losing respect/confidence in someone you are dating...

[EthanH]

This is aimed at people who have lost respect for someone they are dating, broken up, regained respect for them and then got back together. Kinda simple question, hopefully we can elaborate in the impending discussion. I just want to discuss respect and how important it is. My ex split up with me in Feb, since then, we got back for a couple of individual weeks and then after I backed off, she chased me for about 2 months, and I guess we dated for that time, but it was never totally 'official'.

 

She couldn't ever really explain why she originally broke up with me. She avoided speaking to anyone about it whenever she could. She got upset with friends as she could never put it into words. Then before the 2 month period, she seemed certain it was about respect. We are both at college, and through no fault of my own (and I'm not just saying that) I had to drop out for a year. I tried to keep busy, but it was difficult as it always seemed I was doing things just for the sake of it. This contrasted massively with how I was before when I had deadlines, pressures etc. It also contrasted with how she continued, with uni, ambitions, uni friendships etc etc.

 

I still continued to do the same things I always had, but I was in limbo as I waited around to regain entry to my studies. It impacted on me in so many ways, even simple things like having to present in tutorials... when I didn't have that, I became sloppy in the way I talked etc, and I didn't have the topic of conversation which most of my friends have, which is centred around uni. Without really knowing it, i lost my confidence, not about myself, but an example would be the time when I did a speech at a party she held, and my hands were shaking...something which would never have happened when i first met her. All these little things changed her view of me. I was also extremely stressed out. I was mostly always available to see her when she wanted to, as although I did plenty of things, I could usually schedule them so I could see her. I realise part of the problem was that I became so introverted, i let issues get to me. The annoying thing was that whenever she had troubles etc, i was always there to help, everyone always says to me how great I was. She was there for me fantastically at the start, but things dragged on and she got tired of it by the end. It wasn't that there was anything particularly wrong, and tbh, there was nothing she could do anyway, so I don't really blame her.

 

At the start of the two months when we got back, she told me she thought that was the main issue, but because uni doesn't start back until september, it felt like we slipped back into the same situation. And so it ended.

 

Anyone been in a similar situation? It wasn't that she started not to like anything specifically about me, she still fancied me, we still got on really well... but something wasn't there which she couldn't explain. Everyone I know who knows us says that they think as soon as I am back at uni, things will be different...any advice/comments?