6 year relationship struggling. Trying NC to bring her back

[Buccaneer55]

Me (23) and my girlfriend (25) of 6 years have really hit a hard time lately. We had recently been off and on, and she had started hanging out with another guy recently, but she was hanging out with me just as much too.

 

I just recently found out that he thought they were dating, and couldn't believe she hung out with me still. This information told me, that she hadn't been telling him that she was calling me everyday and seeing me 3-4 times a week.

 

I had been asking her to give our relationship another chance, b/c we both do still love each other. She kept saying no, but then she'd text me and call me throughout the day or invite me out to dinner, or make some sort of plans with and she'd call me at night before she went to bed.

 

This happened one other time in our relationship 3 years ago. The difference was I decided to put up with it, and try to win her back. It eventually worked and things were great for the longest time between us. Then out of nowhere things started to slide and we kind of fell apart.

 

This let her start to go out with other people, but I never thought anything serious would come of this.

 

Well this past weekend I told her I might just walk away, and her response really shocked me she said I don't think you will, and the next day she said I told you that you wouldn't walk away.

 

To me this made me feel like she just has all this power over me, and that she thinks she can control everything when it comes to me and her.

 

I finally decided to just write her a long letter explaining how I feel about everything, and I told her I couldn't do it her way anymore. That I still loved her, but that I couldn't and wouldn't be dragged around like this, and that unless she wanted to get back together down the road, I was removing her from my life. When I handed her the letter I told her I still loved her, and she said she loved me too.

 

At first she tried to get into contact with me, and I was dumb enough to talk with her, and all it does is upset me after wards. Finally, I stopped answering her texts, in hopes to show her I'm serious about this.

 

Everytime my phone goes off though, I still go to see if it's her, and am disappointed when it's not. In our entire 6 year relationship we've never gone more than 6 days without talking to each other.

 

I've been trying to go out with other friends, and have a good time, but it's hard to get this off my mind. I still want to be with her, but I also know that I need to hold my ground, and let her know I won't be walked over.

 

I guess my two biggest questions are, how long should it take before I can start to handle it better, and can by doing this really bring her back to me?

 

Thanks for your advice.

Edited August 18, 2010 by Buccaneer55

[Buccaneer55]

Small update. I'm now up to day 3 of NC, and it's still really hard to not think about this or wonder how much she's thinking about it.

 

To be honest I haven't had any big urges to call or text her during this period, I've had a lot of good talks with some close friends, and I've found this to be my best source of comfort through this.

 

My newest update and problem, is I woke up this morning to find one of those funny innocent fwd e-mails from her sitting in my inbox.

 

Why would she do this???? Does she just not care? Does she not take me serious? I don't understand why she doesn't listen to me that I can't be just her friend. I'm not going to respond to her b/c I'm standing firm on my NC. Is it anyway possible she'd do something like this b/c she misses me a tad?

 

I'm just confused.

[cookie2]

I'm afraid, yes, it does seem she doesn't care, at least not in the way that you want her to. She definitely doesn't to get back with you, otherwise she would be banging on your door. No actions on your part will get her back: you have told her how you feel and she knows it, so all you are doing by giving her any contact is feeding her ego. NC will not bring her back either, unless she wants to come back. All you can do is to make yourself a better person... then if she does come back, she'll like what she sees. And if she doesn't come back, you're in a better position to get someone else. Win-win.