the decency to tell me. I would be taking things much better if she just sent me a text, "I'm sorry, it's not going to work."

[InceptorsRule]

The only guys I ever have luck with are the 'thuggish' guys because they see very attracted to me.

 

 

Cover your tats, remove your piercings except perhaps for ONE pair of tasteful earrings, don't dye your hair unnatural colors, don't smoke, and wear conservative clothing.

[TouchedByViolet]

The thing with "thugs" or any bad boys is that they spent most of their youth having women at their disposal. They never had a problem snagging a hot/sexy woman. By the time they are ready to settle down, many are just looking for something different. So while I'm not hot like a video girl, many are turned on by whatever else I have to offer. I never pursued them or chased them, so for some I am a breath of fresh air.

 

A nerdy/geeky guy is unimpressed because girls like me remind him of his male friends. Most of the men who are dealing with emotionally damaged women are basically getting involved with the bad boys' leftovers. These women are emotionally damaged because they spent their youth chasing after men who were not ready to settle down. I see it on here all of the time. Some women are still sleeping with their exes and entering into FWB situations thinking that this will make the men fall in love with them. Then they get bitter when the men use them, even though most of these guys were honest about their intentions from the beginning. These women then go on to enter into relationships with men who actually care about them, but there is no excitement in having a decent guy for these types, so they just use this as an opportunity to boost their ego and get back at the guys who did them wrong by hurting an innocent guy.

 

So while it might seem odd that a nerdy/geeky girl like myself has no problem attracting the bad boys, it happens. Nice guys finish last because they do not understand how the game works.

 

You are attracted to nerdy/geeky guys, but they are not attracted to you. You do feel these guys if attracted would treat you much better than the thug types and make better long term material. hmm...

 

Have you tried being more of a girly girl. Its great you like geeky stuff but do you like lady stuff ie. do you like to dress nicely, make yourself look extra pretty? look feminine. Most guys want a girl that will look girly for him. Its just sexy and pretty. If you are too much like a guy in your actions the attraction diminishes. Not sure if this is your problem but it could be helpful.

[ViciousViolet]

OK I don't really know anything about you or your girlies, but let me take a couple of guesses.

 

I'm going to assume you are a reasonably sociable person and not too hard on the eyes, but not the type of super hot women that men are falling over themselves to date. Assuming also your friends are pretty much your peers in this regard. In other words more or less average nice girls.

 

My big "guess" is going to be (drum roll please) that at least some of your difficulties are related to the fact that you have "bought into" an idealized notion of "feminism" in a big-time way.

 

For example, do you think a woman should have to be at her man's "beck and call" and cater to him on a day to day basis?

 

I'm not implying slavery or anything. I mean simple stuff, like getting him a beer, making him a sandwich, doing nice things for him, always doing the "little things" to take care of him? You know more or less "traditional female role" stuff.

 

Do you feel being sexually pleasing to your man is a very important role as a woman in a relationship?

 

Or, as many ladies seem to think nowadays, do you view a relationship as a "quid pro quo" arrangement? You don't do anything for the man without expecting something in return, keep careful accounting that everything is "even," and are resentful if things are not "even"?

 

I made an assumption that you and your friends are "nice" to the men you go out with.

 

But...are you? Or, are you always trying to "prove" that you are "just as good" as whichever man you are with? Do you feel entitled to "b*itch" at the guy you are with?

 

You need to really evaluate how you are behaving with men, and you have to divest yourself of any "feminist" notions, because being a "feminist" is not a good way to get a man. It might sound good among your peers and win you points in class, and it may have other things going for it, but it's absolute death for establishing a relationship with a guy.

 

Good questions.

 

I'm not sure if I'm a "feminist."

 

I actually believe in some gender roles in a marriage. I'd like to work outside of the house, but I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I also enjoy sports so yea, I'd have no problem making my future husband a sandwich, throwing him a beer, and sitting down to watch the game. I believe it would be my duty as a wife to make sure my husband is pleased in every way sexually, and considering that I really like adult movies, I've picked up a trick or two;).

 

This is my problem. I'm easily friend-zoned for a variety of reasons. No, I'm not hot, and I understand why men love hot women. No biggie. I see it the same way I see guys who don't dress nice and don't drive fancy cars. Many are overlooked but little do some women know that these men would take care of them in every way if given the chance. I'm overlooked by guys who assume that the hot supermodel is going to make for an exciting long-term adventure. Some will and some won't. The funny thing is that the women you described who have bought into the modern ideas of feminism--I know some of them and they have plenty of guys:laugh:.

[stillafool]

One thing I'm currently having trouble with is my jealousy of how easy women have it. Last week I had one date with one girl. After looking at her FB page she apparently had four "dates" with four different guys, me included. She's also the only girl I've gone out with in the past two months...

 

But not all women have it that easy. For example; there are lots of men who will not look twice at women who are overweight or close to it. These women want love as well and dating is not easy for them. All goodlooking people (men and women) have it easier in the dating/marrying world.

[ViciousViolet]

Cover your tats, remove your piercings except perhaps for ONE pair of tasteful earrings, don't dye your hair unnatural colors, don't smoke, and wear conservative clothing.

 

No tats

Only 1 piercing in each ear

I do not smoke

I dress decently as I am a soon to be graduate student and I volunteer quite a bit

 

Not every thug guy is looking for a thug girl. In fact, many of them rather settle down with the modest, quiet types because well we don't have a lot of drama and baggage.

 

You really seem to have some issues with what I have to say. This is interesting. The same qualities that you are telling me drive men away, are the same qualities I have found in the women with the most guys.

 

I am single because the type of guys I like are not interested in me. Instead, they chase after the girls who only want to use and abuse them. The type of guys who are interested in me aren't my type. Simple as that. I don't believe it would be fair for me to settle just to say I have a guy--which is what a lot of women do. Location is another big one, because I live in an urban environment so there are very few guys who even fit what I'm looking for. I love men, have mostly male friends, and will rally for guys when I see them being stepped all over by women. I just ask for guys to think a little more about why some find themselves attracted to the wrong women over and over again.

[stillafool]

I just ask for guys to think a little more about why some find themselves attracted to the wrong women over and over again.

 

I don't know why some men find it hard to believe that men fall for the "bad girls" as well. Maybe when you finish school you can move to an area where your choices will be better. Good luck.

[somedude81]

But not all women have it that easy. For example; there are lots of men who will not look twice at women who are overweight or close to it. These women want love as well and dating is not easy for them. All goodlooking people (men and women) have it easier in the dating/marrying world.

Overweight women knowingly take themselves out of the game. Even then, it's not uncommon for an overweight girl to have no problem getting guys as long as she dresses nice and tries to take care of her health. Of course she will get passed over for thinner women.

 

You know that girl I talked in the post you quoted? She's 20 lbs overweight and drowning in male attention.

[ViciousViolet]

I don't know why some men find it hard to believe that men fall for the "bad girls" as well. Maybe when you finish school you can move to an area where your choices will be better. Good luck.

 

Oh definitely! I know that it isn't this way everywhere, but I'm unfortunately stuck in a place where not many people share the same interests as myself. I keep myself busy and hope that things will look up. As for the guys in here, I wish all of them luck in finding love. Please leave the damaged women alone and give some of the good girls a chance.

[somedude81]

No tats

Only 1 piercing in each ear

I do not smoke

I dress decently as I am a soon to be graduate student and I volunteer quite a bit

 

Not every thug guy is looking for a thug girl. In fact, many of them rather settle down with the modest, quiet types because well we don't have a lot of drama and baggage.

Are you African American? You keep mentioning that thug guys are into you and you said you live in an urban environment in the south. If that's the case, then it makes it easier to understand the situation you are in.

I am single because the type of guys I like are not interested in me. Instead, they chase after the girls who only want to use and abuse them.

Men do not look for women who would abuse them. I don't know where you even got that thought.

[ViciousViolet]

Are you African American? You keep mentioning that thug guys are into you and you said you live in an urban environment in the south. If that's the case, then it makes it easier to understand the situation you are in.

 

Yep. So now you understand my struggle. There just are not enough nerdy/intellectual types within my demographic, so the pickings are VERY slim, especially in the college environment where there are 3 women to every man, and naturally the sexy, gorgeous girl will win out every time, no matter her personality. I see rude girls get great guys all of the time.

 

Men do not look for women who would abuse them. I don't know where you even got that thought.

 

Not physical abuse! I meant emotional abuse, and in some cases "financial" abuse. I don't think these men seek out these women, but some good guys do end up in bad situations. I hate to see people get used.

[somedude81]

Cool my assumption was right. The easiest solution is to just move. Not only are the men you are interested in the minority but the girls completely out number the men. The numbers of students in the school you posted seem quite low. Are you in a 4 year university?

 

Also have you been dating guys outside your race? If not, it may be something to consider. I've always lived in racialy diverse areas and over the years I've had crushes on girls of every race except for Indian or middle eastern.

 

I actually did mean emotional abuse. Men don't seek it out, but it happens. Either the girl knows what she's doing or she doesn't have a clue or maybe just doesn't care. Going full circle, and that leads to men being bitter.

[stillafool]

Overweight women knowingly take themselves out of the game. Even then, it's not uncommon for an overweight girl to have no problem getting guys as long as she dresses nice and tries to take care of her health. Of course she will get passed over for thinner women.

 

You know that girl I talked in the post you quoted? She's 20 lbs overweight and drowning in male attention.

 

Do you think overweight men knowingly take themselves out of the game? IMHO 20lbs overweight is not enough to prevent any gender from finding dates. What about obese people (which seem to be everywhere), don't they need love as well?

[somedude81]

Do you think overweight men knowingly take themselves out of the game?

Of course they do. Men know very well that their level of fitness is very important in how attractive they are to women. That's why 75% of people at the gym are men. BTW I'm talking about the general cardio and work out areas, not the classes.

IMHO 20lbs overweight is not enough to prevent any gender from finding dates. What about obese people (which seem to be everywhere), don't they need love as well?

Everybody needs love. But if the only reason an overweight girl isn't getting any is because she's overweight, there is only one solution.

 

For men, there is a large combination of factors that women look for. Some can be changed while others can't. I can continue working on my education and get a good career. I can also improve my sense of style and improve my fitness. But no matter what I do, I can never improve my facial looks or grow taller. Those negatives will be with me till the day I die. And don't even try and tell me that women don't notice how tall or good looking a man is.

Edited August 18, 2010 by somedude81

[ViciousViolet]

Cool my assumption was right. The easiest solution is to just move. Not only are the men you are interested in the minority but the girls completely out number the men. The numbers of students in the school you posted seem quite low. Are you in a 4 year university?

 

Also have you been dating guys outside your race? If not, it may be something to consider. I've always lived in racialy diverse areas and over the years I've had crushes on girls of every race except for Indian or middle eastern.

 

I actually did mean emotional abuse. Men don't seek it out, but it happens. Either the girl knows what she's doing or she doesn't have a clue or maybe just doesn't care. Going full circle, and that leads to men being bitter.

 

Okay, I worded myself wrong, I didn't mean that they wake up and say "I want an emotionally abusive woman" but I find that nice people tend to be the most nurturing and for that reason are attracted to the damaged types whose lives they seek to make better. Unfortunately, many damaged types do not appreciate it.

 

I plan on moving, and yes...I am in a 4 year university, it is just smaller than average. I think I will have better luck once out of school because school takes up so much of my time that I feel limited to what is on campus and those numbers do not work in my favor.

 

I like and have dated all types. It is still hard to find unique individuals in places like where I live. Thanks for the suggestions!

[InceptorsRule]

Oh I get it, you're looking for Steve Urkel.