What should I say?

[Ajax]

Billie, I believe that is excellent...

 

I think that your ex seeing you with someone she knows you like would automatically increase your desirability. She'll see you as someone who went out and took what you wanted, and maybe realize just what she lost. You don't have to be obnoxious and throw it in her face, just let her imagination go wild for a little bit.

[collegeguy_24]

Billie, I believe that is excellent...

 

I think that your ex seeing you with someone she knows you like would automatically increase your desirability. She'll see you as someone who went out and took what you wanted, and maybe realize just what she lost. You don't have to be obnoxious and throw it in her face, just let her imagination go wild for a little bit.

 

Agreed whole heartily. Besides, you should enjoy yourself, if you like Hockey then go to the game and to hell with the consequences!

[Don Ho]

In fact, I have a surprise for everyone. I just asked a girl from my class out, and she gave me her phone number and even sent me a text to make sure we could both contact each other. I am going to make it clear I am not looking for a long term, serious relationship. But I do believe its a step forward!

 

Good job Bro! No, don't tell her that! Geez, way too early. Just go out and have FUN and get to know each other. A date is not an "interview". Stay off all those topics and talk about what you guys like to do and what you might have in common.

[Billie The Puppet]

Billie, I believe that is excellent...

 

I think that your ex seeing you with someone she knows you like would automatically increase your desirability. She'll see you as someone who went out and took what you wanted, and maybe realize just what she lost. You don't have to be obnoxious and throw it in her face, just let her imagination go wild for a little bit.

 

I know it could have this effect, however it may leave me having to decide between the two. Logically it would give the new girl a chance as my ex blew hers however my ex and I 2 months ago were picking out an engagement ring for her. (I still have these feelings and I know we broke up because of things I did and not her so it could be a case of cold feet)

 

Just got to let it flow I guess and see what happens and not worry about it

Edited September 13, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[collegeguy_24]

Hey guys, hows it going?

 

today I have been doing rather well, I have thought about Jen a few times, but I've been trying hard not to, and I can see am improvement. Its hard but I'm hanging in here.

 

Oh, her mom also contacted me, she said even though she loves and supports Jen, she still wants to be friends with me cause we have some enlightening conversations.

 

And A question. The girl whose number I received, well we sent a few emails to each other earlier, and she said she will text me sometime. She also gave me her work schedule so we can hangout and get to know each other more. Should I let her contact me, or should I contact her?

[Billie The Puppet]

Hey guys, hows it going?

 

today I have been doing rather well, I have thought about Jen a few times, but I've been trying hard not to, and I can see am improvement. Its hard but I'm hanging in here.

 

Oh, her mom also contacted me, she said even though she loves and supports Jen, she still wants to be friends with me cause we have some enlightening conversations.

 

And A question. The girl whose number I received, well we sent a few emails to each other earlier, and she said she will text me sometime. She also gave me her work schedule so we can hangout and get to know each other more. Should I let her contact me, or should I contact her?

 

That's a tough one to play and I'll tell you why some girls want the chase while others want to be chased. For instance the girl I am taking to the hockey game I know enough about her that if she gives me her cell number or makes any indication that she likes me that I shall call within a few days else I'll blow my chances. A friend of mine got a date with her got her number but didn't want to seem too eager. He waited too long so she thought he was no longer interested but he was and it was too late.

 

Is she shy? If so contact her. You still don't know too much about her I assume so I think it is safe to contact her but remember there are push/pull factors so you can't always contact her first. Give a little interest , back off a little you have to balance the pushes and pulls.

[collegeguy_24]

Well I sent her an email this morning and haven't heard a response back from he yet. She could be in class all day, I don't know, but she did say she has today and tomorrow off. Should I text her tomorrow or wait till later tonight, send a quick text like :hey, how ya doing? want to get coffee tomorrow?: something like that?

[Billie The Puppet]

Well I sent her an email this morning and haven't heard a response back from he yet. She could be in class all day, I don't know, but she did say she has today and tomorrow off. Should I text her tomorrow or wait till later tonight, send a quick text like :hey, how ya doing? want to get coffee tomorrow?: something like that?

 

You emailed today I say wait till tomorrow you don't want to come off to desperate or needy.

[Ajax]

If she said she's text you sometime I'd wait and let her do that. I think the ball's in her court at this point. If you do contact her keep ot light, like something you think will make her laugh, but don't bring up getting together.

[collegeguy_24]

Thanlks for the advice guys. As you can tell I am rather inexperienced when it comes to this kind of thing.

[Billie The Puppet]

Thanlks for the advice guys. As you can tell I am rather inexperienced when it comes to this kind of thing.

 

As am I which may contribute to the fact why we want our ex's back because we were comfortable with handling them?

 

I struggle with the question myself daily but I know I was about to pop the question which is the biggest reason I am holding on to hope. Yet still moving on at the same time kinda like the casual dating thing your ex mentioned. I am not going to stop myself from dates but I still hope "the one that got away" returns. However as each day passes I feel it less and less likely not to mention any % of 0% is still 0%.

[Don Ho]

A question. The girl whose number I received, well we sent a few emails to each other earlier, and she said she will text me sometime. She also gave me her work schedule so we can hangout and get to know each other more. Should I let her contact me, or should I contact her?

 

Ok Bro, we helped you with the Jen situation and hopefully we can give you some advice in this area too.

 

1. Do not email nor text. Use that ONLY to set up a date. All the texting and emailing takes the "face to face" contact out of it. You learn things about each other while hiding behind technology. It also takes some of the surprise and expectation out it for her. You want her WANTING to see you. If you don't email and text she is much more likely to increase her interest in you. THAT is what you want.

 

2. Let her contact you. It is best if the woman chases you. That's how you know THEY'RE interested. I think as guys we always make the mistake of chasing the woman. We don't always know if they're interested so we try to win them over by taking them to dinner, chasing them, sending them flowers and so on. Exactly the wrong thing to do. I prefer to date a woman that has initiated contact with me and chases me. It just works much better.

 

Do yourself a favor this time Bro. Do things and act differently. I'm sure you have never tried what I am saying, so try it. I guarantee you will have nothing to lose and if she is interested or only semi-interested and you have everything to gain.

[collegeguy_24]

Thanks for the advice, and your right Don, I have nothing to lose. And guess what, it worked! She just sent me a text two minutes ago!

 

And thanks for all the help with Jen, I will still be talking about her on here though, its really hard to get over her. She made mistakes and is confused, but there is a good person there. I am also in contact with her mom, which is interesting.

[bighearted]

Man, I'd cut ties with her mom.

[Billie The Puppet]

Man, I'd cut ties with her mom.

 

It's easier said than done, like college I've also become attached to my ex's family. We would all vacation together and the like. Her family all feel bad about what happened and they have told me they hope things turn out, they miss having me around. Now I have so far included them in my No Contact attempt as such I will not contact them but shall they contact me I'll answer. Also have plans for a weekend getaway with my friend and his fiancé (ex's sister)

[collegeguy_24]

Well, Another day gone by.

 

I dreamed of Jen last night, it was a semi happy dream. Should I post the details here or does anyone not want to know?

 

Also I hung out for an hour with the new girl, and things seemed to go well. I am thinking of waiting for her to contact me again instead of me contacting her. Good idea or bad?

 

Also, when should I tell her I am not looking for anything to serious, or long term, and ow should I broach the subject with her?

[Ajax]

What did you and the new girl do? I'd wait to contact her but this isn't the same situation as a breakup... NC doesn't apply. Talk to her, just don't appear too anxious. Waiting a day or two is fine.

 

As for telling her you're not looking for a serious relationship... don't. Unless she brings it up. It'll ruin your chances with her, and force a serious conversation that you don't need right now. Who knows, in a few weeks you may decide that you are open to a serious relationship. At this point keep all options on the table.

[Don Ho]

Also I hung out for an hour with the new girl, and things seemed to go well. I am thinking of waiting for her to contact me again instead of me contacting her. Good idea or bad? Also, when should I tell her I am not looking for anything to serious, or long term, and ow should I broach the subject with her?

 

Bro, do you not read what I write for you? Go back and read it five times. Wait for her to contact. DO NOT say anything about not being serious!

[collegeguy_24]

Bro, do you not read what I write for you? Go back and read it five times. Wait for her to contact. DO NOT say anything about not being serious!

 

Sorry Don, I forgot. Its been a tiring day and I guess the details slipped my mind when I posted tonight.

[Billie The Puppet]

Well, Another day gone by.

 

I dreamed of Jen last night, it was a semi happy dream. Should I post the details here or does anyone not want to know?

 

Also I hung out for an hour with the new girl, and things seemed to go well. I am thinking of waiting for her to contact me again instead of me contacting her. Good idea or bad?

 

Also, when should I tell her I am not looking for anything to serious, or long term, and ow should I broach the subject with her?

 

Tell the dream either here or the dreams thread in coping. I had one the other day of my ex that actually turned me off the ex the entire following day as it was actually one bad trait of my ex then the next day I had a good dream and couldn't stop thinking of my ex. Dreams can play funny games with you.

 

As for not wanting anything serious it's way too soon for you to be even able to know, you are hung up on Jen and yes us dumpees are willing to wait for something that may never come, just take this new girl day by day and let your feelings decide but if you get to a point where you know its not going to work out because you still want Jen then you should let the new one know because it would be unfair to lead her on. You should give it time though relationships don't start off instantly usually without some casual dating before hand. The girl will usually let you know if she wants it to become more.

Edited September 15, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[collegeguy_24]

Thanks for the answers guys, it helps. My last two relationships were never anything like this, we just connected quite easily, so I am a bit nervous about getting out there again with someone new.

 

As for my dream, I will post it here, maybe you can make sense of it.

 

The dream starts out with jen talking with her roommate and suddenly her phone rings and she sees my name and she answers it.

 

Its not me on the other line, instead its a paramedic who took my phone, claims to have received a request from me to call her and tell her I am in the hospital dying from an illness.

 

Jen is worried and heads to the hospital to find out whats wrong, and she sees me unconscionness. Well she runs into my parents, who are willing to accept her there during this time cause they know I would want her. The doctor comes in and explains whats wrong.

 

The doctor is House!

 

It makes sense, cause she and I would watch House all the time together.

 

Well anyway, to make a long thing short, I tell her I love her beleiving they will be my last words. She says she still cares for me and is willing to try again cause she knows she loves me now.

 

Well one thing leads to another and we get married in the hospital room, she does it thinking I am dying.

 

House finds a cure whatever it is thats killing me, I get better, and me and Jen are still married cause she wants to try and make it work.

 

I told my brother this dream and he gave me a WTF look. Writing this down and reading it, I can't blame him. I have no idea where this comes from.

[Banega100]

Yeah mate, avoid the whole telling her you don't want anything serious talk entirely. Any discussion of relationship status this early is just weird and kills interest.

 

Moreover, it would take out alot of the mystery for her of not knowing where it is going or what to expect. You don't want to lose that from her mind. Besides, she doesn't need to know you have no intention of it being serious. That whole mystery can be used to your advantage.

[collegeguy_24]

Well here I am again. Last night I dreamed about Jen again, but I notice the dreams are less intense then before, which is good. Today I am posting cause I am frustrated and it helps me feel better.

 

Dammit, I am horny!

 

I know its weird to post that but its true, I haven't had sex in months, 2 months with Jen and over a month since she dumped me. I am feeling sexually frustrated right now and I can't seem to get rid of it. Ahh, its killing me!

 

I feel a little better now, but still frustrated.

[Billie The Puppet]

Well here I am again. Last night I dreamed about Jen again, but I notice the dreams are less intense then before, which is good. Today I am posting cause I am frustrated and it helps me feel better.

 

Dammit, I am horny!

 

I know its weird to post that but its true, I haven't had sex in months, 2 months with Jen and over a month since she dumped me. I am feeling sexually frustrated right now and I can't seem to get rid of it. Ahh, its killing me!

 

I feel a little better now, but still frustrated.

 

3 total months, sounds the same as me. However lack there of sex would have been a sign. Ironically the weekend before I got dumped my ex was craving it but I did't want to go into the store and buy protection and no it's not one of those I'm afraid to buy at the counter thing cause I always bought before. It was just I missed signals that she was telling me to go into the store to get them as we were with her mother at the time.

 

However I can get by without sex I'm not all that needy in that area I actually prefer my ex's companionship over the sex but the sex was great!

 

More adult convo I am even getting by without porn and self pleasure as I don't need it.

Edited September 15, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[collegeguy_24]

Well, I believe its been a week since I talked to my ex. All throughout this week I tried to see new people, most of them friend zoned me, which really sucks. I do have a coffee date with someone tomorrow, any advice on what I should say, do, and wear?

 

Last night I had a dream about my ex, Jen. It was the first time in 3 days I dreamed about her, and I woke up this morning and it hurt. Also, yesterday at the football game, I ran into her new BF, i wanted to kick his ass so bad, but instead I ignored him and walked away. I am feeling so confused and hopeless, I miss her so much, and even though I am trying to move on, its hard cause all I get is friend zone.

 

So far, I have also been using the website plenty of fish, but most the women on there are single mothers, and thats a big red flag to me, one I don't want. I've tried OKcupid, but for my area, there is no one interesting enough. Match also doesn't have many good options. Are their any other free dating sites you guys know that I can use? I refuse to pay for them.