Meeting a distant ex who caused pain - and now what to say?

[dario]

Quick question - Why is it when one meets an ex of the distant past, one who has provided great manipulative torment....why is it that that moment in time...that 'now' is without the weight of 'then'? What I'm getting at is that the pain is still there...but all those resloute thoughts (of attack) are not administered. They are kept at bay and social pleasantries follow a'la, 'Hey, how you doin...' etc. Just me I guess.

[mujer]

The same thing has happened to me. I had an ex (well, many of them like this, unfortunately) who cheated on me with just about anyone that would hop into bed with him. I swore if I ever saw him again, I would tear him a new one. And then I saw him and was polite. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing though. It can be the sign of a very strong person to rise above the desire to lash out and be graceful.

[dario]

I hear you. An old ex is starting to email me etc. And I keep things in a nice social pleasantry. She wants to go out and I avoid it with valid excuses. I have so many hurt feelings from this and I just want to tell her to leave me be.

[midori]

who knows why this ex is getting in touch, but she surely has her reasons. Maybe she doesn't like the idea that there's someone out there who dislikes her. Maybe you're a useful person to know. Whatever her reasons for wanting to be in touch with you, if you don't want to be in touch with her you certainly don't have to oblige her. That's one of the great things about exes: you owe them nothing.

 

Maybe you could say something like this: "It's always nice to see you around and I'm glad you're looking so well these days. I have to be honest though, I don't really care to meet up for lunch or a drink or anything. No need to revisit the past, don't you agree? We've both moved on, let's just leave things in their current peaceful state."

[dario]

True, Midori. I think I'll just not answer emails/calls from this person. It's too taxing on the mind. The hint will be given.