DreamerGirl27 Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 I can't get over my friend that I like. He wants to be really good "pals" and I'm just not okay with that, but I can't end it, either. Even if I was able to, I still have a whole semester to look forward to with him. He's in the same class as me (again). Does it ever change? I have heard of friends getting together and this is what I am hoping for. I have tried and tried to find another guy I'm interested in and I just can't. No one else seems to have that "spark". I am also the girl in the situation, so you'd think it'd be easier for me, but it's just not. I met him about a year ago and started talking to him about 9 months ago and it's still the same. We are just "friends". I don't know if I'm okay with that, but at the same time, I nearly have a heart attack and break down if I try and stop talking to him altogether. I've already tried that once and that's exactly what happened and I actually felt better when I decided to start talking to him again. But then there's always that "glimmer" of hope in the back of my mind, like, if he wants to be such good "friends" maybe he secretly wants more? I don't know what to do with myself...I can't find another guy, I am on a dating site, and NOBODY seems interesting. Literally NOBODY. I am not interested in anybody at work. School...is pretty much wrapped up in him because we have the same major and nobody else is all that interesting in my other classes (I don't know this yet, I haven't started this semester yet, but it's highly unlikely). I've NEVER had this close of a guy friend and I've NEVER felt this strongly about a guy before, either. But he says he is not interested in me like that. He just wants friendship from me. It is basically like torture. Like a cat and mouse kinda game....dangle the cat toy in front of the cat, then yank it away when the cat wants it the most. Silly sounding...but it's the truth!! How do you stay friends with the object of your affection?????? and does it/will it ever change??????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 I think that you would be better off not being friends with him. If you stop being friends with him he might realize that he does want you in his life and be romantic with you. Even if he never tries to be romantic with you. If you stop being friends and get him out of your life you will eventualy forget about him and you will feel a lot better. Then your mind/heart will be free for a real romantic relationship with a guy who wants you like you want him. A guy who wants to hold you in his arms and kiss you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted August 17, 2010 Author Share Posted August 17, 2010 ^I haven't come across another guy I like but him in a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted August 18, 2010 Author Share Posted August 18, 2010 and I could/would never forget about him. I haven't forgotten about past crushes. Stuff like this stays with you forever. This is going to be the worst, too. Because at least my past crushes just flat out ignored me, so there was no attachment. This guy is purposely attaching himself to me without actually attaching himself to me, if you know what I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 and I could/would never forget about him. I haven't forgotten about past crushes. Stuff like this stays with you forever. This is going to be the worst, too. Because at least my past crushes just flat out ignored me, so there was no attachment. This guy is purposely attaching himself to me without actually attaching himself to me, if you know what I mean. I do know what you mean and a lot of us have been where you are. Just know you're going to be fine. A guy who wants you just as bad as you want him is bound to come into your life sooner then later. Believe me you will forget real quick when that happens. But the best way to make that happen is enjoy life, cheer up. Stop thinking about and more importantly hanging out with your "friend" he isn't good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted August 18, 2010 Author Share Posted August 18, 2010 I am not going to not hang out with him if he asks... Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 I am not going to not hang out with him if he asks... well then lose yourself and be the friend you never wanted to be. I believe in doing whats best for myself and that means being hones and not playing a role in some one elses life. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 Green is right... imagine how much more heartbroken you'll be, if he gets together with another girl when you're in his life as the friend. Been there, done that - it's awful (it wasn't even serious for him, but the fact that he did it at all just killed me). He's now on the same page that I was - he started to do all the right things, things I wanted in the past - but it's tainted for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused100 Posted August 19, 2010 Share Posted August 19, 2010 Totally agree with Green. Personal experience has taught me that it's just too difficult. If you continue to be friends, it will continue to be torture. Trust me, I've experienced it too--more than once. It's extremely hard to do, but it's best if you stop being friends. Sure, you hear similar stories that end in success. But the vast majority of the time, that doesn't happen. The other person just doesn't develop the same romantic feelings. Save yourself the prolonged misery. Link to post Share on other sites
blackorchid Posted August 19, 2010 Share Posted August 19, 2010 Being his friend is not going to help you get over him. You said it yourself it's torture. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted August 19, 2010 Share Posted August 19, 2010 and I could/would never forget about him. I haven't forgotten about past crushes. Stuff like this stays with you forever. This is going to be the worst, too. Because at least my past crushes just flat out ignored me, so there was no attachment. This guy is purposely attaching himself to me without actually attaching himself to me, if you know what I mean. DG, how old are you? I'm asking because you come across as very young; it seems like you over romanticize infatuations. Most people only do that while they're in high school. I predict that once you gain more experience with relationships, unrequited "love" will not stay with you forever. You will someday learn to occupy your time with men that truly want to date you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted August 19, 2010 Author Share Posted August 19, 2010 DG, how old are you? I'm asking because you come across as very young; it seems like you over romanticize infatuations. Most people only do that while they're in high school. I predict that once you gain more experience with relationships, unrequited "love" will not stay with you forever. You will someday learn to occupy your time with men that truly want to date you. I'm 25 and no I don't over romanticize things. He has pushed himself on me for a friendship and led me on unbelievably. Why would I learn to occupy my time with men that truly want to date me when every man that does, I don't want to date them? It's the same way with them. They have unrequited "love" for me. I have never met a man that wanted to date me that I have wanted to date and vice versa. The only difference is, I don't lead the men on who want to date me. I tell them straight up, I'm not interested and I think it would be best if we don't talk. I've now had someone who is a certified psychiatrist tell me that it's not generally normal for a male to want to just be friends with a girl. Thank you for the insult, though.. in calling me a high school student. Link to post Share on other sites
mohdhm Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 I'm 25 and no I don't over romanticize things. He has pushed himself on me for a friendship and led me on unbelievably. Why would I learn to occupy my time with men that truly want to date me when every man that does, I don't want to date them? It's the same way with them. They have unrequited "love" for me. I have never met a man that wanted to date me that I have wanted to date and vice versa. The only difference is, I don't lead the men on who want to date me. I tell them straight up, I'm not interested and I think it would be best if we don't talk. I've now had someone who is a certified psychiatrist tell me that it's not generally normal for a male to want to just be friends with a girl. Thank you for the insult, though.. in calling me a high school student. You look at things from a scarcity point of view rather than an abundance point of view. That is your problem, that was also my problem when i obsessed with girls back then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted August 20, 2010 Author Share Posted August 20, 2010 ^ Scarcity? Okay, that doesn't make a bit of sense to me, but whatever.... I am not acting like a high schooler in the least. Girls get hurt over situations like this. Maybe if I was 45 and already been married and actually experienced love at least once in my life, but I haven't. I am not THAT old. Don't age me. It's perfectly appropriate at my age to be thinking about this all the time. All me and my girlfriends talk about are guys, guys and GUYS. It's the same with all of us...my best friend breaks up with her boyfriend of 6 years, my other best friend likes a guy who doesn't like her back....it's no different, we all obsessively talk about it and obsess over it. It just happens to be much worse than actually just liking someone who doesn't like you back when they want to CONSTANTLY BE YOUR FRIEND!!! My situation is like right smack in the middle of my 2 best friends. One likes a guy who doesn't like her back, but he is keeping his distance from her, my other best friend just broke up with an actual boyfriend. I just have a friend that wants to be really close but not REALLY close, if ya know what I mean. I'd almost prefer to be in my other best friend's shoes and be ignored. That would give me the hint that he doesn't like me more than, as opposed to "What are you up to????" every GOD DANG NIGHT!!! Anyway. I'm done. Please don't ask me my age again. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 ^ Scarcity? Okay, that doesn't make a bit of sense to me, but whatever.... I am not acting like a high schooler in the least. Girls get hurt over situations like this. Maybe if I was 45 and already been married and actually experienced love at least once in my life, but I haven't. I am not THAT old. Don't age me. It's perfectly appropriate at my age to be thinking about this all the time. All me and my girlfriends talk about are guys, guys and GUYS. It's the same with all of us...my best friend breaks up with her boyfriend of 6 years, my other best friend likes a guy who doesn't like her back....it's no different, we all obsessively talk about it and obsess over it. It just happens to be much worse than actually just liking someone who doesn't like you back when they want to CONSTANTLY BE YOUR FRIEND!!! My situation is like right smack in the middle of my 2 best friends. One likes a guy who doesn't like her back, but he is keeping his distance from her, my other best friend just broke up with an actual boyfriend. I just have a friend that wants to be really close but not REALLY close, if ya know what I mean. I'd almost prefer to be in my other best friend's shoes and be ignored. That would give me the hint that he doesn't like me more than, as opposed to "What are you up to????" every GOD DANG NIGHT!!! Anyway. I'm done. Please don't ask me my age again. I said that "most people do this when they're in high school" I did not say "DreamerGirl, you must be in high school." Sorry if you took my words as insulting, I was just sharing my opinion. You mentioned that "girls get hurt over situations like this"...Yes, little girls who have too much time on their hands, get caught up in unrequited love. Women know not to focus their energies on such time wasting, energy sucking nonsense. Don't you think you deserve better? Are you honestly putting a crush in the same league as a six year relationship? That's like equating a lunch date with marriage. You're very defensive about your age; I strongly suspect that you are quite young. ***He's not interested in dating you. Accept it and move on, unless you want to continue to torture yourself. *** Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted August 20, 2010 Author Share Posted August 20, 2010 I said that "most people do this when they're in high school" I did not say "DreamerGirl, you must be in high school." Sorry if you took my words as insulting, I was just sharing my opinion. You mentioned that "girls get hurt over situations like this"...Yes, little girls who have too much time on their hands, get caught up in unrequited love. Women know not to focus their energies on such time wasting, energy sucking nonsense. Don't you think you deserve better? Are you honestly putting a crush in the same league as a six year relationship? That's like equating a lunch date with marriage. You're very defensive about your age; I strongly suspect that you are quite young. ***He's not interested in dating you. Accept it and move on, unless you want to continue to torture yourself. *** All I can say to you at this point is that you are really lucky this is a moderated board. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted August 20, 2010 Author Share Posted August 20, 2010 ***and that you also have a reading comprehension problem*** Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 ***and that you also have a reading comprehension problem*** Oooh, yes I'm so lucky. Is that supposed to be some sort of threat? You are only saying I have a reading comprehension problem, because you did not like my opinion. The angry 3 year old strikes again. I won't belabor this trivial and adolescent BS any more. What do you want people to tell you? Keep obsessing? Grow up darling. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused100 Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 DreamerGirl, My guess is that you came here seeking some sort of validation. You were seeking responses where we'd say that it can work out. It's just not the case. If he hadn't made any explicit mention of being disinterested, I'd say give it a shot and ask him out. But he has. It hurts. We've all had to go through this type of stuff in the past. You have two options: (1) stay friends with him and continue to torture yourself in hope that some day he will fall for you.... or (2) cut ties and move on with your life. I'm sure you don't want to have to live with the pain. It's tough to cut someone you care about so much out of your life... but in the long run, it's going to be so much better for your emotional health. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 DreamerGirl, My guess is that you came here seeking some sort of validation. You were seeking responses where we'd say that it can work out. It's just not the case. If he hadn't made any explicit mention of being disinterested, I'd say give it a shot and ask him out. But he has. It hurts. We've all had to go through this type of stuff in the past. You have two options: (1) stay friends with him and continue to torture yourself in hope that some day he will fall for you.... or (2) cut ties and move on with your life. I'm sure you don't want to have to live with the pain. It's tough to cut someone you care about so much out of your life... but in the long run, it's going to be so much better for your emotional health. Thank you! She's angry because we won't sugar coat our responses. I also think DG knows we are right, but she is not ready to accept advice. Maybe she does want to live with the pain; DG seems like a drama queen. The unrequited crush makes interesting fodder for "obsessing" with her friends. And now she can also complain to her friends about the horrible people on LS, who refuse to indulge her sophomoric whims. Wondering why DG and her pals mostly talk about guys...do they not have anything else in their lives?? Maybe shifting the focus on themselves would help. Link to post Share on other sites
Clep Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 Wow. I just read through this whole post and the posts from the OP were straight out of teen magazine. I haven't laughed this hard ever I think reading a thread. Maybe she is 25, but obviously hasn't made it there in maturity level. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted August 20, 2010 Author Share Posted August 20, 2010 If you guys are going to be mean and insulting, why are you here?? I am just not going to post anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused100 Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 I'm not being mean. I'm just telling it like it is. I just went through the same thing. I cut contact. I don't even know if she was really a friend anymore--she sure wasn't acting it. It sucks big time. But I knew it was going to take a lot longer to get over her if I stayed in touch. Still not there yet, but hopefully sometime in the near future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted August 21, 2010 Author Share Posted August 21, 2010 ^I am not referring to you, I am talking about the ones who made this a personal attack against me and on my "maturity" level. It is fine if you can want to give your advice ABOUT THE SITUATION NOT ME, that's what I am here for, but I am not immature if I reject it and if I am, keep those comments to yourself. I have already decided to stay his friend, at least while I have another semester with him. The following semester after this, I may not be in the same building as him anymore. I am almost certain he'll still try and talk to me online after this semester, but I won't be seeing him in person 3, possibly 5 days a week. For the sake of not making things weird, I am not going to ignore him when I know he'll walk in and be super friendly and wanna sit next to me, etc. If anyone is acting immature in this situation, it is him. What guy constantly keeps in contact with a girl and has deep, emotional, and personal conversations with her that he doesn't like? Unless he is insecure and afraid of becoming "vulnerable" by showing his true feelings. Like I said, I have now had a certified psychiatrist inform me that it is not generally normal for a guy to wanna just be REALLY good friends with a girl. He wants more. He is just acting like a 12 year old about it. I just read a similar post from some girl in the same situation on another board and that's what everyone told her. That the guy is acting like a 12 year old. Saying he doesn't like her and she shouldn't like him and then constantly starting conversations with her. It isn't normal. If he DOESN'T like me, it still isn't normal. Unless he is gay. If you wanna give me advice, feel free to do so, but I don't have to take it and do everything everyone says. But if you are going to post in my threads, don't turn it around into an "let's insult the OP and tell her how immature she is". It is insulting. Not to mention I'm smart enough to know it isn't true. The only immature people here are the ones sitting behind their computer screen, getting off to insulting someone they don't even know on the internet, because it's the internet and they can. This is coming quite close to "cyber bullying". Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 Wow. I just read through this whole post and the posts from the OP were straight out of teen magazine. I haven't laughed this hard ever I think reading a thread. Maybe she is 25, but obviously hasn't made it there in maturity level. This. Also, why does the OP ask for advice if she's just going to reject it all?? The OP has mentioned seeing a psychiatrist about her boy issues. I'm going to suggest additional counseling; DG seems stuck at age 16 in her head. Link to post Share on other sites
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