Dumper girl is jealous ?

[fabio10]

Ok so long story short, me and my best friend of 3years ended up dating and we shared a fantastic relationship for 8months no fights really just fun fun fun. Then a 6weeks ago she broke up with me, she asked for a break I don't really understand breaks so I said either we were together or we were not so she broke up with me. Kick to my manhood bigtime loved her to bits.

 

She wanted to remain friends and kept contacting me everyday I coped with this for a week or two and then I was honest and said I could not do the friends thing cause I saw her as more, she got mad said I was being selfish etc.

 

So we had no contact for 2weeks Im 27 and she is 23 she has never really been single since she was a teenager and said she needed to be alone for awhile when we broke up so I made the classic mistakes begging her to come back, drunken texts etc but then I stopped.

 

So 2weeks ago I went to visit my ex girl from years ago whom is really just my friend for the weekend, the girl that dumped me must have saw this on facebook as I was tagged in pics etc, while I was with this girl I sought advice on how I might win my current ex back and she told me write a love letter with some gifts that have meaning so I got the first film we ever saw, a necklace symbolising how things link back together, a voucher for a spa for her and her mom, and a framed picture of us together put it in the post and eagerly awaited a reply.

 

2days ago I got my reply first she said I should not have wasted money and what did I expect her reaction to be! I said I didnt know and at least I tried. Then she said 'how dare me, and she was not the one that flew straight into the arms of ex and it was my fault' I explained we were just friends now and how she actually helped me get the courage to send the gifts! She didnt reply for a day and said sorry for her reaction that she was taken back by the gifts and it was a hugh surprise, I said to her to keep the gifts as they would just go in the bin and it was such a shame that herself and her friends think I was with my ex. No reply since ADVICE PLEASE do I just wait I think I've done all I can ?

[Don Ho]

Bro! WTF were you thinking? A woman told you to write a letter, buy gifts and so on. Obviously your FF doesn't belong to LS! You never do that cuz you get the exact response you got. While you might think you can "win" her over, it does the opposite, makes them mad and pushed them away. DO NOT reply and DO NOT contact. You should have asked here on LS before you did anything. I hope you will do that in the future before you make a move.

[fabio10]

Thanks Don Ho, so what would you advise ! Why is it that she jealous ? We share the same friends and they told me all she did last weekend was go on about what a jerk I was for being with my ex when I wasnt !

 

ALL ADVICE NEEDED LS CREW !!!

[DustySaltus]

Fabio, why would you ever reward someone who told you that you weren't good enough for them? She's trying to put guilt on you for hanging out with others but in reality it's none of her business anymore because SHE made the choice. She's the guilty party here NOT YOU.

 

A second chance cannot work unless BOTH parties are willing to fix the problems that led to the breakup in the first place. You could give her $1,000,000 to get back with you but at the end of the day but it would never be genuine because SHE needs to be willing to change as well.

 

She's the one who selfish. You can't be friends with her at this point and she should understand that. She has NO CONTROL over you anymore and any jealously that she has is only related to her own ego being damaged. I mean don't you have a right to be happy INDEPENDANT of her?

[fabio10]

Thanks dusty, I know what your saying the only reason I did it was because she said a week or 2 after the break up that I had not really tried to get her back, so my female friends suggested a romantic gesture so I did it !

 

The girl whom she is jealous of is very goodlooking too I think that is half of it I know it sounds like Im making excuses for her but bro's as we all know you cant help who you love !

 

Would you advise me to sit back and wait for a period ? The main problem is from the 20th of september we are both studying the same course in college and will be face to face everyday awkward or what !!!!

[DustySaltus]

She was upset that you didn't try to get HER back after thr breakup? She's the one that wanted it. That's very selfish of her to want a piece of you here and there and not the entire package.

 

My advice to you is to really cut off all contact with her. I know you are hurting and want to get back with her but she needs to understand that she needs to change as well. The best way to do that is to let her be alone with her thoughts. Let her feel what life is like without you. If she comes back, it will be for the right reasons but if she doesn't you need to begin the healing process for yourself. Please read the links in my signature.

 

As far as running into her at school...If she approaches you, be cordial, keep it short, and no matter how much you are hurting let her know that life is great (don't be too happy but just enough to let her know that she doesn't have that power anymore).

Edited August 20, 2010 by DustySaltus

[Don Ho]

 

1. my female friends suggested a romantic gesture so I did it !

 

2. We all know you cant help who you love !

 

3. Would you advise me to sit back and wait for a period ?

 

4. We are both studying the same course in college and will be face to face everyday awkward or what !!!!

 

1. No offense to women, but you shouldn't listen to 95% of them when it comes to what to do after a woman dumps you because they don't have a clue ... unless they're smart AND from LS. Actually most people, unless the savvy about relationships, will tell you things like profess your love, send flowers and so on. Bad advice.

 

2. Yes bro, you can. Love is a choice.

 

3. Yes you sit back and should stay away.

 

4. I agree with Dusty. Hopefully by that time you will be in better control of you emotions and you will be able to just be cordial.

 

Keep us posted!

[Woggle]

She doesn't have control over you anymore and that is what upsets her.

[fabio10]

Thank you for the advice guys, you are all right yeah Im still hurting but I've come on leaps and bounds in the last few weeks to what I was. Maybe I did get some bad advice from my female friends in hindsight, the worst thing is when she said I didnt try and then when I did she was in shock ! She always had a perception of me even when we were friends before we got together that I was a playa so I was not surprised that she put 2 + 2 together and got 100 and thinks I'd jump in to bed straight away with another girl.

 

I shall be polite when college comes round worst is everyone else on the course knows we broke up which will make for some nice gossip for them ha!

 

I'l sit back and watch this space the one thing I must say is after sending the gifts I have a hugh sort of weight off my shoulders if you understand me cause I know I have done all I can and feel I will have no regrets if you get me!

[fabio10]

UPDATE hey guys I've stuck to no contact like you said, 2weeks today since I sent the gifts and talked to her, problem being in 20 days time we are in college together for 6 hours a day Im really dreading it ! Was on facebook tonight didnt look at her profile but her status update came up on my home page, it read ' best summer ever roll on next year' we broke up the 10th of July was she taking a pop at me saying this !? Its abit hurtful to me or is she just being immature?

[EthanH]

you are just hurting yourself by looking at her status updates, you don't need to delete her, but remove her from your mini-feed until you are over her completely. You know you can block her from your mini-feed, yes? It doesn't matter what she was meaning by it...or at least, it shouldn't matter...

[fabio10]

Thanks for your reply ethan did you read the whole story ? Ah it does matter I wont lie I want her back !

[Thorgs]

Well, I would delete her off of Facebook and go NC. It's hard as hell, trust me. It does get better with time, although you'll have an occasional down day. From what I have read, exs usually contact a month or two after full NC. My ex contacted me just last week after 20 or so NC days and ironically I had just landed at the airport in Las Vegas haha. I didn't pick up, I love her to death and would take her back in a second, but I just keep replaying what she did when she left me and it makes me feel worthless. If they truly want us back they will make it known and do everything in their power to make things right and earn our trust back again.

[fabio10]

Cheers for the reply man, ha Vegas nice Im sure you didnt have too many down days there ! Cant really delete her we've been best mates for years prior to going out and have alot of mutual friends who would think less of me. Ya I wont lie the NC so far has been hard but in 19days time we are going to be stuck in the same room in college there is only 8 of us on our course so my NC cant really work.

 

Man it sucks, do you think you will ever give her another chance? Do you think that was a pop at me the whole 'best summer ever status' ?

[VeveCakes]

What makes you think that status update has anything to do with you? Don't assume every status or comment is about you, just because you want to find hidden meaning in it.

[fabio10]

I know that and I dont think for a second every status comment is about me ! But it says 'the best summer ever' when we broke up half way through it surely that is taking a pop at me or just putting up a front !?

[Don Ho]

Cheers for the reply man, ha Vegas nice Im sure you didnt have too many down days there ! Cant really delete her we've been best mates for years prior to going out and have alot of mutual friends who would think less of me. Ya I wont lie the NC so far has been hard but in 19days time we are going to be stuck in the same room in college there is only 8 of us on our course so my NC cant really work. Man it sucks, do you think you will ever give her another chance? Do you think that was a pop at me the whole 'best summer ever status' ?

 

Amen. You can always trust what the man in the hat and white glasses says! LOL! Yes, you can delete her and if you're worried about what her friends and others think, than that's just a poor excuse and shows us you're a bigger pussy than we thought. Well in 19 days you're gonna have more confidence, be dating other women and put your game face on when you see her even though your guts might be falling out on the floor. Forget about her comments on FB. Actually just block her so you can't see anything. Move on bro.

[fabio10]

Hey Don i think you are van wilder or something man trust me I aint no pussy and I've been a playa believe me but this got me, I aint ready to move on yet wont lie !

[Don Ho]

Hey Don i think you are van wilder or something man trust me I aint no pussy and I've been a playa believe me but this got me, I aint ready to move on yet wont lie !

 

HAHA. That's funny. Actually it used to be Captain Save A Ho! Maybe I should make it Captain Save a Biatch for you guys! LOL. Well bro, for a guy that claims he's not a pussy you did a pretty good job with her and then with pining away here about what her FB status means. Ok, you wanna hear it: she had her best summer ever without YOU. Maybe she meant it as a poke at you. Who gives fck? You're going to let it bother you? If it does, make up a few fake profiles with some hot chicks and have them post innocent things on your wall like: "Hey Fabio, thanks for buying me and the gals drinks the other nite :)". Just make sure you make your privacy setting to totally private on the fake profile(s) so no one can see her "friends" (or lack of friends), wall etc.

 

Bro, we all slip and behave like pussies. Unfortunately, women ALWAYS test us. It's hard to see it when you're on the "inside" but believe me your friends and the LS members can easily see it from the outside. Not a big deal as long as you recognize it and change it. If you've been a playa, then you shouldn't have much trouble getting back on the horse and get ridin cowboy! Yes, you can and will start moving on. Keep us posted.

[fabio10]

Hey don-HO have an update and in need of some advice from you my good man ! I see now that the gifts and that might have been abit of a pussy attempt and in the days after the breakup I made some mistakes like getting mad etc and falling to the bait, what I want to know is if I failed these tests that my ex was putting me through is there any hope for me at all ?

 

She texted me the other day after she heard I was out with mutual friends asked few questions about my night out etc I just said I had fun,she asked how am I !? I said Im happy, and she said I really want us to be friends when we are back to college which is in 2weeks time and she said I dont want to be with anyone right now, I didnt even ask if she wanted to be with anyone, and she thanked me for gifts again and said she has not touched them because they were too much, I replied few hours later I said dont worry I won't be weird or anything in college like your ex was, (her previous ex made college hell for her after they spilit)and I said oh dont worry about the gifts just view them as a thank you for everything you did for me and my family Im a better guy thanks to you.

 

Your opinion please mr. don ????

[Thorgs]

Hey don-HO have an update and in need of some advice from you my good man ! I see now that the gifts and that might have been abit of a pussy attempt and in the days after the breakup I made some mistakes like getting mad etc and falling to the bait, what I want to know is if I failed these tests that my ex was putting me through is there any hope for me at all ?

 

She texted me the other day after she heard I was out with mutual friends asked few questions about my night out etc I just said I had fun,she asked how am I !? I said Im happy, and she said I really want us to be friends when we are back to college which is in 2weeks time and she said I dont want to be with anyone right now, I didnt even ask if she wanted to be with anyone, and she thanked me for gifts again and said she has not touched them because they were too much, I replied few hours later I said dont worry I won't be weird or anything in college like your ex was, (her previous ex made college hell for her after they spilit)and I said oh dont worry about the gifts just view them as a thank you for everything you did for me and my family Im a better guy thanks to you.

 

Your opinion please mr. don ????

well you seemed to handle the phone call well. i'd like to see what my buddy Don has to say, then maybe he can hit up my long thread

[fabio10]

Thanks man, just hope I have not done too much damage all ready

[Billie The Puppet]

I'm in the same situation with the Line: I don't want to be with anyone right now IE I don't want to be in a relationship the thing is it includes us IE in your situation you and in mine me but that doesn't mean when they are ready to be in a relationship we get first crack when they are back in the game in fact it's more like we get last shot because we have already had our chance. Like it or not they fell out of love with us because of something we did.

 

My case I think we switched polarities IE she became in control of the relationship famous line is : He who cares less controls the relationship.

 

I treat it like I became the woman in the relationship and therefore she was the man thus she lost attraction I know how to remain the man now but I don't know how to get back into the relationship as the man because as the man I can not chase her she has to chase me but because where we left off I was the woman that's how she sees me now. Plus being all emotional over the break up and making my mistakes early on trying to reconcile made me more of a woman thus she was less attracted to me.

 

Sorry I go on run on sentences.

 

So I have to become the guy she was attracted to but how can I when she doesn't want to see or hear from me. I am doing NC and it drives her nuts she has always initiated contact but when I acted on signs it put me back into NC part 2.

 

I want to be with her but know it's not in my hands and I am also not going to wait so if other relationship opportunities arise and I am comfortable enough to see it past a rebound stage I will take them.

 

My ex is an ex-fiancé without the ring thankfully because she broke it off just before but had already mentioned she would say yes to a proposal.

[fabio10]

Hey billie thanks for your reply, I know what your saying and I know we wont get first crack of the whip again I'd imagine. How long is it since you broke up ? In my situation I do actually see tho things from her point of view she is 23 and has not been single since she was 15, Im 27 and I have been single since I was 21 until her she always used to say she envy'd how I was free for so long ! Were you pushy in you relationship? My ex told me I was the easiest guy to be with as I dont really get jealous maybe she wanted me to but I really aint the jealous type !

 

DON where are you

[Don Ho]

Fabio, you big pussy!! LOL. Seriously, I see you have been thinking and you're getting it. Much better bro. Be very careful with what you say with any counter-contact with her just like you did. There might be hope for you IF you stay backed off and do not repeat any of your past behavior with her. That said, DO NOT hold onto hope and DO continue to move forward with your life.

 

Interesting. See, she heard you were out (moving on, having a life, having fun) and that made her interested enough to text you. Are you starting to get it Bro? Be careful not to say too much and not too little. Better to error on the conservative side. You held you tongue and didn't ask if she wanted to be with anyone. Good job!

 

I think that's good what you said about the gifts; you want to try to take away some of that "pressure" she felt from you and undo the fact that you were over the top after the breakup. Leave that subject alone in any future conversations, you already explained it (and attempted to make it look like you weren't so psycho).

 

Sounds like it went well and you didn't get all emotional like the AFC and tell her a bunch of stuff you wouldn't. You played it right down the middle. Good. Now, do not contact her. See if she gets a hold of you in the next few weeks or the week or so after you guys get back to college. Now breath grasshopper. Keep those emotions in check and keep up the good work by thinking and using your head. Oh and go out and have some fun and make sure she hears about it again!!