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What should I say?


collegeguy_24

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Ok, here is whats happening.

 

Girl 1: I am meeting her again monday, I like her and want to see what Monday brings.

 

Girl 2: I am meeting her wednesday, she lives on campus so seeing her will be easy. She is a virgin.

 

Girl 3: She is the high schooler, 18 of course. She lives in the same town I do, in fact she lives only 5 minutes away. She is home schooled, taking her classes online, so we can meet anytime. She is the virgin who expressed interest in loosing it, we also meet Wednesday depending on my timetable, we may have to wait till the next weekend.

 

Wow, I have never had this happen to me before, its overwhelming.

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ok, so it's been about 6 days since I started NC. I spent the w/e trying to keep busy as possible with friends....I had fun but also got down many times.

 

Anyway, this morning I get an email from this girl...it went like this :

 

 

--------------------------------

 

How was your weekend?

 

How are you doing?

 

Sorry if my last email was rude I am just having a hard time with things.

 

--------------------------------

 

She's having a hard time? What about me? She's sorry? Why now? I think she is hurting and wants to make it easier on her if she knows I'm not angry or hurt at her. I'm hurting bigtime too, but was she there for me - no, she shuts me out because she's getting all the attention she needs from the other douche bag.

 

Don and others - what's the best way to answer this one without coming across as totally cold?

 

I don't want to shut her out completely, but I don't want to be her emotional crux....too smart for that crap.

 

I'm thinking keeping it short and sweet :

 

"It was good.....managed to get a few things done, which was a bonus.

 

Hope you get better."

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Ok, here is whats happening.

 

Girl 1: I am meeting her again monday, I like her and want to see what Monday brings.

 

Girl 2: I am meeting her wednesday, she lives on campus so seeing her will be easy. She is a virgin.

 

Girl 3: She is the high schooler, 18 of course. She lives in the same town I do, in fact she lives only 5 minutes away. She is home schooled, taking her classes online, so we can meet anytime. She is the virgin who expressed interest in loosing it, we also meet Wednesday depending on my timetable, we may have to wait till the next weekend.

 

Wow, I have never had this happen to me before, its overwhelming.

 

Right on Bro!! Isn't it nice to be overwhelmed?! LOL. Ok, now, DO NOT get hung up on just one of them. It's ok to be interested in Girl 1, but do not start "liking" her and drop the others. You are DATING Bro. That means you are meeting women and getting to know them to see if you like them. Remember to keep your brakes on a bit and don't get too far ahead of yourself.

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Hi Don, I have been thinking, and I may end up dropping the high schooler, for a few reasons.

 

1: She is in high school, and I am graduating college this semester, she is 18 I am 25, big difference.

 

2: they could be maturity level issues, but I'm not sure.

 

But, I do have reasons to keep seeing how it plays out. For one thing, she is very comfortable talking about sex, even though she is a virgin. For example I was talking to her last night through email, I asked why she wasn't being very talkative, and she confessed its because she was talking to me and masturbating. Wow!

 

At the same time, I don't want to end up taking her virginity, only to dump her, that would make me feel bad for using her like that if things didn't work out.

 

The other two are cool, and in an hour I will be meeting one again for coffee. If things go well, I was thinking of asking her on a regular date, like dinner, movie, etc. What do you think about all this?

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I would continue with the 18 year old. Bro, that's very stand up of you, but it doesn't really matter if you take her virginity. She sounds fun.

 

Have a good date for coffee, don't ask her out for another date at the end of the coffee date, just leave it open. You can ask her in a few days.

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I'll ask her probably Wednesday for a date Friday night, or Saturday, assuming today goes well of course.

 

Wednesday is a busy day for me, as I get to meet two women, the two virgins. But another question.

 

I live with family, and we have two vehicles, I can't afford my own. One is a mini van, the other a truck. My dad has a meeting Wednesday night, so he is taking the truck. Will it be embarrassing to drive a mini van to meet the 18 year old? Or should I say screw it and take it anyway.

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Well, last night was a disaster.

 

First, we were to meet at noon, she cancels saying she was going on a walk with her roommate. And instead asked for when I get off work. I agreed.

 

Well I get off and she doesn't meet, instead she says she is running errands and then gets dinner by herself. In other words, I wait several hours for her to become available. Big mistake, I know.

 

I realize what a mistake it is, and was in the process of typing a message to say forget it I am going home, when she says she's arrived at my location.

 

We are only together for like 15 minutes before she gets a text from another angry roommate, and she leaves.

 

I can see a bunch of mistakes on my part, such as waiting. I never should have done that, and it won't be happening again, I can assure you.

 

In other news, I got no sleep! I was dreaming about Jen again, in fact, for the past several nights, I have been dreaming about her. I try, I honestly do try to not think about her. But the second my eye lids close she pops into my head and I wake up in agony the next morning. I don't know what to do anymore, I just can't get over her, no matter what I do! I still love her and no matter how hard I try to move on, this **** happens!

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Billie The Puppet

You are right you shouldn't have waited. A good idea when such thing happens is not to postpone a lunch for a dinner etc, in fact never postpone anything for the same day.

 

You learned anyhow.

 

As for dreams I know what you mean but for some reason I take pleasure in my dreams as they are not easy to control. The emotions waking up can be controlled though.

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just keep being selfish dude. don't go out of your way for any one anymore.

 

Don't sweat it about Jen either. It's getting easier isn't it. You've come along way, and you're allowed relapses as long as you are moving in the right direction in the grand scheme of things. which you are.

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Bro, DO NOT contact that girl again! Once a woman starts flaking on you it's a clear sign they're not that interested. All you're going to get is jerked around. If she calls or texts and begs to come over and have sex with you ok, but other than that, pass.

 

You might have been too eager and too interested. You may need to lay back a little more with other women. Remember, my concern was that you started to "like" this girl before you really got to know her. This is exactly why you should not stop trying to see girl #2 and #3. Always have a rotation. In fact, you should always be looking for girl #4 and #5 while you're getting to know the others.

 

Of course you had a dream. Your mind just wanted to go back to what was comfortable because of your screwed up date. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Try to shake it off and keep moving forward.

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Thing is don, the dreams have been happining for a while now. Sometimes they are of her coming back, and other times they are nore sinister. For example, my ast two dreams were of me getting back at her, making her suffer by getting her entire dorm, her friends, and her family to turn on her, making her miserable. And she values the bonds she has with family far more then anything else. It makes me feel bad. My last dream was of me taking a date to a dance on campus,, a formal. Me running into my ex, and my eyes are alight with fury seeing her there with the guy she hooked up with after me. I am mad cause we planned on going together. We'll in the dream me and my date dance making my ex jealous, then we go to dinner. Well we are placed next to each other at the resteraunt, my exes table next to mine. Her bf and my gf leave to go the restrooms, and me and my ex talk. She asks if I have forgiven her and I say no, why should I? If she wants my forgiveness she has to earn it considering everything she has done. My gf returns and starts talking to mmy ex, saying that if she was my gf she would not tolerate me talking to my ex. Turns out my date is actually an FWB. Dream ends and I wake up.

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Thing is don, the dreams have been happining for a while now. Sometimes they are of her coming back, and other times they are nore sinister. For example, my ast two dreams were of me getting back at her, making her suffer by getting her entire dorm, her friends, and her family to turn on her, making her miserable. And she values the bonds she has with family far more then anything else. It makes me feel bad. My last dream was of me taking a date to a dance on campus,, a formal. Me running into my ex, and my eyes are alight with fury seeing her there with the guy she hooked up with after me. I am mad cause we planned on going together. We'll in the dream me and my date dance making my ex jealous, then we go to dinner. Well we are placed next to each other at the resteraunt, my exes table next to mine. Her bf and my gf leave to go the restrooms, and me and my ex talk. She asks if I have forgiven her and I say no, why should I? If she wants my forgiveness she has to earn it considering everything she has done. My gf returns and starts talking to mmy ex, saying that if she was my gf she would not tolerate me talking to my ex. Turns out my date is actually an FWB. Dream ends and I wake up.

 

Well those dreams are way better than the one I had a while back. In the dream me and my ex were talking on some social network and she was talking about all the bad things in her life. At the end she said that "us" was the biggest mistake of her life. I didn't sleep for nights after that. It hurts wondering if I was the biggest mistake of her life.

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Someone told me this the other day, and I would like some advice. My Birthday is coming up this weekend, and I have seen a lot of thread on here about exes contact people on their Bday wishing them a happy birthday. My own friends told me I should expect it as well.

 

The ting is, If my ex contacted me, I would be happy to hear from her again, and this time it will be her breaking NC, not me. My question is, what should I do and how should I respond if she does send me a happy birthday text or call?

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Having had two birthdays since my wife and I separated, should I experience such a contact, I would merely say 'thank you'. FWIW, the only cards and wishes I have read and heard during the period have been from *my* friends. As appropriate and predictable, stbx and *our* former friends have been dead silent. Pretty much mirrors my marital experiences LOL. Hoovers. Good luck :)

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Tell her everything you feel before you get back in the relationship

 

Theres a problem with that though, me and Jen aren't getting back together, she already chose another guy. Actually, she chose another guy as soon as she dumped me, if not before she dumped me.

 

I want her back yes, but right now its all up to her to contact me as I told her I would not contact her unless she contacts me first or there is an emergency.

 

I still miss her so much.

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collegeguy_24

Well an update.

 

Birthday came and went, had a great time hanging out with family and friends, and for once I didn't see my exs new BF. She also never contacted me, but I expected that.

 

But her mom did to wish me a happy birthday, and she made sure to post it for my ex to see.

 

Of course afterwards, the Monday following, and today, I ran into her new BF again, and again with the creepy smile. Oh, and this time he did something different, he said "i came inside her"

 

Personally, that hurt, but I didn't fall for it. I know its a trick, he wants me to do something, but I won't. I will not be the bad guy here.

 

But in case my paranoia was getting the best of me, I decided to do some research. I was able to, somehow, get ahold of the guys class schedule, and I found out that he not only doesn't even have class at the same time as I do, but his classes aren't even in the same buildings! This means he is following me, which is crazy!

 

Now I have a serious question, should I contact my ex, and let her know and ask her to tell the guy to stop? Or should I maintain NC?

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Well an update.

 

Birthday came and went, had a great time hanging out with family and friends, and for once I didn't see my exs new BF. She also never contacted me, but I expected that.

 

But her mom did to wish me a happy birthday, and she made sure to post it for my ex to see.

 

Of course afterwards, the Monday following, and today, I ran into her new BF again, and again with the creepy smile. Oh, and this time he did something different, he said "i came inside her"

 

Personally, that hurt, but I didn't fall for it. I know its a trick, he wants me to do something, but I won't. I will not be the bad guy here.

 

But in case my paranoia was getting the best of me, I decided to do some research. I was able to, somehow, get ahold of the guys class schedule, and I found out that he not only doesn't even have class at the same time as I do, but his classes aren't even in the same buildings! This means he is following me, which is crazy!

 

Now I have a serious question, should I contact my ex, and let her know and ask her to tell the guy to stop? Or should I maintain NC?

 

Dear God man, I really feel for ya. That bloke sounds like a real psycho.

 

I'd keep up NC. You could tell her but she wouldn't believe you. She'd probably think you were just trying to make him look bad and obsessing over her new psycho-friend. She made her choice, she's gotta live with it.

 

But I know it's gonna be rocky for you seeing this guy. If he hounds you maybe report him to security?

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No, don't contact her. Remember: you're all good with the break up and it doesn't bother you! Yeah, he's trying to start something. Maybe he's psycho or just insecure with you. Probably best not to say anything, but I would have been tempted to say "Well Bro, you have a lot of catching up to do" and/or "BTW, how does it feel to know you're sucking up my exhaust?" You should probably take the high road and ignore him. How are your other honeys doing?

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collegeguy_24

Ok, I'll ignore him, but if it gets worse I will come back for more advice. Also, i can't report him, for one thing, we have no security cams on campus, and two: unless there is an actual threat to my well being and witnesses, then nothing can happen.

 

As for my other honey's, well, Half dumped me after one date and haven't heard from them, the other half friend zoned me. Thats about it.

 

I do have one date this Thursday, that might lead to something more, but I'm not sure, I'll just have to see how it goes. Oh, and get this, she is almost just like my recent ex Jen.

 

SHe has red hair, though its of a different style and texture, she has pale skin, she majors in math and physics, and works for my campus Band. Almost exactly like my ex.

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"i came inside her"

 

This guy is a loser and most likely has a small wee wee.

 

College, when I went through a broken engagement I started to date 6-7 girls at a time. In the end it really didn't matter though because they could all see it in my eyes that I was still hurting. It takes time, longer than you think to get past this. Sure, you'll have days where you feel like your invicible and others where you're sitting in front of the TV on a Friday night watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall or 500 days of Summer.

 

You have to keep everything in perspective here. The fact that your girl is going out with a guy like this really shows you that she was never going to be the one for you anyway. Don't let her or any other person define who you are. Slow down on the dating. It seems like you are looking for a replacement and if you want to have something meaningful, it takes time. You need to have a clear head. I can't tell you how many good women I went out with when I was single after my breakup and as much as they liked me, they knew that they couldn't "get" to me at that point.

 

I would recommend going out on a date once a week and focusing on things that make you happy outside of relationships the rest of the time. Good luck.

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collegeguy_24

I am trying, but sadly, aside from bar hopping, which is far to expensive for me to do often. I am trying to move on, but its so hard cause I still love her. But seriously, if her new BF keeps this **** up, I just may lose it. I am beginning to no longer care if he "accidently" has a violent accident that ends up with a hospital visit.

 

Though, from what I can see, his relationship status is no longer on facebook, and she has not liked anything on his profile in a while, which could possibly mean they are broken up. Which if true, would make me smile.

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Though, from what I can see, his relationship status is no longer on facebook, and she has not liked anything on his profile in a while, which could possibly mean they are broken up. Which if true, would make me smile.

 

You have to stop looking at her, at him on facebook. Look at yourself in the mirror and say the famous line, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore"! Then delete everyone involved, as a matter of fact just deactivate your profile for a few weeks. Get joy from OTHER things besides watching people's lives play out on Facebook. I know you still love her and that's understandable....and exactly why you need to stick to NC.

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