Still can't accept it's over

[Hersheys]

My ex broke up with me last March 30 and we've been on NC since the start of April. He e-mailed me just once last May asking about my recent job loss. I did not reply.

 

I'm at a point right now where I'm still, I don't know, I think probably still very depressed and just going through the motions like a zombie. When I wake up, I am reminded again of the break up and how up and down the past couple of months have been and I just get this weird feeling of heavyness in my heart.

 

One thing that's annoying is my constant dialogue I have in my head with my ex. I keep on talking to him like how I used to talk to him. I find myself thinking of what I will say/explain to him in case I bump into him or when he finally calls me.

 

Why do I still do this? I should have accepted by now that it's over between us BUT why is there still the nagging thought/hope that someday he will be back into my life? I hate to admit it but I kind of don't want to let go yet because the hope somehow gives me comfort.

 

Has anyone ever felt the same?

[whatadeer26]

I was dumped in the begining of June. I am still going up and down emotionally. I catch myself talking to myself as if I was speaking to her. I'm 23 and she was the first girl I actually and truly gave my heart to.

 

All I can say is out of sight out of mind. I am about 80% over her. I still think about her every day, but not for very long.

 

You need to remove all triggers of him and not look at any pictures. I have found that that was my best option.

[commonlife]

Hi,

I was feeling the same and was also dialoguing in my head. It still happens at times but I just brush it away.

We broke up about 3 months ago. Believe me, accept it is over. I am serious, accept accept accept. It is over the better you understand, the better you healing process will begin.

Get rid of everything that remids you of him, re-arange your flat (this helps more than you can imagine) and most of all don't stay locked up at home. Go out, see NEW people. I found myself hanging around with my friends but was turning in circle, I found my salvation in meeting new people. Take up a sport, do hobbies, do things where you meet and can talk to new people.

With this new lifestyle, the hirt left within weeks. Now I still think of here, wish she was back but I see her bad side now. And most of all I met this new girl (not dating yet but had good times together, better than what I had with my ex).

If it has to start back with him it will but imagin, do you want to be a walking corps in front of him? No, you want to be that new better person that doesn't need him to be happy. Do not let your happienes depend on someone.

Go go go, start now...

I wish you the best

Edited August 19, 2010 by commonlife

[Username37]

Hello.

 

I know how you feel. My emotions have been all over the place.

 

Got dumped on May 16th and everyday my emotions change. One day I feel like a zombie and another day I'm REALLY pissed. I have those happy moments but they only last for like....an hour.

 

I also have conversations with my ex in my head too. Like I imagine her listening to my feelings and me listening to hers. And also I stuff I would say to her when I see her (I'll be seeing her Monday)

 

Remove anything that reminds you of your ex. Also try to avoid those special places you two shared. Good Luck To You

[howlong]

I just get this weird feeling of heavyness in my heart.

 

I should have accepted by now that it's over between us BUT why is there still the nagging thought/hope that someday he will be back into my life? I hate to admit it but I kind of don't want to let go yet because the hope somehow gives me comfort.

 

I feel the exact same way...besides the heavyness in my heart, I have an "empty" feeling in my gut and strange lightheaded feeling that wont' go away.

I've realized that I also don't want to let go because I find the hope gives me comfort as well....and I know that's not helping me in the long run, but I'm kind of at the point of doing whatever it takes TODAY to get through it....assuming/hoping that eventually, it will all just pass anyway...I hope.

 

Chin up

[flyguy23]

I feel the same way. Just a sad mess. I hear she is having a blast without me in her life making all sorts of plans etc. and she hasn't even tried to contact me. This is just a terrible feeling. How does one person make me feel this way?

[BiAxident]

Like everyone else here, I know exactly what you mean, but I might be able to put a different spin on things. See, I used to sit in the living room and catch myself daydreaming that she would suddenly show up at my place, apologizing for leaving me and wanting to get back together.

 

But even if your ex does come back, how do you know it wont end the same away again? Do you really want to open yourself back up and trust this individual, knowing that they've already hurt you before and could easily hurt you again?

 

Maybe writing down this internal dialog that you have going on in your head could help things?

[Hersheys]

Thanks for all your replies!

 

Whatadeer, I hope soon I'd be 80% of recovery too. Not seeing my ex sure helps but I am scared he's forgotten about me. I'm one of those not having problems with breaking NC so he probably has forgotten about me as there are no ways or clues for him to think about me. He's a pretty strong, logical person so he probably wouldn't wallow the way I am doing now.

Commonlife, I sure doesn't want him to see me this way. It sucks to be me right now really lol. I've been trying to accept but it's the nagging thought of I could have done more, I could have said this or that, things would have been different.

 

Username, I've been through a horrible breakup before and I was able to have the numb feeling (which is a lot better than sadness and despair) quite quickly. I somehow want to feel numb because if I feel that way, I won't have to think and struggle with the thoughts and regrets and reminders, of everything!

 

Howlong, one problem with me is that I tend to exaggerate things long term. Like the other day, I was thinking of moving to another country where and fearing that I might still be thinking of him and what happened even if I move a thousand miles away. I fear that I could be somewhere else and I'd still be thinking of him.

 

Flyguy, that's what's happening to me too. My ex probably is having the grandest time, probably seeing someone new (god I hate saying that) and here I am stuck and left with the chore of rebuilding myself, changing for the better when he's the one who decided to go. Why can't our exes feel even just a small part of what were going through right now?

 

BiAxident, I can't let go because of how things ended quickly. No closure, no formal goodbyes. When I look back now, I realize I probably should have done more, should have said the right things. What seems correct and rational now never really entered my mind when I was with him. I just have a lot of regrets and they are eating me up .

 

I went to a focus group that has something to do with my former job the other day and we had a 1 hour break. Now I can't sit still for a long time because I tend to think and wallow if I'm not moving, doing something. I decided to drive to the place where we first met which is just 4 blocks away. I circled the place, looked at the exact place where we first met, had our first conversation. It felt sad and somehow happy because there was a point where I truly felt great, happy, I just didn't know it yet at that time.

 

I hope we all overcome this present situation in our life. I hope soon we will look back and see that this time in our life has made us much stronger and cooler people.

[LostInTurn]

I know how you feel.

 

The best way I can explain it to my friends is that I feel like an empty shell. I literally have chest pains because I feel so broken. When I wake-up, I feel ill and I'm so nervous I want to scream.

 

I've repeated conversations in my mind as well. Many of those conversations though... although they could have been avoided, I don't regret saying truth. I review his resentment and and the 'mean and hurtful' things I've said. Yet, I compared them to what he did and said. No case, I won. He's said far worse. He'll never see that though.

 

Sometimes, I think about going to his door it's raining and I stand there. It's all a dream, I would never. But we'll get through it.

 

If we are the ones that were left... we should morn the loss, but not beat ourselves up. I have been blaming myself for three weeks. What did we do wrong? The only thing some of may have done wrong is, break NC.

 

We need to go through the motions. Wake-up feeling terrible, have the conversations, imagine that great scenarios. Yet, are they great? Why would we want them from these people? These people don't deserve what we have to offer, right? We have all found this common forum where we all share our thoughts, minute-by-minute updates, etc. We are still invested. Invested because we invested so much in someone. Even after heartache we still care so much. Why is that? It's because we were honest with ourselves and gave our all, maybe even more than we imagined we ever could (I know I did) So, we are still living through it.

 

I have a motto. I shared this with a friend of mine who was going through heartache.

 

It goes like this: We lived through it, they will live with it.

 

What I mean is, we are all here feeling pain. They left us. They may feel annoyed with those of us who break NC, may not think about the breakup, may think they made the right choice. But at some point... they will absolutely stop and think about what happened one day. When someone loses someone amazing, who has given them their all... it may take some time to realize. Many people cover their feelings with lies and anger. But it's those people who realize too late and end up living with it. We will get through this. They will live with this.

[Silvio]

My chest hurts at times. I cant eat some days and rarely get a full nights sleep. I cant listen to my ipod because of so many songs that make me think of her. Every car I see on the road like hers makes me do a double-take.

 

Its over and Im sick about it but I know time will eventually make it better. I read every day here about NC and Im gonna do that. But I just cant start yet. I want to but she still txts me and says Im her best friend. She even calls..if I ask her to. It stupid I know but its comforting to here her voice. We just dont talk about US because there is no US. She always says "I will always love you". I think thats great. but it just makes me more confused. Im having a very hard time letting go. Its what she wants though.

[Hersheys]

I know how you feel.

 

The best way I can explain it to my friends is that I feel like an empty shell. I literally have chest pains because I feel so broken. When I wake-up, I feel ill and I'm so nervous I want to scream.

 

I've repeated conversations in my mind as well. Many of those conversations though... although they could have been avoided, I don't regret saying truth. I review his resentment and and the 'mean and hurtful' things I've said. Yet, I compared them to what he did and said. No case, I won. He's said far worse. He'll never see that though.

 

Sometimes, I think about going to his door it's raining and I stand there. It's all a dream, I would never. But we'll get through it.

 

If we are the ones that were left... we should morn the loss, but not beat ourselves up. I have been blaming myself for three weeks. What did we do wrong? The only thing some of may have done wrong is, break NC.

 

We need to go through the motions. Wake-up feeling terrible, have the conversations, imagine that great scenarios. Yet, are they great? Why would we want them from these people? These people don't deserve what we have to offer, right? We have all found this common forum where we all share our thoughts, minute-by-minute updates, etc. We are still invested. Invested because we invested so much in someone. Even after heartache we still care so much. Why is that? It's because we were honest with ourselves and gave our all, maybe even more than we imagined we ever could (I know I did) So, we are still living through it.

 

I have a motto. I shared this with a friend of mine who was going through heartache.

 

It goes like this: We lived through it, they will live with it.

 

What I mean is, we are all here feeling pain. They left us. They may feel annoyed with those of us who break NC, may not think about the breakup, may think they made the right choice. But at some point... they will absolutely stop and think about what happened one day. When someone loses someone amazing, who has given them their all... it may take some time to realize. Many people cover their feelings with lies and anger. But it's those people who realize too late and end up living with it. We will get through this. They will live with this.

 

I'm going through the same. I can't help but blame myself for how things went down. Thoughts of I should have done this, I shouldn't have done that are in my head all the time and it pains me to think that I don't have the opportunity now to undo my mistakes in the past, in the relationship because he's gone.

I've been through relationships and how they all ended doesn't seem to change, how I feel afterwards just get worse and worse each time.

Don't feel bad about breaking NC, we've all done it at some point. If it didn't turn out the way you want it, at least you gave that one little push to try and you know that you have done enough.

[Hersheys]

My chest hurts at times. I cant eat some days and rarely get a full nights sleep. I cant listen to my ipod because of so many songs that make me think of her. Every car I see on the road like hers makes me do a double-take.

 

Its over and Im sick about it but I know time will eventually make it better. I read every day here about NC and Im gonna do that. But I just cant start yet. I want to but she still txts me and says Im her best friend. She even calls..if I ask her to. It stupid I know but its comforting to here her voice. We just dont talk about US because there is no US. She always says "I will always love you". I think thats great. but it just makes me more confused. Im having a very hard time letting go. Its what she wants though.

 

Your ex sure is giving you a hard time. Sometimes it feels good to still have that contact because it gives us hope but be careful though in maintaining contact....

Try going complete NC for a while just so to give you some perspective of what you want and if you really want what your ex is doing to you. Your ex is messing with your head giving you hope but not enough to let you know that there is a reconciliation in sight. Do you want that?

[edgeofdarkness]

 

Its over and Im sick about it

No its not over but it should be, it isnt because you wont let it go, and let it die as it should. if u keep perpetuating this clinging it will never be over because there isnt a shred of u that believes its over, not while she is still in your life and still in touch as much as she is.

 

but I know time will eventually make it better.

Nope, not for a long while. it would happen a lot quicker if you accepted her absence as being total and permanent but the more you are with her the less u move on, time will take a lot longer, a lot longer.

 

I read every day here about NC and Im gonna do that.

Yeah, cool dude, how about starting that like NOW????????????

 

But I just cant start yet. I want to but she still txts me and says Im her best friend.

no your not. you are her ex lover, the mate she no longer wants, if u are her best friend she is using u as her safe place to go, she is relying on u to be nice to her and be her friend because then hurting u isnt the guilt trip she is scared it will be. the more u are her friend the less responsible she has to feel for dumping u. let her find another best friend, one whos heart she is not ripping out and mashing up every time she talks to them, dude wake up!!!

 

She even calls..if I ask her to.

 

boy thats just so stupid.

here have this knife now could you just plunge it into my stomach, rip my insides out and make me watch you do it? thanx so much.

 

It stupid I know

Yeah i just said that so we agree thats cool...

 

but its comforting to here her voice.

If u hang up every time and say to yourself gee that was so nice of her to call me, i really enjoyed hearing from her, that's comforting, if you hang up and feel like your insides are going to implode, and you ache and cant eat and feel sick and tearful, then its not comforting, its masochism, and playing along to what she wants, because it makes her feel better.

she hangs up knowing how much it hurts you to hear from her and feels sorry for you, becos she cant love u the way u want, but she cares more about how it makes her feel, because u asked her to call, right? so of course shes being so kind to call u when what she should be saying is no, that will just prolong your agony, im not gonna call u any more ever.

 

We just dont talk about US because there is no US. She always says "I will always love you". I think thats great. but it just makes me more confused.

No, she loves u but isnt IN love with u, and that suits her fine but not u becos u are deffo still in love with her. so its a lopsided love, u are giving it more than her and always will. dont be confused, be convinced, this is not the way to carry on, u got to go No Contact dude!!

 

Im having a very hard time letting go. Its what she wants though.

Thats crap your just not trying, so txt her and tell her 'i have decided i cant be your friend while i feel like this, its ripping me appart, please dont contact me again, ever for anything, please delete me off FB and block me in any way you can, i will do the same, if u love me like u say u do, then help me be strong here so that one day we can be friends with no strings, but right now i cant do this any more, its killing me, goodbye'.#

send her that, then block her every way u can and start healing, the time to get back in touch is when u really dont care whether shes with another guy your happy for her, becos your happy too.

[Hopelesslyforgotten]

I know how you feel.

 

The best way I can explain it to my friends is that I feel like an empty shell. I literally have chest pains because I feel so broken. When I wake-up, I feel ill and I'm so nervous I want to scream.

 

I've repeated conversations in my mind as well. Many of those conversations though... although they could have been avoided, I don't regret saying truth. I review his resentment and and the 'mean and hurtful' things I've said. Yet, I compared them to what he did and said. No case, I won. He's said far worse. He'll never see that though.

 

Sometimes, I think about going to his door it's raining and I stand there. It's all a dream, I would never. But we'll get through it.

 

If we are the ones that were left... we should morn the loss, but not beat ourselves up. I have been blaming myself for three weeks. What did we do wrong? The only thing some of may have done wrong is, break NC.

 

We need to go through the motions. Wake-up feeling terrible, have the conversations, imagine that great scenarios. Yet, are they great? Why would we want them from these people? These people don't deserve what we have to offer, right? We have all found this common forum where we all share our thoughts, minute-by-minute updates, etc. We are still invested. Invested because we invested so much in someone. Even after heartache we still care so much. Why is that? It's because we were honest with ourselves and gave our all, maybe even more than we imagined we ever could (I know I did) So, we are still living through it.

 

I have a motto. I shared this with a friend of mine who was going through heartache.

 

It goes like this: We lived through it, they will live with it.

 

What I mean is, we are all here feeling pain. They left us. They may feel annoyed with those of us who break NC, may not think about the breakup, may think they made the right choice. But at some point... they will absolutely stop and think about what happened one day. When someone loses someone amazing, who has given them their all... it may take some time to realize. Many people cover their feelings with lies and anger. But it's those people who realize too late and end up living with it. We will get through this. They will live with this.

 

Wow, your post Lost literally brought me to tears... you have hit every point dead on the head...seriously a great post.

 

Wonderful motto and I completely agree...one day they will realize that they have lost someone so amazing who devoted so much to them...just sucks that by then it may be too late.

[ShannonMI]

I know how you feel.

 

The best way I can explain it to my friends is that I feel like an empty shell. I literally have chest pains because I feel so broken. When I wake-up, I feel ill and I'm so nervous I want to scream.

 

I've repeated conversations in my mind as well. Many of those conversations though... although they could have been avoided, I don't regret saying truth. I review his resentment and and the 'mean and hurtful' things I've said. Yet, I compared them to what he did and said. No case, I won. He's said far worse. He'll never see that though.

 

Sometimes, I think about going to his door it's raining and I stand there. It's all a dream, I would never. But we'll get through it.

 

If we are the ones that were left... we should morn the loss, but not beat ourselves up. I have been blaming myself for three weeks. What did we do wrong? The only thing some of may have done wrong is, break NC.

 

We need to go through the motions. Wake-up feeling terrible, have the conversations, imagine that great scenarios. Yet, are they great? Why would we want them from these people? These people don't deserve what we have to offer, right? We have all found this common forum where we all share our thoughts, minute-by-minute updates, etc. We are still invested. Invested because we invested so much in someone. Even after heartache we still care so much. Why is that? It's because we were honest with ourselves and gave our all, maybe even more than we imagined we ever could (I know I did) So, we are still living through it.

 

I have a motto. I shared this with a friend of mine who was going through heartache.

 

It goes like this: We lived through it, they will live with it.

 

What I mean is, we are all here feeling pain. They left us. They may feel annoyed with those of us who break NC, may not think about the breakup, may think they made the right choice. But at some point... they will absolutely stop and think about what happened one day. When someone loses someone amazing, who has given them their all... it may take some time to realize. Many people cover their feelings with lies and anger. But it's those people who realize too late and end up living with it. We will get through this. They will live with this.

This is awesome. That makes me feel a little better. To know that someday the person that broke my heart will have to live with the thought that they lost a great thing.

 

I feel the same as everyone on this thread. My emotions are all over the place as well. Some days I'm incredibly sad, some days I'm numb and some days I'm so f-ing pissed off. It's been 4 months since my ex dumped me and I still think about him all the time. I wish I could just erase him from my mind. I hate that he still has this much power over me. He hurt me and betrayed me and still, I think about him. I wish I could train my brain to stop. It's just terrible. Everyone says to me that time will heal my heart and I will move on. Some days I just don't know.

[Hopelesslyforgotten]

 

I feel the same as everyone on this thread. My emotions are all over the place as well. Some days I'm incredibly sad, some days I'm numb and some days I'm so f-ing pissed off. It's been 4 months since my ex dumped me and I still think about him all the time. I wish I could just erase him from my mind. I hate that he still has this much power over me. He hurt me and betrayed me and still, I think about him. I wish I could train my brain to stop. It's just terrible. Everyone says to me that time will heal my heart and I will move on. Some days I just don't know.

 

I feel exactly the same way... Although my ex and I only broke up a week and a half ago and i NOW today just began NC I wish I could just turn these emotions off...like I feel he's doing. It drives me crazy that I am sitting here thinking about him feeling like crap when I feel like he's ok and moving on with his life. I just wish I knew (as horrible as this sounds!) that he was feeling as miserable as I am.

 

Shannon have you and your ex had any contact if you don't mind me asking?

[ShannonMI]

I feel exactly the same way... Although my ex and I only broke up a week and a half ago and i NOW today just began NC I wish I could just turn these emotions off...like I feel he's doing. It drives me crazy that I am sitting here thinking about him feeling like crap when I feel like he's ok and moving on with his life. I just wish I knew (as horrible as this sounds!) that he was feeling as miserable as I am.

 

Shannon have you and your ex had any contact if you don't mind me asking?

Yes, after we broke up we had minimal contact. The minimal part was my choice. He wanted visitation of the dog that we owned together and he insisted we could be friends and all that. I was nice at first and allowed him to see the dog, but did not want much contact with him.

 

Just this last Sunday, I found out that a week before he actually broke up with me he was cheating with a college girl. The week that he had been doing this, he had been going out a lot and some nights not coming home. I asked him what was going on because he had never acted like that. He lied and said he had gotten too drunk and stayed at a friends house. I believed him because I trusted him.

 

After this week of weird behavior he told me he wanted some space to figure himself out. I was totally thrown for a loop as I thought everything was good in our relationship. I went and stayed at my parents for a few weeks and then he told me he wanted to break up. He said he had changed and we weren't right for each other. I was so heart broken, but I didn't think there was some other girl in the picture. How naive of me.

 

So after 4 months of wondering what the hell really happened and why we really, truly broke up, I find out he's dating a college kid and they were messing around the week before he even told me there was any problem. A college girl who is 8 years younger then him and 11 years younger then me. He dumped me to be with a kid. It's such a shock. I thought I knew this person and I trusted him with my heart and soul. He betrayed me. I never thought, he of all people, would do this to me.

 

Since finding out about him cheating, I told him I wanted nothing to do with him ever again and I told him he was dead to me. I told him not to contact me in any way, shape or form. I sent an email telling him this. I said don't bother sending me any emails, texts or leaving any voicemails. I won't read them and I won't listen to them, so don't bother. Hopefully he respects my wishes. It sucks and I hope he feels some f-ing guilt for what he did to me. If he doesn't, then he is a cold hearted bastard.

[Hopelesslyforgotten]

Yes, after we broke up we had minimal contact. The minimal part was my choice. He wanted visitation of the dog that we owned together and he insisted we could be friends and all that. I was nice at first and allowed him to see the dog, but did not want much contact with him.

 

Just this last Sunday, I found out that a week before he actually broke up with me he was cheating with a college girl. The week that he had been doing this, he had been going out a lot and some nights not coming home. I asked him what was going on because he had never acted like that. He lied and said he had gotten too drunk and stayed at a friends house. I believed him because I trusted him.

 

After this week of weird behavior he told me he wanted some space to figure himself out. I was totally thrown for a loop as I thought everything was good in our relationship. I went and stayed at my parents for a few weeks and then he told me he wanted to break up. He said he had changed and we weren't right for each other. I was so heart broken, but I didn't think there was some other girl in the picture. How naive of me.

 

So after 4 months of wondering what the hell really happened and why we really, truly broke up, I find out he's dating a college kid and they were messing around the week before he even told me there was any problem. A college girl who is 8 years younger then him and 11 years younger then me. He dumped me to be with a kid. It's such a shock. I thought I knew this person and I trusted him with my heart and soul. He betrayed me. I never thought, he of all people, would do this to me.

 

Since finding out about him cheating, I told him I wanted nothing to do with him ever again and I told him he was dead to me. I told him not to contact me in any way, shape or form. I sent an email telling him this. I said don't bother sending me any emails, texts or leaving any voicemails. I won't read them and I won't listen to them, so don't bother. Hopefully he respects my wishes. It sucks and I hope he feels some f-ing guilt for what he did to me. If he doesn't, then he is a cold hearted bastard.

I am so sorry that you've had to deal with that Shannon. No one should ever have to deal with those feelings of betrayal...it really is just adding insult to injury.

 

Last night, my ex's phone 'mysteriously calls me' and when I answer...all I hear is him talking to another girl (which he then later explained that he was hanging out w/ his friend and his wife) BUT at that moment when I was heard a female voice talking to my ex...I LOST it. It was one of the worst feelings I have EVER felt...so I can only imagine how you feel hun.

 

I am so sorry that he has put you through this. It angers the hell out of me that someone who you think you knew couldn't have the balls (excuse my language haha) to at least have the dignity to break it off with you before he decided to go for some kid.

 

Good for you that you told him off!!!! I definitely think that he will realize what he lost...trust me...the grass is not always greener! It's COMPLETELY his loss and you should remind yourself of that...he was lucky to have YOU!

[ShannonMI]

I am so sorry that you've had to deal with that Shannon. No one should ever have to deal with those feelings of betrayal...it really is just adding insult to injury.

 

Last night, my ex's phone 'mysteriously calls me' and when I answer...all I hear is him talking to another girl (which he then later explained that he was hanging out w/ his friend and his wife) BUT at that moment when I was heard a female voice talking to my ex...I LOST it. It was one of the worst feelings I have EVER felt...so I can only imagine how you feel hun.

 

I am so sorry that he has put you through this. It angers the hell out of me that someone who you think you knew couldn't have the balls (excuse my language haha) to at least have the dignity to break it off with you before he decided to go for some kid.

 

Good for you that you told him off!!!! I definitely think that he will realize what he lost...trust me...the grass is not always greener! It's COMPLETELY his loss and you should remind yourself of that...he was lucky to have YOU!

Thank you for the kind words. I truly hope he realizes what a mistake he made and has to live with the guilt of it. I don't know how he sleeps at night. If he ever tries to come crawling back to me, I will kick him while he's down.

[ShannonMI]

I think that "hoping" for the return of our respective Xs is the worst. In my case, my ex left me and started seeing another guy the next week. After dating him for almost two years, and having sold most of her furnature and moving in with him -- she figured out that he was gay.

 

A few weeks after they broke up, she called me. She didn't say that she wanted to get back together, or even say that she was single. However, she called me at 11:30pm on a Saturday, so it was fairly obvious.

 

Many people who have responded to my other threads have predicted that her current relationship wont last, and that at some point she will come back to me. Reading that leaves me very conflicted -- she already assured me once that she had made a terrible mistake in leaving me, that we would do whatever it took to make it work, and that she wanted me for me. That lasted about three weeks.

 

So if she did come back, how could I ever trust her? At the same time, I have deep seeded problems obsessing over her, she was the first woman I had sex with, the first woman I fell in love with. She is all I have wanted for the past ten years, even when she lived hundreds of miles away. I just cant get her out of my head, and I just cant believe how things ended so abruptly.

You can't keep allowing this woman to leave you and then come back to you. Don't ever take her back again! You are like her safety net. Ever time a relationship doesn't work out for her, she comes back to you and you take her back willingly. Ugh! It's horrible. She knows you will always be the stand by guy and she has comfort in that. She know you love her like crazy and will ALWAYS take her back, so she can go off and have fun while you wait around. Don't keep doing it. She has no right to do this to you. You are better then this. You DESERVE better then this! I realize you love her, but look at what she is doing to you. Look at what she's done in the past to you. It's not normal. She sounds like she's a mental case. Sorry to be so harsh, but that's what it sounds like from the different threads you've posted on.

You sound like an awesome guy. You deserve someone that loves you. You will find someone that is deserving of all that you have to offer. Please don't allow this girl to keep doing this to you.

[9Lives]

This is a fabulous thread. I love it. It is my life as we speak!

But I am trying to remember ....again....TRYING TO REMEBER that there are other areas of our lives that we could focus on that makes life enjoyable. I hope you can get perspective...I have to do the same thing. Try to work on these other areas of your life right now while your love life is a hot mess

 

1. you

2.kids or little neice/nephews

3.church

4.job

5.family

6.friends

7.social life

8.finances

9.living arrangements

10.car

11.working out/healthy eating

12.vacation planning

13.activities

14.charity

15.accomplishments

 

I know we are all struggling but look at what we could be focusing on that is still a part of us that may need improving or some good time from us to improve.

 

I know every morning my brain is having this gigantic pity party. My mind is going bananas!! time is going to get us thru this and each other too. As much as my ex hurt me...i still care. I have to tell myself to let go all the time. I have to push thru the pain and anguish but ...really...I really really do. I dont have any choice. Im NOW glad that I dont see him. Im glad that I dont talk to him cause he said its over. He is not going to change it(it hurts super bad) but I have to keep on living.

2.

[ohno89]

Yes, after we broke up we had minimal contact. The minimal part was my choice. He wanted visitation of the dog that we owned together and he insisted we could be friends and all that. I was nice at first and allowed him to see the dog, but did not want much contact with him.

 

Just this last Sunday, I found out that a week before he actually broke up with me he was cheating with a college girl. The week that he had been doing this, he had been going out a lot and some nights not coming home. I asked him what was going on because he had never acted like that. He lied and said he had gotten too drunk and stayed at a friends house. I believed him because I trusted him.

 

After this week of weird behavior he told me he wanted some space to figure himself out. I was totally thrown for a loop as I thought everything was good in our relationship. I went and stayed at my parents for a few weeks and then he told me he wanted to break up. He said he had changed and we weren't right for each other. I was so heart broken, but I didn't think there was some other girl in the picture. How naive of me.

 

So after 4 months of wondering what the hell really happened and why we really, truly broke up, I find out he's dating a college kid and they were messing around the week before he even told me there was any problem. A college girl who is 8 years younger then him and 11 years younger then me. He dumped me to be with a kid. It's such a shock. I thought I knew this person and I trusted him with my heart and soul. He betrayed me. I never thought, he of all people, would do this to me.

 

Since finding out about him cheating, I told him I wanted nothing to do with him ever again and I told him he was dead to me. I told him not to contact me in any way, shape or form. I sent an email telling him this. I said don't bother sending me any emails, texts or leaving any voicemails. I won't read them and I won't listen to them, so don't bother. Hopefully he respects my wishes. It sucks and I hope he feels some f-ing guilt for what he did to me. If he doesn't, then he is a cold hearted bastard.

 

Gosh..Shannon your story is so similar to mine, it's unbelievable! Even the 4months part...we were dating the same guy?! I can truly sympathise with you on this one... it shocks me to this day that - if they can literally just up and leave for some random chick that comes along - did they really wanna be with us at all? How long had they "emotionally checked out" for?

 

It makes me feel sick how someone can build you up into believing that you are their whole world and they'd never want to hurt you and then they go and hurt you in one of the worse ways possible...do they seriously not have a conscious? I'm here if you need to talk Shannon, as you can see, i have plenty to vent about!

[summerl0vesyou]

My ex broke up with me last March 30 and we've been on NC since the start of April. He e-mailed me just once last May asking about my recent job loss. I did not reply.

 

I'm at a point right now where I'm still, I don't know, I think probably still very depressed and just going through the motions like a zombie. When I wake up, I am reminded again of the break up and how up and down the past couple of months have been and I just get this weird feeling of heavyness in my heart.

 

One thing that's annoying is my constant dialogue I have in my head with my ex. I keep on talking to him like how I used to talk to him. I find myself thinking of what I will say/explain to him in case I bump into him or when he finally calls me.

 

Why do I still do this? I should have accepted by now that it's over between us BUT why is there still the nagging thought/hope that someday he will be back into my life? I hate to admit it but I kind of don't want to let go yet because the hope somehow gives me comfort.

 

Has anyone ever felt the same?

 

i feel exactly the same right now. ive tried to contact my ex and hes shot me right down and told me its over.

sometimes the heart doesnt move as fast as the brain...and it sucks. its so much pain. im sorry to hear ur going thru it too =[

[ShannonMI]

Gosh..Shannon your story is so similar to mine, it's unbelievable! Even the 4months part...we were dating the same guy?! I can truly sympathise with you on this one... it shocks me to this day that - if they can literally just up and leave for some random chick that comes along - did they really wanna be with us at all? How long had they "emotionally checked out" for?

 

It makes me feel sick how someone can build you up into believing that you are their whole world and they'd never want to hurt you and then they go and hurt you in one of the worse ways possible...do they seriously not have a conscious? I'm here if you need to talk Shannon, as you can see, i have plenty to vent about!

 

Yea this "random chick" he left me for is a real skank according to someone I just talked to. I was getting a pedicure today (trying to pamper myself a little) and I was talking about it with my nail tech. She asked who the girl was and I told her and she was completely disgusted and said she knew exactly who it was and the girl is garbage. My nail tech said the girl looks like a walking STD. She dated a friend of hers last year and the skank dumped the guy because she got bored. I honestly hope that happens to my ex. I hope this girl dumps him and he's left with a whole sh*tload of hurt like I am now. He's such a fool. So he left me for another woman AND she's a piece of trash. Wow! I hope he's happy. Unbelievable how people change and do the things they do. I would never have expected something like this from my ex.

Edited September 3, 2010 by ShannonMI

[ohno89]

Yea this "random chick" he left me for is a real skank according to someone I just talked to. I was getting a pedicure today (trying to pamper myself a little) and I was talking about it with my nail tech. She asked who the girl was and I told her and she was completely disgusted and said she knew exactly who it was and the girl is garbage. My nail tech said the girl looks like a walking STD. She dated a friend of hers last year and the skank dumped the guy because she got bored. I honestly hope that happens to my ex. I hope this girl dumps him and he's left with a whole sh*tload of hurt like I am now. He's such a fool. So he left me for another woman AND she's a piece of trash. Wow! I hope he's happy. Unbelievable how people change and do the things they do. I would never have expected something like this from my ex.

 

I think that's the worst part; the shock of finding out someone you thought you knew and who loved you inside out could betray you so badly..that's what I'm struggling with atm..it makes you question so much about them, your relationship and about yourself. To be honest, do you think it would matter much to you that she's a skank or if she were stunning? I think it always seems like the grass is greener on the other side! As i said, i went thru a similar situation that i've literally just posted about, and altho i can pick a lot of flaws with the chick my ex is now with, she is still very pretty which does nothing for my self-esteem but then if she were downright nasty looking, could that make me feel worse?!

 

I hope you're doing okay and that this news - if anything - made you feel a little better than worse...maybe the same thing will happen to your ex or he might even do it to her and then finally realise wtf he has actually done...i truly believe in some form, karma will come around..these men aren't just going to go off and have perfecct lives with their new gf's and live happily ever after because life just doesn't work that way..but hopefully by that time, we'll be in a much better place and their bad karma will just be an icing on the cake to our lives rather than all we think about and hope for!

 

(it's funny how easy is to dish out advice to other people but you can never really apply that to yourself lol...?! )