getting through a rough patch in a LDR, or stories?

[pandagirl]

I'm going through a rough patch in my LDR. It's been caused by a lot of things: work stress, my depression, bad communication, and naturally not seeing each other very often.

 

We seem to be getting out of it, and we have acknowledged that, yes, things weren't going great, but that we want to work towards getting things back on track.

 

But I'm struggling to figure out how to do that in a LDR. How do you regain the closeness you once had when you're separated by hundred of miles?

 

My BF has never been the lovey dovey type. He's caring and sweet, but in his own stoic way. I've told him I need more reassurance from him right now, but I can't depend on this to make me feel secure. We need to rebuild the intimacy we once had. But how?

[d7mra]

I hear ya on that one. It's hard to get it back once it's on the way out with the distance, but if I had to offer up an idea it'd be to do stuff for each other that is unexpected and unannounced, e.g. care packages and the like.

[aerogurl87]

Oh yeah my boyfriend and I have been going through a very bad rough patch as of late which has been caused by us missing each other alot, his new job which is pretty hard work, me being stressed out about getting everything set before I leave to see him again, and lots of misunderstandings via text messages and our time difference. What's helped us is to try to talk about what is the root of our not getting along lately when we're both more calm and have had time to think about everything. Then coming up with a plan to fix those situations along with doing something unexpected as d7mra mentioned. For instance, I sent my boyfriend something off this list at http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/thingsforldrcouplestodo.html and we both got a kick out of it and it helped to make us closer. So try something to spice things up, I know that may seem hard when you're so far away from each other. But it's worth a try.

[mrszeus]

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch with your SO.

 

Here's my story: I come from a small country in Eastern Europe. My now husband, then a very good friend and former crush, was there for me when I decided to come to the USA 6 years ago.

I had a boyfriend here, things were great for about a year, and then he cheated on me and we broke up. Naturally, I sought comfort from my friends, both long-time from my homeland, and from the US. He was great, we started talking a lot and after a while realized that we cared about each other very much.

 

We were apart for about 8 months from the time we jumped into the LDR. It was tough at times, but we managed to get through it once he got his visa.

 

Some things that helped us are:

- We talked every day, no matter how stressed we were, how much work we had etc. - even for 20 mins

- We were honest toward each other, and discussed everything together

- We did things together, like watch a movie or read a book at the same time, and then talked about our impressions. This gave us a feeling of really being together

- Give your boyfriend enough room to breathe. Let him know you are OK with him going out with his friends

- Every once in a while, we had a video Skype conversation, where I'd wear something sexy (never got naked, did striptease etc.) - just enough to make him want me more

 

Listen to your voice inside and do things accordingly. Trust each other - that's the most important thing. LDR need a lot of work, patience and love to succeed, but it's not impossible. We got married recently and I couldn't be happier; tonight I'm making him his favorite dinner!

 

Good luck!