What should I say?

[Hhhh]

Right now I am so bloody frustrated

 

For the past several nights I have had no sleep because I've been dreaming about the ex, Jen. I thought I was over her, I really did.

 

After I sent her the email, and she responded with wanting to re-open communications again, I will admit, I was a little excited. But I haven't heard from her since the beginning of December. So I was like, 'You know what, if she says one thing, but then does the other, then its not worth my time.'

 

SO I went on with my life, I graduated, I am dating someone new, etc.

 

But lately I've been dreaming of her again. It seems like every time I seem to get over her, I seem ready to move, no thoughts of her, no dreams of her, nothing, it all comes back and hits me like a freight train.

 

Its pretty frustrating that this pattern just keeps repeating itself.

 

I am also frustrated because I've been looking for a job since November, and I still don't have one. I have little to no money, I live in my parents basement and drive their car because I have no money.

 

I've applied everywhere from museums to freaking Burger King and McDonalds, nothing.

 

Honestly I feel frustrated, and like a failure. I thought I was over her because I didn't think about her, didn't dream about her, then it all just returns out of no where.

 

I am frustrated because I am unemployed living with my parents and have to rely on them for everything. I am 25, I should be out there!

 

Sorry if this annoys you, I am just really frustrated right now.

 

you have 36 pages of this story and i only read the first one, but i can tell you you need to stop contacting her and disappear for a bit. Shes only tugging on your leash when shes responds to your emails.

 

I don't what to say career wise but to be patient and make any moves as you can update your resume get some professional help with it

[Leandro]

Right now I am so bloody frustrated

 

For the past several nights I have had no sleep because I've been dreaming about the ex, Jen. I thought I was over her, I really did.

 

After I sent her the email, and she responded with wanting to re-open communications again, I will admit, I was a little excited. But I haven't heard from her since the beginning of December. So I was like, 'You know what, if she says one thing, but then does the other, then its not worth my time.'

 

SO I went on with my life, I graduated, I am dating someone new, etc.

 

But lately I've been dreaming of her again. It seems like every time I seem to get over her, I seem ready to move, no thoughts of her, no dreams of her, nothing, it all comes back and hits me like a freight train.

 

Its pretty frustrating that this pattern just keeps repeating itself.

 

I am also frustrated because I've been looking for a job since November, and I still don't have one. I have little to no money, I live in my parents basement and drive their car because I have no money.

 

I've applied everywhere from museums to freaking Burger King and McDonalds, nothing.

 

Honestly I feel frustrated, and like a failure. I thought I was over her because I didn't think about her, didn't dream about her, then it all just returns out of no where.

 

I am frustrated because I am unemployed living with my parents and have to rely on them for everything. I am 25, I should be out there!

 

Sorry if this annoys you, I am just really frustrated right now.

I'm sorry man. I hope the dreams go away soon.

 

Don't give up on the job search! Just know everything will get better. I hope your new gf is being supportive.

[collegeguy_24]

I feel like crap right now. The dreams are still coming about Jen, I will admit I want her back, even after all this crap.

 

My problem right now is that I just spent the entire weekend with the new GF, and she is very nice, shy, but nice. But I've been thinking about Jen quite bit even during the weekend with the new girl.

 

This makes me feel horrible, just horrible. THis person is so nice and kind, and has the Patience of a saint, I mean she knows all this, she knows I still dream of the ex, that I still have strong feelings for her, but yet she holds on to me.

 

She is a really great girl and I feel horrid.

 

I also heard that my ex, Jen, may be single now. SOmeone told me on facebook, and going against my brain, I looked it up.

 

The only profile I can see was the guy who took her from me, Jakub, hers is set to private while his is open for everyone. His status is still in a relationship, but I noticed that she took her name off of the relationship, whereas in the past it was there as a part of it.

 

I miss her, I really do, but at the same time I care about the new person. I feel conflicted because part of me feels like I can never give her the love that I gave to Jen.

 

I don't want to break up with new person because I like her to, but at the same time, Jen still holds my heart.

[DustySaltus]

It's ok to think about your ex, but it's not ok to call her or send her an email when you are with someone else. All 36 pages here might as well be blank because you don't seem to understand that NC is about healing yourself, not getting your ex back. So what if she's single now? At best it would be a fling in the .00001% chance that she wanted to see you. That's not genuine nor something you deserve.

 

I just found out my ex got married by accident through a friend a few weeks back. If that same friend told me she got divorced a few months from now (which wouldnt be surprising), would I call her? Not a chance....it's in the past.

 

The thoughts of Jen and the reality of who Jen is......NOT THE SAME anymore.

[Leandro]

I feel like crap right now. The dreams are still coming about Jen, I will admit I want her back, even after all this crap.

 

My problem right now is that I just spent the entire weekend with the new GF, and she is very nice, shy, but nice. But I've been thinking about Jen quite bit even during the weekend with the new girl.

 

This makes me feel horrible, just horrible. THis person is so nice and kind, and has the Patience of a saint, I mean she knows all this, she knows I still dream of the ex, that I still have strong feelings for her, but yet she holds on to me.

 

She is a really great girl and I feel horrid.

 

I also heard that my ex, Jen, may be single now. SOmeone told me on facebook, and going against my brain, I looked it up.

 

The only profile I can see was the guy who took her from me, Jakub, hers is set to private while his is open for everyone. His status is still in a relationship, but I noticed that she took her name off of the relationship, whereas in the past it was there as a part of it.

 

I miss her, I really do, but at the same time I care about the new person. I feel conflicted because part of me feels like I can never give her the love that I gave to Jen.

 

I don't want to break up with new person because I like her to, but at the same time, Jen still holds my heart.

It's ok that you miss her man. I still miss mine.

 

Stay with the new girl. She understands what you're going through. That's a great girl to be with.

 

Just takes time.

 

try not to worry about your ex and the other guy.

 

Maybe he left her for someone else, we dont know. Don't be going around and looking for answers.

 

stay strong. You've made it this far!

 

Don't fail now!

[collegeguy_24]

Hey Don, Banega, Ajax, and others, you still reading this thread when it updates, cause I have one for ya.

 

Yesterday I received an email from the ex, saying she knows about this thread, and asked me to remove her full name from it. Now I tried that before, but the site won't let me. Do any of you know a way to do it, or is it still permanent like Tony said in the past?

 

I don't know f she read this thread or just found her name in a google search. But feeling curious, I decided to read this whole thread again, took me two days, but I did.

 

All I can say is wow.

 

Going all the way back to August, I was a real mess, even up to the recent months I still am. But I also see a lot of progress from the break up to today.

 

No more suicide attempts for one.

 

But going over everything, some of the things I've posted while in the throes of my emotions certainly come off a bit creepy, don't you guys think? I want your honest opinions here as you were with me since the beginning.

 

Also, more good news, I have a Job! Took me a while, but I have one now, and it pays by the boatload, lucky me.

[Leandro]

wow. I worry that my ex will read mine too, but oh well.

 

I wonder how she found it.

 

I don't know if there is a way to fix that, but don't say her name anymore for now.

 

Saying Ex would be just fine.

[Banega100]

all right man hows it going? keep updating because i drop in here now and again to see how you're coming along.

 

You shouldnt have put her name man, have you resolved that now?

 

All the best and well done on finding a new job!

[collegeguy_24]

Hi Banega, hows it going? been a while.

 

As for her name, yeah it was a mistake, but when I posted it was all the way back in August/September, at th very start of all this when I found out she cheated on me.

 

Something, by the way, she denies, but no one believes her. Family, her friends, the ones I've run into all know she cheated. They all think she is just in denial about it.

 

Anyways, as I noted before, the ex found her name on here. She asked I take it off, I told her I couldn't because I tried to contact Tony but he said no. I told her I did this back in September.

 

I gave her Tony's profile and the information she wanted and told her I am willing to cooperate with her 100 percent. as it was frankly, a mistake on my part and I am willing to own up to it.

 

Also, the ex told me she is now convinced, more then ever, that it was the right thing to do to end it. Though once again, she gives different reasons.

 

I am used to her giving different reasons, she has a history of saying one thing, denying it, and saying something else.

 

But I accepted it, and I told her that I would still like to be friends, because exes stay friends all the time. I haven't heard from after I sent that reply in a month and a half.

 

I still talk to her mom, and she explained to me it could be Jen is afraid that by having a friendship with me, it could be possible for feelings to resurface, for the both of us, or that she could be stringing me along.

 

She also said something about how Jen responds to emails quickly, even if its to tell someone to go to hell, so for her to go a month or so is unusual.

 

Also, someone who knows her told me she could be using me as well, but I didn't understand their context so I asked them to explain. They said they would email me.

 

Also keep in mind, my current GF knows all about this. In fact, she was the one who encouraged me most, second to the exes mom, to open contact again.

 

I also want people to know I am committed to my GF. I have begun to develop strong feelings for her, and I want to keep her, so my interest in Jen now is just friendship, no romantic interest at all.

 

I have truly moved on.

[Banega100]

update! update! update! ha

[collegeguy_24]

update! update! update! ha

 

Heres my update!

 

Still haven't heard from the ex, but thats fine. I texted her Happy Easter by accident, and she never responded, but hey, its not like I expected her to.

 

I still love her, and would like to have her back. But I am done pursuing her, just done. I am a man, and I have pride and dignity. I will not get down on my knees begging, not anymore.

 

I don't know why I still love her, for gods sake her fault list is a mile long including being a lier, manipulator, she conceals facts, tells half truths, etc.

 

Yet I would like nothing more then to marry that girl.

 

Hell her own mother agrees with those facts. In fact, she has been trying to help me get over her daughter, and she is understanding and has been a great help.

 

Sometimes it makes me feel sick, because I feel like I am a creeper still feeling like this!

 

Its unnatural to still pine for someone who couldn't care less if I lived or died.

 

As for my current relationship, well we hit some pretty serious bumps. We both admitted to each other that we like each other, but we don't love each other.

 

She said it first.

 

But, she also wants to continue dating, at least until the summer is over. Her reasons are various, and they make sense.

 

She told me that right now I am the one person she is connected to in life, more so then her own family. She has virtually no friends.

 

She also said, and this one I agree on, is that the reason we haven't had much of a spark, is because there is not much to do. Here in Montana, it snows, a lot. In winter there is nothing to do except ski, and neither of us likes to do that.

 

She is hoping that for the summer, we can go hiking, camping, go to the national parks, , etc. She is hoping that with all these activites and by getting away from the couch, we can re-ignite the spark in the relationship.

 

If it fails, then we are prepared to go our seperate ways. Though she feels she will never find anyone else other then me, simply because she is a loner by nature, and she tried online dating before, but no one responded to her.

 

and if we break up, I am just going to give up dating, and women in general. I am tired Banega, I am tired of all the emotion that goes into this crap, of being left in the dust, of not being able to find love. SO I'll just give up dating, either permanently or temporary, and instead focus on my career, and on earning money.

 

After all, no matter how crappy life gets, there is always money and beer.