Can friends ever JUST be friends when one likes the other one?

[Confused100]

This. Also, why does the OP ask for advice if she's just going to reject it all??

 

I can understand why. When I was younger I would do something similar. I just didn't want to accept the truth. The truth can be hard. Nevertheless, it wasn't long before I found out that everyone was completely right. I would have saved myself much heartache.

 

I have already decided to stay his friend, at least while I have another semester with him. The following semester after this, I may not be in the same building as him anymore. I am almost certain he'll still try and talk to me online after this semester, but I won't be seeing him in person 3, possibly 5 days a week.

 

For the sake of not making things weird, I am not going to ignore him when I know he'll walk in and be super friendly and wanna sit next to me, etc.

 

If anyone is acting immature in this situation, it is him.

 

What guy constantly keeps in contact with a girl and has deep, emotional, and personal conversations with her that he doesn't like? Unless he is insecure and afraid of becoming "vulnerable" by showing his true feelings.

 

It is a bit difficult in your situation since you have to see him every week. However, have you told him how you feel about him and his behavior? i.e. that it hurts you a lot to be just friends and his actions aren't making it any easier? If he was a true friend, he'd probably back down.

 

Maybe a real example will help show you what I mean. To be honest, I have no idea if how I approached my particular situation was wise, but I'll share it anyway. I asked out my friend a couple months ago and she said that she wasn't interested in dating at the moment (I should have taken this as a clear enough hint, but I was stubborn). As the weeks went by, I was still crazy about her and keeping in touching was torture. I felt like I was still getting mixed signals from her so I sent her a message explaining that, asking her once more, and discussing how I don't think I can be friends right now. She responded and said that she was very flattered but didn't feel the same way. She said she enjoys me as a friend and is disappointed that a friendship may not work out, but added that she knows it's hard and doesn't want to upset me. I replied and told her that I would still be glad to be her friend in the future, but I just need to sort my feelings out first. It's just not fair to either of us and it's too hard on me if I continue to be friends at this time.

 

Will I ever be friends with her again? We were quite close before, but I don't know. It's going to take a while to get over her, but one day, X weeks or X months down the road, I'll stop thinking about her all the time. Perhaps she'll pop into my head one day and I'll be curious as to how she is. I don't want to make a premature return, but if I feel I don't have those deep romantic feelings anymore, I'll contact her and see if I can reestablish a friendship.

 

You know what? It sucks. I already miss her. But I know I would push my healing off if I kept this up. I have to do this.

 

I don't think it's too out there for a guy to have deep conversations with a girl he's not interested in. I have one particular girl friend I feel very comfortable coming to for support.

[DreamerGirl27]

Like I'm going to take seriously what a bunch of strangers on a site say. I don't see a psychiatrist because of "boy issues". That just happens to be what's going on right now. If I were acting like I was 16, they'd say so. They don't. In fact, it's my psychiatrist who is the one told me she thinks he likes me and it isn't normal for guys to befriend girls they don't like.

 

She's taken years of behavioral studies, etc...I think she would know.

 

Quit cyber bullying me BlackLovely.

[BlackLovely]

Like I'm going to take seriously what a bunch of strangers on a site say. I don't see a psychiatrist because of "boy issues". That just happens to be what's going on right now. If I were acting like I was 16, they'd say so. They don't. In fact, it's my psychiatrist who is the one told me she thinks he likes me and it isn't normal for guys to befriend girls they don't like.

 

She's taken years of behavioral studies, etc...I think she would know.

 

Quit cyber bullying me BlackLovely.

Whatever you say, DG. Since when is being honest bullying?

 

Again, your post begs the question of: If you don't care what our opinions are, what is the purpose of posting??

[Yamaha]

I don't think it's too out there for a guy to have deep conversations with a girl he's not interested in

 

I beg to differ. Most guys do not sit and have long convos with girl friends unless she is a long time friend or they enjoy an activity together. Most guys do not spend loads of 1 on 1 time with a girl unless he's interested.

[Cee]

When I was 22, I developed a major infatuation with a guy. He was a volunteer where I worked and I saw him every day. One night when we were both drinking, I told him I liked him. He turned me down flat and I respected his wishes. Since he was an amazingly intelligent and interesting person, I decided to pursue a friendship. I had to stifle my romantic feelings & deal with jealousy, but it was worth it.

 

We have been friends now for several years. Real friends. He has been there when I experienced the worst times of my life. Recently, I lost most of my possessions and he donated some beautiful furniture to me, including his mother's wooden drafting table. He refinished it and gave it to me. It is the nicest gift I've ever received.

 

There is absolutely no romance between us & my crush has grown into deep platonic love.

 

True friendship lasts far longer than most romances. If this guy is worth being in love with, maybe he's worth being your friend. Friendship will not lead to romance, but it may lead to something better.

[DreamerGirl27]

I beg to differ. Most guys do not sit and have long convos with girl friends unless she is a long time friend or they enjoy an activity together. Most guys do not spend loads of 1 on 1 time with a girl unless he's interested.

 

 

Thank you Yamaha. I'm in agreement with you. I like your SN by the way.

 

and Cee...that makes no sense. In fact, everyone is telling me that they know of people who started out as friends and grew into more. I honestly don't think I could ever look at him as just a friend. I'm way too attracted to be completely honest and omg, I actually touched him today/he touched me and (this has happened before)...and well, anyway...let's just say he has nice feeling skin, roflmao!!! I've touched guys I have no interest in and it's just like...blah. But there was like a..spark. At least for me... haha

 

Anyway, I am back in school now and we are in a class again and so far he is being really sweet and like doing stuff for me in class. He like takes care of me almost...

 

I almost wanna tell him "will you stop pretending like you don't like me now?" because that is honestly what it seems like. A couple friends of his (I don't even know if they are really good friends, but they know him) tried to get him to sit with them today and he just turned them down. He always sits by me and apparently his friends can't even get him not to.

 

I'm not depressed about the "him not liking me" thing anymore and I'm pretty sure I know what happened. I'm fairly certain that my mom is absolutely right when she says you should not pursue a guy. I told him I like him and that was very very bad...had I not done that, he probably would have told me by now. I honestly believe that.

 

Regardless though...I is a happy bunny

 

lol don't even know why, I just am. and yes, to the BlackLovely...you are bullying me, I don't know if it constitutes as cyber bullying, but you are being very intrusive and incredibly insulting and mean. You don't know a thing about me, who I am, or why I am seeing a psychiatrist and you are suggesting I get therapy for something you know nothing about. Must feel great to be a butt to someone you can't even see, that's probably the only reason you're doing it. But keep being a butt, see how far it gets you. Not to mention, being a butt online. I wonder if you even have a life outside of being a butt to complete strangers online...

 

I certainly do.

[Leigh 87]

This is only a THEORY, so do not get offended, but..... Perhaps the fact you are basically in love with him, is feeding his ego? As in, maybe it makes him feel good knwoing that he has this power over you?

 

People like to feel loved. I dunno. Just a thought:)

 

I am so sorry about your situation, it majorley sucks! But the advice from Green and others is right.. u CANNOT be happily " friends" with this guy...

 

 

Are you intelligent? Do u have a lot to offer? If yout hink highly enough of yourself, you will believe me when I say that there r other guys out there who would value your friendship just as much. Why don't you meet other friends, and feel good about being friends with them, instead of with a guy who is making you feel this pain?

 

And he will get a girlfriend, so it will hurt much less if u cut it off from him now. Once u get over it,m u guys can be mates again; once u find attraction/love with another guy.....

[DavidWhite]

I think if it causes you heartache to be around him and he doesn't feel the same way about you, accept his friendship, or stop seeing him. I've been in a similar situation with a girl in the past, and I decided to just accept that she was nothing more then a friend.

 

It was hard, but definately worth it.

[DreamerGirl27]

It's not exactly that easy. I would have to transfer school's. I'm in a class with him/we have the same major, etc. He doesn't act like "just a friend" either. Besides...guys and girls don't make good "friends".