What should I say?

[kaycstamper]

You've been progressing so well! It's great that you are not so concerned with what she thinks and are giving more through to your present than your past.

[Leandro]

Well today I am in a perfectly good mood

 

I dreamed a little about Jen last night, and for the first time, the dream actually switched over to the new girl I am dating. It was great!

 

Her and I have been getting along rather well, and things seem to be progressing for me, she says she knew what she was in for when she asked me out, knowing how I am still pining for Jen.

 

But I've been thinking about Jen less and less lately. Instead I've been thinking about the new girl. In fact, we have a very special date tomorrow night. I think I am finally beginning to move on. Its a slow process, but I think its really possible now, I see hope for the future.

I'm glad to hear everything is working out for you. You're a walking proof that things do get better with time. Keep posting.

[Don Ho]

Well today I am in a perfectly good mood I dreamed a little about Jen last night, and for the first time, the dream actually switched over to the new girl I am dating. It was great! Her and I have been getting along rather well, and things seem to be progressing for me, she says she knew what she was in for when she asked me out, knowing how I am still pining for Jen. But I've been thinking about Jen less and less lately. Instead I've been thinking about the new girl. In fact, we have a very special date tomorrow night. I think I am finally beginning to move on. Its a slow process, but I think its really possible now, I see hope for the future.

 

Good for you Bro, you're progressing nicely. What a diff from a few short months ago!

[strength-abounds]

Well today I am in a perfectly good mood

 

I dreamed a little about Jen last night, and for the first time, the dream actually switched over to the new girl I am dating. It was great!

 

Her and I have been getting along rather well, and things seem to be progressing for me, she says she knew what she was in for when she asked me out, knowing how I am still pining for Jen.

 

But I've been thinking about Jen less and less lately. Instead I've been thinking about the new girl. In fact, we have a very special date tomorrow night. I think I am finally beginning to move on. Its a slow process, but I think its really possible now, I see hope for the future.

 

ROCK ON!! Dude, take pride in your progress. Keep it going.

[collegeguy_24]

Update!

 

Time for my progress report. Friday night we had another date. This time I went all out, I took her to a romantic resteraunt, we went home and watched half a movie.

 

I then gave her a wonderful back massage with some scented oils, and she did the same for me, and we decided to try for sex.

 

It kinda worked and was awkward. I won't go into full details here, mainly because I don't know if the people here are interested. But all I will say is some kind of sex occurred, kinda.

 

But it was still fun, seeing as it was her first time.

 

After that we watched the rest of the movie, cuddled, and she proceeded to make out with me heavily.

 

Next day we went to a friends house where I set my brother and a friend of mine on separate blind dates, both are single men, so I got them single women. It was a fun night as we all took dancing lessons, and played card games and ate pizza.

 

Sunday was good to, I just relaxed at home and played video games. And get this, for the first time I actually had a different thought.

 

I thought that if at that moment Jen came back and said she wanted another chance, I thought I could actually say no! Or at least, tell her that she has to work her ass off if she even wants me to give her the time of day. It was a great feeling.

 

Then what happens, I dream about Jen again, go figure. This time the dream was weird.

 

It starts off with me in class, and a school shooting occurs. Somehow, I end up killing the shooter, but I end up shot up a bit. I end up in Jens math class, where I am bleeding out. I light a cigarette, and ask for a kiss before I die. She gives it to me.

 

I then end up in the hospital, where I am alive, but in a coma because apparently the paramedics came in after I fell unconscious. So I am still alive.

 

Jen is in the waiting room, and on the other end, my parents, friends, and even the woman I am dating, are there. Even in the dream, I could feel the tension in the room. Then I wake up.

 

I mean seriously WTF!

 

Why did I have that dream? I think its fairly obvious Jen is not coming back to me, I am dating a new woman who, while shy, is nice and kind to me, and treats me good. Sure, Jen did all those things to when we were together, but we're not anymore. She is with someone else and I am with someone else, so again I ask WTF?

[Leandro]

every thing sounds great for you, except for the dream. I had a weird dream too, but don't look into it.

[Don Ho]

Boy your subconscious is really workin you! You want the psychoanalytical view? Nahh. You're doing just fine Bro. Just "growing" pains. It keeps getting easier. Oh and thanks for NOT giving us details about your bedroom antics with the new woman the other night!

[kaycstamper]

I think it just takes time for them to leave our subconscious mind so they aren't in our dreams any more, after all, they were part of our everyday lives, our subconscious mind is just slow to catch up. Don't pay it any mind, when you wake up, move on with your present day!

[collegeguy_24]

Heres an update.

 

I feel bad right now, and heres why.

 

Yesterday I hang out with a female friend, after several hours at the museum and eventualy the mall, I drop her off at home and make my way to the house of the person I am dating.

 

On my way I run into not one, but both exes!

 

THe first ex I couldn't care less about, but the second one, Jen, I do.

 

I was on 19th street, and she was on main driving to the mall, or that general direction. I noticed she was alone in her car.

 

THing is, I still miss her and love her. I don't know why, I've been thinking about her a lot recently, and I've been trying not to, I've been trying to distract myself with video games and school work. It works, but when I close my eyes I dream of Jen.

 

The person I am dating knows all this, she guessed it and asked me and I refuse to lie. But she is still hanging around cause she says she wants to give it a shot with me and she thinks that maybe with another woman in my life it will help me forget about Jen.

 

I don't know, I still miss the ex so much, but I am with someone else. I feel so bad right now.

 

Honestly, I feel like I am so screwed up in the head its rediculous. I going to try counseling again, see if they have any insights. I am posting here cause I need help and support from my friends here on LS.

[Don Ho]

Bro, all the stuff you're going through is normal. Sorry but that's what happens when you break up with someone you really care about. It can take quite a while before you're over your Ex. I don't think there's any quick solution except time. Keep dating the new woman and just do your best to stay busy and keep your mind off your Ex.

[pandagirl]

CG, this is a common problem: when you start dating someone before you aren't over the last person, it tends to make you feel bad.

 

Meeting new people and casually dating is good, but it made you feel bad because you actually pushed yourself to date someone, instead of letting it organically happen. Almost like you expected this other girl to help you get over your ex. I understand this impulse, because I've done it before, but now I don't anymore because I understand it doesn't work.

 

Continue to live you life to make yourself happy. It's key to learn that you can be happy and fulfilled without a girlfriend or boyfriend. I think you need to conquer that first, before you can truly move on.

[lapse]

CG, this is a common problem: when you start dating someone before you aren't over the last person, it tends to make you feel bad.

 

Meeting new people and casually dating is good, but it made you feel bad because you actually pushed yourself to date someone, instead of letting it organically happen. Almost like you expected this other girl to help you get over your ex. I understand this impulse, because I've done it before, but now I don't anymore because I understand it doesn't work.

 

Continue to live you life to make yourself happy. It's key to learn that you can be happy and fulfilled without a girlfriend or boyfriend. I think you need to conquer that first, before you can truly move on.

 

Yea, I've found this to be always true. Hypothesized elsewhere, though, that it's not the case for some men... apparently. For me, personally, it's completely counterproductive.

 

CG, do you really like your new gf?

[alwayshoping]

i think it happens when the time is right. When you rush things with anyone (esp yourself) things never turn out well.

[Don_da_Ho]

Keep dating the new one Bro. You might take years to get totally over your Ex. What are suppose to do, put your dating life totally on hold until that happens? I don't think you're seeing the other one to get over your Ex, you're just experiencing the difficulties of trying to move on after an Ex breaks up with you. Hang in there.

[collegeguy_24]

another update from me.

 

I considered breaking NC this weekend after reading a few threads about it on here, but I knew I shouldn't. So, to distract myself from such thoughts I talked with the woman I am dating on Facebook, played some survival horror video games which scared the crap out of me, and watched Avatar, which was good, though it made me a little sad.

 

I also found something else to do. Thing is, I still have an incredible amount of anger and hatred at Jakub for ruining my life and making it hell, and since there is no legal way for me to release it upon him, I found another method.

 

I decided to play an RTS game and I named the computer opponent after him, and I fought using modern technology.

 

I have never launched so many nuclear missiles in my life before, and it felt great. Just one right after the other, so many in fact my computer slowed down because it couldn't keep up

 

Also, I am now running on zero sleep because I had none last night, if not for coffee I would be dead right now.

[collegeguy_24]

Well my life has been going rather slow, usually alternating between school work, my job, and dating the new person. My family invited her over for Thanksgiving dinner, so I think that will be fun and interesting.

 

I do dream about Jen a lot, especially recently my dreams have been about her coming back, wanting another chance and I am being forced to choose between her and the new person. In all honesty, I don't know what i'd do, seeing as how I was never in a situation like that before, it really confuses me.

 

Also, dating wise, I think me and the new person are heading to an official relationship stage. I am nervous and scared though about fully committing. I have not been dating anyone else, just her, and she has been doing the same. But still I am a tad hesitant about becoming official because I am afraid of getting screwed again.

 

Also, in other news, this Saturday is the anniversary since I found out my first ex was cheating on me with a woman and I dumped her. In freak coincidence as well, I ran into her. I was sitting in my parents car, alone with my brother. we were just chatting when she walked by.

 

Its been a year since I ended it, and she still hasn't changed her wardrobe. She still wears goth clothing but with a Gryffindor Harry Potter scarf. It was a funny sight actually and made me laugh.

[collegeguy_24]

Not much in development really.

 

I was driving home Thursday when my ex, Jen, pulled out behind me and ended up following down the street the whole way before we went separate ways. I was able to see her in the rear view mirror, and she recognized my licence plate and looked awkward, and a little sad.

 

After that I had another date Friday night with the new person, and we watched Avatar on Blue-Ray, and all I can say is wow!

 

I spent the rest of my weekend playing video games and watching horror movies. Last night though, I dreamed about Jen a little.

 

In the dream, I sent a text to her mom saying Happy Thanksgiving, as well as all my friends on my contacts list, except her cause that would be awkward.

 

I get a reply from her mom saying thanks and she wishes me the same, and she says Jen says it as well.

 

I tell her mom to tell Jen that I say it back and I hope she is having fun.

 

The dream ended after that, and the rest of my dreams were horror dreams from playing to many survival horror video games.

 

Good news is is that I set up time to use my last two psychiatric sessions of the semester. I am hoping things go well for me.

[collegeguy_24]

I wanted to say thanks to Don Ho, Banega, Leandro, and so many others for all the help you've givien me. I also wanted to wish you a happy Thanksgiving.

[Don_da_Ho]

Ha! I was just getting ready to go onto LS this morning and I was thinking to myself "I wonder how College is doing. He has really improved so much over the past few months since he started posting". And then here's your post!

 

You're welcome Bro. Hope you had a good Thanksgiving too and I'm glad to know we could help you along and you're doing better. Keep us posted!

[collegeguy_24]

You really think I've improved?

 

I mean I am still hung up over my ex, and I really want to text her or friend her on FB. I have resisted so far, but its just so tempting.

 

I am also feeling rather ****ty today, I'm sick with a cold and there is nothign to do really so I think a lot, sadly my thoughts gravitate towards Jen.

 

Is there ever a time when its ok to contact an ex again? Or shouuld it remain strickly NC till the end of time?

[Leandro]

You really think I've improved?

 

I mean I am still hung up over my ex, and I really want to text her or friend her on FB. I have resisted so far, but its just so tempting.

 

I am also feeling rather ****ty today, I'm sick with a cold and there is nothign to do really so I think a lot, sadly my thoughts gravitate towards Jen.

 

Is there ever a time when its ok to contact an ex again? Or shouuld it remain strickly NC till the end of time?

I think you've improved so much since you joined LS. I understand you're still hung up over your ex and so am I. But you're dating someone now and that gives hope to myself and other posters that things do get better with time.

 

I don't know what time we should contact our ex's, sorry.

[Don_da_Ho]

Yes you've come miles, especially since your dark days when you wanted to end it. Of course you still dream about your Ex and you're hung up on her. But I'm sure those feelings aren't nearly as intense nor as often as before. You asked some women out, you went on a few dates, you tried things you hadn't tried, you became more confident, you didn't kick Jerkoff's butt and you met another woman to date. I'd say there's a night and day difference. You're on the downhill, keep rolling forward.

[collegeguy_24]

Well guys today was good and bad.

 

Today i spent my morning hanging with the new girl, it was fun. I received a good grade on an exam, and I'm happy.

 

Now the depressing part.

 

I think I ran into my ex today.

 

It was awkward for me. what happened was I was texting my mom to see where the car was. I walk out of the building and the door closes behind me. I turn around and say sorry because I thought the door slammed into the person behind me. I didn't know it was her at that point, it was just giving a common courtesy.

 

Well because of the lightening I couldn't tell if it was her or not. But she stats to follow me, which is odd. She doesn't say anything, and I don't know if it was Jen or not, because of the lightening I couldn't tell and I wasn't going to peer into her face. Jen or complete stranger, that would be a little creepy lol.

 

But I duck into another building and watch as she walks by, I couldn't see the face, but she walks the same way that Jen does, so its a logical conclusion that she could have been.

 

Thats my day, I have been so tempted to text her and say sorry for the door closing on her, but I haven't yet. But its so tempting, god this sucks! I miss her!

[Leandro]

Don't be hard on yourself. You didn't know if it was her or not. Don't break NC now. You've come so far. She didn't say anything so it must not have been important to her or she couldn't tell if it was you.

 

Focus on the new girl and I'm glad you made a good grade on your exam.

[collegeguy_24]

Well I ran into Jen again today, or more like she ran into me, and my family. It was interesting I'll say.

 

What happened was that I was in a mini-van with my mom and brother(Yes I am 25 and I drive with my family).

 

We stop to let people cross the street, it is polite and the law. When out from behind a parked truck she walks out, and when she turned her head to wave thanks, which she does for anyone letting her cross the street, its what she does and her way of being polite, she froze for a second and looked like a dear caught in the head lights.

 

She then quickly ducked her head and she had a look of shame on her face, she can't even face my family without feeling shame, which tells me a lot.

 

SHe then quickly scurried out of the way, while slipping on the ice, she did not fall, she maintained her balance, and she made it across and walked rather quickly away.

 

If Jen had fallen down I would have asked her if she was alright and needed some help. I am a gentleman first and foremost, always have been, always will be, and thats what I was raised to do with all women, not just because I still love her. But she didn't fall, so I didn't say anything. I did smile though, at her when I saw her cross the street.

 

But watching her body language speaks a lot, she looked sad, ashamed, and she looks like she lost a lot of weight. I am actually a little worried about her, for as a person who is underweight, I know what kind of medical effects it can cause.

 

Afterwards, my mom said she shouldn't be ashamed to look at us or even contact and talk to us. Its a small campus and we are going to see each other, its a fact of life. My mom actually considered contacting her to tell her she is still welcome to talk to us. I told her if she wants to go ahead, I am at the point now where I am fine with that.

 

Besides I was still on high for how an awesome day it was at work!

 

Well, thats the extent of my encounter, thoughts my friends?