What should I say?

[Don Ho]

With your luck? You would be lucky to run into your Ex. It would be good for her to see you with another woman and you'll feel more confident that you were seen with another woman. It would not be awkward, you can smile and introduce them (or re-introduce them). I told my Ex by text after she saw me with my new woman (who is, BTW, thinner with a better body (which I know just burns up my Ex)) that I "upgraded".

[collegeguy_24]

With your luck? You would be lucky to run into your Ex. It would be good for her to see you with another woman and you'll feel more confident that you were seen with another woman. It would not be awkward, you can smile and introduce them (or re-introduce them). I told my Ex by text after she saw me with my new woman (who is, BTW, thinner with a better body (which I know just burns up my Ex)) that I "upgraded".

Well don, in terms of looks my current date is a downgrade, as she is slightly on the l,arger side. She knows she is a downgrade in looks and she admitted it to my face. I think she is hoping for good personality and similar interests to work in her favor. Which so far it is, I believe a person is more then looks. On the plus side, there is another girl in another class that has been seeking me out in class to chat. She has been showing signs of interest, and I am curious if I should take a chance and ask her out for another night, or not? Even though I said I want to stop dating, if I have good women interested in me should I really pass such chances up?

[Don Ho]

Bro, do you live on here? I barely set down my latte and there's your response. You might think this girl is a down grade, your Ex probably won't. Women are by nature catty and jealous of other women. If you hit it off, I'm sure she could get into better shape. Besides, I've always said I would take a "cute" woman with good character, personality, morals and body over a 9 or 10 any day.

 

Oh, hold off on the 2nd one. See if she asks you or implies she wants to go out. "Asking" for a date should be more "informal" IMO.

[collegeguy_24]

If we hit it off she could certainly get into shape, if I go to the gym with her, make it a mutual thing you know, I gain muscle and she loses weight. My friend, Andrew, as been dating his GF for 2 years now, she went to the gym to lose weight, and she has done spectacular. Her figure is improving everyday, so I know it can happen. But thats rather far into the future, lets just see how tonight goes first.

 

You really think its good if I run into my ex tonight with my date, whose name is Danielle, pretty common name? If I do, what should I do, is simply giving a smile, a head nod, and saying, "Hello" a good enough response before moving on?

 

The only place I am going where I might see her is the movie theater, as we only have one in town. The place where we are going for dinner I doubt I would see her as she likes eating in her dorm.

 

I would be very hard to control my emotions, and its well know that while my face can lie, my eyes give it all away. Jen is very likely to see I still love her in my eyes.

[Don Ho]

You make sure you're holding her hand or putting your arm around her when you walk in and out of dinner and movies so people can see you. That's how I roll in those situations. I want to make sure if I'm seen people see we're wrapped up.

 

IF you see your Ex, sure say "Hi" and if it comes to it, introduce them. Keep it short and friendly then exit. Put on your poker face if you see her. She will SEE you with another woman, that's the important part, regardless of how it makes you feel. Come on Bro, you will not be alone looking like a dork, you will have a woman on your arm. You should be more confident about that.

[collegeguy_24]

Well, heres and update, and boy is it a big one, so be prepared for a long read.

 

Last night started out awkward, as we ended up in separate location in the same building to meet each other. She laughed though, saying its fine, just a miscommunication.

 

I took her to a local pizza place, where everything is homemade using old family recipes. As we were talking, my cell phone goes off saying I have an email. She says go ahead and check it, as she does the same on her phone. I end up checking it, and guess who its from.

 

My ex, Jen Classen, sent me the email!

 

I told my date, and she said go ahead and check, as she is curious as to what it says, I decline at first, but she is insistent and says she wants to read it. I do, and the email is a mixture of HTML and chinese. I show it to my date and explain that her email was hacked. It happened once when were dating, so I know it has happened.

 

My date says to text her if I have her number. I tell I will do it later, tonight its me and her, no exes, no drama and I suggest we talk about something else.

 

She is stubborn though, and says it would be polite for me to let Jen know her email was hacked. Seeing the look in her eyes, I know I have no choice if I want to earn good points. So I text Jen, and make sure my date sees it, I don't want her to be suspicious of anything. The text is below.

 

Me: Hi Jen this is Byron. I think your email was hacked because I received an email from you that was in Chinese. You might want to check it out.

 

Jen: Yeah thanks just went through the rounds with an even more secure password.

 

Me: Your welcome. Good luck on everything!

 

Jen: Thanks.

 

That was it. I didn't respond after that, instead I focused on my date. She then laughs at how awkward I am at what just happened and she says its fine, its called being polite to let someone know, ex or not, that their email was hack. Its a common courtesy. She also says it could have been worse in terms of awkwardness, it could have been an email filled with hate, or it could have been an email with her saying she wants me back.

 

I laugh awkwardly, and then change the subject. I was of the mind that I am on a date, I should not be discussing my ex with her, even if she already knows everything from our time as friends.

 

After dinner, we go see the Social Network, and it turned out to be a good movie. We then get some coffee at Barnes and Noble, which is connected to our movie theater. After that, I drop her off at her car and I head home.

 

During the entire date, we both talked, a lot. About various subjects, so it was good. She even said so on Facebook this afternoon.

 

Today was the football game, and I enjoyed myself, though I did run into my exes BF again, and this time he was with his mother, or grandmother. It was parents day on campus and at the game. He didn't dare do anything this time, maybe because he was with his mother, or he may have realized that I am this close to kicking his ass. Either way, he avoided me, which as good.

 

I also and bought a really expensive costume for Halloween, the Mad hatter, Johnny Depp version. I was planning on using that, and hitting on all kinds of women Halloween night at the bars. With a different personality I may actually do quite well.

 

And that people, is the extent of my weekend so far.

[Billie The Puppet]

Well, heres and update, and boy is it a big one, so be prepared for a long read.

 

Last night started out awkward, as we ended up in separate location in the same building to meet each other. She laughed though, saying its fine, just a miscommunication.

 

I took her to a local pizza place, where everything is homemade using old family recipes. As we were talking, my cell phone goes off saying I have an email. She says go ahead and check it, as she does the same on her phone. I end up checking it, and guess who its from.

 

My ex, Jen Classen, sent me the email!

 

I told my date, and she said go ahead and check, as she is curious as to what it says, I decline at first, but she is insistent and says she wants to read it. I do, and the email is a mixture of HTML and chinese. I show it to my date and explain that her email was hacked. It happened once when were dating, so I know it has happened.

 

My date says to text her if I have her number. I tell I will do it later, tonight its me and her, no exes, no drama and I suggest we talk about something else.

 

She is stubborn though, and says it would be polite for me to let Jen know her email was hacked. Seeing the look in her eyes, I know I have no choice if I want to earn good points. So I text Jen, and make sure my date sees it, I don't want her to be suspicious of anything. The text is below.

 

Me: Hi Jen this is Byron. I think your email was hacked because I received an email from you that was in Chinese. You might want to check it out.

 

Jen: Yeah thanks just went through the rounds with an even more secure password.

 

Me: Your welcome. Good luck on everything!

 

Jen: Thanks.

 

That was it. I didn't respond after that, instead I focused on my date. She then laughs at how awkward I am at what just happened and she says its fine, its called being polite to let someone know, ex or not, that their email was hack. Its a common courtesy. She also says it could have been worse in terms of awkwardness, it could have been an email filled with hate, or it could have been an email with her saying she wants me back.

 

I laugh awkwardly, and then change the subject. I was of the mind that I am on a date, I should not be discussing my ex with her, even if she already knows everything from our time as friends.

 

After dinner, we go see the Social Network, and it turned out to be a good movie. We then get some coffee at Barnes and Noble, which is connected to our movie theater. After that, I drop her off at her car and I head home.

 

During the entire date, we both talked, a lot. About various subjects, so it was good. She even said so on Facebook this afternoon.

 

Today was the football game, and I enjoyed myself, though I did run into my exes BF again, and this time he was with his mother, or grandmother. It was parents day on campus and at the game. He didn't dare do anything this time, maybe because he was with his mother, or he may have realized that I am this close to kicking his ass. Either way, he avoided me, which as good.

 

I also and bought a really expensive costume for Halloween, the Mad hatter, Johnny Depp version. I was planning on using that, and hitting on all kinds of women Halloween night at the bars. With a different personality I may actually do quite well.

 

And that people, is the extent of my weekend so far.

 

Thanks for the update I was actually curious how things went. My "day date" is tomorrow, I'm hoping for a similar type of update myself. Going into it with no plan other than Coffee and see where it goes from there but will also try not to make it too long although this girl genuinely has been showing me interest via FB chat. If it gets serious I'll be dropping the electronic chatting all together. Minus the ex related stuff an awkwardness of course lol.

Edited October 24, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[Ajax]

Well, heres and update, and boy is it a big one, so be prepared for a long read.

 

Last night started out awkward, as we ended up in separate location in the same building to meet each other. She laughed though, saying its fine, just a miscommunication.

 

I took her to a local pizza place, where everything is homemade using old family recipes. As we were talking, my cell phone goes off saying I have an email. She says go ahead and check it, as she does the same on her phone. I end up checking it, and guess who its from.

 

My ex, Jen Classen, sent me the email!

 

I told my date, and she said go ahead and check, as she is curious as to what it says, I decline at first, but she is insistent and says she wants to read it. I do, and the email is a mixture of HTML and chinese. I show it to my date and explain that her email was hacked. It happened once when were dating, so I know it has happened.

 

My date says to text her if I have her number. I tell I will do it later, tonight its me and her, no exes, no drama and I suggest we talk about something else.

 

She is stubborn though, and says it would be polite for me to let Jen know her email was hacked. Seeing the look in her eyes, I know I have no choice if I want to earn good points. So I text Jen, and make sure my date sees it, I don't want her to be suspicious of anything. The text is below.

 

Me: Hi Jen this is Byron. I think your email was hacked because I received an email from you that was in Chinese. You might want to check it out.

 

Jen: Yeah thanks just went through the rounds with an even more secure password.

 

Me: Your welcome. Good luck on everything!

 

Jen: Thanks.

 

That was it. I didn't respond after that, instead I focused on my date. She then laughs at how awkward I am at what just happened and she says its fine, its called being polite to let someone know, ex or not, that their email was hack. Its a common courtesy. She also says it could have been worse in terms of awkwardness, it could have been an email filled with hate, or it could have been an email with her saying she wants me back.

 

I laugh awkwardly, and then change the subject. I was of the mind that I am on a date, I should not be discussing my ex with her, even if she already knows everything from our time as friends.

 

After dinner, we go see the Social Network, and it turned out to be a good movie. We then get some coffee at Barnes and Noble, which is connected to our movie theater. After that, I drop her off at her car and I head home.

 

During the entire date, we both talked, a lot. About various subjects, so it was good. She even said so on Facebook this afternoon.

 

Today was the football game, and I enjoyed myself, though I did run into my exes BF again, and this time he was with his mother, or grandmother. It was parents day on campus and at the game. He didn't dare do anything this time, maybe because he was with his mother, or he may have realized that I am this close to kicking his ass. Either way, he avoided me, which as good.

 

I also and bought a really expensive costume for Halloween, the Mad hatter, Johnny Depp version. I was planning on using that, and hitting on all kinds of women Halloween night at the bars. With a different personality I may actually do quite well.

 

And that people, is the extent of my weekend so far.

 

 

I don't know. I think maybe when you got the email alert you should have ignored it anyway. You could have your phone on vibrate or with all sounds off so it wouldn't bother you. I just think that anything regarding an ex is a date killer. Other than that though it sounds good.

 

@ Billie: Good luck with the coffee date. Low key yet classy. Definately take it past facebook chatting. Even texting is better, though that has its own pitfalls. Keep us posted.

[Don Ho]

So College, other than the email with Jen, how did it go with HER?

[collegeguy_24]

So College, other than the email with Jen, how did it go with HER?

 

I believe i said it went well, though there was no physical contact throughout the whole evening, she did say she wants to go out again.

 

I was wondering, with halloween coming up, should i ask her to join my friends and me, or should i use that as an opportunity to flirt with all the women around town?

Edited October 24, 2010 by collegeguy_24

[Don Ho]

I think I would go out with her again but use Halloween as an opportunity to meet women with your friends.

[collegeguy_24]

I think I would go out with her again but use Halloween as an opportunity to meet women with your friends.

 

Without your advice I have no idea where I would be right now, thanks man.

 

I plan to go out and flirt with as many people as I can see. My friends already know that, and they know its easier for me to do when I am able to use a mask of sorts to hide behind. Personality speaking.

 

Plus, I am beginning to realize that perhaps I just need to take more risks. Its a gamble to be sure, but perhaps I just need to. I also know I will have down days when I think or see Jen. I am a very emotionally charged person.

[Don Ho]

Thanks. You're welcome Bro. Yep, go out with your friends on Halloween. Risk? What risk are you really taking? You're asking a STRANGER if she will give her phone number to you or meet for coffee. She knows NOTHING about you, your life, your personality or anything. So it's NOT personal and shouldn't be taken as so if a woman turns you down. Like I said before, it's just a numbers game, ask 20 women out and at least one should say "yes".

[collegeguy_24]

We'l see right?

 

Plus its halloween, plenty of parties, plenty of filled bars, and plenty of alcohol. I'm sure with those odds, theres bound to be at least one who will say yes.

[collegeguy_24]

Well here I am again, and this time its to unload. Has anyone ever had a dream or nightmare where you can remember every detail about it? Well I did last night, and its painful, literally.

 

My dream started off with me at Jen old job, which was essentially a computer lab on campus. She had the job last semester, and she told before she broke up with me that she didn't get the job for this semester cause they already filled the spots before she re-applied.

 

Anyways, I am there, sitting in their very nice, soft, relaxing chairs, and I am typing up my major climate change research paper due at the the end of this semester. Anyways, the people who were watching it when I came in an hour ago leave as their shift is over. Guess who comes in next? Its Jen! Apparently someone dropped the Job and they called her and hired her again.

 

By this point, I am thoroughly drunk, as I brought my favorite bottle of liquor, Midori, with me. And energy drinks.

 

Jen is surprised to see me, and I am surprised to see her. Its the two of us, alone. She asks what I am doing there, and I reply I am here to write my paper in these nice comfy chairs.

 

Eventually, she gets tired of the silence, and she says I should stop drinking, as the combination is bad for me and could kill me.

 

I reply with a so what, its not like my life has any meaning anyways, and why should she care since she threw me out anyways.

 

She reply's with the same thing she said the last time we talked in real life, that she still cares about me and wants nothing to happen to me.

 

Being drunk, I get upset, and state how can she claim that when she left me for another man.

 

She denies leaving me for Jakub, and I call BS.

 

I tell her she told me she started dating him less then a week after she left me, and that he was pursuing her our entire relationship how can she claim she never left me for him?

 

She remain silent, same as the last time we talked. I continue on, saying how I tired to move on, how I tried to see other people, and each and every single one, including the one I had a date with this past weekend, just want to be friends, or want nothing to do with me.

 

I start ranting how about how I did everything for her, how I still love her, and yet she stabbed me in the back. All the while I am chugging liquor and energy drinks. She remains silent.

 

I then say how soon did she sleep with him? When she denied me sex for months, when she refused to hug me, kiss me, even hold my hand for months, how soon did she spread her legs for Jakub.

 

She sits there crying, as I tell her how my life has been nothing but hell, as I go into detail my suicide attempts, about her BF stalking me and saying those things, and even about me still defending her from her dorm mates.

 

She remains silent and has tears leaking from her eyes.

 

I yell at her that she thinks she can move into someones heart on purpose, then up and leave with no warning and everything will be fine, that there will be no consequences. I then rant that there are consequences, maybe not for her, but certainly for me.

 

I then go on about he she claimed she loved me, even the day before she left me, and I proclaim that everything she said to me was a lie.

 

I even say that I would take her back, despite everything, because I love her and want to spend my life with her.

 

Then eventually, all the alcohol and energy drinks takes it effect. I have a heart attack right there. She tries to take care of me while talking to 911 to get them to come over.

 

She then calls my parents, and tells them what happened. After I am taken away, she goes back to her dorm. She see Jakub there and confronts him about everything I said, he denies it of course, but she sees through him, subtle signs of lies, and she yells at him to go away and that it is over.

 

She then cries into the shoulder of her roommate Meg, saying over and over again what has she done. A few days later, she enters the hospital a complete wreck to see me, and the dream ends.

 

It was a bad night as you can see. I wake up this morning from that dream, with a massive headache. So here I sit, drinking water, taking medicine, feeling sad and depressed. I am trying to cheer myself up by saying that in about an hour and a halfs time I will have a mini date with someone. And its working a little, but not that much.

 

Sometimes, my subconscious really sucks.

[Don Ho]

Bro, that's just your unconscious trying to deal with what your conscious mind doesn't want to deal with. I know it's uncomfortable and depressing. You're still in grief and trying to deal with it which is normal. It will get easier. Get up and get moving. Do your best to put it out of your mind. Go take a quick jog around the block.

[collegeguy_24]

I can't jog right now, I am in class at the moment lol. But its a class I am getting an A in and that's while I sleep through it. After the class I have the mini date, which I am a little excited for. Don I have a question, I want to kiss her sometime, do you think I should wait till later, or perhaps during the mini date todayt I can ask her if she is comfortable with thr bthoguth of kissing? I don't really know how to proceed with thatg. Sorry for the mkisspeliings.

[Don Ho]

Just jog around the classroom, the Prof will appreciate it. Kissing her? Just let it happen naturally. She will let you know. No, do not bring up the subject it just makes it more awkward.

[collegeguy_24]

Well the mini date went well. We did a lot talking over coffee, and when she left, she even hugged me! Also, she bent over in front of me, and I got a really nice look at her cleavage, yay me!

 

We discussed how we are both really shy, and apparently she is shier then I am, so I may have to do some initiating of things, which i am fine with, I may just need encouragement from you all. Overall I think it went well and I am now in a much better mood then I was when I woke up.

[Don Ho]

There you go Bro, sounds like your "down" times about your Ex are getting fewer and a bit easier to get over. Now which woman was this, the one you went out with last week?

[collegeguy_24]

There you go Bro, sounds like your "down" times about your Ex are getting fewer and a bit easier to get over. Now which woman was this, the one you went out with last week?

 

Yup, the same one. We have another date set up this Friday. Heres the details:

 

There is a Halloween dance at the dorms this Friday, where we can show up in costume. Heres the Kicker, its being hosted by my exes dorm. I missed the last 5 years worth of dances, so I am at the point where I don't care if my ex sees me with a date or not, I am going, in costume, and I will have a good time dammit!

 

But before hand, me and her are going to cook dinner together at her place, and possibly watch a movie if we have time. She also invited me back to her place after the dance to. And apparently I have permission to change into costume at her place.

 

SO it looks like a fun evening. Even if nothing sexual occurs, she is a fun person to be around and thats enough for me.

[Don Ho]

There is a Halloween dance at the dorms this Friday, where we can show up in costume. Heres the Kicker, its being hosted by my exes dorm. I missed the last 5 years worth of dances, so I am at the point where I don't care if my ex sees me with a date or not, I am going, in costume, and I will have a good time dammit!

 

Good attitude Bro!! Now, a couple of pointers. Be SURE you are REALLY prepared to see your Ex. It may hit you more than you think. IF you see your Ex, this time, DO NOT discuss it with the new girl!! Even IF she wants to talk about it. DO NOT let it ruin your night!!

 

Limit yourself to two drinks in about 3 hours. If her jacka$$ BF shows up, you have to have a clear head, think straight and defend yourself if he gets in your face. Take my word for it. Plus, it will keep you probably a little more on the chill side. You can drink all you want when you get back the new gals place ... and a little booze (I said a little) might be enough to make her not so shy.

[collegeguy_24]

I don't think they will have booze there because people under 21 do show up. Besides, if I am driving I won't drink anyways because I will be taking her back to her place and I have a strict no drinking/driving policy. But perhaps once we get back to her place, who knows

 

If I see my ex, I will smile, nod my head, and continue on. Common courtesy, thats all. My night will be focused on my date. If my ex wants to chat, how should I handle that?

 

If her jacka$$ BF shows up, I will remain calm and collected. Plus with no alcohol in me it will make me the better man, and legally I can have my butt covered. If he tries anything I will take that opportunity and milk it for all its worth. The first legal chance I have to ruin him, I will take it. Seeing him with nothing would give me the biggest smile since I lost my virginity.

 

But aside from him, my night will be with my date. I really like her and want to see wear this goes, she could be the medicine that I have been needing since the break up.

[collegeguy_24]

I do have a question. My brother brought this up actually. Since things seem to be going well with me and my date, if things continue like this then my brother thinks the possibility of us becoming exclusive is good. While that is a nice thought, and no I am not going to rush it, I want to see where we go first, it does lend me some thoughts.

 

There are certain needs I want in a relationship, if we become exclusive, or if I become exclusive with any woman for that matter.

 

One of which is I cannot have a sexless relationship, I like sex, I will admit, and I don't need it every single day, but I also don't like going 1 month, or 2, or 3, without sex. How do I bring that issue up if I decide to be exclusive with a woman?

 

as well as certain ground rules that I believe need to be applied, like not hanging out with exes unless they are in a committed relationship themselves?

 

I ask this for a in general scenario, because eventually I will become exclusive with a woman, it might be with the one I am dating now, or it might be someone else several months or years from now. When the time comes, I will be needing to have this talk, how does one go about it without coming off as a jerk?

[Don Ho]

Bro, you're getting way, way ahead of yourself. You don't hardly know this woman. You need to spend 90 days getting to know her before you start any of that kind of talk. If she brings it up, tell her you want to get to know her better and you should talk about that at some other point. You know, "let's just enjoy each other's company and see where it goes". Geez. Don't put the horse in front of the cart, especially when you don't know if you even have a horse yet!