What should I say?

[Don Ho]

if you're in contact with her mum it's NOT no contact dude.You're finding out what she's up to, and feeding that hope you still have. Start talking to random girls online and in real life whenever you can. And just have a laugh and get to know them.

 

Yep. That's exactly what I was trying to explain. It's continuing contact vicariously through her Mother; keeping the ties together and "hoping" if you stay in the picture she'll someday realize you're "the One", that she wants to be with you and you'll be there waiting. It's much better that you have no contact with her Mother (even though you say you're friends (but friend's based on the fact that you dated Jen, otherwise you would have never have become friends)). All this will do is irritate your Ex that you're still lingering in the "picture". I would drop contact with her Mother and not tell her you're doing it. If her Mother contacts you, just be cordial and nice with no discussion of your Ex.

[Don Ho]

Bro, you really need to get out of this "circle" of your Mom, you, Jen and Jen's Mom. You are broken up. You're Mother should NOT be interfering and you should not be talking to Jen's Mother about Jen, if at all. Come on Bro, you are in College, not High School. You are a MAN. It's time you handle your business like a man without the "Mothers". You sure as hell don't want to be 40, married to some gal and going to each other's Mothers everytime you guys have a fight.

 

Billie: you are a pussy. Stop with the Light Contact. Man up.

[Billie The Puppet]

Bro, you really need to get out of this "circle" of your Mom, you, Jen and Jen's Mom. You are broken up. You're Mother should NOT be interfering and you should not be talking to Jen's Mother about Jen, if at all. Come on Bro, you are in College, not High School. You are a MAN. It's time you handle your business like a man without the "Mothers". You sure as hell don't want to be 40, married to some gal and going to each other's Mothers everytime you guys have a fight.

 

Billie: you are a pussy. Stop with the Light Contact. Man up.

 

I'm not a pussy out of the 3 LC's the term I prefer is Limited Contact, I'm in No Contact and just found out the ex has a new boyfriend. Another coworker like I suspected but I gave her the freedom etc. Ironically it may just be the info I needed to give up hoping. I'm unsure how I feel right now.

[Don Ho]

I'm not a pussy out of the 3 LC's the term I prefer is Limited Contact, I'm in No Contact and just found out the ex has a new boyfriend. Another coworker like I suspected but I gave her the freedom etc. Ironically it may just be the info I needed to give up hoping. I'm unsure how I feel right now.

 

Hmmm. LC. Little Child. Lame Chump. Lazy Cinderella. Which one?

[collegeguy_24]

I will agree with not wanting my mom to interfere. The reason she gave me was because Jen deserved to know what was being said about her behind her back, and its a feminist thing. My mom can be a very strong feminist, so it was female indignation, or at least thats what she told me. I most certainly do not want her to contact Jen.

 

But I will have to disagree with breaking off contact with her mom. Her and I get along really well, even when we are not talking about her daughter, which is most of the time. I don't see a need to remove a friend just because a relationship is no longer there.

[Billie The Puppet]

But I will have to disagree with breaking off contact with her mom. Her and I get along really well, even when we are not talking about her daughter, which is most of the time. I don't see a need to remove a friend just because a relationship is no longer there.

 

Well I just got the news I guess I needed to hear today. I'm numb and probably won't be able to sleep and I called the Father of my ex afterwards (returning his call from a few weeks ago) I can't blame you just don't discuss the ex.

 

We did not discuss the ex, He brought up that he doesn't want to get involved that was the only mention and he really didn't even need to say that because I knew of it. He told me if I ever wanted to chill to stop by. My promise is not to talk about the ex if I ever do, I got all the talking out I needed with my friend who is engaged to my ex's sister. He contacted me and felt the need to tell me the news of my ex seeing some one new and it was a 1/3 guys I suspected. It hurts but I'll have to find away through this and now I also have to rethink about just how much freedom I will give the next girl. However there is no concrete proof as of yet the ex was with this guy when we were together. Though she did end an engagement.

[collegeguy_24]

Yesterday sucked!

 

I was again, harassed by the new BFs friends, though I haven't seen him for a few days, he is due for another insult personally in the next day.

 

But what really sucked, was what I did.

 

You see, I work at the Museum of the Rockies, and I was walking from work back to campus, its a 15 minute walk. Well as I was walking to a place to study, right there in front of the engineering building, I just stated crying!

 

I couldn't help myself, the tears just started to flow, so I ran into the nearest bathroom and stayed there until the tears stopped. I don't know what brought it on, I don't remember thinking about my ex, I just rememberer having a complete breakdown. I felt miserable afterwards cause I don't have her, and the misery still hasn't left me.

 

I don't know where it came from, but it just happened, caught even me by surprise.

 

Another thing that happened was that I almost broke NC, though it wasn't my fault.

 

THing is, I have a Droid phone, and when I hit the power button, it goes into power saving mode. THing is, class was starting and I forgot to hit the power button so I hurried and put it into my pocket.

 

10 minutes go by, I get a weird feeling in my gut, so I pull out my phone and make sure its on vibrate so my Professor doesn't get interupted by a call. and heres where it gets weird.

 

My text messageing menu was pulled up, and Jen was the person selected to receive a new message. and the message, it was a bunch of smily faces!

 

I was able to delete the message and it was never sent, but if I shifted the wrong way in my chair it very well could have been. Talk about freaky!

 

So yeah, yesterday sucked. and when I finally went to bed, all I dreamed about was her, I dreamed about us getting back together, I dreamed about the good memories we have together, etc.

 

Thats my update, talk about a freaky day.

[Don Ho]

Bro, you'll be fine. That happens. That's just your unconscious letting your emotions out. Don't over analyze it. You should be feeling better today, just try to keep your mind off your Ex. You might want to put a different letter in front of Jen so you don't a$$ dial!

[collegeguy_24]

Ive tried not to think about her, and for most of the morning I was pretty successful, because I was working on a paper. Now though, I just can't stop. I've been trying to distract myself, but during lunch I was sadly in a rather negative atmosphere, as in everyone around me was bitching.

 

I woke up today in a cold bed. Alone. I miss her so much, I miss holding her hand, kissing her lips, smelling her hair when we hugged, and most impotently her smile.

 

I just can't seen to move on. Especially when I see around on campus, she still smiles at me, trying to be polite. I just don't know, I am rambling now because I have nothing else to do for 20 minutes till class.

[Billie The Puppet]

Bro, you'll be fine. That happens. That's just your unconscious letting your emotions out. Don't over analyze it. You should be feeling better today, just try to keep your mind off your Ex. You might want to put a different letter in front of Jen so you don't a$$ dial!

 

Better yet delete it off the contact list.

 

I butt dialed twice this past weekend and ended them in time. Then deleted twice. Whats worse is it was with an iPhone which is not supposed to be able to butt dial some how it did.

 

College I know that feeling especially since news officially broke to me though I suspected it all along once confirmed it just intensify's the feelings.

 

Though with NC I have my moments I am now second guessing a lot of things. Especially how easy it was for her to jump relationships and string me along.

 

Yes the love is still there but I am starting to believe I loved being in a relationship, and loved her family too. Don't get me wrong I loved my ex too but it just seems I could be a love addict. Being stuck on someone who is unavailable is detrimental. Yes I miss and tear too. The I can't attitude is no good. I say I can't move on either and that only keeps her in your head.

 

I just got onto a dating site (Ive always been against them because I prefer it just happen by meeting people naturally) However this forum has said to keep playing the numbers game. I'll admit I am being shallow with my picks but I'm doing that in hopes many don't contact those who are above average for fear that many do. I am also contacting others I find attractive but are not 10's too.

 

Who know's maybe I will find someone. I am also avoiding the girls that look like my ex.

Edited October 14, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[Banega100]

yeah, why the hell do you have her number anyway man? what's that for? get rid of it quick time.

 

And yeah, numbers game for sure. I just lost one girl who was interested in me. So i'm gonna have to find another to replace her or else ill get too attached to the other. Bloody hard work is what it is.

[Billie The Puppet]

I had to goto Costco today, and I ran into someone from my past. She was working the door/flyer give outs. It was a quick few seconds because she was working and I walked up to her and was like "Hi K, do you remember me." She took a few seconds and replied correctly and gave me a nice hug. Now this doesn't mean anything really just a friendly. I wanted to stay and talk some more but it would have effected her job. She was never a GF but she once had interest in me. I didn't have interest in her at that time. Now I'd like to catch up with her. She isn't my type but neither was my current ex. I think it's okay to venture out of types as it expands the numbers. She is cute, baby face type girl, short etc. She is potential though as I would give her a go. I didn't get her number but asked her if she had FB (Urg devil) she said yeah and I left it at that. (I have her number now thanks to FB)

 

I just added her to FB and sent a message saying we should catch up. No relationship status and no pics of a significant other but I have a plan to find out. I didn't want that in type in the FB message rather if she agrees to catching up. I'd say something while we meet up along the lines of. Oh I hope your boyfriend doesn't mind this outing etc. Ive seen my Dad use lines like that and he is 62 years old and you'd be surprised it almost forces girls to answer the question without directly asking if they are single. Many of these girls even answer back Oh I don't have one, if you find a good guy let me know. Lol it's funny. My dad is a really good talker to start things like a good info getter but then he gets super annoying. Great pick up artist but not good at keeping their interest afterwards.

 

Update:

 

She got home, added my request. We talked but I wanted to keep it short to set up a catch up sort of date. She asked me what I was doing Sat Night. Unfortunately I am busy due to a death in the family so I couldn't but asked for rain check and she said sure but a date wasn't set. She even remembered a story where she ruined a baseball cap of mine and was like I owe you a hat. !! I'm attending her 26th birthday,

Edited October 15, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[Billie The Puppet]

Cant edit the above post due to edit time expiring but the reason for adding it to this thread was simple (trademark Billie Hijack - ha ha) It's just to show college even when you are down and out sometime chance encounters happen and to also further explore the numbers game. (I am not over my ex but she is unavailable and I am at the point where I can control my emotions enough when I am around potential dates it is as if my ex doesn't matter. Never bring up the ex either on any date)

 

Go grocery shopping apparently you can meet lots of women in them and it's simple ask a stranger a random question like Hello, how is your day going? This grocery store never seems to have what I need in stock. If they respond you start small chit chat then say well your basket looks like dinner for two I bet your boyfriend will enjoy his dinner tonight.

 

(It inquires if they have one or not without asking hey are you available )

 

I contacted a whole slew of women online even though I detested it, 2 of read so far but no response but knowing they read and not unread delete tells me they were somewhat interested and perhaps my words caused a no reply, or they are replying to one at a time and I'm lower on the list but at least read.

 

Plus I have a rain check for the girl I met at costco!

[collegeguy_24]

I am glad to see your doing better Billie.

 

FOr me though, I am just not ready to date yet, I can't and mentally and emotionally I am not in the right place.

 

Last night, I had a dream about her again, and woke up crying and depressed. Its sad, I know, but I can't help it. I want her back so bad, cause I miss her and love her still.

 

In other news, I am also a little pissed off. I think someone hacked my computer late last night. Let me explain, I went to use the restroom, which is connected to my bedroom, and when I re-entered my room, my webcam was on!

 

I most certainly didn't turn my webcam on, in fact, I was on here browsing other threads when I left. I think someone may have hacked my computer, and I think it may be her new BF. Guy makes it no secret he is a hacker, and it is his MO what with the stalking and all.

[Billie The Puppet]

Are you on campus?

If so are all Internet connections provided by the university? Wired or Wirelessly?

 

I'm not too knowledgable when it comes to hacking but the one way I know a webcam can be turned on remotely is with a remote desktop program that would have had to been installed on your computer but can easily be hidden from your system tray/ view.

 

Basically it duplicates your computer on his monitor. I had an app for my iPhone that allowed me to run my computer from my Phone.

 

Are you sure it wasn't an accidental bump? Was it streaming to a software program client side like QuickTime , msn etc.

 

It seems weird that he would know your out of the room and then pull this.

 

This is a strong accusation and if in fact true invades your privacy.

 

Now I'd be careful if you do think it's a hacked attempt. Dissconnect from the Internet. Save all needed files to an external Hdd and reformat the computer.

 

If he has access to your desktop her can instal key loggers and get into your emails, banking , he'll even here and facebook.

 

That issue a side and onto Jen.

 

I know how you feel, I'm putting myself out there not ready to date. Not dating however is just as depressing and thoughts of my ex are intensified. See the way I am seeing it now is if I'm harped on an unavailable ex getting rejected from others won't matter as much but then their could be a chance I find someone who could be potential it's worth the risk and hey if I get friend zone hey I could use friends too.

[collegeguy_24]

I was actually at home during the attempt, on my private internet connection. I know it wasn't my family, as when it comes to computers, neither one is smart enough or has interest. I asked a friend and he said he would look into the

possibilities of what happened. He also gave me a reference to a place called Hackers Forum and I should ask around there. But right now I can't prove anything, and I am looking for anti-keylogging software and am looking into key-logging itself in order to understand it more and prevent it in the future.

 

I also don't care if he sees this now or if Jen sees it. As far a I am concerned, if he sees this, then he will know I am on to him and his crap. If Jen sees this, then perhaps she will gain insight into how I feel. As Tony the admin told me, this is out there for all to see.

 

As for dating, one date-turned friend asked me to take a friend of hers out on an informal date this Sunday, cause she doesn't get out much and it may help raise her own self-confidance. I agreed, cause lets face, I have nothing else going on. In fact I am taking them both out, friends with one and a test date for another.

[Billie The Puppet]

Well apparently some webcams can be accessed remotely via internet connection without the need of a remote desktop program. This would be preferable if it is a hacked attempt because then key loggers etc are not installed however if one has the skill to do this whose to say they haven't added key loggers to anything. Just be very careful what you do with the computer at this point. You don't want anyone to gain access to any of your accounts as it will be electronic Identity theft. He or whoever can possibly frame you get a snapshot of something they need and make it go viral.

 

You know what I kind of hope it's him only if you can prove it though because this is something that can goto the authorities and it would make him look like the biggest douche not to mention it could be grounds for expulsion etc.

 

I hope you get to the bottom of it.

 

As for the dates/friend thing just take it as hanging out with females and enjoy yourself. We know it's not Jen but it's better then you, yourself and you is it not?

[collegeguy_24]

Well, I did it!

 

Thanks to some help from professional hackers, we were able to find out how my computer was accessed. It was a Trojan.Crypt.

 

They said that was how they got in, but it could not be traced sadly because the priority was getting rid of it.

 

I have a feeling it was Jens new BF, but I can't prove it yet, much to my eternal annoyance. I would like to know who did it, cause if on the off chance it was not him, I don't want to accuse him if he is innocent.

 

Tomorrow, I will go and see what damage was done. I am not looking forward to that.

 

But still, tonight, I had a victory! My first victory in so long, and it feels so good!

[collegeguy_24]

Well after my amazing victory last night against the Hacker, I went to sleep with a smile, and then I dreamed about Jen.

 

This was a different dream then the others, and I feel the need to post this.

 

It started out in my favorite coffee place, International Coffee Traders. She texted me saying she wanted to talk, and we decided to meet there.

 

Well I was sitting at my favorite table, she walks up and takes a seat. We then talk about how she knows I am in contact with her mother, and how her mother has told her everything.

 

Which in reality, is something that has crossed my mind more then once, but I realized I don't care. Thats real life. Back to the dream.

 

She told me she knows I still love her, and that she knows I have given up dating because I can't move on from her.

 

She also tells me that her and Jakub are no longer together, as she herself still has feelings for me, and she couldn't devote herself fully to him. She also tells me how some of his behavior that he has exhibited towards me has come to the surface and she was able to notice, especially after her mother told her.

 

She then asks, where do we go from here? I tell her I still love her, and I want to try at our relationship again, only this time we must both work at it, not just one person. I tell her it will be a long difficult road, but its one I believe we can walk together and succeed on. She agrees and says she wants to try again, that she wants to be with me again and she is willing to work hard for it this time. I then wake up afterwards.

 

What is strange, is that after that dream about her, I woke up feeling refreshed and in a good mood. Usually when I dream about her, I wake up exhausted and tired and depressed. But this time I felt refreshed.

 

Of course, I am still sad and depressed that we are no longer together. SO to cheer myself up, I went clothes shopping, and picked up a comfortable new hoody, a good pair of jeans, and a brand new leather jacket. That made me feel a little better.

[Billie The Puppet]

Well after my amazing victory last night against the Hacker, I went to sleep with a smile, and then I dreamed about Jen.

 

This was a different dream then the others, and I feel the need to post this.

 

It started out in my favorite coffee place, International Coffee Traders. She texted me saying she wanted to talk, and we decided to meet there.

 

Well I was sitting at my favorite table, she walks up and takes a seat. We then talk about how she knows I am in contact with her mother, and how her mother has told her everything.

 

Which in reality, is something that has crossed my mind more then once, but I realized I don't care. Thats real life. Back to the dream.

 

She told me she knows I still love her, and that she knows I have given up dating because I can't move on from her.

 

She also tells me that her and Jakub are no longer together, as she herself still has feelings for me, and she couldn't devote herself fully to him. She also tells me how some of his behavior that he has exhibited towards me has come to the surface and she was able to notice, especially after her mother told her.

 

She then asks, where do we go from here? I tell her I still love her, and I want to try at our relationship again, only this time we must both work at it, not just one person. I tell her it will be a long difficult road, but its one I believe we can walk together and succeed on. She agrees and says she wants to try again, that she wants to be with me again and she is willing to work hard for it this time. I then wake up afterwards.

 

What is strange, is that after that dream about her, I woke up feeling refreshed and in a good mood. Usually when I dream about her, I wake up exhausted and tired and depressed. But this time I felt refreshed.

 

Of course, I am still sad and depressed that we are no longer together. SO to cheer myself up, I went clothes shopping, and picked up a comfortable new hoody, a good pair of jeans, and a brand new leather jacket. That made me feel a little better.

 

Had I not read the part of that this was a dream it would have been so exciting news to reply too. That description of the dream sounded so real, you know how people have weird obscure dreams where they are in one place talking to a person then all of a sudden the scene and people changes but your mind doesn't notice the difference so you can tell it's a dream. What you just described sounded so real I bet when you woke up a part of you felt like it was reality but then you realized it was a dream but like you said felt refreshed not exhausted.

 

I liked the dreams I had similar to what you described with your ex when I was in a state of NC and didn't know my ex is seeing someone new. My friend had felt the need he had to tell me he couldn't keep it in.

 

My dreams stopped at the beginning of the month and I tried to dream of her as I said I like the dreams I had. I think the dreams stopped because of what was to come. The day the news came to me I knew it was coming the morning I felt sick and told myself something bad is going to happen today and the news came.

 

Buying new clothes does make one feel better.

 

What is so weird is I look in the mirror and see someone much better looking than I saw before like the confidence in my own looks had increased except the facial expression lacks the happiness it once had.

 

Reading your thread sounds like you have your ups and downs just like the whole slew of us.

 

Have fun on your blind date.

[collegeguy_24]

Well last night sucked. I spent it tossing and turning, some were dreams about my ex Jen, others were just normal nightmares, such as my fear of spiders, there was also the fact that I literally could not sleep, I would just stare at the ceiling.

 

I am now awake again, and tired. I miss Jen, I had my best night sleeps when her and I were together, sleeping in the same bed and enjoying her warmth.

 

I just miss her so much, I am so tempted to break NC to contact her, but I have resisted so far, we agreed she has to contact me.

 

I am feeling incredibly depressed, I have never loved someone as much as I love Jen, even now. I love her more then my own family!

 

I am going to play some video games until its time for me to go. Tonight I am going out with a friend, and one of her friends and play billiards, grab a burger, and then head home.

[Billie The Puppet]

Well last night sucked. I spent it tossing and turning, some were dreams about my ex Jen, others were just normal nightmares, such as my fear of spiders, there was also the fact that I literally could not sleep, I would just stare at the ceiling.

 

I am now awake again, and tired. I miss Jen, I had my best night sleeps when her and I were together, sleeping in the same bed and enjoying her warmth.

 

I just miss her so much, I am so tempted to break NC to contact her, but I have resisted so far, we agreed she has to contact me.

 

I am feeling incredibly depressed, I have never loved someone as much as I love Jen, even now. I love her more then my own family!

 

I am going to play some video games until its time for me to go. Tonight I am going out with a friend, and one of her friends and play billiards, grab a burger, and then head home.

 

Sorry to hear, I feel the same way with my ex who has erased me, I did the same, No FB no MSN no Contact list, She has moved on and I have this gut feeling she will be engaged within a year. I have however started talking via FB for now with the girl I ran into at costco taking that slow and hoping something comes out of it because my ex is not coming back.

 

I couldn't do anything when the break up was fresh, no tv no going out and no video games but they all came back slowly. Appetite however has not I eat light all the time now.

 

Maybe something will come out of you going out, you will never know unless you try else your days are all going to go by like they are now fillers.

 

I feel for you as I can sympathize, nothing is going to be like what we had but anything could be better if we give it the chance.

 

Hang in there.

[Ajax]

I couldn't do anything when the break up was fresh, no tv no going out and no video games but they all came back slowly. Appetite however has not I eat light all the time now.

 

 

 

I've lost 20 pounds since my breakup, and I wasn't a big guy to begin with. Anxiety makes me sick to my stomach. I still don't eat much.

[Oscar Wilde]

Me too loosing weight Ajax, don't worry about it. I've been in NC since 14 Oct, deleted her phone number, removed her from facebook, picture also deleted, etc...

 

Bests regards!

[Billie The Puppet]

I've lost 20 pounds since my breakup, and I wasn't a big guy to begin with. Anxiety makes me sick to my stomach. I still don't eat much.

 

45 lbs and still losing.

 

205 to 160 and I'm liking the new look.