What should I say?

[collegeguy_24]

I don't know, she smiled and said thank you, then I left. It was so unexpected, I have never done that before and by the time I realized I did it, I was already halfway down the hallway.

[Don Ho]

LOL. That's funny. Next time maybe you'll ask one to coffee. What's the worst that could happen, you tell her she's attractive and says "no" or "I have a BF"? So what. Remember the saying: nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[collegeguy_24]

LOL. That's funny. Next time maybe you'll ask one to coffee. What's the worst that could happen, you tell her she's attractive and says "no" or "I have a BF"? So what. Remember the saying: nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

That is true, but I still can't believe I said it, thats so out of character for me, especially considering what I've been going through.

[Don Ho]

LOL. Good job Bro. Go surprise yourself some more!

[collegeguy_24]

We shall see Don, we shall see. I still miss Jen tremendously, but I need to move on until she ether comes back, or I find out someone else is the one for me. Thats what my friend said.

[Billie The Puppet]

We shall see Don, we shall see. I still miss Jen tremendously, but I need to move on until she ether comes back, or I find out someone else is the one for me. Thats what my friend said.

 

Are we not friends here on LS? Haven't we been saying the same thing?

 

Just yanking your chain, I'm in the same situation, I still miss mine but I've come to realize she left me for another which makes it less and less her I miss and more and more the routine, her family that I miss. The planned vacations together, double dating with her sister and her sister's fiancé. I was also in love with the idea of being engaged going to get married and my world was crushed because of the break up. Honestly I feel so alone without her and them because I am a socially awkward introvert it's like I need to be in a relationship to break my social awkwardness and introversion.

 

The girl I ran into at costco:

 

She has contacted me a lot on FB, and most recently text messages too as I gave her my number, she gave me hers too. Now I had sent her a FB message but she never replied to it in the message system and I asked her to catch up since she was a friend from the past. Then she started FB chatting and never mentions this message I sent. She later in that message asked if I was free this past Sat. I wasn't due to a death in the family and asked for a rain check. What's worse or perhaps what will work in my favor is every time she has contacted me since then I have been busy which is weird since I have all the free time in the world since being split with my ex. My out of town family is in town, and I had to drive my sister to the Airport. So the rain check for us hanging out is put off until this Sunday. She does seem interested but I don't know to what extent yet.

[Don Ho]

Billie the HiJacker: see how that works. When you least expect it. Make sure you keep in touch with her this week so she doesn't cool off on you.

[Ajax]

We shall see Don, we shall see. I still miss Jen tremendously, but I need to move on until she ether comes back, or I find out someone else is the one for me. Thats what my friend said.

 

 

It takes a long time to stop missing them. I still miss mine. What's been helping me the past week though (besides posting here) is understanding that I have no control, and letting go of the idea that I do. We can't change the past. We have to live in the moment and accept the situation. That doesn't mean that the past doesn't matter or that we can't plan for the future, but we live in the present. And there's some pretty awesome things about the present.

[collegeguy_24]

It takes a long time to stop missing them. I still miss mine. What's been helping me the past week though (besides posting here) is understanding that I have no control, and letting go of the idea that I do. We can't change the past. We have to live in the moment and accept the situation. That doesn't mean that the past doesn't matter or that we can't plan for the future, but we live in the present. And there's some pretty awesome things about the present.

 

Those are some pretty great words Ajax, pretty damn good.

[Ajax]

Those are some pretty great words Ajax, pretty damn good.

 

Thanks college.

 

Trust me, I know it's not easy. I still relapse. I miss my ex and still love her. Part of accepting things and living in the present is coming to terms with the fact that A) You still love your ex, and B) they are not with you. I started feeling a bit better when I realized that my love for my ex was not dependent on being in a relationship with her. That's simply the way it is. If I can still love my ex without being with her, I can love someone else too who will be with me. Things change and nothing is permanent. Someone will come into your life again.

 

Another little benefit of letting go of control is that I think it actually makes us more attractive people. By not trying to control things all the time we become less anxious and more confident.

[Billie The Puppet]

Billie the HiJacker: see how that works. When you least expect it. Make sure you keep in touch with her this week so she doesn't cool off on you.

 

Think the admins would officially change my name to Billie the HiJacker? lol.

 

Well plans are to meet up this Sunday for coffee to start who knows from there. I'm attending her Birthday Party in December and I have a Joke gift planned to give to her. (A long time ago she borrowed my NYY Baseball cap for baseball and she ruined it) So I plan to give that same hat in new condition. I know a baseball cap for a woman may night be the greatest gift but the thought and the story it is attached too makes for a perfect moment. She recently brought this story up too so it's fresh in her mind. I think she will get a kick out of that. I mean this was 13-14 years ago, which when be the last time we really interacted with each other. We never dated but at one point in Highschool which was like more 10 years ago she did have interest in me. I will get in touch with her this week but I don't want to come off as desperate to either. I mean we still need to talk to each other anyways as the time, location etc has not been set for coffee.

 

However if this can happen to me, even though it hasn't started or developed yet it certainly can happen to College too, I feel we are one in a like on many levels. I'm still emotionally down on days that I miss my ex, She was the one for me on many levels but since she's left those have changed and although I love her and what we had it's exactly that what we had. I can no longer put my life on hold for her.

[collegeguy_24]

Well, I got a date. I will admit, it was unexpected, seeing as how she asked me out.

 

It was in class, we sit next to each and we are friends, we hang out and such. She also knows about my past, and she knows I am still hung up on Jen, she knew before she asked me out.

 

Well in the middle of class we start trading notes, and she asks " are you free friday night? want to catch a movie?"

 

I said "Sure. are we going out on a date?"

 

she said yes, and she admitted after class that she wants to go on a date with me. so this friday we are going on a date.

 

I will admit, it was unexpected, I didn't think she was interested in me. I also know she took a risk asking me out knowing full well I am still hung up on Jen.

 

Lets see how it goes eh? any advice?

[Ajax]

Lets see how it goes eh? any advice?

 

Wear a clean shirt. Have fun.

[Don Ho]

See College? When you least expect it. LOL. Advice? YES. Do not talk about Jen!! If it comes up change the subject and if that doesn't work, tell her "I'd rather spend some time getting to know you instead of talking about others or our pasts". More advice? Do not get into any serious talks about relationships. 3rd, this IS NOT "20 Questions" nor is it an interview for either of you. Keep it light and have a good time.

[collegeguy_24]

I do plan to wear a nice shirt, in fact I plan to wear the new outfit I bought last week when I was depressed, remember? We decided we are going to a pizza place, and then see The Social Network. After that, who knows, but hopefully it will be good lol.

 

I do have a question though, she knows I am still hung up on my ex Jen, why do you think she asked me out knowing this?

[Don Ho]

That date's a little long. You need to make sure you end it after the movie, do not keep it going, go out for coffee or anything.

 

Who cares? Bro, DO NOT bring up Jen and DO NOT talk about it if she brings it up. You need to focus on having a good time and getting to know her personality. That DOES NOT mean interviewing each other and talking about the past.

 

Bro, I think part of your issue you've had with your past, recent dates is how you handle yourself and handle the date. There's something you're doing that lowers your attraction level with them. I suggest doing a lot of online and reading a lot of David DeAngelo and Doc Love this week.

[collegeguy_24]

I don't plan to bring up Jen, in fact I planned to leave all exes out of the equation for tomorrow, its just going to be us two.

 

After the movie, I didn't have any other plans, if things go further for intimate reasons, I am certainly not going to say no. Thats what I meant, I figured her and I can chat on facebook over the weekend, or we will see each other Wednesday since we have the same class together that day. But the facebook option is not likely, simply because all day Saturday I will be gone at a football game, and Sunday I plan to finally play Halo:Reach.

 

I have also read Doc love and DeAngelo for months now, both before and after the break up with Jen. Every time I followed that advice, I end up screwed and alone. This time I plan to do something different,and thats to be myself.

 

Being myself is what attracted Jen to me in the first place, being myself is what attracted my current date to me in the first place as well. Perhaps thats what works for me.

[Billie The Puppet]

Being yourself is the best advice you can get, it's what attracted me to my ex and hopefully my date too. So far it's only a plan for coffee and from what I read from Don I should most likely keep it that way. You do have to be yourself but that yourself has to be the you before you met Jen. Wish you luck , she cute?

[kaycstamper]

It took me three days but I finally read all of this thread. The advice given by Don has helped me tremendously as well.

 

College, I have to commend you for your positive outlook, your insights are well beyond your years. However, if you attempt suicide again, we will personally hunt you down and thrash you! I've known people who had suicide in their family and it is labeled as the most selfish act one can commit because the people left behind are dealt such a hard blow.

 

One of the hard things about being young is their perspective is more limited than when they're older. As you age, you learn some things, you're a survivor, you realize that life cycles and things don't always stay the same, so you stick around, knowing it will come full circle again. Everything they've been telling you here is true, it won't seem like this forever, your perspective will change, and you will find just the right person for you when you least expect it. The pain you've been in will eventually diminish and you'll learn to make happiness for yourself.

 

I wish I'd taken notes throughout this thread because there were some comments that really hit me and finding them again could cost me another week! LOL

Edited October 21, 2010 by kaycstamper

[Banega100]

you should be yourself sure, but there are elements of their advice which you can still incorporate. Such as ending every interaction first. This is golden. End on a high point too. And end it ever so slightly too soon.

 

Also, maybe dont kiss her the first time round. Certainly dont get intimate. Keep her guessing, she's obviously interested so amplify it.

 

The aim is to be yourself, but the most confident and fun version of yourself. Good Luck!

[Ajax]

you should be yourself sure, but there are elements of their advice which you can still incorporate. Such as ending every interaction first. This is golden. End on a high point too. And end it ever so slightly too soon.

 

Also, maybe dont kiss her the first time round. Certainly dont get intimate. Keep her guessing, she's obviously interested so amplify it.

 

The aim is to be yourself, but the most confident and fun version of yourself. Good Luck!

 

 

Definately. Be yourself but be the best version of yourself.

 

What's going on in your world Benega?

[Don Ho]

If you're not going to be yourself, who are you going to be? Seriously. "Be yourself" isn't the best advice. But if that's your plan, then at least follow some of the basic do's and dont's. You've read. You know what I'm talking about.

[collegeguy_24]

If you're not going to be yourself, who are you going to be? Seriously. "Be yourself" isn't the best advice. But if that's your plan, then at least follow some of the basic do's and dont's. You've read. You know what I'm talking about.

 

That I do.

 

Personally, I hope it goes well, even we don't end up dating we can still be friends. I am going in there expecting to just have a good time. And who knows, perhaps it will be a good distraction from Jen that I've been in need of for a long time. It also helps she's nice and we get rather well.

[strength-abounds]

I want to wish you good luck, college. Been reading this thread for awhile now. Remember to have fun, brother.

[collegeguy_24]

Thanks, tonights the night and I hope it goes well. I also hope that tonight, of all nights, I do not run into Jen. Cause if I do, it will be hell, and a little awkward for me. But knowing my horrendous luck I will.

 

I am trying to think positive today, and to make tonight fun, I will keep everyone updated.